Part 29- By Any Other Name

Lucas watched his daughter trembling in his wife's—no, ex wife's, how could he possibly make that mistake?—arms, and the anger returned.

The anger had never really gone away. He had suppressed it, set it aside, and ignored it. He had listened when Philip had told him that it wouldn't help anyone if Lucas got himself arrested again.

But watching as Allie-who-doesn't-cry cried was his undoing. He had never been able to stand it when Sami cried. Unthinkably, it was even worse with Allie.

Allie's testimony was lodged in his brain:

If he hurts anyone—because I didn't try to convince the judge to keep him in prison—it would be wrong for me to do that.

He'd tried to keep EJ from hurting anyone else when he'd shot him thirteen years before. He had messed that up royally.

He'd wanted to finish the job when Allie told him what EJ had done to her. But more pressing, closer concerns—principally his desire to get Allie help without disrupting her life further— had taken priority.

But now Allie had her mother and her twin back. Now EJ was within striking distance. Now was the time to end the cycle of pain before it hit Will, or Allie, or Johnny again.

Lucas had always believed in planning before taking action. Sometimes his plans had been long-term and complex: first Carrie will dump Austin for Mike, and then she'll dump Mike for me. Sometimes his plans had been immediate and laughably simple: if I put cheese in EJ's car, the smell will keep him from getting romantic with Sami.

Now he had no scheme and no weapon—not even cheese. He had nothing but an overwhelming desire to get to EJ and hurt him.

So when they returned to the hotel and Will helped Sami lift a still-sobbing Allie from the car, Lucas bolted away from them all.

He didn't want one more look at his brave, crusading Allie who was finally getting the chance to bask in her mother's love.

He didn't want one more look at his kind, clever Will who had dedicated his life to saving others.

He didn't want one more look at his fierce, spirited Sami who would know exactly what he was about to do if she so much as caught his eye. It didn't matter that they had spent a lifetime apart; first they had spent a lifetime together. She knew what made him laugh, what made him hurt, what made him fight, and what made him run. She knew everything about him, from the violent to the petty to the selfless.

She knew that he had killed before.

She knew that killing was too good for EJ.

It wasn't hard to find HM Prison Brixton, South London, at which most prisoners in the midst of trials taking place in London were held. He was politely informed that no one other than legal counsel was permitted to visit EJ DiMera; surely, with the case being so high-profile and the prisoner being so well-heeled, he understood why.

Lucas looked the guard in the eye. "She's my daughter," was all he said. It was all he had to say. No one in all of London was talking about anything but the trial and the nameless girl.

The guard studied him steadily. "I'll see what I can do."

Ten minutes later, Lucas found himself in a visiting room. It was disconcerting to be on the wrong side of the glass. No, the right side, he tried to tell himself, but it didn't feel any less odd to be in the visitors' area instead of the inmates' area.

EJ strolled in before Lucas was able to sit down. He was wearing an impeccably tailored suit, though he lacked a belt and a tie, and he stood as if the man who escorted him was a butler rather than his keeper.

Lucas' clothes were disheveled by travel and sweat and tears and nerves. He even looked as if he were the prisoner and EJ the guest.

"You get special permission to wear that in here?" Lucas blurted out before they had even acknowledged one another.

As always, EJ gazed detachedly at Lucas as if Lucas were something insignificant. "I've not been convicted of anything, Lucas, and as such I'm permitted to wear my own clothing."

He didn't comment on Lucas' attire. He didn't have to. Like EJ, Lucas had been raised by someone who had taught him to take care with his appearance in all situations. EJ was following Stefano's rules. Lucas had decided that he didn't give a damn about Kate's rules somewhere around the first time he'd met Sami Brady.

"How jolly brilliant for you," Lucas replied, mimicking EJ's accent without intending to do so.

"I see you had Alicia trained to speak like an American. Couldn't handle hearing her sound like me, could you?"

"That was Allie's decision. It was her decision to make sure you paid for what you did to her, too."

"Alicia is not making me do anything, Lucas, despite your best efforts. I only regret that you decided to put her through this fruitless exercise. I love her like my own—"

"Don't stand there and call what you did to her love!"

"Don't be foolish enough to believe that I ever did what she claimed. Alicia began to lie and couldn't find her way out, much like her mother always did. Speaking of my wife, how is Samantha doing?"

"She's not your wife and it's not your business."

EJ shrugged. "Just making pleasant conversation. I have better sources than you, anyway. Would you try to meet Giovanni at the airport, if you aren't doing anything else? I don't like the idea of my son—"

"He's not your son!"

