Chapter 11: Things We Do for Love
It was this dream again.
I stood there, on top of a hill made of swords. My time had come, indeed, from the wounds I have received I am not foolish enough to believe I will last.
I've had this dream countless times, yes, it was the moment I made the contract with the Goddess Alaya. A contract that left me broken, cheated, the contract I made to save a hundred people. Now is the time I will damn myself to an infinite cycle of death and destruction.
The sun shined in my face so I had to squint my eyes to survey the wreckage before me. It laid there broken, dead, for all the world to see. Such a monstrosity, a titan of two hundred meters, truly worthy of its status as a phantasmal beast. But I have bested it like heroes before myself had, fought it unlike the knights of fairy tales. I bled, I sweated, I gave all I had against this monster. I sacrificed my people, I cracked my blades with each stroke, with force and conviction I imbued in every single one of my blows.
It had been no fairy tale, the casualties on human's side can attest. We as humans fought for our survival, fought not only for ourselves, but for the future of our species. It ended with blood, blood spilled across the city that had been my home, but mankind had persevered, no, I had persevered. I defeated the being, at the price of my life and the lives of my comrades in arms.
The curtains had drawn in conclusion of our play, but I refused to fall, I held myself up like Cu Chulainn had done. I leaned onto the same spear he leaned upon. The demonic spear made of a sea monster's bone. Gae Bolg supported my weight if only barely, it let me stand, stand to face my death. I shall die standing an on my own terms, like a hero would.
As the darkness threatened to invade my sight I could not help but appreciate the beauty of the rising sun. The radiance of the burning sphere slowly climbing to its rightful place astounded me. It was not just the light that put a smile on my face, it was the hope that illuminated my darkened features. My vision continued to be consumed by darkness, but still I smiled.
My death was here, dying under the presence of the dawn, the rays of new hope, the future I had won for humanity. I was content, I was ready for what came next. My strength slowly escaped me as I let go of the spear I was leaning on for support. I nearly stumbled, but I caught myself, I will not fall here. My strength was on its last leg before fully exiting my body, the od that normally circulated through my system no longer flowed as they should. They too stumbled, slowed down, leaving my dying body, exiting into the Earth and returning to Gaea.
I stood there, a peaceful smile on my face as I painstakingly reached out towards the morning sun. I clenched my outstretched hand into a fist, raising it against the against the rising dawn. It was light, my light, my hope for the future of humanity.
Then in an instant the sun turned black.
It was no longer the sun, no longer the day.
Instead it was the night.
There were corpses all around me. Rising from the ashes, rising from their resting place.
It was hell. Hell on Earth if such place even existed.
The dark sun projected a shade of red across the land, a bloodied sun.
It was hell on Earth.
I could only watch, my last breath escaping my body, I have failed, I lived only to fail.
My consciousness was again consumed by the darkness.
She was running as fast as her legs could carry her towards where Emiya had chosen his battlefield. She tried to rush to him, she wanted to see him.
She feared for her comrades, but at the same time she feared for Emiya Shirou, her savior.
A deep chasm formed within her. Would she support her long time allies, or would she help the savior that saved her.
She chuckled a bit at the irony. The savior that needs saving. How very ironic.
She was still a fair distance away but she could already start to see the signs of a battle. The helicopter mounted with a spotlight, the armored vans surrounding the area, the blockades that prevented normal people from entering.
She was close.
'Ring…ring…ring…' A sudden interruption stopped Kazuha in her tracks. With slow motion she retrieved a purple, rectangular device from her pocket and pressed its screen.
With a flash of blue light a monitor of sorts appeared in thin air projected from a small pinhole mounted within the device. It played a video, a video that froze her.
What she saw made her feel so alone.
It was no man, instead it was a monster. A tyrant, something inhuman that came from the very nightmares of mankind, something that belonged only in storybooks. He fought, he slashed, he killed. A furry of red, white and black, a whirlwind of hell.
He was a monster.
And around him laid a field devastated by something inhuman. A throne made from the king of hell, built from bones of those unfortunate enough to oppose him. He stood upon a field of corpses, of bodies. He stood, then he moved, he continued to move, continued to fight, continued to kill.
What she saw made her feel so alone.
