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Chapter 11

Misguided ghosts

See I'm trying to find my place

but it might not be here where I feel safe

we all learn to make mistakes

and run from them, from them

with no direction

we'll run from them, from them

with no conviction

I'm just one of those ghosts traveling endlessly

don't need no roads in fact they follow me

and we just go in circles

Jax went upstairs sometime later to see if Haley wanted some dinner. She wasn't in her room though. He glanced around the room in confusion before going down the hallway. He pushed open the door to her mom's room. He turned and found her asleep on the floor in the closet.

Jax shook his head as he went into the closet. He sat on the floor next to her, pulling her head onto his lap. He slowly drug his fingers through her hair, playing with her honey locks. She stirred slightly, rolling onto her back.

Haley's eyes fluttered open and she stared up at him. Her face was puffy, she'd obviously been crying. Jax continued to play with her hair as she stared up at him.

"You ok," he asked.

"I've been better. I feel like I didn't know her at all."

"I felt the same way when my old man died. You think you know them, and when they die all this stuff comes out. You find out who they really were. Its hard, to realize that our parents are just people too. We spend so much time looking up to them, that we never realize that they can make mistakes too," Jax replied.

"She should have told me. I could have kept that secret."

"She was trying to protect you. She did what she thought was best."

"You don't believe that bullshit anymore than I do," Haley shot back.

"Well that's what people always say about parents. Its got to be right some of the times, right?"

Haley chuckled and shook her head at him. "What am I going to do now?"

"Go back to Charming, wait for us to get him, get yourself a job, move into your house."

"It all feels like a lie now though, like maybe this isn't what I should be doing. Maybe I should be somewhere else, doing something more."

"Haley, you can't leave yet, we can't protect you."

"I know, I won't do anything yet. I just... part of the reason I turned down that offer was because she told me I should. Maybe this is why she told me to, because she knew something like this would happen and I would have to go back to Charming to be safe."

"You know you come up with a lot of what ifs," Jax pointed out.

"What else am I supposed to do?"

"Accpet that this is fate and all of it was meant to happen this way."

"Or maybe I've allowed my fate to be manipulated, and this isn't the life I'm supposed to be leading."

"Whatever you say college girl," Jax said with a grin. "I think those philosophy classes are starting to show."

"Why didn't you go to college Jax?"

"Uh, because I got a GED and always knew what I was going to do with my life. I wanted a cut and bike since I was 5. I was born to sit at the head of that table, your brother on my left, and probably Chibs on my right. This is all I've ever known, why would I go to college?"

"Good point, your fate was set from birth."

"Here we go with fate again," Jax complained.

"All right, all right, no more about fate. I promise," Haley said as she held her hands up. She continued to stare up at him as he played with her hair.

"So what are you doing in here?"

"I always loved her closet. I used to hide in here when I was a kid. I was so mad at her for taking me out of Charming, away from Piney, Opie, even you. I would sit in here, and this is really embarassing to admit, but I would sit in here and talk to you guys, like you were actually here," Haley admitted. She flushed bright red as she glanced away from him.

"Really," Jax asked with a grin.

"Yeah, really. I would have a bad day, so I would come in here, sit in the floor and tell you about it."

"You always were a weird kid."

"Hey," Haley said indignantly. "I was awesome and you know it!"

"Yeah, awesomely weird."

Haley snorted at him and shook her head. She sat up and kissed him on the cheek. "Thank you, for doing all of this for me. I... I would have lost it if you hadn't been here for all of this," Haley said softly.

"You'd do the same for me."

"Can you help me pack some of this stuff? I don't want to leave it all here," Haley asked.

"Sure, whatever you want."

...

Haley let out a yawn as she sat down on the foot of the bed. Her eyes drooped tiredly and she yawned again. Jax gave her shoulder a push and she wavered before falling back against the bed. She let out a sigh and shifted slightly, making herself more comfortable. Her shirt rode up slightly revealing her stomach.

Jax tilted his head slightly as he noticed something peeking out of the waist of her jeans. "When'd you get a tattoo," Jax asked in surprise.

Haley reached over and tugged her t-shirt down. "A few years ago," she muttered with a shake of her head.

Jax sat down on the bed next to her and reached for her shirt. Haley pushed his hand away and rolled over to sit up.

"Just show me," Jax complained.

"Its none of your business. You wouldn't get it," she replied as she checked the boxes they had packed. She pushed the shirt off her shoulder so another tattoo showed. Four stars littered the back of her shoulder. "I got one for each member of my family: me, my mom, my dad, and Opie."

