Accompanying soundtrack: Gigolo Aunts - "Where I Find My Heaven"
Ringing the buzzer promptly on time, Jen sees H bound down the hallway and fling open the door, revealing a huge grin.
"Gilmore, get your arse inside, it's freezing!".
As Jen stepped into the house, H threw her arms around her and gave her a big hug and a sloppy kiss on the cheek.
"Get off me wench!", shouted Jen, struggling to get free from H's bear hug.
"You're such a bloody mard!" retorted H, slowly releasing her grip before grabbing the wine and bounding back towards the lounge.
Jen sighed, dropping her bag onto the hall table, "You're going to be like this all night, aren't you?" she grunted.
Ignoring her comment completely, H called back to Jen "C',mon Miss Punctual, Tea is served. Jen headed into the lounge to find a decent spread of food on the table and the wine pouring in full flow.
"You need to relax a little", H said, nodding towards a chair. "One cannot engage fully one's brain until it has the capacity to shut all the other crap out…. And we do that with WINE!".
Jen looked over and smiled. As bonkers and generally annoying as H was, she was just trying to take Jen's mind off everything. "Good job I brought two bottles then, eh?", she replied, and H just grinned at her.
Whilst they were eating, H told her about last night's adventures. "I swear she was like only 18 or something and I was half worried I was gonna be her first and then she'd never leave and I'd end up hiding out somewhere until she actually left and then I'd never be able answer my door again."
Jen looked over, raising her eyebrows. "Firstly…I love you but you're a complete nightmare you know that! You should be long done with cherry picking missy! I don't know how you do it, how you have the gall to just… you know… use them for sex. I mean, what satisfaction do you get out of it?"
"I get plenty of…" H started but Jen interrupted, "and you know damn well what I mean by that, none of your sordid talk here lady! We're still pre-watershed, and I've not drunk nearly enough wine yet!"
H looked over, pulling a fake wounded face and shaking her head, "Jen Jen Jen, it's what suits me at the moment. I don't need the hassle of trying to deal with a relationship just now. My career is doing well and I just don't see the need to constantly have someone else I need to factor into my daily activities. Men do it all the time, so why shouldn't I?". H had a fair point, It was double standards for Jen to challenge her about her 'cavorting' when it was common practise by many.
"That doesn't make it right though. I can't just flick a switch in my head…I just don't think I could handle the emotional detachment though. The best part about it is the build-up and the anticipation", Jen sighed.
"Well don't knock it until you've tried it!" replied H, giving her a cheeky wink, and following it with "My build up and anticipation just happens over a matter of hours, rather than weeks. And who knows, after some more wine tonight, maybe you and I…."
"Eww, not on your bloody life!" Jen interrupted, 99% sure H was just winding her up.
"Oi Gilmore, you'd be lucky to have me!" squeaked H pretending to be offended. Jen grinned from ear to ear and threw one of the wine bottle corks at H, bouncing it off the end of her nose. Jen burst out laughing, and was soon joined by H, and Jen finally felt herself starting to relax a bit more.
After the meal, Jen and H sit on the sofa with the laptop, laughing at videos of hamsters flinging themselves out of their wheels. "This is lovely, Jen, but time to stop putting off the inevitable", said H, taking control of the laptop and putting in the dating website address.
"I hate these things", whined Jen, "it all feels so clinical and contrived."
"It IS clinical and contrived, Jen, that's why you love it so. You are incapable of doing the random and spontaneous thing, and have some inbuilt desire to know all about your potential mate before even speaking a word to them!"
'Busted again' thought Jen. There was safety in knowing what someone looked like and a certain amount of information about that individual before even considering if they have potential. "I like to think of it as Safety First, to make sure they're not some kind of serial killer" she said sheepishly.
H looked at her and raised a single eyebrow, "And you know what serial killers look like, do you? First-hand experience have we – do they wear special identification badges now?" she said smugly.
"Well based on some of my experiences with some of the women on here I'm, pretty sure I can spot them from a mile off now. Besides, I can always add in to my profile 'Serial Killers not welcome'", Jen laughed.
"Oh, well why didn't you say so", H quipped, poking fun, "I'm sure they'll all give you a massively wide birth from now on then", and stuck her tongue out at Jen.
"Shut it you! Let's just write this 'about me' bit and then this horror will be done with."
"You're just too cute when you're embarrassed, Jen", H responds. "OK, so let's see – just give me some words to describe yourself and then we'll flesh it out into something coherent."
"Hmmmm", this wasn't going to be easy for Jen. "Caring, considerate, thoughtful, interesting…. Erm…"
"…Neurotic" chipped in H.
Jen punched her squarely in the arm, "Not helping you dick."
It took some time and what felt like hundreds of revisions to get to a point where Jen was relatively happy with what they'd written. "Urgh, thank God", said H, "I was losing the will to live".
"You misery!," said Jen with a gentle smile, "Do you want your best friend to be a crazy single woman all her life, who will have no one else to talk to but YOU, and will come round to your house ALL THE TIME so I can live my life vicariously through yours. In fact, screw the website, I'll just move in to your spare room".
"On yer bike Gilmore!" said H, "we've written the damn thing now, the pain is over, let's start finding you some tail".
"You're such an old romantic", said Jen, mimicking a swoon. "Let's see what's on offer then."
The pair started to trawl through the profiles that fitted Jen's preferences.
Aged between 20-30, dark hair, average height, average build. It was a standard template that Jen had been using for many years to guide her, thinking that it was best to stick with what she knew.
"God, there are so many desperate people on here, Jen".
"Yeah, and seemingly I'm one of them! So pipe down you, constructive comments only from now on please…"
"Maybe you shouldn't narrow down your search fields? Maybe you should just see who's online now and see if any of them catch your eye. Let's try and cast a line outside of the pond for a while…. Take you out of your comfort zone a little bit".
"I'm quite happy IN the comfort zone, thank you very much. The name 'Comfort Zone' is deliberately indicative of somewhere that's quite nice to be, and is not supposed to be scary – I like not scary", snarked Jen.
H looked over at Jen, and whilst Jen was busy with a 'What's that look for' shoulder shrug, she'd reset the search preferences. "Damnit H!".
"OK, your only limits are by area. I don't want you travelling miles to find your Miss Right, because that'll mean I end up travelling miles to meet her and socialise", H said flashing a smile.
H, as she always was, was right again, and as Jen was looking through the profiles she started to appreciate some women that looked different to her usual preferred type. "I hate you for always being right", Jen growled at H, and H just laughed.
"Rome wasn't built in a day, little Jen, Miss Right may take some time to appear. In the meantime meeting some new people will boost your confidence and will help you with your small-talk skills. Practise makes perfect", H grinned.
"Thank you for your wise words, Yoda! But I'm done with all this for today", Jen said shutting down the screen. "The spare bed's made up, isn't it?"
H nodded and Jen bid her goodnight.
As she lay trying to sleep she still felt anxiety about having to look again for a new girlfriend, but knew that H was right, and that opportunity will present itself when it feels like it and not before. And probably when she least expected it, and then it'd be completely out of her control. Wishing she could just be like H and not care about the how and when she watched the hands of the clock tick past until she fell asleep.