Hi there! So it has been forever since I've been on this site or even looked any of my stories. And I apologize for ignoring this story for such a long time! I've recently taken up writing again (recent as in I wrote this chapter over the last three days) and I thought I should start posting again, at least until I wrap up this story. It may only be a few more chapters, and I'm not even sure if anyone will still read it, but if anyone is still interested, it'll at least be here! Not exactly thrilled with this chapter, but considering I haven't written in a very long time, I'm callin it good! Kinda took a mind of it's own while I was writing, so sorry if it is a little out of character or off. Hope you enjoy and I'll work on the next chapter soon! Thanks :)

Chapter 10

The Distance Between the Bullet and the Body

As I pulled the trigger, I felt the burn in my chest.

Five shots collided together in the open air. Three connected with is body; I felt the familiar recoil as I pulled the trigger for each shot.

If I hadn't already been on my back, I surely would have been now. Two bullets from his gun hit my vest and the air was forcefully expelled from my lungs. Instinctively, I took in a big breathe of air, but instantly regretted it as my ribs screamed in protest.

As I felt the own burn in my chest, I watched as new blood poured from Hash's body as he fell a few feet from me. His eyes still open; cold and lifeless.

I let my head fall back against the dirty ground. Even through the pain, a sense of relief flooded through my body. It was over.

My mind was fuzzy and everything seemed to happen in a blur of slow motion. But before I could even form a comprehensive thought, Hotch was kneeling beside me, no doubt assessing the situation.

His words were muffled to my ears, but the concern in his eyes said plenty. I squeezed my eyes shut against the pain; I had to focus.

The hand on my wrist brought me back to reality. I opened my eyes and squinted as the light assaulted them. Hotch's face hovered over me, worry swimming in his dark eyes.

"I'm okay." I forced the words out; my voice was quiet and gristly.

"Can you sit?"

I nodded and gratefully accepted his outstretched hand.

Once I was sitting upright, the pressure on my lungs seem to intensify and dizziness blurred my vision. Closing my eyes once more, I tightened my grip on Hotch's hand.

"Emily?"

"Just give me a minute." Even without seeing his face, I could feel his eyes digging holes into me. As the world around me slowly stopped spinning, the realization of what just occurred began to sink in.

My eyes were assaulted by the light as I opened them as my thoughts rushed back in order; my own pain suddenly becoming less important. I quickly gave Hotch a once over, which was somewhat awkward given that he was kneeling beside me still and I wasn't exactly in a position to offer any assistance.

But my heart seemed to stop beating so profusely once I was sure Hotch had no life threatening injuries, although the wound on his arm did not look good.

My focus then turned to the unmoving body lying a few feet away from us. Blood was pooling on the dirt ground beneath him.

"It's over."

Hotch's words were simple, spoken softly, and their truth held so much and yet so little.

"Come on, let's get you to the car and checked out before the team gets here. I'm sure Garcia has tracked our location by now." Hotch slowly pushed himself from the ground, the slight grimace across his face did not go unnoticed.

I gratefully took his outstretched hand to help me to my feet; the desire to be strong and independent went out the window a while ago.

And as Hotch placed his uninjured arm around my waist as he led me too he let me to the SUV, I had the overwhelming urge to engulf myself in his arms and cry into his shoulder.

Quickly, I pushed the feeling aside and brushed it off as my weakened emotional state.

"We should look at your arm first. I'm fine, really." I watched as he took the first aid kit from the back of the SUV and motioned for me to sit on the edge of the car.

"Prentiss, you took two to the vest, while still nursing an injured shoulder wound and head injury. Did you really think I hadn't noticed that you weren't fully recovered?"

A smile tugged at the corner of my mouth when he gave me an expectant look. "Fine, but I'm still checking out your arm."

I reached my hand up to pull at the Velcro of the vest but before my fingers could even grasp the material, pain went shooting through my chest.

"Let me do that." Hotch said, the look of concern back in his eye. "Just try to keep your breathing as even as possible."

I stayed silent as he removed the vest, all the while trying to convince myself that my increased heart rate was due to the adrenaline in my system and not due to the proximity of Hotch's body to mine.

"Emily, you're bleeding."

"What?" I looked down and just below the line of the vest, my red top was tinged a darker color.

Hotch carefully pulled the hem of my shirt away to reveal a four inch long graze just above my hip. "You may need stitches but luckily the bleeding isn't bad."

"I-I didn't' even feel it."

Hotch took the bottle of antiseptic and a few cotton swabs from the first aid kit. "This may sting a little."

"Honestly, I think there is enough adrenaline coursing through my veins right now that I wouldn't notice if I were to get shot again." I knew joking about my own well-being was not exactly proper etiquette given the current situation, but once again, it was because of my current circumstances that I was not thinking clearly.

"That should do until you can get properly checked out at a hospital." He said as he put a strip of gauze and tape across the wound.

"Let me look at your arm." I said, and motioned for him to sit next to me in the back of the SUV.

We were silent as I carefully cleaned as much of the blood as I could and wrapped up his arm. He had been right, it looked worse than it was, but it would still require more attention at the hospital.

"I should have never let you on this case. I knew you weren't physically ready for it, and now…"

"I'm even worse than I was before?" I finished the sentence for him, but I kept my tone light.

He turned to face me full on; his brow creased, his jaw set. "I am the one responsible for putting you in so much danger. I should-"

I held up my hand to stop him. "Hotch; there was nothing you could have done that would have stopped me from being here, and you know that."

Hotch shook his head. "But if anything were to happen to you…"

I smiled. "You mean more than being shot or stabbed?"

"Emily, I'm serious."

I looked away from his intense gaze. "I know."

Silence engulfed us for a few moments. The adrenaline was wearing off, and the familiar sting of pain was settling in. But I was somewhat thankful for; my mind was clearer.

"Do you remember when you were going to quit the BAU and I was going to transfer?"

He nodded.

"Do you remember what I said to you when I was sitting in the back of that ambulance, after it was all over?"

"You asked me if it were strange for you to be glad that you were back."

I bit the inside of my cheek. I hadn't been ready to admit it to myself, so why was I about to admit it to Hotch? "After Doyle and Chandler, and now this, you would think I would be handing my badge to right now. But I'm not.

This job has put me through hell; it's made me become things I don't want to be. It's made me take the lives of other human beings; I've been the reason that stops their heart from beating.

It's made me bleed, and cry, and so angry that I've wanted to scream and punch something until my knuckles were raw.

And yet I always go back for more. No matter how many times I end up bloody and broken, it doesn't matter.

You may think that I have little regard for my own life, but that's not true. It's just that I would rather give my life for a purpose than to settle for safe and a life of regret; a life of knowing I could do more but was too much of a coward to do anything about it."

Hotch was silent, though I wished he wasn't. I wanted him to say something, anything. I had nothing more to say, but my words were still hanging in the air, making the silence that much heavier.

He cleared his throat, and I found myself hanging on his every breath in anticipation.

"I understand, maybe more than you believe, after everything with Haley." Hotch let his voice trail off for a moment; letting his words settle.

"But Emily, I would never question the reasons why you do this job. And I don't believe that you have no regard for your life, you might actually say I'm only being selfish."

I looked at him, puzzled. "What do you mean?"

"I mean that I don't know what I would do without you."