Monday's tomorrow. It's coming up quickly...
That was probably the only line that was running through my mind for the past few hours. Time felt like it was moving way too quickly while I was safely not at school, being able to avoid some of my worst problems. It felt like one of those moments where you're having lots of fun and don't want it to end, and it always ends a lot faster then you'd like it to. But regardless of not having school until tomorrow, Monday seemed to be the only thing I could think of. And thinking about the inevitable always made it worse. Especially while I was arranging a batch of fresh cupcakes in our glass display, it made the task tedious. They ended up looking delicious and neat, like they usually do. All lined up evenly, colorful, and ready to be served. But the harder I tried to focus on work, the more I realized I was more focused on being focused. My stress of the other night just wouldn't shake. I was also kind of an eye sore standing here in this shop. I had a baby blue apron draped over the front of my dark wash clothing. My boss had let me keep my unnatural colored tips of toxic green. The color was actually something a lot of people disapproved off, but it actually suited me. It made my hazel eyes pop, or at least that's what girls have told me before. However it stuck out like a sore thumb against the pastel theme of this bakery. I was lucky to be allowed to keep it, all my boss asks is I tie it up since I haven't gotten a trim in quite some time. I often ask myself why I keep the green, but come up short with an answer. I don't even really like the color to be honest. I guess it's just been so long that I've had it, that it's a trademark now. But contrary to my usual attitude, today my dark attire actually suited my mood.
Earlier when we were baking the first batch of cupcakes, I had been nervous to even help. It was one of the first things I noticed with my offset attitude. My mind wasn't there and I didn't want to fuck up. My boss immediately picked up on my edge, however he never mentioned it-I just felt it. He was awkward, I also noticed the little signs he gave off, like how he was trying to be easier on me, and not harp on the little tasks that were lazily done. It wasn't hard for me to tell, after all, I fed off the life force energy. I've said it many times before. No one has ever believed me. And I suppose I'm fine with it, I've gotten so used to it. Just as I've gotten used to picking out the people I like to be around. You can call me a cultist I suppose. I do a lot of things that are questionable, and truly believe I am a Vampire. Therefor negativity is hard for me to handle. I need to be around a certain type of people. I am effected by peoples vibes, and so forth. However I myself am the very opposite of negative. So feeling like such a downer was completely foreign. It wasn't hard for the outsider to see that I was a bit sour today. It mine as well have been written on my forehead. My boss and I were both aware of it the moment I stepped in. He is usually a happy chubby man with no worries or doubt, but today he was nervous, and he didn't really want to bother me with much. All he asked me to do, was ice the cupcakes, which I did reluctantly.
I'm a perfectionist on a daily basis, but today, my icing job didn't come out as nice as it usually did. They weren't an eye sore or anything, I just could have put more effort into it is all. But worrying over my cupcake icing job was something on the back of my mind, it would have just put more stress on my plate. My constant worry and doubt was wearing me down. And it was only getting worse throughout the day. I had a lot I needed to be worried about, but I also had a responsibility right now. I was running the shop, and I wasn't supposed to be moping about. My cheerful atmosphere is what brought this shop alive, and I noticed the mood shift when our regulars had arrived to find that their usual uppity boy hadn't much to say or offer.
I tried my best with them, and they took my efforts with sincere smiles. But eventually I was getting used to acting fake, specially with the people who didn't know me. It was easier to get them to bite the bate. However I was sincerely happy by the time my break rolled around. I was ready to take off for a bit and organize my thoughts. I needed some sort of snack, acting fake seemed to have drained me completely. I felt very fatigued. I hung my apron on the hook in the back, and gave a wave goodbye to my boss. I then began my familiar stroll through the South Park Mall corridors. It was usually at my break that my sweet tooth began to ache for sugars.
I was weak when it came to fighting urges. So, my first stop was going to be The Sweet Factory. That shop was like heaven, it sold luxurious colorful unique sweets, and the lady who usually worked there was sweeter then any of them I've ever tried. Call me corny all you want, but I really admire the lady behind the till. She was like something out of an artists sketch book. She had rich ginger hair that shone red under the sunlight, and a round rosy face dusted with freckles. She had a full figure, and was one the the happiest sweetest people I'd ever met. But when I stepped foot in there, and she greeted me with her usual pep, I felt guilty.
Something in my gut had turned, and it wasn't the usual feeling I get from her. It was something foreign. The same foreign feeling I'd been feeling since I left the party last night. Perhaps it was regret, or perhaps it was my mind telling me I didn't deserve peoples happiness after what I had caused. My anxiety was telling me that I was pretty scummy now. I could believe that. I'd rather not have the rest of the world know however. Specially the lady awaiting to help me with my transaction. I offered a meek wave as I gathered a bag to fill with my sugary obsessions. Usually the world was full of bright colors for me, and maybe I was imagining it but everything felt really dull right now. Like the millions of bright blues, pinks, yellows, and oranges were covered in a layer of thick dust. However wiping my fingers along anything wouldn't be enough to clear it away. All I could do, was shake the thought and tell myself I was imagining it as I routinely gathered my collection of sweets to ring up at the till.
