Chapter Four: Night Time
Can I confess these things to you
Well I don't know
Embedded in my chest and it hurts to hold
I couldn't spill my heart
My eyes gleam looking in from the dark
I walk out in stormy weather
Hold my words, keep us together
Steady walking but bound to trip
Should release but just tighten my grip
~The XX
After Jeremy and Elena had helped to lug her belongings up the stairs, wishing them a good night, Nilly had retreated to the guestroom and selfishly emerged herself in a hot bath. Her muscles were tense but soon relaxed as the heat filled her body. Her head was still fluffy feeling, whether it was from the alcohol or the one who had supplied it… She was too tired to think about that. She didn't want to think about that, so she simply didn't. Nilly just flicked it off like a nightlight.
Instead, she now welcomed the tipsiness, the drowsy feeling, the heavy eyelids. Nilin rested her head on the bathtub and shut her eyes. She inhaled deeply, filling her senses with the room; the familiar scent of times in the past. Incidents that were tied to the smells slowly came to Nilly. The feeling of just being back in this house alone caused old images and noises to swell in her head. Suddenly, memories came rushing back to her, pictures and words forming in her head.
Her Aunt Miranda, Elena's mother, bathing a young Nilin and Elena when she would babysit Nilly, always adding large amounts of bath bubbles and singing as she washed their hair. Nilly and Jeremy racing around the house on late summer nights, trying to prove who the better, faster one was. Baking cookies in the kitchen on Christmas Eve while her dad and uncle sat in the living room just below her, ranting about one thing or another.
The slightest prickle of tears came to her tired eyes, but Nilly ignored it.
Scraping her knees on the sidewalk right outside, when Elena dared her to ride a bike with no handle bars. Lying in Elena's bed with her until the early morning hours, just talking, hiding secret notes and belongings under the lose floorboard in Elena's room. The squeaky one, three boards away from her window seat. Then, she began to remember the darker memories…
After her mother's funeral, her aunt stroking her hair on the front stairs. The house becoming Nilly's safe haven when her father had gone into a state of alcohol induced shock. Leaving Nilly alone most of the time. Her aunt and uncle were always there, ready, welcoming her with open arms, taking her into their home. And at one point, when Nilly's father had shut down completely, barely functioning, she stayed in that same bedroom for almost a year.
Now the tears had spilled over, running down her cheeks, tickling her nose and landing into the steamy bath water. She didn't care, she allowed herself this movement of self-pity in privacy.
This town had such an effect on Nilly. Raking the good and bad feelings out of her and leaving her there to bear them alone.
But she wasn't alone though, not anymore. She had Jeremy across the hall, Aunt Jenna just a few doors down and Elena in the room right next to her. They'd never leave her, she knew. And with that thought, with the feeling of comfort and belonging swirling around her, she was able to wipe the remnants of tears away. She was able to pull the bath's drain, releasing a swirling tornado of water down the pipe and hoist herself up, out of the bath. She was able to keep on going.
The cold air hit her skin, sending goosebumps up her arms and legs. Nilly grabbed a towel and wrapped it around her body, holding it tight, shivering. As she stepped into the guestroom, she saw black spots in her vision.
Must have stood up too fast, she thought, rubbing her forehead.
She just needed to sleep. Find a warm bed and sleep, but first she needed clothes. Her bag, full of what little belongings she brought, sat untouched on the bed. She riffled through it, trying to find anything that resembled pajamas. In the end, she was wearing an oversized t-shirt and black leggings. Comfy enough, she thought to herself.
Nilin looked around the room, the cream colored walls and oak hardwood floors gave off a warm feeling. The bed sat in the middle of the room, next to a large window that faced the backyard. It was filled with white and yellow pillows. The fluffy white comforter had lace edges that hung to the floor and when you lay on the bed it smelled like roses and summer air.
The windows were lined with white lace curtains. A beautiful wood dresser was on the wall across the bed. The top of the dresser held pictures of her family. All smiling and laughing, looking at them caused a soft smile to touch Nilin's lips. In the morning she could put her clothes in there, to make her stay here less temporary. A small sofa was pushed in the one corner with a book shelf and lamp next to it.
Nilly walk over to the flower patterned sofa and stroked the knitted navy-blue blanket that was draped over the chair's arm. Her mother had knitted it. One of her 'old lady habits', as her dad would call it, that she picked up when she got sick again.
