Face to Face

Part 42

Aaron could only grin back at Jackson, mesmerized by the look of sheer delight on his face.

But Jackson was the first to come back down to earth, rational thought now having him ask, "So, what happened between 'then' and now?"

"I just thought about what you said. I'm not ashamed of loving you and I just wanted to prove it. I can't promise to snog your face off in the Woolpack any time soon...but then again I might, just to have you look at me like that again."

"Like what?"

"Like I'm all your Christmas' rolled into one!"

Reaching out with both hands catching hold of Aaron each side of his waist, Jackson pulled him a little closer to him, his face mirroring the seriousness that had crept into his voice, "Well that's just what you are. That's one way of putting into words what you are to me."

Aaron felt himself tense, his shoulders slump with the weight of the unease that had suddenly settled upon them. He wished he'd never said what he had now, "Jackson don't. Don't make me more than I am. I won't end up disappointing or hurting you that way." He couldn't bear to look at Jackson's face now, not now it had clouded over because of him. He looked down at his feet, willing them to move, to carry him back in time to just before he'd opened his mouth and ruined everything.

He wasn't going to let Aaron do this, not lessen himself in his eyes. "Look at me. Aaron look at me please," He waited patiently until the blue eyes met his. "I'm not making you into anything except what you are to me, the man I love."

He'd felt Jackson's arms slip around him, his lips on his and for a little while, until Cain had shouted across the forecourt, "Oi! I don't pay you to play tonsil hockey." the world around him had faded into insignificance.

eeee

He'd nipped home at lunch time, finding the place empty but for Clyde. Jackson having taken his mum and her luggage over to his flat. His mam having gone up to Wishing Well Cottage to tell Zak and Lisa what had happened between her and Carl.

Paddy had made an appearance ten minutes after he'd got there, settling himself purposefully next to him at the table

"Right, now were alone you can tell me what happened yesterday."

"What?"

"With your dad."

He'd known this was coming, that Paddy had been biding his time, waiting to get him alone, This was the first opportunity he'd had and the older man wasn't going to waste it. He didn't want to go into it all again, but he knew Paddy would fret about it until he knew exactly what had gone on. Taking a deep breath he then told him everything that had been said. Trying to keep the hurt out of his voice but failing miserable. His one concern was that Paddy would blame himself for encouraging him to make the prison visit and he was right.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have pushed you into going. Aaron you deserve so much better..."

"I've got so much better. I've got you."

Paddy's face had lit up at that, making him realise for the second time that day just how easy it was to show someone you loved them.

Paddy had wanted to know about his mam and Hazel then, about their 'little dingdong', that wasn't so easy to talk about either. Having a stranger lecture your mother on parenting and hear her struggle to defend herself had proved painful listening.

Paddy had listened silently until he'd finished, admitting then to sharing Hazel's view and to having been too much of a coward himself to ever say it to Chas' face.

He had. Many times. Hurling hurt fuelled insults and putdowns at her. Now he could admit to loving her, to having forgiven her too. But he couldn't help but wish she'd stuck around, just like he wished Paddy had always been in his life. That he'd been his dad. Things would have been so very different then. He'd have been different.

"You've made a good impression on Hazel"

"I have?" That was hard to believe. He cringed every time he thought about the conversation they'd had on first meeting. Paddy was grinning at him now, at his disbelief.

"Yeah I had trouble believing it too."

He smiled at the older man's teasing but he wasn't really amused, not knowing how easily Hazel could have turned against him, "I thought she'd hate me, after me punching Jackson, after everything I've done. Jackson had told her everything!"

"She admires honesty, she liked the fact you were so honest with her."

"Yeah well, blame that on the man who taught me that honesty was always the best policy."

Paddy was smiling at him again, recognising that man to be him.

And while they were having this heart to heart, Aaron realised it might just be a good idea to talk to Paddy about his mam.

"Paddy. I don't think it's a good idea my mam staying here."

"I had noticed."

"She'll end up going back to Carl and..."

"Hurting me in the process?"

"Yeah. I don't want that to happen, not again."

"It won't. Aaron, we're just friends, nothing more and I know we'll never be anything more than that."

It was a relief to hear that, to know Paddy no longer clung to the hope of him and his mam getting back together. He must have read things wrong; Jackson had said he was seeing things that weren't there.

He'd been getting to his feet, about to go back to work when his mother had breezed in through the front door. The last time he'd seen her she'd been clad in only a towel, she wasn't wearing much more now, her skirt covering even less than the towel had, didn't she feel the cold?

He glanced over at Paddy, not liking what he saw. Despite his words of just minutes ago, Aaron could see on the older man's face that he was still interested in his ex, that given the chance he'd jump at becoming more than just friends again. Aaron realised there and then that for all his belief in honesty, Paddy wasn't being at all honest with himself!

TBC