AN: The reviews keep rolling in and honestly, it gets me so motivated to bring you the next chapter! I hope you like this new installment, :)
As Tuesday rolled by, Alicia discovered that Thursday night was the nearest opportunity she'd have to talk to the kids about her and Will moving in together. She had been pleasantly surprised to come home to both Zach and Grace Tuesday night but her happiness levels dropped very suddenly when they informed her they were just coming back to get clean clothes before they left again. Alicia had no idea that they had wanted to get out of home so terribly. It made her nostalgic for the days when they only wanted to get out of school for the summer and spend time at home with her and Peter. She hated to see them so grown up, but every day she just got more and more proud of them too. Although she missed them and wanted to spend some easy and fun time with them, she was incredibly nervous to talk to them about the move, but at least she would get to spend some time with them both. Especially Zach.
She had called Eli Wednesday morning and asked for a time she and Peter could sit down and talk. She was careful not to say anything specific to Eli, even though he basically did the whole Spanish Inquisition thing with her. That didn't go unexpected and she thought she did a good job of holding him off, and he eventually said Peter had some time free on Saturday morning that she could take up to see him. She jumped on that offer, knowing that he was an extremely busy Governor. It was not the type of conversation she could have with him over the phone. That'd be wrong and no doubt disrespectful to him, after all they'd been through.
Waiting for Thursday to come was not easy. It wasn't a long wait, but it felt like it to Alicia. She had thought here and there for two days how'd she approach the topic, like she does with everything. She was almost certain Zach wouldn't have much of a problem with it; he'd be at college by the time she would actually move in with Will, so he only had to deal with knowing he'd be there during breaks and holidays. Grace, however, that was a different story. She still had another year of school left and by being at Will's place she'd be a little further away from her friends' houses. Alicia talked to Will on Wednesday night about possibly buying a car for Grace. It'd give her the independence she most likely sought out at the moment. Alicia and Peter had taught her how to drive and she had her license but she just didn't have the car. Zach had Owen's old one so that was easy to acquire, and cheap too. But it was probably time to get Grace a mode of transportation that wasn't the bus and friends.
There would be a lot to talk about on Thursday regardless, and Alicia had prepared herself as much as she could.
"It's not going to go wrong. I'm sure they'll both be happy about it." Will tried to calm her down on Thursday night as she drove home.
"I hope so. I just won't know what to do if they aren't happy about it. I want to live with you, Will, but I don't want Grace to feel uncomfortable about it."
"Well that's why we've decided to tell them now, isn't it? Give them the right amount of time to adjust. Two and a half months is probably more than enough time to get used to the idea of living here with you… And me…" She could plainly here the trepidation in his voice, even over the phone.
"The way you sound right now isn't exactly convincing me Will." She said with a hint of sarcasm in her voice.
"I'm sorry, but really, it'll be fine."
"I'm going to find that out soon. I'm parking right now. I'll call you later?" She said to him as she parked the car into her usual spot.
"Okay. Talk to you later. Good luck, I love you, you'll do fine." Alicia smiled at how positive he sounded, and she just knew he had a smile on his face, even if she couldn't see it.
"I love you too. Bye." She hit the end call button on the steering wheel and turned the car off. She grabbed her bag from the passenger's seat, got out the car and walked into the lobby of her building. As she took the elevator up to the ninth floor she breathed in deeply, preparing herself for what was about to come. Alicia felt a little stupid having to do it, after all it probably wasn't the most nerve racking thing to tell her kids. She'd told them a lot worse over the years, and though she hated having to do that also she thought that it gave her some… Experience with talking about serious issues with her children. However they were almost adults now, something else she just had to swallow and accept. Though that task was a lot harder than telling the two of them she'd be moving in with Will.
She stepped into her apartment and dropped her keys to the table by the door like she did every day, and proceeded to the kitchen where she left her bag on the bench beside the doorway. As she took off her coat Grace walked into the kitchen and went straight to the fridge.
"Hey mom." She said sweetly and smiled to her mother.
"Hey. What? No hug?" She teased with Grace. Grace pulled out the juice from the fridge and left it on the counter, walking straight to Alicia and wrapping her arms around her.
"Sorry. I'm just thirsty." Grace said into Alicia's coat.
"I haven't seen you in a while." Alicia said to her nostalgically, giving her a gentle squeeze before releasing her.
