To my guest, Louise: Thank you for your review and for your question. I appreciate both. I love Lisbon and Jane and I love them together. However, I write everything from fluffier romance to very rough pieces like Settling the Score (a Volker Fic). I also always have a happy ending although it may take a while to get there. This particular story begins on a harsher note and stays that way for a while although things do get better. I normally post A/N's and warnings on my darker stories so you know what you're getting into.
If you want Post-Bluebird on a lighter note, I have two others in the works: From This Point On and From a Different Perspective. You might also like a couple of older stories: Ouroboros or A Tilted World which are pre-Season Six. These are all more straight forward romances and much gentler pieces. Since you've never read me before, I'd say this fanfic probably isn't the best first time read. It's the least like anything I've ever written in style, tone, etc.
To my other guest: Thank you for the review and for enjoying the story so far. That means a lot to me. ~Calla
#
Ambling into the kitchen from her seat at the breakfast bar to root through the refrigerator for something to drink, Lisbon watched Jane making himself at home as he always had. He'd been much too comfortable in her place almost from the start. He'd been the same way in Sacramento. She'd never really minded until he pretended it was his place and did something she didn't like as he'd done a couple of times over the years. But, she wasn't going there. She'd get mad all over again. However, changing the color of her kitchen without her consent five years ago had not been an acceptable birthday present and she'd told him so.
Even if she had liked what he'd had done and kept it.
Settling for pouring a glass of the decaffeinated Raspberry Tea Jane had brought, she leaned against the counter to watch him work. It wasn't like he was really cooking. He wasn't. More like grabbing foil pans from the shelf, checking them, and shoving them back in the oven. By the looks of the packaging, she knew exactly where he'd been and her mouth was already watering from the smells. However, as eagerly as she was anticipating Mama Ramona's offering, a part of her was intensely disappointed Jane had chosen expediency over preparing their meal although she understood his reasoning.
For one thing, they were getting a later start on their evening. For another, cooking was something they'd taken great joy in doing together. In fact, they'd often taken turns cooking preferring the quiet intimacy of being together to the potential risks of going out and getting busted. They hadn't wanted to confirm what they'd expended a good deal of energy keeping private.
Namely the fact they were now involved like that.
It wasn't that anyone would have said anything about them dating on a professional level. It was more the nature of their relationship was nobody's business but their own. They'd wanted to keep it that way, especially her. That sudden breakup with Pike had added fuel to the whispers surrounding them for years. Fortunately, there'd never been any proof to back up the idle words and neither of them had really wanted to give it.
Unfortunately, there was nothing they could do about that now.
Walking back to the fridge, Lisbon grabbed a container of Hummus and the vegetables she'd sliced up last night. As much as she'd rather be grazing on chips and dip or crackers and cheese accompanied by a hearty glass of wine, she'd changed her eating habits to more appropriate faire soon after discovering she was pregnant.
"Dinner will be ready in a few minutes so don't eat too much." Jane commented as he walked over to swipe a slice of orange bell pepper. "You won't be hungry if you do."
"I don't think you have to worry about that." Lisbon popped a piece of broccoli in her mouth. "I'm hungry all the time. I'm probably going to be as big as a house before this kid is born."
"Not happening." Jane said. "You might want to eat all the time; but, you won't. You're too disciplined to do anything but follow your doctor's orders. I can assure you getting as big as a house isn't on them."
"No, it isn't." Lisbon agreed returning her snack to the refrigerator instead of smacking Jane for always being right. "Is that roasted turkey breast?"
"Since we had that nasty case over Thanksgiving, neither of us got to celebrate." Jane said quietly. "It's a few months late; but, I thought you might enjoy doing that so we have turkey and all the fixings."
"You do know there's nothing remotely healthy about Ramona's country cooking don't you?" Lisbon reminded him. "And the woman has turkey on the menu all the time so there's nothing special about that either." Nothing except she hadn't had any since Thanksgiving before last and Jane knew it. "I thought you said something about eating better."
"I did." Jane said. "That's why I stopped by the grocery store as well. We'll start tomorrow. But tonight we're going to enjoy being sinfully decadent."
"I can do that." Lisbon agreed eyeballing the container in the refrigerator she knew contained whatever Jane had brought for dessert. "There better be pie in there." She stated firmly. "It isn't Thanksgiving without pie."
