Slipping back into his chair, Jane put a halt to his disturbing thoughts. They needed to eat and get whatever this was over with. It was obviously fairly important and fairly personal given Lisbon had picked the most isolated table on the whole patio in spite of his hopes to the contrary. Given it was smack in the middle of the that more off-than-on time of day nestled between the lunch and dinner crowds, there wasn't anyone near enough to hear their conversation which was clearly how she'd wanted it. In fact, there wasn't anyone on the patio at all and only a few patrons milling about inside.
The hairs stood up on the back of Jane's neck as he realized everything about this whole scenario was off. It didn't feel like the nothing he was pretending it was. The vibes coming off Lisbon were unsettling. In fact, they were just plain weird. He'd never seen or felt her quit this way before. Not in all of the years they'd worked together. As much as he hoped otherwise, he was pretty darned sure whatever had her knickers in a knot was bigger than he'd thought. It felt more like something they should be discussing behind closed doors at his place or hers. Or it would be if they still did those kinds of things which they didn't.
Hence, they were out in the open where anyone walking by could accidentally hear.
"So, Lisbon, what's on your mind?" Jane asked as he stole one of her French Fries expecting the half hearted swipe he got for his trouble. "You finally decide to take Hanson up on that date?"
It wouldn't surprise him if she had. She seemed to have developed a taste for fellow agents she'd never displayed at the CBI. She'd gotten together with Pike fairly quickly and him not that long after. It was like she'd gotten more receptive to the whole idea of being in a relationship once Red John was gone. Or maybe she'd just mellowed a little with age and started realizing it wasn't all that healthy to be alone. Or maybe Marcus had proven to Lisbon she was capable of sustaining a viable, committed relationship. Who really knew?
"Hardly." Lisbon said as she grabbed one of his fried shrimp and dipped it into homemade Tartar Sauce. "Besides, I don't think I'll be seeing Hanson or anyone else for a while even if I wanted to." She didn't need to add the "which I don't" as the man across from her knew exactly how she felt about Charlie Hanson. How she felt about men in general at the moment. She'd sworn off of them and it was largely his fault. Deciding it was time to end the torture, she caught Jane's eye and said what she'd come to say. "I'm pregnant."
Jane choked on his tea feeling like she'd just kicked him in the privates without fair warning. "I didn't know you were seeing anyone…Who's the lucky guy?"
He knew she wasn't seeing Pike again considering he was half way across the country. Then again, with Lisbon anything was possible. Marcus had flown back into town briefly five weeks ago to tie up a few remaining loose ends on a cold case that had suddenly turned hot to get an arrest. Maybe he'd looked her up then. Maybe they'd gone at it one last time for old time's sake.
If wasn't like they hadn't already done the same.
If she'd done the deed with Pike, he'd bet money Lisbon had brought him here to tell him she was going to DC after all. If her kid was her old lover's, he expected her to do nothing less. If it wasn't, she'd be spilling the beans on the father before too long. Jane was positive of that. He'd trick it out of her if he had to.
"I'm not." Lisbon ignored the raised eyebrow saying she'd done more than see someone at least once or she wouldn't be enceinte. "So you can stop looking at me that way."
"Lisbon, surely you aren't trying to tell me this is a case of spontaneous generation?" Jane asked with more than a tinge of disbelief in his voice. "I don't think that's possible or that I'd believe you if you said it was."
"Don't be an ass." Lisbon snapped. "What I am saying is remember that night about nine weeks ago at your place?"
The one where that whole "not so much" outside of work hadn't held true.
As if either of them would ever forget that night. She'd dragged him to his queen sized bed and had her wicked way. He'd turned the tables on her soon after. They'd both been rather frisky for quite a few hours after.
"Shit." Jane said emphatically as it dawned on his stunned mind that Pike wasn't the fire she'd rekindled one last time for old time's sake. "You're saying you and I…When we…That we…."
So much for figuring that was the last chance he would have to get that close to the woman and making the most of it…To copulating with a mad desperation imprinted on both their of their minds forever…If what she was saying was true, they'd certainly succeeded in their mission…In ways neither of them had ever fully considered.