A moment later the video clip was stopped, instead of the killing ground that had previously been displayed, the holographic monitor showed an older man with white, cropped hair who seemed to be in his mid-fifties.
"Uncle?"
He looked at her sternly through the transmission. "PANDORA Aoi."
She immediately snapped to attention and gave her superior a salute. "Sir, yes sir."
"At ease PANDORA." He paused. "What had been shown to you is the parameter of your new mission. PANDORA Aoi, Numbers of West Genetics, your orders are as followed. Retrieve Emiya Shirou alive, your mission is of upmost importance and failure is not an option."
"Uncle…but…"
"At the present moment you will address me as Commander Aoi. I have been given authority by Under-Secretary Spencer to oversee this operation."
"Sir…"
"I repeat, your mission is as follows, retrieve Emiya Shirou alive, any means necessary."
"But..."
He did not let her finish, "PANDORA Aoi, currently, the organization has deemed your actions suspicious; do not give them a reason to investigate further. The consequences for un-PANDORA-like actions are grounds for execution, not just for you, but for the rest of your family."
This stopped her.
"You can't… Kazuya, no… Kazuya is your nephew for Christ's sake."
"I am a part of Chevalier, my personal affiliations cannot interfere with my job. PANDORA Aoi, remember the oath you swore upon induction to the forces. You will do everything necessary for the future of mankind. Your very existence is to preserve our future. Remember your oath; do not fail your comrades."
Tears rimmed her eyes. She didn't know what to do.
"As of now your comrades continue to fight. Your soldiers continue to war. Who are you to dishonor them by not finishing what they started. You are a soldier PANDORA Aoi, you will fulfill your duties."
"No. No. No. No…" Her eyes widened, her face pale, tears continued to frame her eyes, her hands clenched into a fist. "No."
"This mission is pivotal to mankind's future as well as your own. It must be done. You are a soldier of Chevalier. A PANDORA, fulfil your duties, protect mankind."
She struggled to swallow a sob that threatened to rise. The bile burning deep within her throat. Her eyes were red with tears, empty, lost.
She glared at her uncle, but the picture of her eight years old brother rose into her mind. 'Kazuya.'
Another image, this one of a tanned man with spikey silver hair entered her mental image, but was promptly cut off. But he refused to leave her mind. His kindness, his strength, his conviction. These past weeks had been filled with him, her thoughts bombarded by him. But her brother came first.
'I'm sorry.'
For her duties and her brother she would cut down even God.
She made a choice, to forsake the one less important.
For her brother. All of it for the sake of her brother.
She hated herself. Her ugliness. How she would so willingly forsake someone important to her.
"Affirmitive."
Genjo nodded. "PANDORA Aoi, may God smile upon you."
The transmission went silent, cut; Kazuha wished it was just a dream.
But it was not.
She was unable to move.
She hated herself.
She was ugly.
She steeled her heart, killed her emotions.
Then she continued to trudge forward, this time slowly.
Towards the battlefield…
It was a field of swords. A field of corpses.
Blood and fire.
Bodies lay strewn on the ground, some still moving, some not yet dead, some just not registering they have died.
She doubled over with vomit and bile coming out of her mouth.
Tears stained her eyes.
It was a nightmare.
It was hell.
It was hell on Earth.
There were swords.
There were corpses.
There were swords and corpses.
She felt alone.
'But can I blame him?'
'Was he wrong to retaliate?'
'Was he wrong?'
'What should I do?'
She kept walking forward.
Crossing the River Styx into the underworld.
There were bodies.
The Deceased.
It was hell.
And the king of hell stood tall.
Red cloak flowing from his shoulders.
Black armor.
Silver hair.
He looked regal.
Stained with blood.
Like a demon lord.
Like a maou.
He was a monster.
No.
He was a sword.
And he just fulfilled his purpose.
To shed blood.
He stood tall and proud.
Surveying the devastation before him.
She approached him.
Slowly, unsteadily.
He turned, noticing her presence.
"Kazuha?" Shirou Emiya was the one to break the uneasy silence between the two.
The PANDORA with long, dark blue hair approached him, an uneasy smile on her lips.
He looked at her. Under the light, the unnatural lighting of the surrounding. She looked beautiful, unnaturally so.
