FITZ'S POV

"Liv?" I called as I walk into our bedroom one morning. She still being in bed which is weird since she's usually up around the time when Emmy goes to schoo. She's pale , her face is free of make up and she's staring at the wall.

"Liv are you alright?"

We were back on speaking terms but she wasn't the same since our fight last week. Her father had came for his monthly visit last night so I thought it has something to do with her dad

"Livvie?"

No answer, she was awake but she wasn't talking. I called downstairs and requested Harrison pick up Anna immediately. I had no clue how to help her no clue how to make everything better.

By the time and I got to the White House Emmy was home from school it was hard Keeping her away from liv

"Where is mama I want to talk to mommy!"

"She's not feeling well but uncle Teddy is going to come and pick you up and take you to his house for a bit"

"Is mommy okay?"

"she'll be fine she just isn't feeling well she doesn't want you to get sick either" I lied "go pack a bag of toys and stuff to take to uncle Teddy's okay?"

"K daddy"

"Sir there you are I have been looking all over for you" Cy came into residency annoying me even more than I already was.

"Not now Cyrus I'm taking care of something , unless it's an emergency I don't want to hear it"

"You have meetings all day"

"I don't fucking care!" I yelled as Anna opened the door to residency. She looks stressed out and her eyebrows raised I was Cyrus and I yelled it out.

"Hi Fitz" she waved awkwardly. She had been trying to be nice the last couple months to Liv and I got closer. we even started texting after she asked me for help on the paper.

"Anna hi thanks for coming"

"Where is she?"

"This is about the first lady?" Cy asked

"Cyrus you have two seconds until I asked Tom to Escort you off of the property" i walked away leading Anna upstairs to the dark bedroom.

She walked over towards the windows and opened all of the curtains before she walked over towards liv in the bed.

"Libby you okay?"

"i'm tired, so tired" she croaked

"I know did you take your medication?"

"Not since last week"

And I walked into the bathroom and brought back her medication bottle

"I thought they were just uppers" i frowned

"She's on antidepressants" Anna explained

"On she hasn't told me anything" i said rubbing my hand over my face as Liv laid back down after taking her meds.

Anna led me out into the hallway "she was prescribed pills in college she hasn't been able to come off of them hurl she has bad days like this. When she was in therapy she didn't have to take them but stopped going after while"

"She's on them because of her dad or?"

"Mostly yes but she doesn't know how to deal with things so she keeps it inside and then it basically eats her alive"

"So what now?"

"Now I'm gonna lay with her for a bit and try to get her to talk to me and then eventually I'll move her into the shower so she can take a bath"

"You've done this before"

Anna and her sister were close but they had only known each other for about two years.

"A few times And she always comes back stronger than ever" she rubbed my arm "she'll be fine Fitz"

Anna was studying so i was eating dinner alone until the chef came in and placed another plate beside me on my right hand side placing down some pasta as Liv walked in. She had jeans on and one of my navy t-shirts, her hair was down in ringlets still wet from the shower. It was a quiet dinner filled of silence, forks scraping against plates. Olivia stared at her hands as they shook. She was having a panic attack. I reached over and grabbed one, squeezing it. She started eating again in silence with her one hand.

"Ready for bed?" I asked after she went to Anna's room for a bit.

"Yes" she took off her jeans and climbed into bed. "Are you okay?" She asked as she laid down on my shoulder.

"I should be asking you that-"

"You shouldn't be dealing with this. I heard you swore at Cy"

"He was getting on my last nerve and you aren't a burden Livvie. I'm here for you okay?"

She nodded and threw her arm over my chest so her hand was cupping my neck.

(Break)

"Livvie?" I knocked on her office door. It was a few days before christmas and Teddy had taken Emmy back to California. She was spending two days with Mellie before going back to my parents. Liv and I were flying out on Christmas eve which was about five days away. She had started taking your medication again but we didn't really talk about what had happened

"Hi" she stood she was wearing a navy blue, long sleeved dress with matching heels the only jewelry she wore was her wedding rings. She looked tired but she was at least talking and eating properly now

"I came to steal my beautiful wife for lunch" i watched is her face turned red. She nodded and move towards the door following me upstairs silently to residency

"I think maybe we should see someone" i started as she ate her salad

"Fitz I'm fine I don't need to go see a therapist" she folded her arms

"You think you not talking staring at a wall not eating I'm shaking is fine? If you won't go see a therapist for yourself please go see one for me. I will be there with you if you want we can go for a couples counseling or just for yourself but you need to talk to somebody"

"Why what's the point I'm always going to feel like this if I'm not on my medication"

"Livvie,you are strong you're stronger than this and I don't know how to help you that's the point I was so scared that something was wrong that I called in your sister from New York to come and help me. You need to stop lying to me about your medication. I don't care if you're on medication I don't care if you need the medicationI just care that you're okay"

She looked at me for a while before finally shaking her head that she was agreeing to go see somebody

"I'll make sure it's the best make sure somebody who can come to us instead of you going to them okay?"