"Created a kid?" Lisbon's eyebrow rose at his stuttering reaction mildly surprised she'd managed to truly shock him after all these years. "Yeah, that's exactly what I'm saying…Surprise, you're going to be a father again…I hope you're ready for it." Lisbon cut to the chase rather crudely.
Jane raised a brow at her as though questioning how the hell this could possibly happen. Deciding to put him out of his misery, Lisbon answered his unvoiced query as succinctly as she'd dropped the "P bomb" on him. He deserved nothing better.
"Contrary to what you probably thought, I tossed my pills when we broke up." Lisbon admitted. "There wasn't any reason to continue taking them. I wasn't reconciling with Marcus and we were done. I certainly wasn't going out with Hanson even if he thought I was. Even if I had, that so wasn't happening with him. Not ever. Besides, I needed to concentrate on work. You know that."
Lisbon continued babbling the prewritten speech in her head as though Jane wasn't boring a hole through her stomach with his eyes.
"Unfortunately, I conveniently forgot I'd done any of that in the heat of the moment. If I hadn't, we wouldn't be in this mess…As much as I hate to admit it, I don't think saying I'm sorry quite cuts it; but, I am…Not for this," She rested her hand against her belly. "Just sorry I didn't prevent it from happening."
Looking somewhere to the left of him, Lisbon still couldn't believe she'd gotten so caught up in seducing Jane something that big slipped her mind. It never had before. Not even once. Then again she hadn't been fooling around with Patrick Jane. There was something about the man and the heat flaring up between them that made common sense fly right out the window. In the end, that was why she'd stopped seeing him.
He scared the hell out of her…Or, rather, what she felt for him did…She really didn't care that he claimed to feel the same…Well, there was also the fact he was a risk taking trouble magnet who didn't always think twice about his personal safety and she couldn't handle that either…Not when they were sleeping together.
She'd realized pretty fast Jane getting himself killed would kill her with that whole drug lord case.
Not literally; but, in every way that mattered.
Not that Jane was given to taking those kind so of chances often. But, he should have turned that whole undercover Cartel thing down. He knew better and he should have considered her feelings. Six agents had already died working that case over the last six years. It was much too dangerous. The higher ups should never have suggested him and Abbott should never have allowed it. Jane wasn't a trained FBI Agent.
He was, however, an incredible asset in situations where nothing else worked.
The higher ups had been willing to take their chances on a Jane caper and they'd felt they could keep him safe. Lisbon snorted at that thought. Tell that to the wives and girlfriends of the agents who'd lost their heads. Oh, and to Agent Hernandez who'd lost her life in an even more horrendous way. They'd thought they could protect her, too. More like they'd thought the fact she was banging one of the big bosses would keep her safe.
Not so much when they'd figured out she was a Feeb in deep cover.
Whether he realized it or not, there was a big difference between the chances an Agent took in the line of duty and what he did…They weren't remotely comparable…She'd realized that about the time he'd gotten himself winged for no good reason…To his credit, he usually stayed out of the line of fire…For some inexplicable reason considering she nor none of the team was in clear and present danger, he hadn't that time…She'd heard his cry seconds before she saw the blood and she'd died inside.
It didn't matter in the end that Jane had been more concerned about his ruined suit jacket than the through and through that, while painful, wasn't all that serious as nothing vital had been hit but the fleshy part of his arm.
He might not have been; but, she was done. They were done. She'd let him know a couple of days later once he was back at work and she was sure he was fine. He'd tried to dissuade her; but, she'd had none of it. She'd walked out his door, actually her door, and never looked back. Mercifully, they'd fallen back into their old patterns with no one the wiser there was discord between them. Why should they be? No one had known they'd been seeing each other like that in the first place. Or, if they were, they'd kept the knowledge to themselves. After the very public ending of her last relationship, Lisbon had wanted it that way and her lover had respected her wishes.
