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Chapter 12

Kiss me fool

Tell me who should I be to make you love me

Tell me what does it mean to be alone

can't you see me standing, staring out from a distance

hear my cry if you'd only listen

out of focus into me and you

Haley sat down at the table in the kitchen as Chibs pulled out a bottle of whiskey. He found two glasses and sat them down before joining her. Chibs poured a little in each glass, studied them for a moment, then poured some more in both. Haley couldn't help but chuckle as she watched him. He sat back with a satisfied look before turning his attention to her.

"Now, tell me what the hell is going on with you two."

"Chibs, its not really any of your business."

"You two screaming about it while Bobby and I were downstairs kind of makes it our business."

"Chibs," Haley complained. She ran a hand through her hair before she reached for her glass. Chibs leaned across the table and pushed it out of her reach.

"You can have some when you tell me how it started."

Haley heaved a sigh and leaned back in her chair. "I have a tattoo, below my waist on the left side. He saw it, it sticks out of the top of my jeans. He tried to see it and I pulled by shirt down so he couldn't."

"Why can't he see it?"

"Its none of his business."

"Ah, so that started it."

"No, I showed him my other one. I have one on the back of my right shoulder, a star for each member of my family. I said 'I show you mine, you show me yours', so he pulled his shirt off and showed me the reaper on his back."

"One thing led to another, and he kissed you."

"Yep, and it scared me."

"Why?"

"Can I have my drink now," Haley asked.

"Yes," Chibs said as he slid it over to her. She quickly downed the drink and set it back on the table. Chibs shook his head at her before filling up the glass again.

"Thanks."

"So it scared you?"

"Yeah, it did. A lot. Its... its not that I don't care about him Chibs, I do. I just have so much going on right now. My mom, and my step-dad, and now all this shit with the outfit. I don't know what to do Chibs! I don't know how to feel, I feel like everything in my life has changed. We haven't seen one another in ten years, and suddenly... suddenly he's kissing me and wanting more than I can give him right now."

"Did you tell him that lass?"

"I didn't get a chance, he left."

"So you tell him."

"I don't think its that simple Chibs."

"Lass, I know a thing or two about Jackie boy. After Tara left, he blamed himself, he thought it was his fault. He's convinced that he doesn't deserve to be happy. Now here you are, the girl he's watched grow up from afar, everything he could ever want, and he thinks you don't want him too."

"I don't know if I do Chibs. I mean, I do, but its just too much right now."

"Talk to him," Chibs replied in a sing song tone.

"Oh its so easy Scottie, I'll just talk to Jackson Teller about my feelings and the direction of our friendship. It will be so awesome," Haley said sarcastically.

Chibs took a couple of sips of his whiskey before meeting her gaze. Haley downed her drink again and shook her head.

"Why did everything have to get so fucked up," Haley muttered. "Just when I thought everything was starting, it feels like its ending. I feel like I missed something, like I was standing still and my life, I missed it."

"You're only 22 lass, I don't think you've missed it."

Haley heaved a sigh as she dropped her head on top of the table. She let out a groan and peeked up at him. "That whiskey hit me hard," she muttered.

"I can see that," Chibs said with a grin. Haley let out a soft giggle, and grinned at him. "I think its time for bed lass."

"Can I have another?"

"You sure?"

Haley grinned at him as she nodded. "Just one more."

The front door opened and Bobby came in, pulling Jax with him. Jax stumbled slightly and Haley let out a snort. Jax looked up and met her gaze. Haley flinched back, grabbing the bottle and pouring more into her glass. She downed it in just a few gulps before looking over at Chibs.

Bobby got Jax over to the sofa and sat him down. Chibs turned to look at Bobby. "Let's give them a minute," Bobby suggested.

"All right," Chibs agreed. They went out the backdoor, both patting Haley on the shoulder as they went past.

Haley waited until the door was closed to go into the living room. She stood in the archway and stared at Jax for a moment before going over to sit across from him. "Can we talk," she asked softly.

"Nothing to talk about."

"There is something that I need to say to you."

"I'm not going to stop you if that's what you're worried about," Jax replied.

Haley stared at him for a long moment, gathering her courage. "Everything happened so fast, Jax. My entire life has changed and suddenly you were there, and you were kissing me. The boy that I was in love with as a little girl. When I was little, I always thought you'd be my first kiss. My mom took me away before any of that could happen though. I hated her for it, for months, I was furious with her. Now I've got you back, but I lost her. I lost my mother Jax, she's going to miss so much of my life."

Haley paused and looked down, running her fingers through her hair. "She's not going to be there when I get married, or when I have my first child. She'll never get to see me dance again. She'll never grow old or play with her grandkids. I'll never get to tell her I love her again. I care about you Jax, I care so much, but I'm scared. There is so much happening right now, my mom, all this stuff with my step-dad, the outfit, and now you."

"I get it," Jax replied.

"No, Jax, you don't get it. You don't understand what I'm trying to tell you. I want this, whatever this is, I want it. I'm just scared, and I need some time to catch up. Since we were little, you've always been the one to jump in and just go. I'm not like that, I need some time to deal, before I can... do this," Haley said as she gestured between the two of them.

Jax stared at her for a long moment before nodding slowly. "So... you want some time?"

"Yes, time, I need some time."

"So what kind of time are we talking about," Jax asked.

Haley rolled her eyes at him. "I'll let you know, as soon as I figure it out."

"You... you won't change your mind," Jax asked nervously. He wasn't one for nerves when it came to women, but this was Haley. This was the girl he had loved as a little boy, that he'd watched from afar. He'd seen her dance, and something just connected. He knew, whether she knew it or not, he knew and he was so sure that he had rushed in, headlong, and scared her.

"I won't, I promise," Haley assured him.

They heard the backdoor open, but neither of them moved. Chibs appeared in the archway and grinned at them. "Good, you didn't kill one another. You should get some rest, long day tomorrow," he suggested.

"Sure," Haley said before moving toward the stairs. "Night."

"Night," Jax called after her. He rolled his head at the look Chibs was giving him. "Don't start man."

"Didn't say a word."