To be honest, I wanted to ask this girl out last week. But I had promised myself that I couldn't do that until I at least learned what her favorite hobby, and color were. I like to be humble. Then on Friday of last week I found out she was into photography, and she adored the color teal. It lead to today being my opportunity. On Friday I could barely sleep with the excitement, but as she smiled at me today, and handed me my change, I realized I didn't deserve her. She deserved someone who was honest and didn't hold secrets from her. Someone who didn't stress release at house parties, or do things he ultimately regretted. She asked me if I wanted to see a movie with her tonight after I had gotten off, because we were actually kinda friends now. But I politely turned her down.
I had too much on my plate to be rewarded. She wasn't disappointed, just a little put off. But she was sweet, so she smiled at me, and said goodbye in her usual friendly atmosphere.
My lunch ended up being a baggy of sweets and a berry blast smoothie. It satisfied my hunger, but I was sure it wasn't something an over grown giant like myself should only be eating. A tall lanky man like me should at least have a meal. But I never usually eat, I just don't find the appeal. And right now, my hunger was definitely something that was vacant. I couldn't have an appetite when anyone who wore a pair of Dock Martins caused my stomach to turn with the thought of that memory.. I didn't like feeling scared like this. Feeling like the next person might be a familiar face of pale skin with a scowl. It felt like I needed to be hidden constantly, it was mind blowingly out of this world for me. It freaked me out, even the color red was hard to look at. It reminded me of that hair.. that hair that was..
"Mike! Is that you?" Her voice caught me in the midst of hearing my own heart beat. My blood rushed to my face, however I recognized her immediately. My childhood friend, someone who was near and dear to me. One of the ones who long out grew the vampire cultist stuff. She was formerly known as BloodRayne or before that Lynn, now I just call her Rayne. She's alright with it. It's even kind of caught on with others. I turned around and tried to give the brightly dressed girl the best smile I could muster.
"Rayne!" I held my arms up, and embraced her. Her perfume smelled sweet with our close proximity. She had feather brown hair now, and it was pretty tame and a bit longer then it used to be. She smiled at me as she fell in tune to my steps.
"You look like an even prettier boy with your hair tied up." She joked, however I completely forgotten that it was tied back. I just smiled at her and gave a shrug of my shoulders. "You left pretty early last night Mike." Her words caused my stomach to churn once again. First thing just had to be about the party...
"Heh, yeah. I guess if you call two am early." I muttered. Because it was around two that I left from what I recall. She ended up laughing.
"It's pretty early considering who was throwing the party. It wasn't shut down till five or so." I nodded. "And thanks for letting the lady who brought you know you were leaving." She pouted her shiny pink glossed lips at me. It was moments like that, that made me remember she used to be dressed in black with me. It seemed like a dream now. She was right, I guess I should have just let her know when I was done last night. However I don't even want to think about last night.
"Awwwe, come on girl! Forgive me!" I laughed out, and poked her ticklish side all the while distracting myself once more from the past. She giggled out involuntarily, and pleaded that I stop as we ran around the corridors of the mall. I ignored her however, and continued to jab all of those spots I knew caused her to cry out in giggles. I had an advantage in height. I was 6 foot something now, so I towered over her figure like a monster, not to mention she couldn't run very far without me catching up. It was her cell phone that interrupted us, saving her the tickle torment. I stopped to let the girl breathe as her ringtone-which was some dubstep song-chimed through the bustling background noises of the over crowded shopping center. She answered it a few moments after as I stood and looked around absentmindedly at everyone passing by. Her conversation was in the back of my conscious as I pondered about how I was happy that the goths don't ever really visit the mall. It would suck to run into them here.
"Hey Mike?" She cut me away once more, as I gave her my attention. "Wanna come to a small get together next Saturday?" I couldn't help but laugh, which led the girl to raise her brow in question.
"We just went to a party." She nodded with a serious expression on her features, she apparently didn't get the hint. "I don't think so." I told her as I played with the fabric of my sweater. I'm still new with parties and alcohol. It wasn't something I wanted to jump for the chance to go too. Rayne was popular, and was often invited. Sure I was popular too, however it was different. But.. even the thought of a party made my heart hammer.. not again. I couldn't do that again. Not yet. She shrugged at my response. However as she spoke she kept my eye.
"Well, Mike's being a pansy. He said he's already been to one so he's not going." I rolled my eyes nice and slow and scowled at nothing in particular. The drawl in her voice was taunting. She always did this kind of stuff, and to be honest it was hard to really see who's side she was on. she was a good friend, yet she would also turn on me if it was the right person. It's happened before with this guy she liked. One moment we were friends, next moment he paid attention to her she didn't know me. She apologized, but it was still not cool. So I wasn't falling for that taunt. I'm not going to another party. Try as she might, she couldn't convince me.