She looked at him. Fear and doubt creeping into her heart. He looked evil, a monster, no, not a monster, but a sword. He did what he had to, not because he enjoyed it.
There was a sad smile on his face, a feeling of remorse from what he had done.
No, he did not stand tall in pride. He stood tall to feel guilt. To see the full extent of the damage he had done. To accept his sins in order to repay it later.
She understood him. His guilt. His remorse. So she continued to approach him.
They stood facing each other. Close enough almost to touch, close.
She looked up at him. He looked down at her.
They both had tears in their eyes. Both had remorseful smiles.
It was silent.
The only sound being the breeze that blew through Tokyo at night.
There was silence.
Then there was blood.
"I'm sorry."
She felt pain as she felt her body split open. She saw Shirou look at her coldly, with no remorse. His twin blades in his hand, his arm outstretched. He cut her down.
"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh."
She screamed.
She suddenly rose.
Then she felt warmth.
She felt the softness of her mattress, the softness of her blanket, and mostly, the warmth of her brother Kazuya.
She looked at her brother laying down beside her; still sleeping despite her episode.
It had been two years since she made the choice to forsake Emiya Shirou. Two years since she betrayed him.
But for her brother, any sacrifice was preferable.
For her brother Kazuya who meant the world to her.
She stroked the sleeping boy's hair, slowly running her hand through it, smiling at his resting body. So peaceful.
Up.
And down.
So unlike him.
The thought of him brought pain into her chest.
It was painful. The grief.
It was painful.
She hated herself.
She was truly ugly.
A detestable person.
Miya really hated her.
Her arrogance, her audacity, but at the same time Miya looked up to her strength.
She was something Miya Asama herself could never be. Something the violet haired woman can never become.
Even in her most glorious time she had been nothing more than a lapdog, one that listened to her every order to have peace for her flock. Until she fell in love, until she found something more to protect. Then she protected them as well with all the strength she had.
Then they disappeared.
But she was still not free.
She protected those who resided in her home.
For nearly half a century her inn stood, stood firm, stood protected, protected by no one other than herself. She was never free, always chained, she always protected what she believed in, and for some reason she always ended up protecting others. She wanted to stop, but it seemed like it was engraved in her very nature, her nature as a leader of her flock.
Until her flock disappeared, then it was just her, then it was just her and the inn.
Yet she remained, she remained to protect the house.
And she failed.
Failed to that dark haired woman. To that whore. To that woman who was nothing more than a two faced bitch.
But she was strong, not physically for Miya was confident even her dulled skills can easily overtake the woman, okay, maybe not easily, but she could do it.
Kazuha was strong not in her physical strength, instead she was strong in her heart. She had conviction, she had something she believed in. Unlike Miya she was not chained, she could do what she wanted to do.
She was a monster.
One who could act without regrets, without consequences.
She was a monster, she was what Miya wanted to be.
But she could not afford to become a monster. Instead, the landlady had to care for her tenants, care for her inn. She had to remain at her husband's legacy, protect who resides within it. It was a promise, a promise she will not break. And if it meant losing someone she wanted to protect, it hurts, but it had to be done.
She wanted to protect Emiya Shirou, she wanted to, really. But to weigh one for the rest of her inn, it was a choice, a hard choice she had to make.
A choice she made.
And it haunted her.
It pained her.
Hatred welled within her whenever she saw Kazuha, she wanted to tear her apart, truthfully she wanted to, but she had responsibilities.
She could not fail the rest of her tenants, doing that would be sacrificing Shirou in vain. No, she could not.
"Miya-san?" Her most hated enemy's voice came from behind her, god she hated that voice, she wanted to tear apart her vocal chords, Miya's hands tightened around her kitchen knife, then relaxed.
She turned around allowing her apron to flutter around her, turning to face the PANDORA with a smile on her face. "Kazuha-chan?"
Kazuha was also smiling, "You blanked out there for a moment, is everything all right?"
To have the audacity to ask.
The arrogance.
Miya shook her head, her purple flying behind her. "It's nothing, just after he left…"
Kazuha gave her a sad, sympathetic smile. "Miya, it's not good deluding yourself. He's dead. Miya, you saw the news, there was a gas leak at the abandoned neighborhood and he was there trying to help the survivors, he died valiantly."