After Jane, she'd sworn off of men. Gone back to living for her work as she usually did. She wasn't all that interested in getting back on the emotional rollercoaster any time soon. Not for a good long while. She'd succeeded with her intent for the most part. Unfortunately, it was that one time she'd gotten carried away by lust causing all the trouble now. It seemed, in spite of her best intentions, the damage was already done.
"Damn it, say something." Lisbon commanded softly.
"I'm not sure what I should say except I don't blame you for feeling that way about Hanson." There was a humorous twist to Jane's lips conveying, personally, that he thought there was something slightly off about that guy like maybe he took being handsome Mr. FBI Man way too seriously.
As for blaming her for the other, he hadn't made up his mind on that one. He did, however, agree with her stance that sorry didn't quite cut it under the circumstances. She'd known he'd assumed she was still taking her trusty pill. She could have at least said something after the first time when they'd both had a chance to come down to earth. The deed might already have been done; but, at least they could have pretended they'd acted half way responsibly.
Then again, why should he have taken it for granted she was protecting the both of them? While her private life had heated up since she'd joined the FBI, Lisbon was far from a promiscuous woman. He could count the number of romantic entanglements she'd had since he'd known her on less than one hand counting him. He knew for a fact she hadn't been with anyone since their breakup. He wasn't about to say how; but, he knew beyond a shadow of a doubt his belief was true. He also knew he'd had no right to take it for granted she was protected. Unlike some men, he'd never believe it was solely the woman's duty to prevent conception. That being said, he had as much responsibility in their predicament as she did. He'd been every bit as remiss in taking such an important thing for granted as she'd been in having a stupid moment.
"Have you gotten confirmation?" Jane knew she had even as he asked the question. "Knowing you, I'm assuming you have."
"What do you think?" Lisbon rolled her eyes at him. "I was in the doctor's office the day after I got the quadruple lines."
"When?" Jane asked not really sure he wanted to know. "Exactly how long have you known we had an issue?"
Only Patrick Jane would call his "issue" an issue in such a calm manner.
"Three weeks ago yesterday." Lisbon said quietly. "I'm never late so I knew something was wrong and I was pretty sure what that something was. The doctor estimated I was about six weeks then. Fortunately, I know he's right beyond any shadow of a doubt."
She'd have to be deaf, dumb, and blind to think any differently. They'd called it quits three months before that last hoorah so it wasn't hard to pinpoint an exact date for conception. They were only together the one night and there hadn't been anyone else either before or since. Not for her anyway. She wasn't that kind of woman.
"Why didn't you say something before now?" Jane asked. "I would have been with you from the start. In fact, I would have liked to be there to see those quadruple lines. That isn't something you should have gone through alone."
"It wasn't so bad." Lisbon lied denying it had been much worse. "It took a little getting used to; but, I handled it."
"Let me rephrase things." Jane said quietly. "Didn't you think I had a right to know from the start?"
"You were seeing Lovell." Lisbon said equally quiet. "I didn't want to mess things up for you."
"I was not seeing Lovell or you wouldn't be telling me now." Jane corrected her. "Like you, I'm not seeing anyone nor have I been since we got together. In case you haven't figured it out, I wasn't seeing anyone before we got together." There hadn't been anyone since that nightmare with Lorelei…No one except her. "I owed the woman a "Thank You" dinner for the extra help she gave us with the Smithfield case. It was nothing more and nothing less even if she wished it was. I didn't take her up on her not too subtle offer."
Sometimes he couldn't believe Lisbon. He wanted to shake some sense into the woman blinking at him; but, he wouldn't. For one thing, she was pregnant and one didn't shake the mother of one's child. For another, she'd probably kill him with her bare hands. If she didn't, she'd beat the snot out of him with plenty of justification. It was far better to let her be stupid if she wanted. It would hurt less...At least in the physical sense.
"I didn't know that." Lisbon said. "That's not how it looked when she appeared in the office all dressed up and you two left together."
Denny Lovell had been unusually attractive that day in her chic coral linen chemise and matching coral and gold sandals which was saying a lot since the woman was mighty pretty every day.
"Appearances aside, you should have known better." Jane said quietly. "I would have told you before I started seeing someone new. I certainly wouldn't have sprung it on you. Not like that. I hope you'd give me the same courtesy."