Lisbon couldn't believe what she'd just said. It still wasn't Thanksgiving if they had pie. But, she was having fun pretending with Jane.
"What do you think?" Jane's look said he knew her well. "There's pie and cake in there."
He didn't have to say there was a lot of it as the size of that box spoke for itself.
"Smart boy." Lisbon closed the refrigerator door before patting his cheek condescendingly.
Ignoring the look conveying how much he appreciated her gesture, Lisbon reached up in the cabinet to grab a couple of plates. From the way Jane had suddenly turned his attention from her to pulling those foil pans from the oven, she'd say dinner was finally heated. While she knew there was a turkey breast and dressing in one of those pans, she wasn't sure what else he had to offer. Sweet potatoes, some kind of vegetables, and macaroni and cheese were all good guesses although she'd have to wait to see. So were Chicken Fried Steak and homemade mashed potatoes slathered in peppered milk gravy. Few people escaped Ramona's without sampling her CFS and she never did. The woman was determined to fatten her up. She'd taken it as a personal challenge. However, it was a battle she'd always lost until now. Lisbon smirked to herself. The restauranteur was going to be so mad.
She was going to fatten up on her own and it had nothing to do with Ramona's sinful country cooking.
#
Walking into her kitchen empty plates in hand, Lisbon quickly stuffed the china into the dishwasher praying for a couple of Jane free minutes to get her rampant feelings in check. Eating dinner curled up on her couch with the television playing softly in the background was too much like old times. Too reminiscent of idyllic early days when Jane was on his best behavior and she was still reeling they were finally a couple. Although Jane had fed her pie and cake back then too, just not sweet potato pie and apple spice cake, circumstances had radically changed in the last few months. She still wasn't sure how she felt about that.
What she was sure of was that Jane wasn't steam rolling his way back into her life just because there was a baby between them. And she wasn't shutting him out by any means. She just wasn't saying they were suddenly picking things up where they'd left off either. It would take one hell of a song and dance for Jane to pull that off.
She wasn't sure even he could do it although from the way he was acting he was definitely going to try.
Washing her hands, Lisbon turned from the sink mildly surprised to find herself chest to chest with Jane. Watching him leaning in to kiss her, she put a restraining palm on his chest. It wasn't that she didn't want to kiss him. She did…probably more than anything.
She just didn't think it was wise.
"We aren't just falling into bed because I'm pregnant." Lisbon stated firmly staring him down as only she could do. "That's what got us into trouble in the first place."
"Perhaps." Jane agreed. "But you can't get pregnant again."
"Maybe I can't; but, that doesn't make it right." Lisbon continued staring him down. "While I won't deny you the right to be a father or the fact I love you, we aren't pretending everything's perfect or that we're just another happy couple with a bun in the oven. It isn't and we aren't. Not yet. Just because we've been intimate and made a baby since we called it quits doesn't mean there aren't still things to work out."
Things sleeping with him again would only complicate.
"Like what?" Jane said. "From where I sit, everything seems pretty simple. We love each other, we get along well, we're physically compatible, and we're having a baby. I don't see how we can get more together than that. Whether you're ready to admit it or not, I'm going to be an integral part of your life until this child is grown. There's nothing you can do to change that. So, why not accept what you can't change and give us one last chance? See what happens? We might surprise you."
Jane wanted to say, 'Get over your ridiculous issues and fears. You did it for Pike. You can do it for me.' While he might think such things, those words would never pass his lips. Truthfully, unlike Marcus Pike who'd never done anything to shatter Lisbon's confidence in him; he'd done the exact opposite and given her plenty of reasons for thought. While Pike had been the doting, attentive, dependable "good man," he'd done more than his fair share of letting Lisbon down, ditching her, and outright abandoning her for more years than she should have hung around.
Try like all the way back to when they'd first started working together. Hell, he'd fallen off the map after a decade for two whole years before suddenly dragging her back into his life again. Oh, he'd stayed in touch by letter; but, that was as good as it got. He certainly hadn't told her how he felt. That she'd been in his thoughts for more hours of every day than she should have been. It didn't matter there'd been no direct person to person contact between them in all that time and he hadn't known if there ever could be.
Not until Fischer and Abbott had given him a way out.
So, taking all of that into account, he couldn't really blame the mother of his child for having serious doubts about "them" becoming a forever "us". He wasn't sure he'd take the gamble if he was her. Even if his determination to make it work had nothing to with the child he'd so recently sired and everything to do with the woman herself. He'd never truly let her go all those months ago and she knew it.
