Part 22: Awakening
Sami fought her way through waves of dizziness and confusion. Each time she wanted to sit up, something seemed to pull her back down. Each time she wanted to open her eyes, something seemed to throw a wet blanket over her face. Each time she wanted to think, something seemed to invite her back into unconsciousness.
When she finally opened her eyes, she was sure she was still dreaming.
Lucas.
Lucas!
There was no way Lucas could be here. Lucas was in prison; Sami and the twins were in their own prison with EJ.
She must be dead. There could be neither a heaven nor a hell without Lucas.
"Lucas," she whispered. Her throat was sore, her mouth was dry, and her voice was non-existent. His name was delicious all the same.
When he took her hand in both of his, a jolt went through her that should have made her whole body jump with energy and need. But her body stayed where it was.
"Welcome back, Sami," he said, his voice an octave higher than it should have been.
"Love you," she told him.
He didn't respond. He was busy calling for doctors and nurses. Hadn't he been able to read her lips? Hadn't he noticed? He wasn't still mad about EJ, was he? Hadn't they all been punished enough?
Within seconds, the room was filled with people clad in lab coats and scrubs. Lucas backed into a corner so she couldn't see him. She didn't like that very much, but she did like it when someone removed the tube from her throat and let her take a small sip of tepid water.
She was poked and prodded in a thousand ways and asked a thousand questions. When the thousand and first question—something about whether she could feel a feather tickling her toe—came around, she decided that she had more than had enough.
"Where are the twins?" she demanded.
"Ms. Brady—" one of the men in sweaty scrubs tried, but Sami wasn't having any of it. She had been uncommonly patient already. She wasn't going to answer any more questions until she got the answers she wanted.
"Allie and Johnny! Where are they?" It was annoying that she couldn't get enough air into her lungs to raise her voice the way she wanted to. It was annoying that she couldn't lift her own head to look around. "Does EJ have them? Lucas! Is Lucas still here?"
After what seemed like an eternity, Lucas came close to her again. "Allie? Johnny? Will?" she asked, staring hard into his eyes as if she could pull the answers out of him with or without his willing participation.
"The twins are fine," he told her, and her heart leapt. "They're in Salem with me."
"Will?" she prompted hoarsely. "What about Will?"
"Will is great."
"Is he here? Or is he still with Austin and Carrie?"
"He's here. He was waiting for you to wake up with the rest of us," said Lucas smoothly, but Sami saw the tiny hesitation, the almost imperceptible jutting out of his chin. She knew Lucas inside-out, better than she knew herself, better than he knew himself. Years of plots to ruin Austin and Carrie's relationship had long since taught her all of Lucas' tells. He wasn't technically lying, no, Lucas was more crafty than that; but she could be certain that he was leaving something out.
"What's wrong with Will?" she demanded.
"Nothing," he said, and that time he wasn't lying. She searched his face carefully. Prison had been hard on him. There were lines on his face; the hair at his temples was more gray than dark. It seemed like he had aged ten years rather than three. He was no less handsome, of course. Sami had never seen anyone so beautiful. (Lucas didn't really like to be called beautiful. But he was beautiful, whether he liked it or not.)
"Why aren't you in prison?" she breathed.
"Philip hired a good legal team." Again, he was telling the truth. Again, she was sure it wasn't the whole truth.
"How did you get Johnny and Allie to Salem? Where's EJ?"
"That's a long story, and if I knew where EJ was I'd shoot him again."
Sami wasn't really interested in EJ. They were getting off the subject. "I want to see the twins. And Will."
"I'm not sure that's such a good—"
"If you love me, you'll let me see my children." There was no response. Lucas glanced anxiously at the man in the sweaty scrubs. "Okay, so you're still mad at me and you don't love me like I love you. But I'm still those children's mother. I get to see them!"
"I don't have any intention of keeping you away from them," said Lucas quietly. "I think I learned that lesson a long time ago. I just want everyone to be prepared before you meet them."
"Meet them? Lucas, I know them! I gave birth to them! I carried them inside of me for nine months!"
Again, Lucas seemed to want to defer to the man in sweaty scrubs. "Dr. Karlin—"
"Don't talk to him! Talk to me! I'm your wif— I mean, the mother of your children!"
"You might as well resolve this now," the man—Dr. Karlin—told Lucas. "She's becoming agitated. I don't want to risk sedating her this soon after surgery."
Lucas sighed, and looked as if he somehow felt that he was doing this against his better judgment. "Sami, how old are Allie and Johnny?"
"They just turned three," Sami blurted out before she realized what an odd question it was. She saw the pain on his face, and she suddenly thought she understood his earlier hesitation. She thought she understood the gray hairs and the lines on Lucas' face, too.
Lucas looked like he was about to cry, and she wanted to reach for him and tell him it would be all right. But her hand flopped weakly beside her instead of tracing down Lucas' ravaged face.
"Lucas, how long was I asleep?" She kept her voice as neutral as possible and tried to let Lucas know that she wouldn't lose control and do something they'd both regret later. She wouldn't make this harder on him.