Her hands traced the delicate stitch work. She stood there for some time, her finger tips touching the blanket as if it was as fragile as glass. Then she grabbed it, draping it over her shoulders. She did her best to comb her hair but she had no energy left. She could barely keep her eyes open as she snuggled herself between the sheets of the bed, her mother's blanket still wrapped around her shoulders.
Then she just laid there, eyes burning, head swirling, waiting for sleep to come. But it wouldn't. Every time she closed her eyes her mind started racing. Why couldn't she sleep? Nilly sat up, looking around the room again. It was too light, now that she looked at it, too cheery.
Getting up slowly, still clinging the navy blanket to her, she made her way to the bedroom door. She opened it slowly and peered out into the hallway. Jeremy's door was shut, no noise or light emanated from the space under it. The same with Jenna's. Elena's door was open though, just a crack but light shown through it.
The faint light cast shadows in the hallway. Nilin made her way toward Elena's door. She pushed it open slowly, keeping quiet, and peeked in. Elena was asleep in her bed, a king sized bed she'd had for years. With that same light yellow bed spread that reminded Nilly of melting butter. She was breathing lightly with a green diary on her chest and a pen still in her hand. Nilin walked to the bedside slowly. Elena had fallen asleep writing again, leaving the side table lamp on. Nilly picked up the diary and pen soundlessly, trying not to wake Elena.
She didn't understand Elena's obsession with jotting down everything in a book. What was the point? It was just lost words that only the owner of the diary would know about. But, Elena had been doing that for years so Nilly never said anything about it.
She placed the green book on Elena's desk and went back to the other side of the bed across form her. She laid down on the edge of it, covering her legs with the knitted blanket. She tried to move as light as possible, but Elena sighed and turned over.
Her eyes blinked open and she stared at Nilly. Her eyes so crystal blue, so pure. Nilly was always jealous of them. Nilin's eyes were darker and tainted by gold specks that sometimes gave her eyes a strange tinge. But now those eyes started at Nilly with a look of understanding and something like protection. Elena sighed again and rested her head on her hand.
"Sorry." Nilin whispered.
"Can't sleep?" Elena asked, smiling softly, not completely awake. Nilly simply nodded slightly, feeling as if they were eleven years old again. Elena didn't ask any more questions, she simply patted the space on the bed next to her and reached over to turn her lamp off.
Nilin scooted over and slipped under the covers. She rested her head on the pillow and closed her eyes. Sleep finally found her curled up to next to Elena. She heard her say softly, "Goodnight, Nil." before she drifted off
Faster, she had to run faster. The ground felt wet under her bare feet as she dodged between trees. She couldn't hear anything over her own ragged breathing and racing heartbeat. It pounded in her ears, making it impossible to track her pursuer. But that didn't mean he wasn't right behind her. She didn't need to look to know she was being chased. The lungs in her chest were screaming for air that she couldn't stop to give them. Her muscles burned as she pumped them, pushing them to keep going. She had to keep going.
The woods were dense, tall oak trees sprouted out of the soft earth. During the day they would be beautiful, the sunlight hitting their leaves, but in the moonlight, they only seemed to be reaching towards her, snagging her hair, trying to stop her.
Nilin couldn't run anymore, if her heart wasn't about to give out, her legs were. Just then she broke through the tree lining, stumbling in to a large clearing. She continued to run until her legs twisted with themselves and suddenly she was hitting the damp ground. Lying on her back in the middle of the clearing and panting, her mind struggled to work properly. She needed to get up, there was a reason why she had to get up. But she couldn't remember it. Her chest hurt and gray spots danced in her vision.
Get up! Get up! the voice in her head screamed. She forced her numb legs to work, focusing all her muscles to stand up. Her legs were shaking as she slowly looked around the clearing. The breath from her lungs came out in sharp forced huffs.
It was dark, even with the light supplied by a full ominous moon. She could only see the outlining of the trees on the edge of the clearing. Something was in those trees now, watching her. Nilly was sure of it. A sudden gust of wind wrapped her unruly hair around her face, blinding her for a moment. She combed her hair out of her eyes fiercely, tucking it behind her ears. The wind stopped as quickly as it started, leaving the forest dead silent. All Nilin could hear was her shaky breathing.
A twig snapped behind her. Nilly spun around, squinting into the woods, trying to make out anything coming towards her. But there was nothing, just darkness. She turned back around, trying to steady herself. That's when she saw him. She stopped dead as she choked off a scream. Ice slid down her back, paralyzing her. He stood on the very edge of the clearing, staring at her. Her weak eyes could only make out his black silhouette.