"No…"
"Miya, don't be silly. There were testimonies and witnesses, people praised him. I'm sure he was proud of what he did. I'm sure it's how he'd like going down, helping others."
"No. No. You're lying." God she couldn't stand her. Her patronizing tone. Her sympathy when she knows the truth.
Kazuha smiled again, bending down to Miya who had fallen to the floor, putting her hand on her back she started soothing her. "Miya, don't think about him, it'll only hurt you."
"No…no…he can't…"
She continued, "He's gone, he's not coming back…"
'Slap.' It rang loud, a sudden swing and Kazuha rocked backwards onto the ground.
Miya looked at her with tears in her eyes. Kazuha smiling sadly her cheeks red. She wasn't a bit troubled.
"He's not dead. He's not dead, he's coming back. He just went out for a little walk. He'll be back. Trust me. They always come home." Here tears welled beside those purple orbs.
Kazuha couldn't speak, she never could. Instead she got up allowing Miya to remain where she was. She continued to help Miya cook, after she's done she just left. The whole time Miya sat there, crying to herself, hating the world for its unfairness.
As Kazuha left Taro came returned. "Tadaima."
Kazuha smiled as one of the two tenants of Izumo Inn returned. It was kind of late, way above her normal curfew but after she graduated and lived with her brother she had no curfew. Instead she worked at the academy, normal hours, training future PANDORAs. "Okaeri."
Taro wasn't surprised to see Kazuha, she was a regular appearance after Shirou disappeared. She seemed to get along well with Miya, helping the grieving woman, helping her heal. "Ah, Aoi-san, how's it going."
"Fine. It's just…" She gave another sad smile.
Taro nodded understanding, "Miya?"
She nodded, "Yeah, she's a bit broken down, still in the kitchen I think. I did do the cooking but could you go check on her?"
"Sure will. Thanks for being here for Miya though, she really had it tough. His death hit her the hardest. She still cleans his room and refuses to take another tenant. You know, his things and his room is still in pristine condition, as if he was coming back"
"I know", Kazuha looked at her feet sadness marring her features, with conviction she replied "I'll do anything to help her."
"Anything?" He snickered a but his gesture went unnoticed.
"I'll check on her later, but really Kazuha, Audrey and I really appreciate you coming here, we can't be here all the time since we have our things to do, but I think company really does Miya good."
The PANDORA shook her head, "It's nothing really, I come when I can, especially days without classes."
"You don't have to you know. It's not your job."
"It's okay, I want to. I feel like I have to."
He nodded in acceptance. Then smiled, "Well, I should go check on her, have a safe trip."
"I will, take care of her in my absence would you Takebayashi-kun."
"You got it. By the way, are you coming back tomorrow? You know what day it is, she'll have it hard."
Kazuha nodded, "Of course, it's been two years, of course I'll be coming tomorrow."
He accepted the answer, "Yeah, tomorrow will be pretty down, after all, it's the anniversary of his disappearance.
It was a white room, a sanitized white room. With people wearing white robes shifting around, all crowding around a large incandescent tube in the middle of the room.
It was a lab, a lab filled with nearly twenty scientists, a lab filled with twenty scientists along with a single experiment.
The experiment laid in deep slumber within the glowing tube.
He had silver hair and tanned skin.
His name was Shirou Emiya.
People shuffled around the room doing their jobs, most staring at glowing monitors that continued to display statuses pertaining to the subject at hand.
One of said scientist was a young man with glasses covering his face. He wasn't tall but at the same time wasn't short. He continued to stare at the monitor in front of him until another scientist broke him out of stupor.
"Takebayashi, we need you for another round of testing on the subject."
"About?" The researcher, now announced as Takebayashi turned around to face the man addressing him.
The man who just approached him looked out of breath as if he had been running, frankly, there was a good chance he had been running. "We're going to see if the newly synthesized injection stigmata can synchronize with subject Ramidus..."
"Didn't the last three attempts fail?"
"Well yeah, but our superiors are pretty anal about us doing this, they promised whatever this is, it's new."
Takebayashi sighed, "Didn't they always."
"Well...yeah."
Another sigh, "I'll be right there."