"Not my wife, not my son. You just love staying inside your little delusional world, don't you?"

"Your little world, EJ, yours. You're the one who won't be seeing anything but four walls for the rest of your life. You can think about Sami and Will and the twins and me if you want, but we won't think about you."

"So Samantha ran back to her old security blanket Lucas when I wasn't available, and you accepted?"

In spite of himself, Lucas blanched. He had instinctively reverted to his old habit of thinking of himself and Sami as a unit, but Sami had long since divorced him in order to marry EJ. It had been easy to think of Sami as the great love of his life, never to be equaled, and always to be missed, when Sami—and EJ—hadn't been around to interrupt his imaginings.

EJ laughed coolly. "Even with me out of the way, you couldn't get Samantha back?"

"You know," Lucas told EJ, "I came here thinking that I wanted some kind of revenge, that I wanted to make sure you didn't hurt anyone else. But I don't know what else I can do. You're sitting there telling me that the woman you raped and almost killed would choose to be with you if she had the opportunity. Newsflash: she never chose you. She married you because you threatened to kill her family. She could have had you when you first showed up in Salem, but she wanted me. She could have had you after you took her off to England, but she decided to be your prisoner instead of your partner. She could be standing here with you right now, but instead she's taking care of her daughter who you violated. Sami doesn't like you, Sami doesn't want you, and you're sitting here pretending that she chased you all over the world begging you to give her a chance. You're reduced to trying to upset me by pretending we had some kind of love triangle going on, but I'm going to go home to my children, and my brothers and sisters, and my mother, and my cousins and aunts and uncles and friends, and Sami."

"Boo hoo," said EJ flatly. "I think I'll sit here and cry because everyone loves you and no one loves me."

"You do that," said Lucas, and left.

He hadn't made it more than two blocks from Brixton Prison when Will stepped into his path.

"I knew it," seethed Will. "I knew you went to see him. You didn't kill him, did you?"

A few passerby crossed the street as they took in Will's flushed face, wild eyes, and rumpled clothes.

"I didn't kill anyone." Well, not lately. Sorry, Franco. You're old news.

Will sighed. "Good."

"Everything's okay," Lucas added, even though it wasn't, and even though Will knew that.

"I'm still mad at you," said Will, calmer now.

"Why?" Lucas nudged Will's side with his own, and they began walking back the way Will had come.

"You didn't invite me. I could have helped."

"Helped me make a fool of myself? Bud, you know I don't need any help in that department."

"Did they let you see him?"

"They did."

"Did he look—how did he look? I couldn't see him from where we were sitting at the trial."

"Wearing a damn Armani suit. Looks exactly like he did the last time I saw him."

"How close was the supervision?"

"Honestly, I got the idea that the guard would have looked the other way if I'd wanted to take a few swings through the window. But I didn't, because that wouldn't do any good. You know that. You know how things worked out the last time I tried to take care of him."

"Guns are illegal in this country anyway," said Will nonchalantly. He raised a paper bag that was clenched in his fist. "But it's really interesting how you can get some drugs over the counter that you could never get anonymously at home. Stuff that, when you mix it with samples drug companies give doctors, samples no one would notice a doctor having in his carry-on luggage—"

"Stop it!" Lucas snapped. He ripped the bag from Will's hands and shoved it deep into his coat pocket. "Will, I don't want to hear you talking about something like this ever again. I don't want you thinking about it."

"What, and it's all right for you?"

"You're better than I am. You always have been. You know that."

"Take me off that stupid pedestal you have me on, would you? I'm not some kind of saint, or slave to the rules."

"No one would confuse you with a saint after the way you spoke to your mother at the trial," Lucas told Will sharply.

"Sorry about that," Will muttered. "But look, if someone is going to take… initiative here, it should be me."

"No one is going to take 'initiative.'" Lucas made exaggerated air quotes with his fingers. "No one, and especially not you."

"If it's going to be especially not anyone, it's going to be especially not you. The last time you took 'initiative,' you ended up in prison for thirteen years."

"So let me get this straight, Buddy." Lucas affectionately tapped his fingers on Will's arm to lighten the sting of his words. "Your mother is an idiot for trying to protect her family by marrying the man who raped her and threatened to kill us. I'm an idiot for trying to protect us all by taking a shot at the guy and ending up in jail. The only one in this family who could possibly be right about anything ever again is you."

"I didn't say that."

"You didn't have to. Your mom and I, we made mistakes and we've both been open with you about that. Maybe too open. It's no secret that we admire you and wonder how on earth you turned out so well after the kind of childhood we put you through. I know we made you feel like you had to be the adult in the family when you were a kid—"

"Can we not go through this again?"