He just hadn't put up a very visible fight.
He had, however, kept other interested parties at bay. Lisbon would bury him six feet under if she ever got conclusive proof of that. However, he doubted anyone would tell her. He wasn't a pleasant man to cross and leaking his secrets would be the ultimate treason in the Kingdom of Jane. That was enough to stay most would be mischief makers.
"Fine, we'll do it your way and see what happens." Lisbon capitulated deciding he was doing better at that whole song and dance than she'd anticipated. Or maybe she was just tired of fighting her feelings when she knew she was going to lose the battle in the end. While she might be able to pretend loving each other wasn't enough, she couldn't deny the child in her womb was a serious game changer and Jane knew it. "But, you aren't moving in here and I'm not moving into that tin can you call home." She snapped realizing while she should, that she didn't want to argue anymore. "I need to have my head examined for even saying that."
"That tin can is where this kid was conceived if I remember correctly." Jane pointed out. "As I recall, we'd swung by my place so I could grab a few things and spend the night at your place on the couch. As I also recall as well, we never got that far. You jumped me as soon as we got through the door."
"None of that matters." Lisbon said. "Can you imagine trying to move around in that thing when I'm as big as whale? I rest my case. But, you can stay over some if you'd like." She continued as though he hadn't interrupted. "I'd probably like that. We'll have to see how it goes. Oh, and I'm not marrying you so don't even go there. Not any time soon anyway and maybe never. Not unless it's something we both want. I don't want you to feel like it's something we have to do. It isn't."
"I haven't asked." Jane gently reminded her mildly surprised she'd gone there. "I honestly haven't gotten that far in my thought processes."
They both knew he was lying through his teeth. He was already fast at work figuring out the best way to do just that and Lisbon was already fast at work making a list of counter arguments why the status quo was fine for the moment. They both already knew she was going to fail abysmally. But, she wasn't going down without a fight. It didn't matter she really wanted that ring on her finger, too.
That whole fiasco with Pike had awakened a desire deep inside her she didn't know was there. Enough so he'd put out generalized feelers to gauge how she felt about the idea back when things were going well between them. Surprisingly, Lisbon had let him know in equally general terms she'd entertain the idea when the time was right. Jane suspected that was why she'd gotten so angry with him over his major faux pas. She'd allowed herself to believe they'd have that happily ever after she hadn't known she wanted.
Then he'd gone and messed it up.
"But you will." Lisbon called him on his fib. "You're that kind of man."
"I suppose I am." Jane agreed deciding to come clean. "It does sound like something I'd do doesn't it? Actually want to marry the mother of my child and the woman I love. It doesn't really make sense does it? Not unless I'm forced into it. Right."
He couldn't keep the hint of amusement out of his voice. They were both creating problems where there weren't any. They always had and that wasn't likely to change.
Since Lisbon hadn't totally squashed the idea of getting hitched, he could afford to leave things alone for now. It wasn't costing him anything at the moment. Maybe later, when he'd convinced her they were meant to be together, he'd finally slip that band on her finger. At the moment, the child in her womb was enough of a ring through her nose to ensure his woman wasn't going anywhere any time soon.
As brave a front as she was putting on, Lisbon was a lousy liar.
While she wasn't afraid, and she knew she was more than capable of raising a child on her own, he knew she didn't want to go that whole alone route. She didn't want to buy into the single Mom concept if she didn't have to. It went against everything she believed in where her life was concerned.
He wasn't too crazy about the idea himself.
"So, given what you just said, does that mean I can do this again?" Jane asked leaning in for another kiss. "And you won't try to stop me?"
"I don't think I can stop you." Lisbon admitted accepting his kiss. "Not when I think maybe I was wrong for suggesting we stop seeing each other in the first place."
She wouldn't have gotten pregnant if they hadn't. They'd been nothing but circumspect the whole time they were together. Neither of them had wanted this to happen. Of course, the fact they were no longer together wasn't any reason to get sloppy. That was plain stupidity on her part. And Jane's if he was as willing to accept partial blame as he seemed to be.
Contrary to what Jane seemed to think, the whole Roxton case had been a convenient excuse to make a pass at him. She hadn't been all that torn up by shooting the kid. He'd already wounded two officers and was prepared to shoot a few more including her. While she'd hated ending a life so young, he'd made the choice to point that assault rifle in her direction instead of dropping it as she'd told him to do.
