Will had a calm weekend after seeing Alicia. He loved their pizza and beer night and wanted it to happen every week; he knew it would never happen though. Of course it wouldn't, he was moving to New York on Friday. He now wished he hadn't been so hasty in choosing to move there. The option of only staying there for a couple of months was no longer an option. Will told Diane and everyone at the Chicago firm he would live there and run the new firm. He had to really think about leaving his life he had built there in Chicago, but at the time he'd convinced himself he had to go bigger and better with the firm and being away from Alicia was a major perk, so he just thought that he'd build a new life with Isabel in New York.
Isabel…
Will was reminded that he still had a girlfriend (?). He'd spent so much time lately thinking about Alicia and trying to stay friends with her that he'd almost ignored Isabel for a week now. Will noted that he didn't really mind. He didn't exactly have strong feelings for the young woman. Sure, he liked her and liked her youthful energy but he wasn't in love with her, nowhere near it.
His mind went back to Alicia, again, as he sat at his desk eating his lunch. Will looked up and saw Diane in her office working on something that she seemed to be very invested in. He still hadn't had a talk with her about how he and Alicia were on good terms again. He'd been putting it off, unsure of how she would take it. Will knew Diane liked Alicia and her courtroom abilities, so obviously Diane was extremely disappointed and hurt by Alicia's secret move. But he also knew that Diane was usually a forgiving person, if you gave her enough time to think about the situation she could be understanding. So with that, Will decided it was now or never to have that talk with his partner. He got up from his desk and walked rather slowly into her office.
"Diane, do you have a minute?" She looked up at him questioningly and took off her glasses.
"Is it about the Patton case? Because I don't have time for that one today. I've run into some complications with the Smith case and it's frustrating me to no end."
"No, it's not really about work."
"Well can it wait then?" She raised an eyebrow at him, hoping it would intimidate him slightly to back away and leave her be.
"No, it can't." He had to tell her now, otherwise he never would. She gestured for him to take a seat in a chair as she leant back into her own.
"So…?" She prompted.
"I have to tell you that… I am on good terms with Alicia." He slowly said, waiting to see if Diane would react in an over-the-top way. She just looked confused.
"What do you mean 'good terms'?" She asked. Will took in a deep breath and let it out slowly.
"I mean, we're friends again." Diane widened her eyes in disbelief.
"And how has that come about, Will? Are you saying she is no longer the enemy?" Will had detected a hint of sarcasm, and he was expecting it.
"I'm saying that she is no longer an enemy in personal matters."
"Personal matters? So we might be able to destroy her in court but out of court we're all civil again?" Less sarcasm in her voice now. Will was trying to figure out if she was being serious about this now.
"I guess so. You don't have to be nice, I'm just letting you know that I am now and that's that." She let out a long held breath and looked around her office for a moment.
"Honestly, Will. What has brought this on? It isn't… Again? Not that I mind much. She doesn't work here anymore." She looked directly in his eyes, Will knowing what she was referring to.
"No. It isn't that. We're just friends again. Friends only, Diane. Absolutely nothing more."
"Okay. Thank you for letting me know. If it just so happens that she and I cross paths out of the courthouse then I will do my best to be kind. Just for you, Will." She half smiled at him and he returned it with a full smile. He was happy she would do such a thing for him; that was their partnership. Always had each other's back.
"I can't say the same for anyone else around here, especially David."
"It doesn't matter about them. I just wanted my partner and friend to know this."
"Sure, alright. Now go away, I have work to do. As do you, friend." She smiled at him slyly and put her glasses back on. Will got up to leave and just as he was about to, he spun around.
"I thought there would be a bigger discussion about this. Maybe even a heated one." He looked to her questioningly.
"Will, I'm fine with this. Apart from what Alicia did, she's a good person. She's a smart person, and lawyer. If this is what you want then I'm there for you."
"Thanks Diane." She gestured for him to get out and he softly laughed to himself as he left her office. He didn't know how she could be such a good person herself, but it was Diane. She was classy and elegant and had no time for silly high school style grudges. It crossed his mind that she could have been very happy that they were alright with Alicia, because as far as he knew, they were somewhat friends before everything that happened. He also thought about Diane not having a whole lot of friends anymore. A few of them disappeared when she got married to Kurt, which Will didn't understand. He was a great guy who made Diane happy and he didn't know how her friends couldn't just support her because of his political views. So it made Will happy to know that since he was friends with Alicia again, it meant that Diane could have her friend back too.
Towards the end of his working day, Will was packing up his work at the desk to take home with him and his phone began to ring. He walked to his leather chair where he'd left it and answered.
"Hello?"
"Will, hi." It was Alicia. His heart did a little jump in his chest.
"Oh, hi. How are you?" There was a pause.
"I'm fine. I was just wondering if we could meet somewhere tonight, and talk." He heard a hint of anxiety in her tone, which he began to worry about.
"Tonight? As in now? Because it's already six."
"Yes. Right now is good. Does that work for you?"