"All right, I'll cut to the chase. First of all, you're a very moral human being and you took an oath to do no harm. You are not going to take initiative because you're better than that. Second of all, it is not your responsibility to keep me from making mistakes. I'm the parent, you're the child."

"I'm not a ch—"

"You're my child."

"Thought I was your Buddy," Will said, but the venom he intended was nowhere to be found. Instead, he sounded vulnerable, like the little kid he had never particularly been.

"That, too." Lucas caressed Will's arm again. "Buddy doesn't mean keeper."

"So since we're pals and all, I get to ask you about your love life."

Lucas winced. "We've been down this road before."

"I know. I'd prefer that Allie not be the roadkill this time—I'm expressing my concern as her brother, not anything more, of course."

Lucas' steps slowed down and he turned to look hard at Will. "I think we need to declare a moratorium on metaphors for the rest of this conversation."

"Allie noticed the way you and Mom looked at each other in the airport before we left Salem. She's already got ideas about you getting back together and being a real—traditional—family, just like I did when I was her age. You and Mom broke my heart again and again when I was a kid. I think you should promise me right now that you won't get together with Mom this time."

Lucas pronounced each word slowly and clearly. "Not. A. Chance."

"Why? Because you want me to stop trying to control everything or because you want to get back together with Mom?"

"The first one."

"What about the second?"

"You don't like it when I ask you about Joy, do you?"

"I'll promise to stop dating Joy if you promise not to date Mom."

"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard."

"Then you need to get out more, because there's a lot of stupid in the world."

Lucas laughed. "You know what, I take it back. But it was still stupid."

"And I still want an answer. If it was up to you, just you, would you want you and Mom to be a couple?"

"I can't answer that. It's not up to just me."

"Cop out."

"Nothing wrong with a good cop out."

The walked in silence for a while. "The answer is yes, isn't it? You would have just told me if it was no. But you're thinking about how maybe Mom isn't ready to make that kind of decision so soon after coming out of a coma—medical science says she is, by the way—and you're thinking about how it will affect Allie and Johnny. Because if it was just you, you'd take the risk. You'd have grabbed her and kissed her right there in the airport."

Lucas sighed. "You always did go around asking questions when you already knew everything."

Back in the hotel room, Allie slumped onto the couch and cried for most of an hour while Sami watched the clock and wondered when she should call a doctor. Or her mother. Or even Claire and Ciara, who seemed to be experts at giving Allie just what she needed when Sami was clueless.

Nice of Lucas and Will to stick around, she thought sourly. But Lucas had never been able to stand to see her cry, and he probably couldn't take it with Allie, either. Maybe that was why he had himself convinced that Allie didn't cry.

"I've got you, baby girl," Sami whispered. But Allie didn't seem to feel Sami's lips on her cheek or Sami's arms around her body.

God, I hope Lucas didn't go after EJ again. We have to focus on Allie. Not the monster who did this to her.

Sami crossed her fingers in the hope that Lucas wouldn't be able to get anywhere near EJ. Then she uncrossed them, thinking it was hopeless. When Lucas wanted something, he found a way to get it.

Allie tears slowed only after she slipped into a fitful sleep with her head in Sami's lap.

"Rock-a-bye Allie, sent from above…" Sami began again. It seemed to help, so she promised herself that she would keep singing all day if it gave Allie a break from her demons and a well-deserved rest.

But after about fifteen minutes, Allie woke abruptly and sat upright.

"Allie?" Sami asked.

Allie didn't respond. Sami forced herself to sound light-hearted; Allie had enough sadness without any help.

"Allie, Allie, Allie," Sami sing-songed.

Allie looked up blearily and smiled a watery, tired smile. "What?"

"Nothing." Sami nudged her daughter playfully. "I like your name. I can't say it enough."

"I hope you like my name. You chose it, right?"

"Mmm-mmm." Sami kept smiling, but her eyes were pensive. "Johnny, I named. There wasn't any question. As soon as he was born I knew it had to be John Roman. But you… I'd been set on calling you Colleen."

"You wanted to name me after that trampy nun?" asked Allie, outraged. She wrenched herself away from Sami, though she remained perched on the couch. "Why? If she would have kept herself to herself a hundred years ago, or if she hadn't pretended to throw herself off a damn cliff, none of the rest of us would ever have been in this mess!"

