Chapter 12

The first few days after Emma's departure were the hardest. To Hook, it was even worse than the first few days after Milah's death. At least then he could drown his sorrows with lots and lots of rum. But this time around, he had to put on a front for Ava.

This hurt more too; it wasn't anyone's fault that Emma was gone except for his. Milah had been murdered, while he could've prevented what happened to Emma. He almost wished she was dead. At least then he would've had closure. There was no really no telling how long she would be gone for, and it hurt Ava more than him.

Nights were the worst for both. At least Henry had a mother in Regina. He now stayed permanently with her. But Hook and Ava? Despite her incredible amount of maturity when she first found out Emma was gone, she didn't understand why her mother left her. The poor girl cried out every night for Emma, who had tucked her in every single night of her life with a baby blanket that looked identical to her own except it had a yellow ribbon and read Ava in careful stitching. Hook had tried everything he could to get her to sleep, but to no avail. He was resigned to just letting her cry until she was too exhausted to continue and fell asleep.

And Hook? When he did sleep, his dreams were haunted with her. Filled with images of her slowly dying, of her coming back, within grasp, only to leave again. He often awoke to find his arm outstretched as if reaching out for her.

Slowly, though, they got used to it. To make his days less lonely, Hook got himself a job as the new deputy, working with David who was now the sheriff. The two often spent their days laughing and joking together. In a way, it was almost like having Liam back.

Even his dreams were less haunting. He began to be able to sleep through the night again, though sometimes that required a few swigs from his flask. Many mornings he'd found himself clutching a pillow when he woke up. But at least he could sleep.

Ava turned three a couple months after Emma left. Now old enough for preschool, she spent her days with Storybrooke's youngest citizens. That did much to distract her and keep her busy enough that she was often too tired to miss her mother when she came home.

They were adapting, something that was inevitable but no less sad.

Emma called Mary Margaret every so often to talk. Hook learned from her that Emma was back to her old job as a bail bondsperson and was living in her old apartment in Boston. Much to his relief, she wasn't dating anyone.

When she did come to Storybrooke to visit Henry, they mainly went to Granny's and then the beach or something. Hook made sure to check in with Henry about where they were meeting and then steer clear of those places. He wasn't sure that he'd have enough self control to stop himself from tackling her if he saw her. He was often tempted to drive up and just sneak a quick glance at her but managed to refrain from doing so. It just hurt too much, being so close yet unable to see her.

(six months later)

Hook held Ava's hand as they walked into Granny's. It was a bright, clear Saturday and they'd decided to go to the park after lunch.

"Gwilled cheese!" She clapped her hands as they settled in their usual plastic booth.

He laughed. "Of course." A small pang of nostalgia flared; grilled cheese was Emma's go to meal as well. He squished it down as he did every time something reminded him of Emma; wallowing over the past would not help.

"Hi." Said a voice. Hook looked up to see Tinkerbell standing above them, pen held over a pad at the ready. "Can I take your order?"

"Hey." He said in surprise. "You work here now?"

"Yeah, I do." She responded. "Convent's not really for me. In case you haven't noticed I'm not really the traditional type of fairy."

"Very true." Hook agreed.

"So what'll it be? Oh wait, let me guess." She turned to Ava. "Ava here wants grilled cheese."

"Yep!" Ava beamed up at her, showing off her adorable little smile.

"I knew it." She laughed. "How's preschool?"

"Fun!" Ava replied. "I drawed a lot of pictures!"

"Oh, that sounds so cool!" Tink exclaimed. "I bet you're really good. You'll have to show me sometime."

"Kay!" Ava bobbed up and down excitedly in her seat.

Just then, the door dinged, signaling that it was being opened. Tink looked at the people who were beginning to trickle in, as it was lunchtime. "I should go. A grilled cheese for Ava and…?" She turned Hook.

"Same for me." He responded.

She nodded, tucking the pen and pad back in her apron. "Coming right up."

"Daddy I like her." Ava said after Tink left. "She nice."

Hook chuckled to himself; he could remember a time when Tink hadn't been so nice, when she'd threatened him with a dagger. But ever since she'd come back to Storybrooke with them her old, sweet personality that Regina had described that she'd once had was back. "Yes, she is."

"Is she my mommy?"

Hook froze. Um, what? Had he heard correctly? He looked over at Ava, who was staring at him.

"N-no, princess. She isn't." Why would Ava even ask something like that?

She cocked her head adorably. "But she looks like Mommy."

Oh. Hook had to admit that Tink did resemble Emma quite a bit. Both had similarly slender frames and blonde hair.

It saddened him to think that Ava was already forgetting her mother. Granted, she was three. But there were pictures of Emma everywhere in their apartment and every so often they'd pull out the old photo albums. Hook wanted Ava to remember Emma so that when the day came that she finally regained her memories they'd be able to pick up where they left off and be a family again.

"Yes she does look like Mommy doesn't she?" He responded. "But you know what Mommy looks like."

Ava shrugged and turned back to her coloring book, scribbling messily over the unicorn's face. "Can she be my mommy?"

Hook nearly spat out a large mouthful of coffee. "Ava, honey, you already have a mommy." He explained patiently.

"Then why she not here?"

"Well..."

"Everyone else has a mommy. I want one too."

Luckily, their food came before she could say anything else, and Ava was soon distracted by the steaming plate before her.

But her words stuck with him all day. Later that night, after their day the park, after he'd tucked Ava in with her baby blanket and bear, as he sat down with his flask, her words echoed in his mind.

"Everyone else has a mommy. I want one too."

Clearly Ava was already beginning to forget Emma. It was something that he'd tried to prevent from happening but was ultimately powerless against.

What was going to happen as she grew older? Slowly her memories of Emma would be replaced with a faceless blonde stranger. It was already happening! She would soon only remember the idea of a mother. Emma would become a stranger that just inhabited many of the pictures on the walls.

He'd been hoping, wishing that Emma would regain her memories. Tried to continue with his life as if nothing was amiss. Waiting for Emma to come back.

But the truth was, he couldn't do that any longer. He had to face facts: Emma was not coming back. Her memories were really and truly gone for good.

Ava needed her mother. If Emma wasn't coming back, maybe it was time to go to her.

Author's note: POOR AVA! Any thoughts before you go?