"I was heading home to do some work but sure, I can meet you somewhere." He said gently, not wanting to worry her more than she already seemed to be.
"Is it alright with you if I come to your place?" Now Will got more concerned. He knew Alicia would never ask to meet there unless it was serious. So he had to accept.
"Yeah, sure. I'm heading home now so I'll be there in fifteen minutes."
"Okay, thanks Will. I'll see you soon." And she hung up.
Will rushed to get the rest of his things together and drove home as fast as he could. He hurried into his apartment and looked around to see if there was anything of Isabel's he should get rid of. He didn't see one thing. He was now suddenly grateful for the fact that he rarely brought her back to his place, and when she was there she had very little with her.
As Will changed into some more comfortable clothes (jeans, black t-shirt) he heard a knock at his door. He moved so fast that he almost slipped on the wood floor at the door because of the socks he still had on. He composed himself and opened the door to a very sullen Alicia Florrick. She looked exhausted. Will stepped aside and let her in, neither one of them saying anything. He observed her drop her bag by the door and take off her long, red coat. He had always loved that coat on her. She spun around on her heels and looked at him. He saw nothing but fatigue and gloom in her eyes. He didn't know what had happened and he felt terrible in the pit of his stomach, not sure if he wanted to know. All he did was pull Alicia in and hold her. Just because they had gone through a wretched time together lately it didn't mean that Will didn't know Alicia well enough to know when she needed to be held. Not just a hug, but to be comforted and embraced. He felt her grasp him tighter, almost like her life depended on it.
They remained in their embrace for a few minutes until Alicia pulled back. She looked him in the eyes and smiled. Will noticed a small tear falling from her right eye. He reached his hand up to her face and softly wiping it away, being careful with her porcelain skin, afraid it might shatter. She closed her eyes as he did so, and then dropped her head as he pulled his hand back. He took and step forward, move his arm around her and started to lead her through the hallway and into the living room. He sat her down on the couch, and sat himself right next to her.
"What's up?" He asked quietly.
"I didn't know who else to talk to."
"Okay. About what?"
"I couldn't talk to Owen, or my mother. They'd just say 'I told you so'. No matter how much they'd comfort me, they'd say that and I wouldn't tell them anything."
"Tell them what, Alicia?" He watched her take in a deep breath and let it out slowly.
"Peter and I… Have separated again. I am pretty sure it's for good this time." Will stopped breathing for a few seconds. He wasn't sure what he was hearing. He had it in his mind for years that this would never happen. He thought he was 100% sure Alicia and Peter would be married until the day they died. He didn't know what to say to Alicia. He had once prepared himself for a conversation like this when she first started at his firm five years before, but it had been forgotten long ago.
"One of the only times you've ever been speechless, Gardner." Alicia teased and let out a fake laugh.
"Well, that's true. I just never thought…"
"That this day would actually come." She finished his sentence. He nodded and looked away. Alicia fell back into the couch and looked up to the ceiling.
"What happened then?" Will was desperate to know what would cause such an apocalypse in the Florrick household. Alicia turned her head to look at Will, who gave her his full attention.
"He overheard me saying… Something. And he flipped out, which was understandable, but he wouldn't even try and talk with me."
"What did you say that was so terrible?" Will couldn't even begin to imagine what it would be. Alicia looked back up at the ceiling, avoiding his eye contact.
"It doesn't matter…" She whispered. "I went to try and talk with Peter today after work. He started to shout and yell. There was no reasoning with him about anything. I started to leave and that's when he said he couldn't be in this marriage anymore." Will saw her eyes fill with tears, saw her take long and deep breaths to calm herself down. He didn't know what to do; if whether he should hold her again, or just hold her hand. He wondered if it would be too much for her.
"So, you think that's it for your marriage?" Will didn't know where to go with the conversation. He'd never had to do this before.
"Yep." He knew she and her marriage had been through a lot over the years. He probably didn't know the half of it but he did know that if Alicia said it was over, it was over. That woman had done everything to try and not divorce her husband. Will questioned if she loved Peter still, but even if she didn't she would stick it out for the sake of her children. He knew she would do everything in her power to protect them, which was something that he admired about her.
It was at that moment that Will decided to move closer to her and grab her hand. She leant into him and buried her face into his chest. He didn't mind. It wasn't dangerous for them anymore, he thought. This was just comforting a distraught friend who's marriage had ended.
"Damn it. I don't know how to tell the kids." She muffled into his chest. She lifted her head up and looked at him once again. "I think they know it's coming though."
"How?" He asked.
"They were with Peter when he overheard me talking. He was dropping them off yesterday afternoon. I'm sure they heard him shouting then too. I had talked to them a little last night, and I think they understand. They're old enough to put the pieces together on their own."
"There does come a time when you can sense these things. Whatever happens Alicia, I'm sure they'll be okay. They're tough and resilient." He attempted to make her feel better about the kids. That was probably the biggest thing she'd worry about.