"It's been two days."
"It felt like longer. Is Zach in his room?" Alicia took off her coat and rested in on one of the bench chairs.
"Yeah." Alicia watched Grace as she got herself a glass and poured the orange juice. Alicia took a quick glance at the clock on the wall. She tried to get home earlier than she was used to, and was happy with herself that it was only 5.30.
"When did you get back home?" Alicia asked Grace.
"A little over an hour, I think. Uh, mom, can I ask you something?"
"Anything." She flashed a quick smile to Grace, silently telling her it was okay.
"I was just wondering if we could have a family dinner one night." Alicia was confused. She wasn't sure what Grace meant by 'family'. The first thing that came to mind was dinner with Peter, and that seemed like a normal request from Grace. She could never say no to that, and Alicia considered how nice it might be.
"You mean with your dad?" Grace looked down quickly and took a quick breath in.
"I was actually thinking of uncle Owen and grandma, but I guess dinner with dad would be nice too." Grace stood there with the glass of juice in her hand looking awkward. Alicia was completely stunned to hear that Grace wanted dinner with Owen and her mother.
"I think we could arrange that." She reassured her daughter. "What made you think of that Grace?"
"I don't know. I just sort of want to see them." It was rather sweet to hear that Grace missed them. Alicia didn't miss either of them so easily most of the time. They were a lot to handle, no matter how much she loved them.
"Well I'll call them both tomorrow and see when we can have dinner together." Grace looked immediately relieved and let out a sigh.
"Cool, thanks." Grace started to walk away but Alicia stopped her. She needed to tell her and Zach about moving now. It was better to get it over and done with and not stress about it for another three hours until they'd had dinner.
"Grace, can you wait for me in the living room. I've got to talk to you and Zach about something." She detected the worry that washed over Grace's face. "Nothing bad, I promise." She smiled to Grace, which eased both of their worries.
"I'll get Zach then." Alicia nodded and watched Grace as she turned around and walked away again. She quickly grabbed herself a glass and filled it with water, taking a big gulp. She then took yet another deep breath, straightened her back and walked into the living room. Zach was just walking into the room and Alicia went to him right away and wrapped her arms around him. He reluctantly hugged her back. It wasn't as if he didn't want to hug her, he was just getting too big to want hugs anymore, Alicia knew that but it'll never stop her from hugging him tightly.
"I've missed you too." Replying to the nonexistent 'I missed you mom!'.
"It's good to see you mom, but we haven't been gone long." He said to her.
"That's what I said." Grace said from her spot on the couch. Alicia pulled back and ushered Zach to the couch.
"You are both gone so much now that school is over so I just miss you more. It's just an adjustment period." Alicia sat down on the coffee table in front of them. They'd all been in this situation so many times before and Alicia was a nervous wreck each and every time. This time she was also happy and even a little excited about what she had to tell Zach and Grace now.
"What is it?" Zach asked first.
"Okay," Alicia began. "As you both know, I've been seeing Will for a little while now." She paused there because they both started to look a little uncomfortable so fast, which was understandable. It couldn't be easy for them to hear about their mother's new partner, no matter how much they said they were happy for her. She continued, "So that's been going really well between us. We talked a little while ago, and we've made the decision to… Move in together." She said that words hesitantly, waiting for a reaction from them before she could even finish her own sentence. They both furrowed their brows and seemed to be processing what she'd said.
"You're moving in with Will?" Zach spoke first, and was no doubt confused.
"Yes." She said the word slowly but was quick to add more, "If it's alright with you both. I thought it'd be good to discuss it with you. Though more for your sake Grace, since Zach will be leaving soon." She looked to her daughter who was still thinking it through by the look on her face.
"But you have already decided to do it." Zach said.
"I told Will I wanted to talk to you first. He understands that."
"What if we aren't okay with it?" Grace chimed in then, which deflated Alicia's spirits quite a bit.
"Are you okay with it?" She asked anxiously. She wanted it to be okay with them, terribly so.
"When were you planning on moving?" Zach asked Alicia.
"I was thinking about doing it soon before you left for school."
"So we'd still have the rest of the summer here?"
"Yes." Zach nodded along, which was a good sign. He didn't seem upset about this possibility. His face was just saying he was considering it. Alicia had expected that there wouldn't be a lot of objection from him because he'd be gone, but Grace was different and she was having a harder time thinking it through.