It had been six years since the capture of Emiya Shirou, three years since Taro Takebayashi started working at the lab. Where it was he isn't so sure, all he knew is he goes to work every Monday at a secure transport site and is moved. Then he is brought back the following Friday so he can go back to Izumo Inn. Most of his colleague stay on site so why does he leave? Well, Izumo Inn needs him, more like Miya Asama needs her tenants. Even though Kazuha Aoi comes nearly every day she never seemed to get better.
Three years ago Taro often laughed when Miya said Shirou will come back, when she said he's just out on a walk and he's gonna come home. But the moment he stepped into the lab and saw what they had as a prized display he almost vomited. There, in a ceiling high tube with a meter diameter slept Emiya Shirou. He levitated in the PFC that he slumbered within, sleeping inside, waiting for the day to be awakened.
He laid there, laid there as other scientists used him as an object of their studies.
It had been three years since he started working there and to tell the truth there hadn't been much progress.
From what he had seen from the video made during the clash between Emiya and three platoons, whatever he did could not be replicated.
After he watched it Taro was shaken, a new respect welling within him, yet at the same time a sort of disgust towards a man that needlessly slaughtered more than a hundred people. Or at least intended to, more than half survived and completely recovered, but he didn't know that.
In the six years the they had been studying the subject, there were slight progresses. There was a massive improvement in organizing the flow of energy within a PANDORA's body, there had been a betterment of volt texture from studying Emiya's armor.
But it seemed completely impossible to replicate whatever skill Emiya had used.
There had been no enhancements placed on him, his body seemed human, relatively human at least.
It had been an enigma and progress had been slow.
But during the time he was here a new program was booted.
'Project Valkyrie'.
To make normal people as strong as PANDORAs.
Emiya was used as subject zero, the A. Ramidus of Valkyries, testing the injection stigmata with his enhanced self preservation. If all went well he would be synchronized with the injection, if all went well the injection would be safe for normal humans to use.
He had been reduced from a potential research subject to a guinea pig, it was sad really.
Especially to Taro who saw Emiya as a friend. An upstanding person with a good personality, truly a good.
It hurt Taro to put Shirou in pain, but it was his job, and there was nothing he could do about it.
He walked towards the others crowding around Emiya who had been brought out of the tube in chemical induced coma.
Scientists circled around him, putting him a machine they had entered him two times before.
His body slowly slid in the MRI looking instrument, until he was fully locked in.
Then hundreds of needles protruded from the cylinder walls that surrounded him, slowly edging towards him.
Slowly, ever so slowly they entered him.
Taro could only look away as Emiya spasmed in his sleep.
He prayed to whatever God that existed to forgive him, to forgive what he was doing to his friend.
Kazuya Aoi was ready to go to West Genetics.
His sister graduated there, and despite her not wanting him to enter the academy, Kazuya wanted to better the society.
He wanted to fight for the society, like his sister did long before, he wanted to be strong.
There were times when he disliked his sister for being such a mother hen, times when her overbearing love for him was quite excessive and embarrassing, but ultimately he loved her. He liked how she loved him, filled him with warmth, giving comfort that he never received from his parents.
But this was one of the only things he ever disagreed with his sister, or at least so strongly.
His sister wanted to ban him from going, wanted him to have a good life as a civilian, Kazuya almost bent to her will but in the end persevered.
He wanted to go, it was his aspiration to become useful.
And because being next to his sister hurt him.
His sister had once been the pillar of strength to him.
Strong, beautiful, smart, she was the best PANDORA, the best and strongest soldier against the threat known as NOVAs.
But after the eight clash nearly nine years ago she had changed.
His sister became something different.
He still loved her, but she truly changed.
She still remained strong, she still was strong, but it was as if something was broken within her.
There were times when she woke up screaming. They slept together every once in a while, he knew.
He always laid there as if he didn't wake up, but he knew, he knew nightmares constantly plagued her, he knew she was troubled, he knew she was in pain.
There was one name, a certain person known as Shirou Emiya.
This man was the source of her pain.
He never asked but he was sure he was the man in a small picture Kazuha carried in her wallet.
A man that had silver hair, tanned skin, stood more than a head taller then Kazuha.
A man that seemed so happy next to his sister. The pair smiling into the camera, a moment of happiness captured.
