Chapter Eleven: I'm Not Sorry

If you don't like who I am
You don't think that I can
Well I don't need your approval
No you won't understand
That I'm not sorry, I'm not worried
I'm not ashamed to be the girl I am
I can't hide it, not trying to fight it
I'm just doing the very best that I can
You want me to lie and apologize for what's inside of me
~Celeste Buckingham

Sorry," she apologized to the man, "So sorry. I wasn't paying attention—" The stranger turned around, revealing that he wasn't a stranger at all. "Damon?" Nilly asked, confused. "Are you stalking me now?" she asked, attempting to sound more upset then she did. But her chest had grown tight and she was unable to catch her breath. She started to feel trapped. Not bothering to wait for an answer, she tried to find a way around him.

Clearly seeing the panic in Nilin's eyes, Damon said, "Come on, let's get you out of here." He reached a hand out towards her. She hesitated, glaring at him. "I'm not gonna bite, just grab my hand," he ordered, all ready lacing his fingers with Nilin's.

She didn't have enough air to object. Nilin took hold of his hand as if it was the only solid object around and didn't let go. Not even when they got outside, still she held it tight trying to control her breathing. The air was much cooler out here, but it had the mugginess of June to it. It felt as id her throat was clogged.

"Dammit," Nilly cursed under her breath. She absolutely hated this, usually she was able to control it better.

"Nilin?" Damon asked with a tone of concern. She was bent over slightly now, focusing on the ground. His hand still trapped in hers. "Nilin look at me," he said.

She looked up at him, releasing his hand. "I'm fine," she huffed out. "I'm good." It wasn't that she was already feeling better, it was that she wanted to get away from him. "I should just go now," she said, straightening her self up and backing away. "Thanks for..." Nilin looked at him, swallowing hard. "Uh, goodnight, Damon."

Nilin turned around to leave when Damon grabbed her hand and spoke up. "Wait, wait. You're upset with me, let me explain."

She stopped and turned back around half way, pulling her hand away from him.

"Okay, fine. I suppose an explanation would be nice. What the hell was that all about yesterday?" she asked, turning around fully now and crossing her arms over her chest.

"Nilin, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings," he said walking closer towards her, a charming smile on his face. She let out a cold laugh.

"My feelings? My feelings are fine, Damon. Don't worry," she lied, her feelings weren't fine. They were just tangled in this mumbo-jumbo mess to the point of numbness. "That's not what I'm talking about here. So just answer my question."

Damon dropped his hands to his side, his eyes grew harder. "I didn't know how you were going to react, so I left," he tried to sound convincing. "I know it was cowardly, and I'm sorry." Nilly knew that he wasn't being completely honest with her, but she felt a twinge of truth in his words. Either way, it was clear that that was all of an explanation she was going to get, so she'd take it for now.

"If you don't like me like that, it's fine. We barely know each other, I get it. But you shouldn't have kissed me," she snapped. "Is that what you do every girl you come across?" she accused, glaring at him. Yeah… her feelings weren't hurt at all…

"No, Nilin, that's not—"

She didn't want to hear it. Nilin just shook her head. "What are you even doing here?" she asked him, her voice still cold.

"Just looking out for Stefan, remember?" he answered, looking up at her. Her expression didn't change. "I'm chaperoning the dance." She continued to stare him down. He sighed. "They were short on volunteers to chaperon so I was asked to come." When Nilin still didn't take his explanation, Damon asked, "Do you really think I'd want to spend my Saturday night here?"

Something in the back of her mind told Nilly not to believe him, that he was obviously lying. But another voice reassured her that there must be a good reason for him to be lying. That voice was dumb and fuel by cheesy romance books written by Nicolas Sparks.

"Well seeing as it seems like you don't have many friends... Yes, this is probably how you want to spend your Saturday night." Nilly shot back at him, arms still crossed over her chest.

Damon smirked, chuckling a little before he slipped his hands into his front pockets. "What are you doing here, Nilin?" he asked, raising his eyebrow.