"Thanks honey" she smiled softly and went back to her salad.

LIV'S POV

I stood in my name fits his bedroom as I looked at myself in the mirror in the closet. What was I supposed to wear to therapy appointment as a first lady? First ladies didn't even have therapist. But this wasn't about me this was about what fitz wanted what he needed and he was so good in providing and taking care of me that if you wanted me to go to a doctor at least ones I could do that for him. I threw on A pair of jeans and a longsleeved top with some heels leaving my hair in a ponytail. I watched as he walked in to the living room with someone who he introduced as a doctor but I wasn't really listening.

"Nice meeting you ma'am" the older man said as he shook my hand.

Fitz chuckled as we sat down "Liv dislikes ma'am"

"Please just call me Olivia or Liv"

"So, your husband has told me all about the arrangement"

"He did?"

"Don't worry i've signed a non disclosure contract and this is work i am not here to spread rumours. I'm here to help"

"Okay"

"So, you each will get your turn to talk. When you're done i'll ask you questions then we hear the other persons side"

"Sounds fair enough" Fitz rubbed my thigh as i sat beside him.

"Have you two always been affectionate towards each other?"

"No" Fitz laughed "This is new to us, but we both decided we wanted to try to have a real marriage"

"Because you have feelings for each other" Fitz and i both nodded

"Olivia, you don't look like you agree"

I felt Fitz let go of my thigh as i huffed out "I'm having insecurities"

"About the affair?"

"No, about me. I want to break down and cry all the time about everything. I have an amazing family it's everything i wanted but it was handed to me by someone i hate"

"So you think you can't enjoy it?"

I nodded "I mean how is Fitz supposed to love me when i can't even love myself?"

"How long have you been having these thoughts?"

"Since Fitz and i decided to try to have a real marriage"

Fitz had been quiet and i was scared to look at him but when i looked oved he had smiled quickly at me before turning back to the doctor.

"Why did you go off of your medication?"

"I wanted .. I wanted to feel what i had been trying to hide and i can't do that when i'm on my medication"

"Olivia, you need to take your medication. For now. Maybe later we can come back to the decision but for now you need it alright?"

"Okay"

"So, i am going to see you after the holiday's. This was a very good first meeting. I want you two to work on communication this week"

"Thank you so much" Fitz stood and shook his hand as i waved

(Break)

I was walking through the white house as i heard the whispers. People were looking at me as i started towards the oval. I was wearing a brown sweater dress so it wasn't anything revealing. I sighed and let myself into the Oval to see Cyrus and Quinn speaking harshly to each other with Fitz watching the news. He looked like he was panicking.

"What's wrong?" I spoke up making the three of them jump. Fitz crossed the room quickly and stood in front of me. I smiled

"I thought you'd be upset"

"Why?" I laughed

"You haven't seen the news?" Cy spoke up

"News is boring" i shrugged "is everything alright?"

"She went public" Quinn spoke up "Amanda Tanner went public with the affair". She handed me a newspaper 'President Grant no longer keeps it in his pants'

FITZ'S POV

Her face fell as soon as she read the quote. She left the room soon after with Cyrus and Quinn following her.

I found her in our closet as she switched into a more formal skirt suit.

"Liv?" I watched as she put on her heels and looked over at me with dead eyes

"Cy said i should just admit it since there's a picture of the two of you in the oval" she laughed sarcastically "but say that we're working it out , that the pictures were before we were married because you couldn't possibly be an asshole to your wife" she glared at me.

"Liv, you are not lying for me. I'm admitting it, i won't ask you to give this up for me too"

"Your chances for re-election-"

"We'll work something out, we'll get through it"

She stood and looked over at me "I'm not sure i'll get through this Fitz" she whispered "i am barely hanging on. I'm so tired of how much hurt our marriage gives me" and with that she walked out leaving me alone in our bedroom.