When Kazuya asked about the man in the photo Kazuha always clammed up.
There were times when tears welled in her eyes.
There were times when she was chocked with bile at the mention of that man.
But the only thing he knew was Shirou Emiya had died.
He had passed from the world.
He didn't know the specifics, but apparently his death had hurt his sister.
Whoever this man was, he definitely was a great man.
Kazuha sometimes described him, described him as a hero.
He was a knight in shinning armor, rescuing Kazuha. Sometimes Kazuya doubted his sister's words, but he never voiced his opinions, just talking about Shirou made Kazuha want to cry.
He was a strong man, the epitome of everything Kazuya hoped to achieve. So he continued, striving to become the man in the photo. Not to become him literally, but to become as strong as him. Kazuya wanted to protect his sister, and this man once did. So Kazuya needed to be stronger than this man, then he he would be able to protect her.
"He wasn't useful at all."
It was the same room, the same circular room with dimmed lights. The same holographic figures protruding from individual projectors.
It was another council in session, another day of meetings for the higher ranks in Chevalier.
"I disagree." Doctor Aoi replied in a nonchalant manner. "A. Ramidus had been a noteworthy individual, his containment had been the hallmark for our improvement in physical augmentation for PANDORAs along with the recent breakthrough regarding volt texture's composition. Our PANDORAs had become much stronger then before thanks to the enlightenment Ramidus had provided. We were able to mimic the flow of energy within him to give our PANDORAs better efficiency and stronger bodies. I personally find that very progressive."
"I won't dispute that Doctor Aoi, but it definitely wasn't worth a hundred and thirty PANDORAs along with the compromise of the strongest PANDORA in existence."
Another voice rang through the room, "Indeed, as Chancellor Davis had stated this improvement wasn't worth the cost, especially if one of the price was Kazuha's combat potential. She is strong, but emotionally compromised, useless on the field."
"I beg to differ." Dr. Aoi retored.
"And you would be wrong." Chancellor Davis replied without second thought.
"What we did was wrong, no. What Gengo Aoi and Mark Spencer did was wrong. Instead of creating a peaceful relationship between us and the subject they went in hard."
"Like greedy kids." Another voice rang.
"How contemptible."
"Unworthy of our position."
"Unworthy."
"No. We acted as we should have, he was clearly dangerous." A panicked voice resounded.
"Working at a convenience store? Living a quiet life? If he was still operational the Clash last year wouldn't have become a disaster. If only he was on our side. And you fools compromised that chance."
Raddox joined the conversation, "We should have adopted a wait-and-see policy, but that is a moot point. There is no point regretting what had been done. Doctor Aoi and Undersecretary Spencer had proven their loyalty once and once again. This conversation had repeated itself too many times to a point of being stale. We should look in the future, with the progress of Project Valkyrie coming along nicely and E-PANDORA Project also progressing, new soldiers should be added into our enlistment very soon."
"Indeed Commander Phantomine, the commander brings good points. We have two projects aiming to add to our reserves, if both succeeds, then we should still be good for the next clash."
Doctor Aoi spoke again, "With due respect sir, Subject Ramidus had been instrumental to both projects, even with the loss of more than a hundred PANDORAs to mental trauma, with these two programs our numbers will only be boosted.
"Be silent doctor, your presence here is only honorary, you can be removed at any time and I have no wish to listen to your constant whining."
That shut the doctor up very fast.
The meeting continued without a mention of A. Ramidus again.
It was this dream again.
I stood there, on top of a hill made of swords. My time had come, indeed, from the wounds I have received I am not foolish enough to believe I will last.
I've had this dream countless times, yes, it was the moment I made the contract with the Goddess Alaya. A contract that left me broken, cheated, the contract I made to save a hundred people. Now is the time I will damn myself to an infinite cycle of death and destruction.
The sun shined in my face so I had to squint my eyes to survey the wreckage before me. It laid there broken, dead, for all the world to see. Such a monstrosity, a titan of two hundred meters, truly worthy of its status as a phantasmal beast. But I have bested it like heroes before myself had, fought it unlike the knights of fairy tales. I bled, I sweated, I gave all I had against this monster. I sacrificed my people, I cracked my blades with each stroke, with force and conviction I imbued in every single one of my blows.