She narrowed he eyes at him and uncrossed her arms. He caught her. "I'm living the life, Damon. Sneaking into High School dances, it's how I live on the edge," she answered with heavy sarcasm in her voice.

"Cute," he said, giving her a look.

Nilly clicked her tongue, casting her eyes away from him. "Honestly," she spoke slowly, her exterior cracking slightly. "I don't know. I was forced against my will to come and then ditched."

"Well, that sounds like a fun night." Damon said, laughing. She eyed him, but then he asked, "What were doing when you bumped into me?"

"Trying to leave," she explained. Nilin hated how soft her voice had gotten. The sarcasm melted out of it, leaving her to sound so pathetic.

"Why? I thought you were living your life on the edge." Damon questioned. Nilin shot a look at him, stepping towards him till they were face to face.

"Things have changed. I didn't come back to the life here that I thought I would, if that makes any sense," Nilin crossed her arms over her chest. "Why I decided to come to this dumbass dance?" she shrugged. "I don't know, maybe you cam figure that one out."

Damon looked at her and said in a strong gentle voice, "Because you're stubborn. You don't want to give them that satisfaction of pushing you out. So, you returned to prove them wrong." Nilin thought he was being sincere, or maybe that was just hopeful thinking. A smirk appeared on his lips though, running the moment. "Did I hit the nail on the head?" he wondered.

Nilly looked down, her eyes stung slightly but she fought the feeling back. "Yeah, stubborn," she said and looked back up at Damon. "Thanks."

"You're welcome," he said. He was quiet for a moment. Then his hand went to her hair, he stroked the rose that she had pinned there. A smile came to his face as he recognized it. "Would you like to dance?" he asked suddenly, still smirking. He held out his hand to her again, the other behind his back.

Nilin stared at him. He gave her whiplash. She didn't understand it. One moment he was cold and sarcastic and the next her was asking her to dance? Maybe he was bipolar or something, that would surely explain all of this.

"I'm not sure, Damon. Elena and Stefan are in there, somewhere." Nilly said, apprehensively. She left out the part where he also made her nervous enough that she forgot to breathe.

He laughed, "So what? I'll face the wrath of my little brother and Saint Elena, if you will."

There was this feeling in her that thought it might cause her actual pain is she said no to him. That probably should have concerned her more than it actually did in that moment. Nilin just looked at him, biting the inside of her cheek. A civil war raged on between her eyes. Finally she let out a sigh and nodded. "Alright then, I would love to dance," she said, curtsying slightly. One side of the battle was stronger than the other.

They walked back into the dance. Nilly ignored most of the people now. She just kept her eyes on Damon, who led her easily into the crowd.

Nilly notice the song playing now as they had made their way into the middle of the gym floor. There was this constant buzz of butterflies in her stomach. It only grew worse when Damon gracefully started to twirl her.

Nothing like the way she and Tyler had been dancing. It actually seemed like Damon new what he was doing and it was kind of fun. She took a deep breath, reminding herself that what they were doing was innocent and harmless enough. Curiosity was still fueling Nilin's actions, or at least that's what she was telling herself to justify why she was dancing with him.

"You're not half bad at this." Nilin commented, feeling the need to make conversation.

"I've had practice," Damon smirked. He spun her in a circle again, suddenly she was staring at the ceiling. He had bent her backwards so fast it made her gasp. Then she was standing up straight again, and pressed up against a grinning Damon.

She glared up at him, "Don't do that."

"Do what?" he asked trying to sound innocence.

"Be all charming and Mr. Suave and stuff."

"But I'm always charming," he said raising his eyebrows, his black eyes shining.

"Don't do that either." Nilly said.

"And what's that?" he said smiling.

"That eye thing you do."

He grinned at her and rose his eyebrows again, "I assure you, I don't know what you're talking about."

Nilin fought hard against the smile that wanted to split her cheeks. "Yeah, yeah," she said, even managing an eye roll. They rocked back and forth slowly for a little, the small talk dying down. At first Nilin looked around the gym— the balloons, the ceiling, the couple eating each other's faces— but eventually her eyes floated up to Damon.