"I had no idea you had tatts."

"Hey, I show you mine, you show me yours," Haley replied as she turned to look at him.

Jax smirked at her before he pushed his cut off his shoulders. He yanked his t-shirt over his head and turned so she could see the reaper on his back. She let out a soft laugh as she checked it out. She stepped around the boxes and skimmed her fingers over the the letters.

"Did it hurt?"

"What do you think," Jax asked as he glanced over his shoulder at her. Haley could see the goosebumps rising on his skin as she touched him. He was pratically twitching as her fingers skimmed over the letters on his lower back.

Jax turned slowly, catching her wrist to stop her. He stared down at her, a look in his eyes that she didn't recognize. He wrapped his arms around her, she rested her hands on his shoulders. Jax's hands bunched up her t-shirt, his fingers brushing against her sides. Haley bit her lip as she stared at him.

"Jax," she whispered as she stared at him. Her green eyes were wide, Jax could see so many different emotions swimming in them.

Jax moved one hand up and brushed some hair out of her face. He tucked it behind her ear as his gaze settled on her lips. "I'm going to kiss you if you don't stop me," he warned.

Haley returned his gaze, her lip coming from between her teeth. She swallowed hard and leaned into him. Her fingers slipped into his hair, tangling there. Jax pressed a kiss to her cheek, first one, then the other.

His thumb brushed over her bottom lip, before he cradled her face. He let his nose bump against hers as he shifted closer. His lips captured hers in a gentle kiss. It surprised Haley, it wasn't the type of kiss she'd expected from him. Jax pulled back after a moment and met her gaze.

Haley blinked several times before shifting back from him. She lowered her head, a sigh escaping from her lips. "Jax, this isn't what...," she trailed off.

"I get it," Jax said sharply as he stepped back from her. He snatched his shirt up and pulled it back on. "Don't worry about it."

"Jax, come on," Haley said as she grabbed his arm. "That's not what I meant."

"I get it, don't worry about it."

"Jax, please, don't be like this. That... that wasn't what I was expecting, I don't need," Haley started to say.

"Don't, Haley don't. You don't have to say anything, I get it, fate and all that shit. Don't worry about," Jax snapped.

"What are you talking about? This isn't about fate! I don't want to pretend like this didn't happen, I just need a minute to catch up Jax!"

"It was a kiss Haley! That was it, I didn't ask you to fuckin marry me! You're the one that started this game with the tatts. Don't play if you can't handle it," Jax shouted.

"I wasn't playing a game with you, Jax! Jesus, what kind of person do you think I am? I would never toy with you like that!"

"I guess we'll never know," Jax shot back before storming out of the room.

"Fuck you," Haley shouted after him. She rushed after him and shoved him from behind. "Just walk away, you thought you'd get an easy lay out of me, is that what you're so pissed about? You thought we'd drop down and do it right there? I'm sorry to disappoint you, jackass, but in case you haven't noticed I kind of have a lot going on in my life!"

"You think I don't know that," Jax cried as he rounded on her. "What have I been doing the past two weeks? What has all of this been about? You, Haley! Its always about you!"

"Please, I never asked you for this! You are the one that's been keeping tabs on me since I left! You think you know me because you know shit about me! You don't know me Jax! You saw me dance, you were at my graduation! That doesn't mean you fucking know me," Haley screamed. Bobby and Chibs came rushing up the stairs and got in between them.

"What the hell is goin on here," Chibs shouted.

"What are you talking about? I never saw you dance," Jax cried.

"Your mom found the program, you idiot! I know you were there! Why didn't you tell me," Haley demanded.

Jax stared at her a look of rage on his face. He took a step toward her, but Bobby pushed him back. Jax let out a ragged breath before storming down the stairs and out the front door. Haley jumped when the door slammed shut.

"Go with him, make sure he doesn't get himself killed," Chibs said. Bobby glanced between Chibs and Haley before going after Jax. "Now, lassie, you want to tell me what that was about?"

"Not really," Haley snapped.

"How about I make you some tea? Then you can tell me," Chibs offered.

"I'm good."

"That wasn't a suggestion, you can have tea, or you can have some whiskey, but either way you are going to tell me why you two were ready to tear each other apart."

"He thinks it didn't mean anything Chibs."

"What didn't mean anything?"

"He... he kissed me, and he thinks it didn't mean anything to me, that I regret it," Haley explained.

"Ah, whiskey it is then," Chibs said before throwing an arm around her shoulders and guiding her downstairs.