"Grace?" Alicia reached out a hand and placed in on Grace's knee. She didn't flinch, which was good.
"I just… I don't really understand." Grace said dully.
"What do you need to know? Just ask me." Alicia encouraged.
"What about my school? I don't want to leave."
"Will's house isn't far away. It's probably the same distance to the school from here I think. You don't have to move schools." Alicia waited for more questions.
"I'd have to live there with you and Will…" It wasn't a question, and Alicia thought she was just wrapping her head around it.
"You like Will, right?" Alicia had to ask, and she looked to them both, asking Zach too.
"I haven't really spent a lot of time with him but what's it to me? I'll be at school. If it means that much to you then I'm sure I can handle being there during my breaks. If not I'll just go be with dad." Zach told her freely, and Alicia could feel how adult he was being about this while still being a kid. It was a weird feeling for her.
"What about dad? Have you told him?" Grace asked Alicia expectantly.
"I haven't told him yet. I needed to speak with you first. If you don't want to do it then there's no point in telling your dad." Which was true, and that only meant the morning meeting she had planned with Peter probably wouldn't go ahead.
"I don't know how I really feel yet mom. I'm sorry, but I can think about it, right?" She almost pleaded with Alicia.
"Of course, Grace. Take your time."
"You've got enough." Zach added and smiled to himself. "Could we go to Will's? Like check out the place?" He asked Alicia.
"Oh…" She was caught off-guard. She wasn't expecting that from either of them. "I- I guess so. If you want. Will would definitely be okay with that." She didn't exactly know for sure if that was true, except that she did. She knew Will would do anything that was necessary in getting Alicia to live with him, and of course he'd do whatever the kids wanted. He was great that way.
"I know I'm going away but I don't really know him and I'd like to know him a bit, for you." Zach voiced, and it almost made Alicia's heart completely melt. He was becoming so grown up it practically hurt.
"Yeah, okay Zach. We know you're leaving and this barely affects you but I've still got another year of school and everything so it's harder for me." Grace shot to her brother.
"Grace, it's okay. Just think about it all for a while. You don't have to have an answer about it right now." Alicia tried to calm her down somewhat, and smiled warmly to her. Alicia needed to let Grace know that no one was against her and that she was on her side.
"Okay. Thanks." She flashed an unconvincing and small smile. There wasn't really anything else Alicia could do. She just had to give Grace time to think about it.
"Alright, family meeting over. Go back to what you were doing before I got home." Alicia slapped her hands down on her thighs and let them both walk away. She wanted to feel like she did a good job at telling them, but she felt helpless and like she didn't give Grace enough answers but there wasn't much else to say anyhow.
Alicia stood up and went back to the kitchen. She finished her glass of water and then got out a wine glass, with a bottle of white wine and poured herself some. She stood next to the stove, a hand on her hip and the other one holding her wine glass. She let out a tension sigh and spotted the house phone on the counter on the other side of the kitchen. She walked over, picked it up and wandered into her bedroom, closing the door with her foot. As she dialed Will's number she kicked off her heels and placed her glass on her bedside table. Will answered his phone on what Alicia was sure to be the last ring, so she'd have to keep it quick because he seemed busier than he was before.
"Alicia?" He obviously wasn't sure if he answered in time.
"I'm here. Hi."
"Sorry, I couldn't find my phone. I've got so much on this desk." He laughed softly, and it was the best thing she'd heard all day.
"It's alright, but I'll keep it quick. You sound busy."
"No, no. I'm not busy actually. I'm desperate to find something to do which is why I've got so much paperwork on my desk. Please distract me from it."
"I've got the perfect distraction then. I just spoke to Zach and Grace."
"How'd it go?" He lowered his tone.
"Zach was okay. I'm sure he'll be fine with it. He doesn't seem all that phased really."
"But Grace?" Alicia took a sip of wine and sat down on her bed, her body feeling tired all over.
"Grace was different. She has got to think about it more, which I understand but I'm just not sure she's okay with it."
"Maybe she'll come around when she thinks about it for a while." He had brought out the sympathetic tone now, and it made Alicia a little sadder at how Grace had reacted to the news. It didn't go well, at all, and telling Will about it made it feel worse because he'd no doubt be a bit disappointed too.