He must have been watching her the entire time, because when he caught her a smirk appeared on her lips. Nilin darted her eyes away, focusing on their clasped hands. She cleared her throat before she spoke "Thank you," she said quietly.

"For what?" he wondered. Nilin didn't need to look at him to know that he was still wearing that arrogant grin.

"For helping me before," she clarified.

"Well, you are welcome, Nilin." Damon said.

She gathered up enough courage to look up at him again. "You can call me Nilly, you know. Everyone else does," she told him.

He just smiled. "I know," was all he answered, very casually brushing the hair out of her eyes. She felt that shock run down her spine again, he must have felt it too because his hand froze there for a moment. Then he dropped back to her waist, snapping out of it and picking right back up with the pace, not missing a step.

Nilin just let out a slow breath, focusing on her feet as they moved. He moved both his hands to a waist, locking Nilin's hands behind his neck. "If we're going to do the whole high school dance thing, might as well go all the way," he told her winking.

"Then I'm expecting a plastic cup filled with artificially color fruit juice after this," she explained, smiling a little.

Damon chuckled, noticeably pulling her closer to him. "I think I can do that," he said, not drawing attention to the fact that Nilin's cheeks hand turned bright red.

They were all shocked, jaws dropped and eyes wide. It was that classical expression that you see in every comedy sitcom. Bonnie, Caroline, Elena and even Stefan all had the same look on their faces.

They had been standing off by the refreshment table, chatting. Stefan had been complimenting Elena again and Caroline was failing at another attempt to get the necklace from Bonnie, when Stefan cut off in mid-sentence and his eyes focused on something else. The rest of them looked up to see what had caught him off guard and were stunned to find a laughing Nilin dancing with Damon. They were talking and dancing like they knew each other for years now.

Clearly, no one knew exactly how to react. A wide spectrum of emotion was being expressed at that moment. There was a feeling of anger charging between the four of them, mostly focused on Damon, but Caroline's anger was directed towards Nilly.

She was fuming, Why would he dance with her, before me? There's nothing special about Nilly at all, she's a nobody and now Damon was flirting with her!

She was clenching her fist as the surprise began to wear off on the others around her. Elena and Stefan were whispering frantically, but Caroline was too irritated to even bother to hear what they were saying. Damon had chosen Caroline first, before Nilly. Even though he said some nasty things to her didn't mean she was over him. He was obviously over her, but she wasn't over felt used, like he was only pretending with her. He never looked at her the way he was staring at Nilin right now. And most of the time he was always blowing Caroline off, unless when he needed her for something. Why was she feeling so upset about this? Was it because he had thrown Caroline away for Nilly? The one person she truly couldn't stand.

Caroline was much better at getting guys than Nilly was. Had Nilly even had a boyfriend yet? Does she know what a boy is?

Damon should have been easy to get, but he wasn't. He tricked her, played with her emotions and screwed with her memory. She wasn't going to sit around and watch Nilly with Damon anymore. She stomped off into the crowd of dancing people, pushing people out of her way.

"Caroline!" she heard Bonnie call after her, but she ignored it as she made her way towards Nilin.

Nilly saw Caroline coming before she had reached them. She stopped dancing, her hands dropping from Damon's neck. He turned to see what she was staring at and saw Caroline coming at them. Damon stepped in front of Nilin and in a stern whisper said, "What are you doing, blondie?"

"None of your concern, Damon," she said coldly, pushing around him to get to Nilin. Caroline didn't need to worry about Damon anymore. Stefan had stepped in. He clamped a hand on Damon's shoulder, coming face to face with him.

Stefan said something along the lines of don't make a scene here. Stares were starting to linger. Caroline noticed them, she glanced around the dance. When she looked back to Nilin, the brothers had disappeared from the gymnasium doors.

Nilin's confused eyes had followed them out, but suddenly her eyes snapped back to Caroline. "What do you want?" she asked bitterly.

"I want to know what you think you're doing here," Caroline demanded, placing her hands on her hips coolly and glaring at Nilly.

She glared right back, "What are you rambling about?"