He opened and closed his mouth. It seemed that she wasn't the only one having trouble speaking.
"How long?" she prompted.
"Ten years. Sami, Johnny and Allie turned thirteen last fall."
"Ten…" She couldn't bring herself to repeat it. It had to be a joke. "Lucas, this isn't funny."
"No one said it was."
"Do I have amnesia?" she asked, clamping onto the theory as a lifeline. If she had memories of the past ten years, memories of her children, memories of Lucas, she could get them back. She could recover them. If she had no memories of her twins to recover—if she'd missed their childhood entirely—
"Not amnesia, Sami," Lucas said very, very quietly. "You've been in a coma."
"Ten years," Sami managed at last. "Ten years?"
Lucas nodded almost imperceptibly.
"It can't be true, Lucas, you know it can't! Lucas, tell me it isn't true!"
Lucas closed his eyes and shook his head.
"My twins—Allie and Johnny are—they're so grown up and they don't remember me at all?"
"Allie remembers you. I know that for a fact. I'm sure Johnny does, too, but he hasn't talked to me about it."
"But not like—I missed their whole lives, I was never there for them. They must hate me."
"They know it isn't your fault."
"Don't tell me what a kid feels when her mother comes back from the dead. I know what that feels like." Her eyes widened in the dim light. "Who's their mother, Lucas?"
Lucas didn't seem to understand the question. "You're their mother, Sami. You know that and so do they."
"No. Who—who's been raising them? Who helps with their homework, who makes sure they eat dinner, who sits with them when they're sick? Who helps Allie get ready for the dances at school?"
"Will is great, of course. Shawn and Belle and Philip have been a lot of help."
"Who are you dating? I know you're dating someone."
"No one has been auditioning to be their stepmother, if that's what you're getting at."
"It is."
Sami fell silent for a moment, and that was all it took for Dr. Karlin and his crew to resume poking and prodding her.
"I want to see them. Now. And Will," said Sami firmly when she'd recovered just a little.
Dr. Karlin pointed at a young woman whose flaming red hair was poking out from beneath its covering. "Dr. Wesley, go get Dr. Horton. I assume you know where to find him. Mr. Horton, I suggest that you prepare the younger children. She can't possibly remain this lucid for much longer, but I don't want her any more upset than she already is."
"So you're just waiting for me to lose consciousness?" Sami demanded.
"No, I'm going to permit you to see your children. But it will be one at a time and it will be brief. You can't do ten years of catching up in one day. All right?"
"All right," Sami agreed, slightly mollified. Her anger rose again when she heard Will's voice just outside the door.
"… Only good news, and only in small doses."
She couldn't even see Will, and already he was patronizing her.
But then, Will had first patronized her when he was five years old.
Maybe even four.
She prepared herself to explain to Will in no uncertain terms that he was going to give her all the news, good, bad, and indifferent, in an appropriately large dose.
Then Will opened the door and all of Sami's words vanished.
He was tall—she'd already known that. He was handsome—that came as no surprise, since he looked like his father.
But he was definitely now an adult. Somehow, he seemed more Will than he had ever been before, since his wisdom and maturity had been a bit disconcerting on an eleven-year-old.
"I'll give you a few minutes, but only a few, Dr. Horton," said Dr. Karlin. He and his minions left.
Sami almost protested being left alone with yet another doctor when she wanted time with Will. Then she realized that "Dr. Horton" was none other than her son. Her son the stranger—and yet, not.
"Doctor?" she asked softly.
Will nodded as he sat beside her. "Hi, Mom."
"What's your specialty?" she asked, sounding ridiculous to her own ears. She might as well have been asking him what his sign was. (That, at least, she knew. Scorpio.)
"Family medicine. It's the primary care stuff that I really like to do."
There was an awkward pause, which infuriated Sami; she didn't have time for awkward pauses, especially not with her son.
"Tell me everything that's important to you," she ordered Will.
His smile wobbled and agony flashed in his clear hazel eyes. "The most important thing is that you're doing better."
She tried to reach for him, to stroke his hair, to tell him that there was no reason for him to feel anything but happy. As it had with Lucas, her body disobeyed her. She was forced to settle for words.
"I love you Will."
"I love you too, Mom."
At least one of the men in her life still did.
"And I'm so proud of you! A doctor! I thought about being a doctor for a while, but I hated the blood. And then…"
"And then you had me."
"And I realized that I couldn't spend one second studying when I could be hanging out with the best person I'd ever met. I love you so much, Will. I know I already said that, but the last I remember you were so angry with me—and you were right."
"No, I wasn't. I wasn't right about you. I know you were just trying to help our family, trying to save us. I know you didn't—you didn't love EJ more than me."
"I don't love anyone more than you. Least of all EJ DiMera. Will, do you know where he is?"
Will shrugged. "Why do you care?" The utter vulnerability was gone, replaced by a caustic edge.
"I care because I want to know that you and your brother and sister are safe and far away from him."
"We are." He got to his feet and kissed Sami on her cheek. "I'll send in the twins." She knew that she had said something wrong. As soon as EJ's name had crossed her lips, Will had vanished and Dr. Horton had replaced him.