"I hope so. I just don't want her to be uncomfortable about it. If she is then, I hate to even think about it Will, but we just won't be able to do this. It's not something I want but that's the reality we face right now." She sighed loudly, desperately hoping it wouldn't come to that.
"I get it. Really, I do. I don't want that to happen either but I understand that's a very real possibility."
"I'm not saying we'll never live together, but it'll just be a long time before we do. Oh and Zach asked if we could come by to the house at some point." She told him, barely believing what she was saying. It was the weirdest thing to happen in a while.
"He what?" And Will seemed to be reacting the same way Alicia had.
"Yes, he apparently wants to see where you live. And get to know you."
"I'm not sure I understand that last bit." Will started to laugh about it, and Alicia joined in. It seemed truly ridiculous. Great that Zach wanted to do both of those things, but it was ridiculous.
"I'll admit to being a bit scared and worried about how that will go down." Will eventually said once they'd lost their breaths from laughing.
"I'll admit to feeling the same, but if he wants to do it, we should let him."
"Of course, of course." Will paused and Alicia could tell he was thinking about how to go about it. "We could have dinner at my place this weekend?" Will offered.
"I like the sound of that, but I'll see how Grace is before I ask. We might have to just do it next week sometime."
"Well whatever works for you, works for me."
Since according to Will he wasn't all that busy, Alicia stayed on the phone talking to him about the exchange she had with kids some more. To Alicia's ear, Will wanted to know how it went down almost exactly. She was happy he wanted know all about it. If he were any other way she wasn't sure how she'd feel. It'd feel like he wasn't totally invested in her kids and how they did factor into any major decision she would make with him, and she wasn't okay with that. Lucky for both Alicia and Will he was interested.
Alicia thought back to a few nights ago when she had spoken to Will about him wanting a kid. He said he only needed her, and that made her incredibly overjoyed but she couldn't help but feel like she was stealing something from him. He had never seemed like the guy to want to have kids. Settle down with a woman and get married, sure, but the kid's part? She just never saw it. Not until he showed he was interested in being a part of her kids' lives. She wanted him there though, she wanted Will to be a part of it all, but her kids were grown. They didn't really need much more parenting in life. So she wished she could give Will those years when your own child is all sweet and soft and chubby. When they couldn't talk properly yet and strung together words like it was a sentence but it made absolutely no sense whatsoever. And teaching them to walk, and ride a bike, and reading to them at night as they fell asleep. She herself loved every single minute of it. It was a special experience and she got to do it twice, with a man she did love. At least back then. She did love Peter now, just not in the same way. Not in a way where she could still be with him.
She loved Will in more ways than she could name, and knowing he'd never have the experience of raising his own kid was a tough idea to handle. He said he was fine, but she knew he wasn't somewhere deep inside of him. Alicia could never do it again though. As much as she loved it, she just knew she could never do that again. Not at such a late stage in her life. She couldn't have another child of her own at all now, but she just didn't have energy in her for another baby anymore either. There was a huge part of her that hoped she truly was enough for Will. Though he could tell her every day they had left together that she was everything he needed, she didn't want him to resent her (even just a little) for not being able to give him a kid.
Alicia hung up the phone at 6.15, which was a lot later than she thought. Her and Will could probably talk for three hours together and they would never notice. Except she was starving so her stomach grumbling for food made her hang up the phone and go to the kitchen in search of something to cook for dinner. She wanted to do something special for the kids since they hadn't eaten a meal together in so long. There were pretty basic options; meals they always ate, but that wasn't special enough. So when Alicia went through a cupboard that had the flour, pancakes entered her head. She'd make pancakes from scratch, which was perfect because she used to do that all the time for them. The next two and a half months would be all she had left with Zach being a real kid so it would be a great dinner.
And it was. Grace showed no signs of being upset or concerned about the previous conversation, and she even helped with mixing up the pancake batter. Zach made a quick trip to the store and bought some choc chips and whipped cream. They made enough pancakes for eight people easily, but they ate their own stacks pretty quick. Apparently everybody was very hungry, and Alicia felt sure that that night things would turn out okay between them all. She just wanted to spend a few nights, at least, with Grace and Zach and have fun before they wouldn't be altogether anymore. It was a very bittersweet feeling, and Alicia knew that it'd get more bitter than sweet as the day that Zach would leave grew closer. Though at least she'd have these sweet memories of making pancakes like old times with her forever.