A/N: I am so sorry for a late update. This week I was crazy busy and this chapter was hard to get out, so I apologize in advance if it seems disjointed, I didn't mean it that way. It's all in Wills point of view and I really hope you love it! Happy reading.
"I'm not sure how long I'll be Zach."
"There is some pasta sauce in the fridge, just eat that."
"Grace can cook it up then."
"No, not tonight."
"Maybe tomorrow."
"Sure. Alright, bye Zach. Love you."
Will saw Alicia hang up the phone; he didn't hear what Zach was saying. Not that it was important to him, he told himself. But he was getting bored in such a small space and hearing a small conversation was almost like listening to the radio.
"How long has it been now?" He asked, hoping it had already been half an hour since he last asked.
"Only 10 minutes, Will."
"Damn. Sorry for asking again."
"It's okay."
Will and Alicia were stuck in the elevator together. They could admit to themselves it was very comical. Maybe it was their cosmic payback, who knows, but they both knew that it probably wouldn't turn out well, no matter how great their intentions were to not make it an issue of any sort.
"I'm guessing it wouldn't be good to point out how awkward this is." Will said as he started to sit down in one corner of the elevator. Alicia laughed lightly and sat down in the opposite corner.
"No, it would not be good to mention that." She voiced. They both looked at each other and laughed. Will then put his head down and looked at his hands, crossing them and rubbing his thumbs together showing how tense he was.
"I feel like..." Will started to say, out of nowhere.
"Feel like what?" Alicia prompted. Will paused for a long while. He was working up the nerve to try and get them to talk some more. He didn't want to open things up between them but he didn't know what else to do. Will always knew that Alicia was the one to run away and now she literally couldn't, in any way.
"Feel like we should talk." He froze. She froze. Did he really want to talk with Alicia again? His head was running in so many different directions. It made him think of that decision tree he made. It was all based on what Alicia would say and now his mind was doing the exact same thing. What would he say if she said yes to talking more? What would he say if she said no? Would he let it slide or convince her to talk more? He would never get out of the lawyer head-set.
He glanced at Alicia who was beginning to slowly nod her head. Will had no idea what it meant. She could be nodding at anything that was in her head, he knew how much was in there.
"What would we talk about? There isn't anything to say." He couldn't say he wasn't expecting something like that. He rushed through every scenario he could muster in his head.
"Maybe there isn't…" He trailed off.
"No, really, Will. What would we talk about? Talk to me." Alicia shot at him. He found in her voice that she really wanted to so he looked at her. She was staring right at him with an anxious look all over her face. She wants to talk, Will told himself. So he mustered up the courage to jump right in. It was now or never.
"I want to talk about anything. Yes, I have something specific in mind but the bigger picture for me is that I just want to talk. Sure, things won't be like they were four years ago but why can't we try to make it something similar?"
They glared at each other. Both just as lost as the other.
"Have you forgiven me?" Alicia asked.
"Have I forgiven you?"
"Yes. For what I did. For the terrible betrayal I committed, for taking your clients, for… Everything lately. Have you forgiven me for that? Because I can't believe you when you say you want to talk if you haven't forgiven me." Will was speechless. He didn't know what to say. He didn't know anything. "Seriously, Will, I have thought about this for days and days. I can't understand why you just want to talk with me. I told you I needed to get away from all of this. All of you. Yet you still want to try and make things okay again. I can't do that. Not anymore." He observed her and concluded that her rant was over. He felt terrible for doing that to her, but she was right.
"No, I haven't forgiven you. I will probably never forgive you, when I think about it, but I am just trying not to lose this. It was all I had for years and it isn't easy to give up. I know I need to. I try every day to give up on you and it never works. I wish I could do what you did. I wish I could hurt you so much that you'll never want to see me again because it'll mean I don't have to see you-"
"Just stop!" She yelled. "Stop Will. I can't do this." They sat in silence again. They were hurting. And that wouldn't end well for them if they kept going like this. So they sat.
And they sat.
"How long has it been now?" Will quietly asked.
"About half an hour."
And they sat again, silent. Every so often Will would look over at Alicia, and she would glance in his direction. As Will gazed over at Alicia for the third time he noticed her shivering slightly. It was still winter and with the power out there was no heating. Even if the heating in this building was minimally helpful, it did something and now it was gone. He felt concern for her. He shouldn't but it is a part of him to care for her. That is what she had done over the years; wired him so that he will always care. He began to get up and take off his coat.