"Why?" Lisbon asked. "You were perfectly within your rights to move on. We weren't together anymore."
"Whose fault is that?" Jane groused still smarting over the lingering unpleasantness between them. "It wasn't mine."
"We made that decision together." Lisbon quietly reminded him remembering their discussion well.
Or, rather, her version of the heated talk they'd had.
"That's not how it was and you know it." Jane corrected her. "One day you decided it wasn't working out. I decided no such thing. In fact, I thought we were happy together."
"Maybe we were, but it couldn't work. Not in the long run." Lisbon continued ignoring the look in his eyes mimicking that same look he'd gotten when she'd told him they shouldn't see each other anymore and why. "It was a workplace fling. They never last. By their very nature they're doomed from the start."
"Right." Jane huffed. "It was a workplace fling over a dozen years in the making. I'd say that's a little more meaningful than some lust-driven bump and grind even if we do happen to work together. Wouldn't you?"
"Maybe." Lisbon responded to the look so eloquently "saying" Jane thought she was a true blue idiot for thinking whatever ridiculous thoughts she was currently entertaining. "It doesn't change anything. Whatever the cause, we didn't last."
She bit her tongue to keep from reminding him it was largely due to his incessant need to play mind games with the dangerous human cockroaches inhabiting their world that had caused their demise in the first place. If he hadn't chosen to roll around in the dung with the resident scum, their lives wouldn't be in the crapper now. They'd probably still be together though it was doubtful they'd be expecting a little one. Not for a while to come. What she did know with certainty is she definitely wouldn't have tossed her pills if they were and she seriously doubted he had super sperm.
"I think you're wrong this time." Jane contradicted her. "There's a small part that's going to last a very long time whether you want it to or not. While you might not want to be with me, there's nothing you can do to change the fact that's my kid hanging out in the human condo here." He reached over to rest his palm discretely across her belly ignoring the look that should have seared his hand from his arm was he any other man. "Nothing I think you're willing to do anyway."
"You're right about that." Lisbon didn't try to deny his observation. "Honestly, Jane, I'm not sure what to say at this point beyond the fact we've made a colossal mistake that's going to affect the rest of our lives. Now, we don't have any choice but to deal with it. Oh, you know that human condo remark? It so didn't get you any brownie points."
"Creating life is never a mistake." Jane corrected her. "It all comes down to the fact we were intimate in an unwise moment and you conceived. I foolishly assumed you were protected and you weren't thinking clearly. We can leave it at that. I certainly don't blame you for getting caught up in the moment. We'd had a heinous day and I don't think either of us was at our best. Exactly why I should have turned you down but didn't."
Lisbon blinked at his words. It was true she'd been a touch emotionally overwrought at killing a boy who shouldn't have died. One who, for all intents and purposes, was nothing more than a deadly child who'd made rash decisions when he'd found himself unexpectedly cornered. Decisions that resulted in his death as he'd left FBI Agent T. Lisbon with no other option than putting a bullet between his eyes. However, all of that aside, she couldn't let him kill innocent people because he was upset his father was fired from his lucrative job. Nineteen was old enough to know better and Roxton Senior shouldn't have been embezzling in the first place.
Truthfully, in the final analysis, she hadn't been all that torn up over ending a bad seed already possessing a nasty Juvie rap sheet containing everything from petty larceny to attempted rape. She had, however, been missing Jane terribly and looking for any excuse to scratch a very persistent itch that showed no signs of waning.
However, none of those thoughts were any of Jane's business.
"You do know none of this would have happened if we hadn't already been intimate." Lisbon admitted as though saying the words made their actions better. It didn't. She hadn't been hurting enough physically or emotionally to be out of her mind. Neither of them had been remotely drunk. They hadn't had but one drink. She'd known exactly what she was doing in that moment in time and so had Jane when he'd taken her up on her offer. "I wouldn't have come onto you no matter how bad I was hurting."
She wouldn't have had the nerve.