"You weren't wrong in breaking up with me initially." Jane said quietly. "I mishandled that undercover case from the start. I should have refused to do it unless I told you. I knew you'd be upset I'd taken the case so I didn't. I put you through hell and you had a right to be as angry as you were."
"Yes, I did." Lisbon agreed. "You have no idea how I felt every time we found another body. I could never be sure it wasn't you until we got to the crime scene and waded through the blood. We still weren't sure you were going to get out of there alive until you did.
You do know you were in so deep there was nothing anyone could have done to stop them if they'd wanted to kill you?"
"I do now." Jane agreed. "I don't think I realized quite what I was getting myself into before it was too late and I was already there."
"I'm glad to hear you finally admit that." Lisbon said. "I wasn't sure some dormant part of you wasn't still harboring a death wish."
"You know better than that." Jane glared at her. "I haven't wanted to die for a long time. I certainly wouldn't have gotten involved with you if I did."
"I do know that." Lisbon apologized. "That case was just the worst one I've ever worked and you were lost in the middle of it and I wasn't sure you were getting out with your head on your shoulders."
"I'm sorry for putting you through that." Jane said realizing he'd never apologized only tried to justify his actions. "I shouldn't have done it."
"No, you shouldn't have." Lisbon agreed. "I forgave you anyway."
"Yes, you did, and you probably shouldn't have." Which only made it that much more difficult to understand when she refused to forgive him for a sin that wasn't nearly as egregious. "But you didn't forgive me when you should have. I didn't deliberately get myself winged, Teresa. I thought you were in the line of fire and I wasn't letting you get shot. I miscalculated my next move and it backfired on me. I tried to tell you what really happened. You wouldn't listen no matter how hard I tried to get you to. You were wrong in that. I finally decided it was better to let you figure your mess out on your own than try to dissuade you."
"I don't think the messes matter anymore." Lisbon said quietly. "I think we need to do our best to let it all go and start over for the baby's sake."
"I think you're right if you're willing to do that." Jane agreed. "The past is over. We have to deal with the present."
"Yes, we do." Lisbon agreed. "And I think doing it in there would be more comfortable than standing here in the middle of my kitchen."
Taking Jane by the hand, she led him back to the couch.
"So you think we can make it?" Lisbon continued as she sank into the couch.
"I know we can." Jane spoke confidently.
"Why?" Lisbon asked. "Because of this?"
She rested her hand on her still flat belly.
"Yes, because of him, and no, because we're us." Jane's tone was non-confrontational so Lisbon decided to let the whole "him" slip up pass for the moment. It wasn't necessary to remind him that it was much too early to know the sex of their child. Nor would continually calling their baby a male ensure he'd get the son he so obviously wanted. "Our relationship has survived everything we've thrown at it over the years, even this. Why wouldn't I believe we can make it? We always have."
"You wouldn't." Lisbon said. "Then you want to give it another try?"
"I've already said that." Jane repeated. "Actually, what I think I said is I never wanted to break up in the first place."
"I seem to remember you saying that a few times." Lisbon agreed not really minding the broken record act since he was repeatedly driving home what she'd tried so hard to ignore over the past few months. "Then I think we should see what happens."
"Because of the baby?" Jane asked quietly. "You might as well be honest."
"Partly." Lisbon admitted. "Mainly because I've missed you and what we had a whole lot more than I thought I would."
"Good answer." Jane was clearly pleased with her response. "I've missed you, too."
"So, it's as simple as that?" Lisbon asked. "We're a couple again?"
"It isn't simple at all." Jane corrected her. "But, we already know it's doable. Why don't you start by coming over here?"
Leaning against the arm of the couch, he helped Lisbon settle into one of her favorite positions with her back against his chest. They'd lain exactly like this numerous times in the past watching her favorite movies and television shows. Leaning forward to kiss her hair, Jane draped his arm over her body with his palm resting protectively against her belly. Feeling Lisbon's hand coming to rest gently over his as the tension left her body, Jane felt contentment blossom upon realizing she'd accepted such a revealing gesture with ease. Satisfied everything was falling into place as they both apparently wanted, Jane allowed his eyes to drift closed and a contented smile to curve his lips.
They could concern themselves with what came next later.
At the moment, it seemed all either of them was really interested in was savoring this quiet moment between them.