EJ ruined everything.
She didn't have time consider, though, because a hallucination appeared Will's place.
She was looking at herself at the age of thirteen.
It couldn't be.
Could it?
"Allie?" she breathed.
The girl nodded. "Yes. I mean, I'm her."
"How are you?"
"Fine," said Allie politely.
Sami had a thousand questions for the stranger before her. This time, she really was reduced to not knowing much besides the girl's sign. (Right on the line between Libra and Scorpio.)
She forced herself to remember what it had been like when her father—well, John—marched her and Eric into the living room and announced that the "nice lady" they had seen in the park was their mother. A feeling of dread washed over her. She remembered unwillingly steeling herself to hug the stranger because John had asked her to. She remembered the vague hope that this new force in her life would go back to where it had come from and leave her happy family alone.
What did she wish her mother had told her?
"I want you to know that I'm not going to do anything to change your life if you don't want me to. I'm not here to take anything away from you."
"Okay," said Allie.
"I just want to know that you and your brothers are happy."
"We are," said Allie.
Now Sami knew something else about Allie. The girl couldn't lie worth a damn. Lucas had been right to forbid Sami to name this child "Jezebel."
"Do you get along with your brothers?" Sami tried.
Allie lit up a little. "Johnny and I have always been really close. I don't know Will very well, but I like him. I guess everybody likes Will."
"And Johnny? Does everybody like him?"
A flush crossed Allie's face. "Johnny just came here right before Christmas."
"Where was he before?"
"At school. In… France," said Allie hastily. "It's his turn to talk to you. They said I could just say hello. I'm glad you're awake and I hope you feel better soon."
Allie bolted from the room.
Sami barely had time to prepare herself for the child that she worried for the most. Allie and Will were half Lucas; she had known that they would find their ways. But Johnny… EJ had started filling Johnny's head with spite and egoism before the boy could talk. Even when Johnny was a small baby, before Sami had gone to England, her only dreams of his future had been nightmares.
Johnny glided through the door and perched beside Sami in one fluid moment. He squeezed her hand with his; he was colder than ice, and Sami shivered.
Johnny pulled his hand back gracefully. "I trust that your needs are being seen to?" he asked with an aristocratic English accent.
"Are you my son or the hospital's quality control department?" she asked him.
"My parentage has been called into question recently, as you've doubtless been advised. Regardless, I certainly wish you well."
Sami's coma-addled brain was slow to decode Johnny's remark. What thirteen-year-old talks like this? Right, one raised by the DiMeras.
She couldn't bring herself to tell Johnny, as she had told Allie, that she had no desire to uproot him. He needed uprooting.
Parentage?
She couldn't ask him straight out, not when he had been instructed not to tell her anything. She had to work with his assumption that she already knew.
"How is that going?" she asked. "The… questions about your parentage. I hope it isn't too stressful."
"It's nothing I can't handle," he told her. "EJ DiMera will always be my father, and no faked DNA test or injunctive custody order or biologically unlikely tale will alter that."
Sami's heart began to pound and her monitors began to scream. Johnny's head snapped toward the machines.
"Shall I call the doctor?" he asked.
"No!" Sami snapped. "Did—did Lucas tell you that he's your father?"
"That's his story."
"Oh, God. Oh, God. LUCAS! LUCAS!"
She didn't see Johnny jump from the room only to have Will grab him by his collar and demand to know what he'd done. She didn't hear Johnny's protestations that he'd been a perfect gentleman. All she could do was scream for Lucas.
Lucas would never have claimed to be Johnny's father unless it was the truth.
But if Lucas was Johnny's father, than it had all been for nothing.
Ten years without the twins for nothing.
Thirteen years without Lucas and Will for nothing.
Leaving her children like she'd always sworn she never would for nothing.
Destroying the family she'd craved for nothing.
Lucas' shadowed eyes and silvered sideburns for nothing.
Will's guilt and anger and doubts for nothing.
Allie's distant one word answers for nothing.
Johnny raised in the shadow of a sociopath for nothing.
"I knew we shouldn't have let Johnny in here! Damn it!"
Dr. Karlin's hands and eyes were all over the room, but he answered Lucas. "I was trying to prevent something like this. She was so upset, and so adamant that she see her children. We might have gotten this reaction if we hadn't indulged her."
Sami writhed and choked on the bed. Lucas' name was frozen on her lips.
Lucas reached for her hand as Dr. Karlin, Joy Wesley, and two other doctors debated a mild sedative versus a strong sedative versus doing nothing.
"Sami, listen, whatever Johnny said, it's not that bad. Johnny lies. Not to say I don't love him, of course I do, and we're working with him, but everything's all right. I'm right here, and Allie and Johnny and Will are all fine."
Sami had gone somewhere she couldn't hear him. Her eyes were open and her face was contorted with grief or rage she couldn't express.
"That blood pressure has to go down now if we don't want to undo everything we've done," Dr. Karlin told the others firmly, and Joy, who seemed to have won the argument, triumphantly injected something into Sami's arm.
Sami slept again.
TBC