Accompanying soundtrack: Mel C - "Yeh Yeh Yeh"
"Well you managed to talk to her for more than one sentence. THAT, my dear Jen, is progress. I'm gonna keep my eye on her to see if she looks over at you at any point. If she does, then you should be taking that as a sign she wants some further contact."
"I've obviously not read the lesbian dating handbook have I", Jen quips sarcastically. "Where do you get all this shit from!?"
Half laughing, H retorts with, "Based on your history and lack of general understanding of how to handle yourself around women, I'm surprised you've ever managed to have sex with anyone ever."
"Well no matter how crap I am at this whole thing, YOU'LL never pull me, because I'll never be THAT desperate." Jen Laughed, sticking out her tongue at H.
"Oi, Cheeky!" said H, mimicking the sticking out tongue. And at the same moment she spotted woman number 2 looking over at them.
"K'in 'ell Jen, she's actually looked over here. I mean, obviously there's a chance it's for me…" she joked.
"Hilarious H" said Jen, "You're amazing at boosting my ego, not. Remind me again why I hang out with you?"
H feigned a hurt look. "Switch places with me idiot. If she looks back over again she needs to catch YOUR eyes, not mine. I can do this stuff with my eyes closed, but you need all the help you can get!"
"Oh my God you're so bloody bossy!" said Jen as she pulled H over towards her, swapping their positions around. She shot a careful glance towards the woman in the window.
"So, her name was…..?" enquired H, looking at the pitiful sight in front of her.
"Ah, yes, er… well I didn't exactly ask her that. I was too busy trying not to swallow my own tongue with shock when she responded back to me." H shook her head from side to side slowly and tutted.
"You know, I'm not entirely sure you're redeemable", H said, "I think you're just too far gone – beyond all hope! Destined to collect teapots and eventually appear on The Antiques Roadshow looking wild-eyed and dishevelled, with a cat lodged in your unkempt hair", she said with a wicked grin. Jen shot her a look, coupled with her usual single-eyebrow of distain.
H quit her mockery. "OK, OK, let's formulate a plan instead then. Tell me, what do want to achieve from tonight? What's your goal – your aim? If it were me, my aim is to wake up in the morning after not a lot of sleep, but still looking fabulous, and hope she buggers off early and doesn't try and spend the day with me!"
"As a notorious womaniser I'd expect nothing less of you!" Jen frowned. "However, the rest of us well-adjusted citizens are not just looking for a conveyor belt of muff! I'm actually attempting to get back into dating, and use words to facilitate conversations, rather than just grunts and moans, thank you very much." She smiled. "Let's just wait and see if she looks over again. That'll be twice and I'll take it as a positive sign, eh?"
Jen didn't have to wait long, and the next time that window woman looked over she caught Jen's eye and smiled. "Shiiiiiiiiit! She's looking over."
"Well don't look away you pillock", chimed in H, "hold her gaze and smile back". Jen smiled back at the woman. Leaning in close to her ear H whispered "Ok Miss Congeniality, let's get these wheels in motion – get over there", and reaching to her shoulder she grabbed and turned Jen towards the woman, giving her a gentle shove at the end.
"Get off me you bugger" Jen quietly hissed, stumbling forward. Straightening herself up, she smoothed down her dress, and after shooting H a wrinkled-nose glance, she grabbed her drink and slowly walked towards the woman in the window. As she approached her, the woman smiled and said "Hello again – care for a seat?"
Jen couldn't work out who was trying to be the more confident of the two. She'd made the first move but the woman had openly offered her a further greeting and a seat with her. 'Time to try and take back the control – or at least even the playing field again' she though. Jen sat down "Thank You", she said, smiling at the woman, "I'm Jen".
"Emma" said the woman, "Nice to meet you Jen. Does your friend not mind being left on her own for a while?"
"Ah, trust me, Helen is more than capable of spending some time alone in a bar. Although I'm pretty sure she won't be alone for long", Jen smiled, looking over at H, who was already walking across the room towards some new entertainment. Gesturing an open-palm in H's direction, "Ladies (and Gentlemen), the Mancunian Hugh Heffner", Jen declared. Emma Laughed.
Determined to maintain the conversation, Jen continued, "So, should I ask why you're sitting here on your own?
"Well, I was supposed to meet a friend, and they cancelled on me last minute. I was already here so I figured I'd just hang around for a quick drink. And then you spoke to me at the bar, and I thought maybe I'd hang around a bit longer and see if I could get your attention again." A wave of flattery washed over Jen, and she smiled back at Emma.
"Well, I'm pleased you did", said Jen raising an eyebrow and looking her up and down – employing an H special to provoke a reaction. Even in the dimmed bar lighting, Jen could see that Emma was blushing a little.
An hour passed, and some more chit-chat and flirting, and Jen could see that the bravado thing really did have some positive value. She tried to keep the tempo up and the interest level keen, hoping that Emma was enjoying the conversation and the company as much as she was, even though it was seriously challenging her to constantly be 'on'. She'd seen H leave long ago with some gullible young thing, and knew that there was nothing to drag her away as long as she wanted to be at the bar. 'Time to test the rest of the theory' she thought nervously.
"Listen, do you want to get out of here?"
And it was then Jen realised she'd been beaten to the punch. As she heard Emma says the words Jen herself had herself intended to say, she was slightly knocked off course. "Erm, yeah sure" stumbled Jen, "Where do you want to go?"
"How about back to mine?", Emma replied slowly.