So I let my vision flow through the different crowds of people rather then my peer pressuring friend. She really wanted me to go, and I really didn't want too. Or rather, couldn't. Besides, if it was just another way for people to make a fool out of me, I'm afraid they might achieve it more then they already have. It was to risky. It didn't take long until she was off the phone, and we continued out parade around the mall before I had to head back to the sweet cakes I work with. She walked me back, and kissed my cheek goodbye. My boss has seen her before, and already knows she isn't my girlfriend so he doesn't bother asking. It was easy to fall back into the rhythm of work. Serving one customer after another, acting as charming as I possibly could. The next few hours didn't seem as bad as when I started. However I was excited to clock out and head home. I was offered a cappuccino cupcake that was leftover that I happily took, and enjoyed on my way out of the mall.
Relaxation was hard to come by with homework and studies. Having a job made it worse, it constantly ate up my time. I didn't need a job, but I wanted the experience. Mom and Dad are never home anyways, so hanging around my mansion-as people call it, isn't exactly fun to do alone. My job got me out. However my shift today was long, and it took hours before I was able to lay in bed. The darkness was something I really liked. It usually lulled my mind to reel down for the night. However I was having a hard time doing that with the thought of what I had to face tomorrow-the dreadful Monday morning. Tests, due dates, people, and Pete. Most didn't matter except for the goth. The goth was all that mattered in the long run. Tests and everything else that usually run me down felt like a walk in the park. It made me think about how I'd rather deal with millions of those any day rather then social stress. So I decided, for this night only that I was going to try and convince myself that that memory was just a shitty dream. It took awhile, but I did an alright job I guess, because I fell asleep soon after.
However falling asleep on that note was a bad idea, because my dreams were lucid and all related to him in one way or another. All of which where about me and him. All of which were horrifying in their own way. It ranged from where he was telling the school lies about what really happened, and getting me in trouble. Others where about his friends and he cornering me in an alley and putting me in my place. But one of them stuck out more then the others. It was longer.. and a little more memorable and realistic.
Pete was sitting on my bed, with a blade in his hands. He was beckoning me over, to which I obliged slowly, crawling on my knees. It felt so real. The boy was in nothing but a pair of tight jeans. And as I got closer, he had brought the blade to his wrist, and made a long slow incision. My eyes were taking in his efforts, and not once did he flinch. My body began to heat up, and his wrist began to seep that beautiful color. That riveting thick crimson. It leaked out in tiny droplets at first and contrasted on his porcelain pale skin. He watched my every move as I crawled so close I pressed my face against his chest. He was warm, and I could feel his heart beating fast. His hand had landed on my cheek soon after, and I found my eyes tracing along the dribbles of blood. I also noticed the scars. They ran up his arms, and I felt a pang of sadness. Even as I looked up at him, his eyes were hard to hold as they gazed at me with a yearning expression. They were glazed over almost like he wasn't there. I expected him to cry, but he didn't. Then, it felt so real as I dragged my tongue along his bloodied wrist, and let his flavor fill my senses. My body tingled with delight. And I lapped at it again, as his other free hand ran along my back. I ended up sucking at the wound as the boy pressed his head against mine, relishing in the feel of a sting I could only imagine.
It was a weird dream to have. And it was even more puzzling when he pulled his arm away, and I realized his wound was gone. There wasn't even a scar. I sat up, and I swear I could still taste the iron rich substance. It was there, and I knew it. When I wiped my mouth, there was even still a trace of red that smeared across my hand. I didn't question it however as I sat gazing at the boy in front of myself. His eyes hadn't changed, but his lips wore a smile I had probably conjured up out of thin air, because I've never seen him smile before. "You look really adorable like that.."
It was that moment, I jolted awake. My heart was fluttering in my chest. Everything was fuzzy as I looked around my bedroom. No one else was here, and I had to remind myself that Pete was just in my dream. He wasn't actually here. I was shaken up, and sleep was a vacant memory. I got out of bed, and got ready for school hours before I had too. The sun was barely visible on the horizon, but none the less I sat at the kitchen island with a glass of juice, my raging thoughts, and a cold sweat. This was so bad, this worry is a torture. I know for a fact, that this isn't going to settle, especially with the thought of not talking it over. I needed to talk to him about it, or I was going to drive myself into the wall. I was wrecked, and I couldn't deal with it anymore. The worst part of it all, was the fact the Pete might be completely fine. He might not even give a crap, and that would literally just leave me being the pussy about things. Why does it always have to be me? I always fuck myself over. I'm done, parties are done for me. That was it, it's not worth it. The stupid thing is how I'll probably lose friends over that decision. But if I make stupid choices like that while barely intoxicated, then it's not worth the burn of horrific worry and stress.
It was wrecking me..
Time was ticking by painfully, and every click lead me to feel sick. It wasn't long before I had no choice but to turn the stereo on loudly, and drown out my worries with the charming beat of the classic band, Blink 182. I decided to clean the kitchen with the last few hours before school. It calmed my soul, and I was smiling and singing along before I knew it. The smell of lemon citrus was clogging my senses lovingly, and it gave me a false security blanket. School was only in an hour or so, so I enjoyed my time while I could.
Thank you for reading, and thank you for the reviews! I have major plans for this story, and promise to finish it eventually.