"Here Alicia." He held out the coat for her. She looked up at him. He knew her well enough to know she would try to not take it from him, but he also knew her well enough to know that she wouldn't even try to argue with him. He got feeling in his heart that was like a pin prick, he really wished he didn't know her so well.
"Thank you." She reached out for the jacket and laid it over her cold body. Will sat back down in his corner. They were silent yet again for a few more minutes until Alicia noticed Will was now trembling from the cold, wrapping his hands in his scarf, and she noticed how she had forgotten her own scarf in the office.
"Take your coat back Will. I'm fine, you need it."
"No, you keep it. You were cold first." He crossed him arms, mostly to be warm but also to make a silent point.
"But it's your coat, just take it."
"No, Alicia. A gentleman should always give his coat to a lady who's cold."
"I hate it when you quote your mother."
"I thought you liked my mother's quotes."
"I do, but you sound so… Stiff and proper when you start talking like her. I imagine her to be so caring and warm when she says these things."
"She isn't stiff and proper though, she is caring and warm , so where do you get that from?" They started to look at each other again. In these times it was all easy and they always forgot what had happened between them. They had always been like that. They would bicker and then something small would happen and they would ease into normal conversation again.
"I know from your stories that she isn't stiff and proper, but you make her sound that way, that's why I hate it." She smiled and he suddenly felt warmer inside. He wanted to tell her how much he loved her smile, but he couldn't. And it hurt him not to. "Just come here then." She said and lifted up the coat, letting him know that he could share his coat with her.
"No, it's okay. I'll be alright."
"Will, just do it." She used her stern voice, and he gave in immediately. There was almost nothing about her that he didn't like. He shuffled himself over and crawled underneath is coat. It wasn't the best blanket in the world but he could accept it. He could accept it because his right arm was being warmed up by her left arm. It felt comfortable to him but also strange. It somehow didn't feel right to him and he couldn't figure out why.
"I'm sorry for getting frustrated at you." Alicia sighed.
"You didn't." Will responded quietly.
"I did. I didn't mean to, but I had something to say and it just came out. It's not like me to do that."
"Seriously, Alicia, it was okay. I probably asked for too much anyway. I'm sorry I came back at you the way I did." They both looked in front of them towards their shoes. Will realized that Alicia must have freezing cold feet. "Aren't your feet cold?"
"Yeah, a bit. A lot, but they're okay for now. I can still feel them." She giggled to herself.
"Hold on." Will reached over to her shoes and took them off. Alicia leaned back into the wall of the elevator, appreciating that her feet were no longer in any pain from her heels. Will wrapped up her feet in his scarf, and moved back onto the wall beside Alicia. They looked at her bundled up feet and laughed out loud.
"That looks ridiculous!" She said, still laughing.
"I know, but hey, they can't be cold anymore. Am I right? I'm right."
"Yeah, you're right. Very warm. Thanks Will." They started to recover from their laughing fit, catching their breaths.
"You really haven't forgiven me?" Alicia said, out of the blue. Will almost looked at her, but turned away instead. "It's okay. I don't expect you to forgive me."
"I can move past it eventually Alicia, but I can't forgive you."
"I know. I know how that is. I don't think I'll forgive Peter for what he did all those years ago." She paused, wondering if she should go further. "I thought I had forgiven him. I can convince myself that I have, but I really haven't. I don't know why he did it. He gave me a lot of excuses why he did it. Too many to believe any of them."
"I don't get why you never left him." Will bit his tongue, realizing what he had just said. "I don't mean that. Well, I don't mean it in terms of when… You and I were… I just mean to begin with, when it happened."
"I thought about it but… I just… I don't exactly know. I just didn't. I made vows, you know? I committed to a marriage. I couldn't- can't just throw that away."
"Is that because of your parents?" He knew her well. He remembers the day perfectly. The day she told him that her parents were going through a divorce. She cried for an hour and then started to break things. She told him they didn't have a great marriage but thought they were happy enough. She told him that they both agreed to it. They were no longer happy together and they would just be friends from there onwards. She yelled and cried about it for hours and he sat there with her. He remembered that he felt devastated for her, and that he would probably never see Alicia like that again. So open and broken. He almost felt privileged to see her like that, he didn't think many people would her seen her that way, that she would let people see her that way. It made him love her even more, and he now wished he didn't let that happen.
Will snapped out of his memory and listened to Alicia.