Then it hit him. She said yesterday afternoon. They'd be sending each other texts in that afternoon. If something had happened with her, he'd notice it in her messaging tone. He did note to himself that she could have had other people with her and was still able to send him messages, but that wasn't it. She probably would have mentioned if she actually had people over. He then thought that she probably had a phone conversation with someone. It had to be that.
"You said Peter overheard you say something. You don't have to tell me what it was, but were you on the phone with someone?" He was being a little nosey about it all but he really wanted to know.
"No, I... Uh. I wasn't with anyone, or talking to anyone."
"Just yourself then?" He smirked.
"Yes, I do that so much." She half smiled and rested her head back on his chest. Will took that in. She was talking to herself about something. Maybe it was really about their texts. Now he was crazy desperate to know what she had said that made Peter so angry and want to end everything between them.
"Alicia… Does it have anything to do with me? Something with us sending texts?" He asked softly. She went quiet and Will knew it did have something to do with them. He really didn't know what it could be. He wondered if it was as simple as them being friends again, but Peter wouldn't have a fit over that. It was something very serious.
"Alicia, you can tell me anything." He prompted. She started to sit up and scoot away from him a little.
"I should really go."
"You don't have to. Talk to me." She got up from the couch and walked back into the hallway. Will sat there for a moment, listening to her heels hit the floor, each step closer to her walking out the door. He quickly got up and rushed to the door, seeing her putting her coat back on.
"Thanks for this, Will. I just needed someone."
"You were here for ten minutes. Stay and tell me everything. It'll be okay, please, Alicia."
"I have to talk to my kids, Will. We can talk some other time."
"I'm leaving Friday. It'd better be before then, okay?" He pleaded.
"How about tomorrow? Tomorrow I'll tell you…" she whispered. He didn't want to leave her so upset. It's as if he could see all the cracks on her body from being broken and shattered so many times, and then being put back together again. It broke his heart to see her so wounded. He knew in this moment that she did love Peter and he had hurt her more than he ever has before. Will felt a surge of rage course through his body. He was sick and tired of seeing Alicia this way, all because of her idiot husband.
"I can make lunch work?" He offered.
"That's fine. I'll come to your office." She picked up her bag, put the straps over her shoulder and moved back into Will for a hug. Just a hug this time. He gripped her tightly.
"I'm always here." He whispered and kissed the top of her head. She pulled back and looked at him. Will opened the door for her and she walked out. He waited at there until the doors of the elevator closed and she was gone. He stood there, thinking about how much he cared for this woman. The one he just watched walk out his door, again. And again he didn't want her to. He thought about being mad at her. He was cruel and ruthless and would do anything to get her out of his head, but a couple weeks ago he knew she would always be there. She'd always be in his dreams, laughing with him, kissing him. She haunted him, in his favourite way. He'd loved her for so long and when the day came to hate her, he convinced himself that he did. He didn't want to see her again because he didn't want it to hurt anymore, but even then it was love and it was a terrible aching pain that he still had.
So that was it. It was still love. He'd tried everything to stop it. Including being with a girl half his age and absolutely nothing like Alicia. He'd tried the anti-Alicia and he truly didn't like it. Will had always admitted to himself that he loved this woman, but recently he tried to deny it with all he had. It was hard to admit, even now, with him standing at his open door wondering if he should go after her and just tell her that he loved her and she could confide in him with anything that troubled her. He knew he shouldn't do that to her now, but it was truly now or never. He was in the moment and love filled his heart. Whatever Alicia chose to do with it, he would have to tell her. No take-backs involved.
He ran out of his door, leaving it open and hit the elevator button a dozen times. It arrived and he stepped in, pressing the ground floor button and the close-door button. It felt like a million years to Will, it felt like he would be trapped there for an eternity, cursed with knowing he loved Alicia and could never tell her how he really felt. He'd tried it once but she never heard him. It once popped out a second time but they let it fall back on an accident. Third time was the charm for him; he wouldn't let his love slip through the cracks.
After what was a millennium to Will, the elevator got to the ground floor. He ran out of the building, stopped to look around and saw Alicia in her perfect red coat walking down the street to her car. He started to run to her.
"Alicia!" Her name rolled off his tongue like honey. She spun around. It was a good twenty meters of pavement between them but he could see she was crying. He caught up to her and stood a few inches from her.
"Will, what are you doing?" She asked and sniffled a little from crying.
"Alicia. I have to tell you now." She froze, and he knew that she was aware of what he was about to say. "Alicia, I love you. I love you. It isn't in a lost voicemail, and it isn't an accident on a phone call. I love you, always have and always will."
"Will-"
"No. I know its horrible timing. Go figure, right?" They softly laughed together. It was their greatest cosmic joke of all time. "I know that you'll be going through a tough time now but I had to tell you. I, William Gardner-"
"William Paul Gardner. I love your middle name." She quickly mentioned. He gave her a huge smile and continued.
"I, William Paul Gardner, fucking love you." He isn't one to use profanity but he just felt it in the moment. Alicia slipped her arms around him, looked into his eyes; staring into his soul, and whispered:
"I fucking love you too."