"You come in here like you own the place, like you have the right to dance with guys who aren't even yours to dance with. Do you think people are just going to let you do whatever you want because you're such a sad sack? We'll they're not."

Nilly had her hands crossed over her sleek black dress, her hands were balled up in fists and her mouth was in a tight straight line. Her eyes burrowed into Caroline. She didn't say anything, a silent pause passed between them.

Then she notice Nilly begin to change, her hands loosened up, she dropped her arms to her side as she said in a strained voice, "Is that all, Caroline?"

For some reason this infuriated Caroline even more, she wanted a reaction out of Nilly, not the calm collective person in front of her. Caroline laughed. "You really are pathetic, aren't you? You can't even defend yourself, because you know I'm right, no one wants you here." Caroline saw Nilly's eyes flash across the crowd of people that had started to gather around them and then shoot back to her.

"Mmm, careful Caroline you might bust a blood vessel." Nilin said coldly. "I feel bad for you, I really do. This is what you care about? Me dancing with some guy at a school that I use to go to? Really?" she questioned loudly, looking around the group that had gathered around. "I guess I was wrong," she said more softly. "I guess I shouldn't have showed up tonight, but I'm done explaining myself to you Caroline. You're not worth my time."

Something burst inside Caroline, something ignited by Nilly's words. Nilly was blowing her off, getting ready to leave. She was making her look bad in front of everyone. "He's just using you. He doesn't really care about you. I mean, why would he?" she said, raising her voice because Nilin had turned and started to walk away. Now she stopped, turning back around towards Caroline. "He only said yes to dancing with you because he's using you or he just feels bad for you. Either way, don't get your hopes up." Caroline continued.

Nilly stared to laugh a little, "He asked me to dance Caroline, nice try though."

She went to turn around again when Caroline said, "Where is he now, then? He left you. Everyone did, notice how no one has even come to help you. Not even your own cousins, who are both here at the dance, I might add. Everyone just seems to leave, isn't that right Nilly? No one really cares about you, so I don't even know why you bother coming back here." Caroline knew she struck a nerve, because Nilly was frozen, her back towards Caroline.

She turned around slowly, ridged. "Quit while your ahead, Caroline," Nilin said between clenched teeth.

"I bet your own father didn't want you. That's why you're here, right? He threw you out even in his drunken state. Well, that's what I heard anyhow," she laughed. "What? Mommy's gone and daddy doesn't know what to do with you? I know what I'd do with you if you were my daughter."

Suddenly, Nilin was right in front of Caroline, talking strong and loudly, "My mother died six years ago, I've been trying to put her to peace for six years. So you don't deserve to talk about her, you don't have the right! Understand!?" she snapped.

"Do you know what it's like to lose a parent while the other can't function without a bottle in their hand, and then not even four years later lose the closest thing you had to a mom and dad? Do you?!" Nilly yelled getting close to Caroline's face.

Caroline opened her mouth to say something but Nilly shouted, "And I don't mean a dad who decides to leave his family for another guy. Lucky you Caroline, you get two daddy's and a mom, but where are they exactly, huh?" Caroline clenched her jaw, her face getting hot. She backed away from Nilly. "See, you don't have the right to bring up my family when yours is just as screwed up."

She needed to say something, she couldn't let Nilly get away with this. She had to say something fast because Nilly was beginning to back away. Nilin had her back to her when Caroline yelled, "At least my mother's alive, and my dad's not a drunk." Caroline crossed her arms over her chest and smirked.

Nilin was back in Caroline's face. Caroline didn't even get a chance to blink before she saw Nilly's fist go up. There was a dull thud sound as Carolina felt a pain in her left cheek. Then she was stumbling backwards into the punch bowl, landing in red sticky juice and ruining her dress. She heard gasps as she fumbled to stand back up, and as Nilly pushed her way out of the dance.

"She punched me, that bitch actually punched me!" she shrieked.

Author's Notes:

Thanks for reading guys, it really means a lot to me. Remember to Favorite, Follow & Review so I know how I'm doing and what to do better! Thank you all so much.

RLS