"I- I don't know. Maybe. I think it's just me. I do love Peter. I was furious with him but deep, deep down I still have love in my heart for him. I think because of that, I can't forgive him for cheating on me. I loved him so much before it, and it crushed me but I knew I could move on from it, also because I love him. It's so confusing, but I moved on."
Will wondered what to say next, and he whispered "You crushed me, Alicia…". She darted her eyes to him.
"I know. I didn't mean to. I wanted to make you mad but not hurt this much." She whispered back.
"I will recover." He turned his head to see Alicia; she had sadness and devastation written all over her face. He didn't realize how hurt she must be feeling too. "I'm sorry, Alicia. I'm sorry. Don't be sad. I didn't mean to ask and make you talk about it." He saw tears forming in her eyes. She looked down and shut her eyes.
"You didn't make me. I told you. I wanted to tell you Will."
"I didn't know it would make you this upset."
"I'm just in a weird place right now. I don't where it is, but it's frightening me a little."
"That does not sound good."
"You think?" She tried a laugh but didn't bother trying that hard. She decided to try to talk more about something risky. "Will?"
"Yeah?"
"I told you, because I miss you." His body went stiffened a little; he wasn't prepared for anything like that. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said it."
"Alicia…"
"No. I always try to keep it together and I will from now on. I'll just keep it to myself like always."
"Stop doing that!" He was raising his voice, he was sick of her whole silent thing. "Stop shutting down. We are here, alone, stuck in your elevator. I'm not sure how long we'll be here so while we are, we should keep talking like this. I promise that this is one of those times that we talk and share things and no one gets hurt or upset, we just listen. Do you remember from school?" She nodded. "Remember the first time, what I said. You will always be able to tell me anything, if it scares you, if it terrifies you, you can just tell me that it's secret and we'll never have to mention it again. We used to trust each other that much. No, there isn't a whole lot of trust now but it still applies because we are Will and Alicia, and in this moment, we are Will and Alicia from Georgetown. Okay?" He pleaded with her, to make sure she felt safe and alright about all of it. She looked up at him, with tears streaming down her face.
"I remember the last time we had one of those talks, when I said I had a feeling that there was no way we could closer than this. I couldn't imagine how we could have."
"I remember too, so please, this is something like that. In an elevator, freezing our butts off and huddled in a corner, there probably is no way we would closer than this. Us, as friends, we're here." She wiped the tears away from her cheeks. She took in a deep breath.
"I really miss you Will."
"I really, really miss you Alicia." She leaned into him and rested her head on his shoulder. He leant his head over hers and felt her soft hair on his cheek, the smell of her shampoo; violets.
"I don't want you to leave."
"I need to leave. You know I need to. You need me to."
"I know… I did this, but… I didn't think it would end up this way."
"I didn't think so either. But you have Peter, and your kids and I have…" He stopped his sentence. He felt her head move upwards a bit towards his face.
"You have a girlfriend."
"Yeah…"
"What's her name?" Will didn't know if she really wanted to know, or if he really wanted to tell her, but he would anyway.
"Isabel."
"That's a nice name."
"Yeah. I like it, I guess." They softly laughed. They sat there for a while longer, just leaning on each other. They both knew what it felt like but they were actually in control for once and weren't letting their feelings get in the way of it all.
"You said before that you wanted to talk about something specific?" Alicia said to him after a while.
"Huh?"
"A while ago, you said you wanted to just talk and that yes, it was something specific?"
"Oh, yeah. I, uh, well. I wanted to apologize for the Ashbaugh case thing."
"That was weeks ago." She stated softly, remembering the whole case like it was yesterday.
"I know, but I was so angry and upset and I got a little too ruthless."
"It's okay, Will. I understand."
"It was twelve million dollars Alicia. I'm sorry I did what I did, but Mrs. Ashbaugh was not happy about you potentially getting that money."
"I know. I didn't even know he had written that will. I really didn't think he liked me that much."
"He did. I saw it. I caught him once, just admiring you."
"I knew he used to do that. It creeped me out a little bit, but he was nice. He brought us more money." They laughed slightly at that. Lawyers would do almost anything if it meant they got money.
"You caught me off guard when I questioned you." He admitted.
"I had a feeling you would write down what I would say, I know you. So I had to do it. Be ruthlessly truthful."
"I did not expect that. I thought I knew you too well."
"The thing about knowing someone too well, is that they can surprise you at any moment with something you truly least suspect." She quietly said.
"Did you think about…" He started but stopped, he didn't want to think about it again.
"I, uh, yeah, I thought about it. The weekend." She understood what he was beginning to say. She obviously knew what he was talking about, it wasn't hard to figure out.