Her heart was in her throat, making it impossible to speak. He stepped towards her in a long graceful movement, and then he stopped again. The wind blew once more, chilling her bones, causing Nilin to shiver uncontrollably. She wrapped her arms around her and tried to swallow. "Who… who are you?" she asked, her voice wavering.
The dark silhouette laughed, it was a disturbing sound. The voice in Nilly's brain was screaming, sending alarms through her memory. She recognized the laugh. She knew that laugh. He took another step forward, then another, and another until he was only a few yards away from Nilin.
"Why so surprised, Nilly? You didn't see this coming?" his cool voice asked.
Every cell in her body was screaming at her to get out of there, but Nilin was stuck. She was paralyzed with fear. She didn't answer, she couldn't. She didn't trust that if she opened her lips a scream wouldn't escape.
When Nilin didn't answer he took another step in her direction, rocking on his heels. This was all a game to him. She knew he enjoyed this, he could sense her terror, her prey instincts telling her to flee. There was no use in running, not anymore. He'd have her before she could even turn around.
This is the end, that terrible pessimistic voice in her head told her. Who was she kidding, the voice was right. He had worn her out until she had no more fight left in her and now she was trapped in a clearing with him, the distance between them dwindling fast.
"I could have had you whenever I wanted, however I wanted. You shouldn't have trusted me, Nilly." He was close enough she could see him smiling. "You were too easy. Too, shall I say, stupid?" Then he began laughing that horrible laugh again. It made her skin crawl.
A new confidence welled up in Nilly, sparked by her knowledge that this was the last person she'd ever talk to. "I'll still always be the one that got away."
"Until now," his grin widen, reminding her of the Joker. His body tensed up, like a black panther ready to pounce. Nilin shut her eye, squeezing them close. She didn't want to see this. A rush of air blew her hair back, and then she could feel his breath on her cheek. She bit down on her lip hard, forcing herself not to scream. She wouldn't give him that satisfaction.
Nilly felt his hand sweeping across her face as he slid it to the base of her neck. She still held her eyes shut, her arms locked at her sides and her knees slightly shaking. Then she felt his cool hand on the small of her back. She let out a breath.
When he saw he wasn't getting the response that he wanted out of her, his whole demeanor changed. His hand tangled in Nilin's hair, pulling her head painfully back at a sharp angle, exposing her neck. He slammed her body into his, trapping her in a deadlock and knocking her breath out of her.
His lips grazed her ear, sending shivers down her spine.
"You shouldn't have come back here," he said in her ear, and then he struck.
Nilin's eyes shot open, her body rocketing forward, as she gasped for air. She couldn't catch her breath. She couldn't see. Then a pair of hands was reaching for her, she struggled to get away but she was tangled in something. "No!" she screamed.
"Nilin, Nilly! Calm down, it was a dream. You had a nightmare, Nilly!" Someone was yelling, trying to get a hold of her. The lights snapped on. "Shh, shh. Nilly, you're okay."
"Elena?" she said between gasps. "Oh god." She couldn't breathe, her throat was tight and her chest was heavy. Elena took a hold of Nilly's shoulders.
"You're okay, it was just a nightmare. You're home, nothing can hurt you here. Look at me Nil, you have to breathe. You're having another panic attack." Nilly was gasping, her head felt dizzy. She tried to focus on Elena's voice as she attempted to control her breathing.
"Take a deep breath, Nilin. Good, now another. You're okay, it was just a dream."
Her heart slowed down and her gasp quieted as Elena cycled those phrases over and over again. Then she lean forward, resting her forehead on Elena's shoulder. Elena was murmuring something to her, in an attempt to further calm her.
She held Nilin, stroking her hair. That's when Nilly felt the cool wetness on her cheeks and she realized she had been crying. She let out one last final sob before she whipped her eyes and cheeks dry. She let Elena untangle her from the blankets and tuck her back in to bed. Then Elena sat next to her, crossed legged on the bed, smoothing out her hair and humming until Nilly's eyes were forced shut by exhaustion. She quickly slipped back into sleep, and hoped she didn't dream again.
Author's Notes:
This story has a lot of parts, which is good because it allows me to post more often. For now I will be adding a new section ever Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Sound good?
Thanks for reading.
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