It had been no fairy tale, the casualties on human's side can attest. We as humans fought for our survival, fought not only for ourselves, but for the future of our species. It ended with blood, blood spilled across the city that had been my home, but mankind had persevered, no, I had persevered. I defeated the being, at the price of my life and the lives of my comrades in arms.
The curtains had drawn in conclusion of our play, but I refused to fall, I held myself up like Cu Chulainn had done. I leaned onto the same spear he leaned upon. The demonic spear made of a sea monster's bone. Gae Bolg supported my weight if only barely, it let me stand, stand to face my death. I shall die standing an on my own terms, like a hero would.
As the darkness threatened to invade my sight I could not help but appreciate the beauty of the rising sun. The radiance of the burning sphere slowly climbing to its rightful place astounded me. It was not just the light that put a smile on my face, it was the hope that illuminated my darkened features. My vision continued to be consumed by darkness, but still I smiled.
My death was here, dying under the presence of the dawn, the rays of new hope, the future I had won for humanity. I was content, I was ready for what came next. My strength slowly escaped me as I let go of the spear I was leaning on for support. I nearly stumbled, but I caught myself, I will not fall here. My strength was on its last leg before fully exiting my body, the od that normally circulated through my system no longer flowed as they should. They too stumbled, slowed down, leaving my dying body, exiting into the Earth and returning to Gaea.
I stood there, a peaceful smile on my face as I painstakingly reached out towards the morning sun. I clenched my outstretched hand into a fist, raising it against the against the rising dawn. It was light, my light, my hope for the future of humanity.
It was beautiful as I closed my eyes, my fist raised into the sky, my rebellion, my retribution against the monsters.
Then she appeared.
In one fluid motion.
It hurts.
It hurts.
It hurts.
My eyes settled on her beautiful face.
Her tear stained face.
Her eyes.
Then I looked down.
The blade protruding from my abdomen.
It hurts.
Not just physically.
Not just physical pain.
She betrayed me.
It hurts.
It's so cold.
I could feel a warm sensation run down my body. From my midsection to my legs.
A salty and warm liquid trickled down my lips. I could taste the iron in my blood.
Yes. I am steel.
I don't know why I try to save mankind.
I don't know why I believe I could save the world.
A life for a life.
That is the rule.
If you try to break the rules.
But the world will find a way you.
With my fleeting consciousness I looked at her.
Looked at the woman that resembled Sakura so much.
It hurts.
My dreams betrayed me. I knew they would.
Just like they betrayed him, they will betray me.
I hate them. I hate them. I hate them.
Mankind is such traitorous creatures.
I fought monsters for them, I fought for them. I fought for them.
I fought for them.
Why did they betray me?
Why?
Why?
Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?
Why did they betray me?
But I knew the answer.
Because I am a monster.
That was my last thought as my consciousness was again consumed by the darkness.
"Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster. And if you gaze long enough into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you." -Friedrich Nietzsche
A/N:
A good amount of this chapter is actually flashbacks.
Two are the prologues with slight variations bringing more insight into Emiya's thought process.
What I tried to create is a kind of build up to the next chapter which will feature some canon Freezing.
I want to portray how the characters live their lives after Shirou disappeared.
There's been massive hate about Kazuha, and I tried to rectify that, but of course I personally still do not believe in betrayal, but it's all a matter of perspectives.
To tell the truth what I wrote in this chapter might even further the hate, giving someone a choice is pretty harsh.
What I wanted to portray Kazuha as was a perfect soldier. What she was however was far from perfect.
She was strong yes, but she lacked the mentality
To be a soldier she needs to make logical choices and listen to her superiors
And Kazuha from my FuD strived to become a perfect soldier. To be good to the society.
But of course there can be many interpretations.
Thank you to Spartan111MS for beta-ing
He gives good feedback.
And yes, Shirou was stabbed in the abdomen so Kazuha knew for sure he was alive, so do MIYa. One does not die from being stabbed in the gut, unless he was left without medical attention for a very long time.
Please R&R I was actually pretty surprised with the feedback last chapter but yeah :P Keep it up.
-Wiltheavatar
PS Spartan111MS actually haven't read the whole chapter, haha, hope you liked it