"It was a good weekend."
"A really good weekend." She corrected him and they giggled a little together, remembering the great time they had together.
"When I thought about it then, I didn't want to."
"It hurt me to think about it too. It's almost the best memory I have."
"Why doesn't it feel bad to think about it now, do you think?"
"I don't know. Maybe because you aren't using it against me to win a case." She slipped out, bluntly.
"Alicia, I am sorry. I'm so sorry. It is the best memory I have, and it pained me to use it against you but I was so incredibly angry at you that I didn't really care what I used."
"Thank you for apologizing."
"I mean it. I'm also sorry about the case after that. The one I ambushed from Burl Preston." Will knew he had to get it all out and apologize for all that had gone down.
"I'm sorry about that one too. I only changed into that outfit because you were in 'take no prisoners' mode. I had to even the score."
"I feel guilty about objecting so much. I know that your first time in court terrified you, and I feel so guilty about using that for my gain."
"It'll take a while to forgive you for that one, Will." She laughed a little. "But I can do it, since you feel so guilty."
"I can't believe what you said outside court."
"Oh, yes. That… You made me really mad. I'm sorry for that one."
"That's okay. I thought it was pretty callous but impressed you had the balls to say it." He stated and laughed a little.
"I had no idea I was capable of saying such things." They laughed together for a while and settled down eventually.
"Are you still cold?" He asked kindly.
"No, I'm very toasty." He couldn't see her, but he knew she had smiled.
"Good." He smiled too.
He didn't want to go back into a deep talk again. He wasn't sure, but it could have broken his heart to talk about it more. Will hated to feel things, especially things related to Alicia. He always shut them down instantly, but they were in their moment. He had to open up. He had never wanted to talk like this again, but it felt good to let it all out. He thought he had an honest conversation with Alicia that day in his office, but it didn't compare to what was happening in that elevator. He knew he had to tell her that he thought this. It made sense; to be honest with Alicia, while they were actually being honest with each other, guards down and all.
"I like this honesty thing." He had it put out there.
"Me too."
"I think we should meet again, before I leave."
"That could be nice."
"We could just have some pizza and beer, like old times."
"That sounds very nice."
"Are you falling asleep Alicia?"
"No." He paused to hear her real answer. "Maybe a little bit."
"Stop falling asleep. We don't know when the—" And as Will was about to say 'power will be back on', the power came back on. "I made it happen!" He yelled with such a boyish tone. Alicia laughed and felt the elevator start back up. They got back up off the ground. Alicia gave Will his coat and scarf back, and put her shoes back on. They rugged up in their winter outfits again and stepped out the elevator when it had gotten to the ground floor. They walked outside into the freezing night air.
"How long were we in there?" He asked her.
"Over an hour. Not exactly sure. Lost track." She yawned and looked droopy eyed at Will.
"Drive really safe Alicia. Don't fall asleep." He smiled at her.
"I won't, promise." She returned his smile with a soft one of her own.
"I'll see you around I guess."
"Sure. We have to have pizza. Promise me, Will, that we'll have dinner before you move away."
"Cross my heart and hope to die." He motioned a cross over his heart, and they laughed again. She took a step closer to him and wrapped her arms around him. He returned the gesture and held her close. They stayed like that for a while. When they finally pulled away they giggled with each other. They both knew why they were laughing. And as they stopped, Alicia gave him a wave goodbye and walked to her car and drove home. Will waited until after she left to leave himself.
The funny thing about their giggling was that they knew that if it were a year ago, they would have ended up kissing again. They would have ended up kissing in the elevator and maybe would have taken their clothes off right there; if it was a year ago.
They giggled because they didn't feel that unyielding passion between them anymore. They could be honest and open with each other and not crave each other's touch. It was now in a comfortable place between them. Will thought to himself as he drove home that it was weird to be comfortable, but he had tried to make it that way because he was an adult. He wasn't a young college kid with a silly crush anymore. He was a grown man who decided to finally take control of his life, and he was okay with it. But he would still admit to himself that he missed Alicia. He really did miss her touch, and her smile, and the smell of her hair. How he knew that at the end of a day when she took off her killer heels and her feet were really sore she was proud of herself for having a good day at work. He missed her comforting personality. But he was slowly understanding that he wouldn't have it like he used to again. He was beginning to live with it, and truth be told, it terrified him, but he also knew that no matter where he and Alicia were in life, she would always have a huge part of his heart.