"I don't know if that's true," said Sami thoughtfully. "Stefano was always going to be a psychopath. My father was always going to be the kind of man who tried to stop him. And my mother… if Stefano had met her, I think he always would have been obsessed with the idea of having her. Colleen was an excuse."

"She still wasn't some kind of stellar example of truth and righteousness." Allie scowled, and Sami suppressed a grin at how, in anger, Allie could sound very much like Lucas. She was also pleased to see that Allie's anger had driven back her exhaustion and anxiety (and was forced to admit that, in that way, Allie seemed very like Sami.)

"That's about how your father felt about it. So my next choice was Marlena—we would have called you Laney. And then I wanted to give you a J name to go with Johnny—Julia, Jane, Jezebel, something. Before we were expecting you, we'd always thought we might like to name our daughter Grace. We played Amazing Grace at our wedding and it's always been a song that's really spoken to me, you know?"

Allie nodded. She slumped a little, and scooted closer to Sami again. "But whatever name I tried to pin on you—Grace, Colleen, Laney, Julie, Jane, Jezzie—nothing stuck. You'd look at me with this incredible wisdom, this amazing sensitivity. None of the names could encompass that like they needed to. Lucas finally named you and when he told me, I knew he'd gotten it right.

"But it seemed so incredibly presumptuous for me to name my daughter after Alice Horton. She was the kindest, strongest, smartest, best grandmother and mother and neighbor and friend to everyone, and how was any baby supposed to live up to that? Especially a baby whose parents were blackest sheep in the whole Horton-Brady clan? Even Hope didn't have the nerve to use Alice as Ciara's first name.

"But nothing else worked for you, because it turns out that you were meant to have that legacy. You have that same goodness, that same wisdom, that same generosity and resilience. No one else could have been the next Alice. I saw that over and over when you were a little girl, and I saw it again today. I was so proud of you, I was so in awe of you. I love you so much, Allie."

Sami put her arms around Allie again, and Allie hugged back fiercely. "I love you, too, Mom."

"Is there anything you'd like to do for the rest of the day?" Sami asked after a moment, as she continued to trace circles on Allie's back with one hand. "Do you feel up to going out? Is there something you'd like to bring in—DVDs and Indian takeout?"

"Aren't you allergic?"

"I don't like the smell, that's all, and I used to tell your dad it made me sick. But I'm not going to have an anaphylactic reaction. I ate it when I was pregnant with you and it didn't kill me."

Allie giggled. "Really?"

"Really. Lucas about died when I told him I was craving curry. I guess now we know why."

Allie's blue eyes sparkled with interest. "What else?"

"What else did I crave when I was pregnant with you? Everything. French toast. Anchovy pizza with ice cream and marmalade. Oh, all kinds of potato chips—"

"That was Johnny. He always wants them with weird stuff on them."

"I'll have to remember that. It was simpler with Will. I just wanted tacos all the time."

"What about—you said that you played Amazing Grace at your wedding?"

"Yes," Sami reminisced fondly. "Bagpipes, as we walked back down the aisle after the ceremony. I tripped stepping off the altar but before anything could happen—in that one second I was sure I'd destroyed my gown, the wedding, everything—but your father caught me. He always caught me."

Allie's heart sped up. Will had told her not to do this, but she couldn't help it. Besides, Will didn't know everything. Sami looked practically rapturous as she talked about her wedding to Lucas. And Allie had had a hard day doing something to help everyone else, so she deserved to do whatever she felt like now.

Thus content in her own righteousness, hardly able to hear her own words over the pounding of her heart, she asked whether Sami and Lucas might get together again.

Sami winced, but her smile stayed put. "I don't know, Allie. We've been through a lot. I'm not even sure how much your dad went through in prison. But if there's anything our past history has taught me, it's that you should never say never."

"You mean like how he married you after you dressed up as a man and pushed drugs?"

"Will made that sound worse than it was."

"Okay," said Allie simply. "But if it were up to you, you'd want to try again with Dad?"

"You deserve an honest answer. I'm going to give you one. But you can't take what I'm about to say to you as an excuse to start pulling stunts like your brother used to. No cheese in the heating system, no snakes in the sleeping bag."

"Will didn't tell me about the cheese," said Allie thoughtfully.

Sami raised her eyebrows.

Allie sighed. "No stunts. No cheese. No snakes. But you would like another chance with Dad?"

"I never stopped loving him. I never left him because I wanted to. It—it's been thirteen years for him and you and your brothers, but for me it's been three. Three years isn't enough for me to be over him. It's barely enough to keep me from begging him for another chance."

"You love Dad," Allie repeated, fascinated.

Sami nodded. "I will always love Lucas."

TBC