"I wouldn't have taken you up on the offer if you had." Jane agreed with her. "But, since we'd already been involved; it was easy to say yes. Neither of us saw any reason not to take the comfort we both wanted. You could hardly claim I'd taken advantage of the situation when you made the first move and I didn't see any reason to turn you down."
"I couldn't do that anyway." Lisbon said. "It's not like you didn't give me every chance to back out. I just conveniently forgot the other part of the equation. The part that was really stupid. If I hadn't, we could have prevented this from happening and still done what we did."
"Well, this isn't something we can take back now." Jane reminded her. "It's also something I'm pretty confident you don't want to end or you wouldn't have told me."
"Don't even go there." Lisbon fixed him with a glare for insinuating she'd consider any such option yet again. "What you mean is I wouldn't have waited so long to tell you…Honestly, I wasn't sure how to tell you…I finally decided straight out was best."
"You decided right." Jane said reaching over to pat her on the hand. "While I won't say I'm happy about the circumstances, this isn't anything we can't handle like two adults. I've been a father before and you're a natural mother whether you believe that or not. We'll be fine."
"You're really not upset?" Lisbon bit into her thoroughly cooked hamburger deciding it wasn't that bad even if she'd prefer it a little less done. "You don't seem to be."
"Are you?" Jane responded to her question with a question in typical Jane fashion. "You don't seem to be either."
"I knew I was pregnant before it was ever confirmed so I've had a while to get used to the idea." Lisbon answered honestly. "Surprisingly, at this stage, I think I'm more excited than anything."
"As you should be." Jane agreed. "No, I'm not really upset either."
He wasn't exactly upset; but, he wasn't thrilled either. Once he got things settled to his satisfaction, he would be. A child was a lot to be excited about. A child with Lisbon was even more so. He'd be happy as soon as the idea grew on him. He'd also be figuring out how best to handle their changing lives with as little drama as humanly possible. Lisbon didn't like messes and he didn't intend letting this situation degenerate into one.
Not even at work.
"I'm glad." Lisbon said. "I'm not sure how I would have handled any of this if you hadn't wanted it."
"That would never happen." Jane told her quietly. "Not only is that child mine automatically ensuring he's wanted, he's yours as well. That changes everything. You have to know that."
"Yeah?" Lisbon asked. "How so?"
"You're the only woman other than Angela I could see myself doing this with." Jane admitted. "While I'd prefer this situation was planned, that's not how it happened so there's no point in being upset over something we can't change."
"That's pretty adult of you." Lisbon snarked glancing at her watch wishing he'd been as adult about being a human target a few months back. It would have saved them both a lot of heartache. "Look, I know we still have a lot to discuss; but, we're out of time. I have a meeting with Abbott in thirty minutes and Fischer is expecting you to help her and Cho on that money laundering call girl case or whatever it turns out to be."
"It's a bit of very unpleasant nastiness is what it is and we're going to find a lot more than just one murder before we're done. I'd say there's more than just laundered money and high classed escorts going out the back door of that restaurant/night club. A whole lot more." Jane said quietly. "What do you say I pick up something for dinner and swing by your place tonight after work? Say about seven? We can have something to eat and finish discussing where we go from here."
Hopefully back together like he'd never stopped wanting them to be.
"Make it seven thirty and we have a deal." Lisbon said quietly knowing she needed that extra half hour for a nice long soak before tackling Jane again. "I'll leave your key in the usual place in case I'm not done when you get there."
"That works for me." Jane nodded. "We need to get a move on or you're going to be late for that meeting with Abbott."
Taking their baskets to the trash can, Jane dumped the contents and set the baskets in the collection bin before walking back to Lisbon's side. Silently escorting her to her SUV, he kissed her cheek and walked to his car. As much as he'd like to fuss over her, he knew better. She wouldn't thank him for his trouble. It was enough, under the circumstances, that they were both acting like calm, civilized human beings. That the eyes she turned towards him were softer than they'd been in a number of weeks. Giving her a final wave, he settled in the driver's seat and turned the key in the ignition.
Pulling out of the parking lot behind her, Jane eased into the flow of traffic already lost in his thoughts.