Accompanying Soundtrack: The Pharcyde – "Runnin'"

Jen walked in the door fifteen minutes early. She couldn't do anything but pace around at home, and the waiting would be excruciating where ever she was.

To her surprise she saw Tilly was already there, sitting alone at a table. Jen was relieved to see that she already had a drink, which conquered the first uneasy hurdle. She decided she needed to get herself a drink before approaching, and ordered a strong coffee. It was completely irrational that she was nervous, and she faced the bar and didn't turn around until she had the warm cup firmly in her hands, and taking the deepest of breaths she turned and walked towards the table.

"Hi," Jen said uneasily, placing her coffee on the table and pulling out the chair to sit down on.

"Hi," Tilly replied, sensing the apprehension in Jen's voice, "I'm glad you could come."

And realising there was no point in beating round the bush she dived straight in. She fixed her gaze firmly at Jen and started her discourse.

"Jen… I'm sorry for what's happened between us. When I saw you in the pub the other night it was a real shock, and… I didn't know what to do. I didn't know how to act. I could see how hurt you were. I could see in your eyes how you couldn't bear to be there – couldn't bear for me to be there actually." Tilly's voice cracked slightly, and she broke her eye contact with Jen, chewing her thumb nail with nerves. Jen listened, deciding that she would try not to interrupt and say something she might regret later.

"Seeing you there… it stirred up a whole lot of memories. And at first I didn't know what to do with them, because all I could remember was…" she stopped to breath momentarily,"… All I could remember was the lies you told that got me expelled. You told the college I stalked you! The person I trusted most in the world betrayed me for her job. How is it that you could do that to me, Jen?" Tilly's words were slightly tinged with venom as she allowed herself to become more emotive.

Jen shuffled uncomfortably in her chair as she sensed it was probably her time to talk. She swallowed several times, searching for her breath.

"I was trapped," Jen answered in a low, subdued tone. "I wanted everything and knew that was impossible. When I looked at the situation I was in to work out what the easiest answer was to fix everything, there wasn't anything which would make everyone happy. My heart and my head were on opposing sides and I couldn't act rationally. And in the end it became about self-protection… and that self-protection didn't include you." She felt a crushing pain in her chest as she struggled to speak the words out loud.

"Everything was stacked against us at that time. If you hadn't have been my student then it all would've been very different. But you were, and I was stupid to let things continue, and I am genuinely sorry for the way I behaved – I was backed into a corner. If I'd sat down a written a pros and cons list, the only thing in the Pros list would have been you. And that just didn't seem like the sensible option. But love is rarely the sensible option. Although… "Jen put her hand to her face and rubbed her forehead, "…I don't ever regret being in that relationship with you." Jen looked pale and vulnerable as the words tumbled out. She raised her cup to her lips and drained the rest of her coffee.

"It was one of those things that was never going to end well given the circumstances I guess." Tilly's voice had softened after her initial annoyance had waned hearing Jen's muted words. No matter how much she wanted to hate Jen for the way she'd behaved, she found it genuinely impossible to do so. "I was crushed beyond belief. You were my first genuine full-on, all-encompassing love. The depth of feeling I had for you was so real and intense I could almost touch it. And to have that destroyed by the person it was created by... well I couldn't even comprehend." Tilly's eyes seemed wild as her head processed what she was speaking, realising sometimes the only way to genuinely understand is to say things out loud.

"I do regret the police got involved – I should never have taken it that far. But that was also about self-protection - I was focused on getting some kind of revenge and I wanted to vindicate myself. I wanted people to understand that the things you'd said of me weren't true - and the easiest way was to humiliate you in public." Jen could see that Tilly's fire hadn't entirely abated.

"I didn't think Principle Blake would call the police. Do you mind me asking, what exactly happened with that?" Tilly looked sheepish as she asked, but for her it was a burning question.

"They didn't have enough evidence to charge me with anything," Jen said, matter-of-factly. "I told them that the photographs you'd put in the slideshow were from the previous summer – which they were, and that the relationship had ceased before term started. As you were over 16 that summer there wasn't any issue with you being underage. Could you imagine how it could have ruined my life completely if I'd been charged? I'd have been put on the sex offenders register and branded a paedophile" Jen looked horrified and accusatory as she spoke the words, her eyes darted around still panicked, and she shuddered at the thought.

"I really didn't think about what might happen, and truly I would never have wanted that. I just wanted to teach you a lesson! On reflection it was a childish way to do things, but I wasn't thinking straight." Tilly dropped her head a little with embarrassment.

Jen didn't see what good could come from having an arguement about not thinking through ones actions first. She had done exactly the same thing, although with less potentially damaging consequences. And she didn't want this to be about apportioning blame.

"Look, what's done is done. It's in the past and I think it's not worth dwelling on anymore," suddenly very aware that they were in a public place and their conversation wasn't really for sharing with the other people in a room which was relatively quiet.

"I think we do need to talk about this a little more, to make sure the air is completely clear." Tilly knew that there were still a way to work through with this, and whilst they were in the same place it made sense. Hesitating, she postulated a continuation elsewhere.

"Would you like to maybe get some lunch so we can carry this on somewhere it would be more comfortable to discuss this? I feel like there are eyes on me here... If you're free of course?" Tilly's eyes looked sad and hopeful at the same time, and Jen really didn't know what to make of anything, and Tilly obviously had some things that needed saying.

"I don't live too far away - I could make you a sandwich, and we could talk frankly. I don't want to leave this unresolved." Jen nodded.