Here I am again, with a new chapter. First of all – the story finally reached 20 reviews! YAY! You guys make me so happy with your support, so thank you everyone that's ever reviewed or favorited or followed. You mean the world to me, especially my constant reviewers ;) Really guys, thank you so much and please keep going.
Second of all, I know I told some people that I'd be posting the next chapter on March 8th and today's March – the story finally reached 20 reviews! YAY! You guys make me so happy with your support, so thank you everyone that's ever reviewed or favorited or followed. You mean the world to me, especially my constant reviewers ;) Really guys, thank you so much and please keep going.
Second of all, I know I told some people that I'd be posting the next chapter on March 8th and today's March 5th. But I posted today because it's my best friend's birthday. She's 15 now and she's Jill exactly. Also, she loves Eddie (obviously) and she's the reason I started writing this fanfic exactly of all the stories I have in my mind because she loves Jeddie so much. I dedicate this chapter to her, because, well, it's her birthday, I love her and I couldn't do this without her 3
And third of all, the usual I don't own anything, Richelle Mead does, there are major spoilers and I'm sorry for mistakes. Hope you enjoy!
It was well above midnight when Eddie and I decided to head back to our room. What surprised me is that we were the only ones in our group left in the disco. Everyone else's already left. We didn't really care. I lost count of what our relationship was, but we were returning hand in hand, laughing the whole way.
The sky was cloudy and the air was hot, almost a bit heavy. It looked like it was about to rain. Whatever. It was still easier to stand than the hot sun that was killing us before.
I bumped into the room's door, being me, of course. Eddie caught the hold of my hand before I could fall. We both laughed and stumbled inside.
We were acting like we're a bit drunk. We weren't, really. But tonight I learned that such a night itself can get you high.
"Woohoo, this was a lot of fun!" Eddie cheered and threw himself on the couch.
"Oh, yeah," I agreed. "Something I've never done before. But it was the best!"
"I've done it before," he said with a faint smile, his gaze distanced. "But it's been a while. And unless I remember it wrong, it's better with you," he added.
That made me smile too.
Tonight we didn't even pretend we're going to bed. I threw myself on the couch and turned the TV on, and Eddie was next to me in no time. We didn't need much words to agree right now. There was this really cool movie channel we already watched last night, but while I was switching trough numbers, something on some sci-fi channel caught Eddie's attention. And it was nothing like the things that usually do.
"Wow, Raptorbot Rampage?" he asked surprised and, well, almost kind of delighted. I gave him a curious look.
"What's that?" I asked. Eddie flushed. "Ah, just some silly movie I once saw."
Funny, his reaction first made it seem like it wasn't all that silly, but okay. I didn't like it that he was embarrased of something in front of me. Then again, it meant he cared about what I think.
Whatever, this was no night to think.
Eddie already switched the channel before I could say anything else and found another movie we both liked. Not that it really mattered. We mostly just talked. And laughed a lot. Everything was kind of making me laugh tonight. It was great being in such a good mood.
Sometime early in the morning sleep won over me. Or so I suppose. Like the morning before, I woke up leaning on Eddie's chest. Except that we were on the couch this time.
I realized what woke me up was the sound of rain hitting the window. No beach today, it looked.
With a sigh I turned around, about to fall back asleep. But I accidentally elbowed Eddie, waking him up. I mean, I didn't hit him enough to hurt him, but with those reflexes of his, it was weird I've been waking up before him two days in a row. Maybe he had an easier time sleeping with me next to him?
"Morning..." he muttered and stifted a yawn. I chuckled. "Hey. This is growing quite a tradition, huh?"
Eddie frowned, still with a smile on his face. "What?"
"Us waking up together," I replied. He nodded. His face reflected complete happiness I hadn't seen in a while. He was so... Calm. Well, actually, it wasn't a whild. He was taking the advice I gave him on the plane. With only a few occasional snaps to serious, he really did relax. It was great to see. The smile on his face was so big and genuine, I almost thought he was about to kiss me.
He didn't. I wasn't as dissappointed as yesterday. Maybe it got me fooled around, but at least I learned I couldn't rely on that.
However, I wondered how would he react now if I kissed him. After everything that's happened, did he still think we were better apart?
"Hey, is it raining?" he asked and stepped towards the window, opening the curtains. It looked like I'd never find out.
"I'm gonna go take a shower," I told Eddie, who still seemed to be fascinated with the rain, like he never saw it before.
"Oh, yeah, sure," he replied, looking focused again. "And I'll be outside. I just... You know, Palm Springs. I don't remember the last time I saw rain."
"Okay," I said with a smile on my lips I couldn't hide. I kind of got it. Sure, I couldn't spend as much time outside as him, because of the sun. And yet, I still noticed there wasn't all that much rain in the middle of a desert.
Eddie gave me one of those real smiles of his, the ones that could make me swoon, giving me the feeling he was perfect, making me forget everything else in my life, every problem was gone, because Eddie was smiling, and he meant it.
But the shower I mentioned, well, it didn't happen quite yet. Because Adrian called me up. I still didn't get used to the fact that I didn't excpect him.
"Hey, Jailbait," he said.
"Hey, what's up?" I asked him, watching my legs dangling from the edge of the bed.
"I just have a question," he said with a cheerful voice. "You and Eddie, you know. What are you guys now? Because yesterday, you were so... Close. Did anything happen? Are you together?"
I sighed. "I'd tell you if I knew." Adrian snorted.
"How can you not know?"
"I don't know. I just don't get anything anymore. I don't know what we are or what he thinks or wants or anything. I mean, I almost thought he'd kiss me two or three times in the last few hours, but he just told me how it means nothing yesterday morning after we slept together and-"
"WHAT?!" Adrian exclaimed, and I sensed a wave of shock through the bond, but still nothing else. "YOU GUYS WHAT?! WHAT."
I thought the phone line would burn out because of how loud Adrian was. He was never that shocked in the whole time since we'd met. I didn't realize what he was freaking out about immediately, but them it hit me how what I'd just said had sounded. Slept together. It looked wrong and it sounded wrong.
"Oh, my... No! Not like that! You dirty mind, no! We didn't... We only slept together in the literal way! In the same bed! Seriously? Christian did the same thing!" I said, rolling my eyes. Hello? I was fifteen, and we weren't even dating.
It was, however, a nice feeling that Christian kept the incident for himself.
"Well, you're not exactly giving us the right impression," Adrian pointed out. I had to admit he was right.
"So? What? Are you together or not?" he asked me.
"I don't know. I don't think so, but we're probably not far from it."
"A definete no, then?" he asked again, weirdly curious.
"I guess, yeah. Why do you want to know anyway?"
I heard a quiet, but known and definetly triumphant laugh in the back.
"And why is Sydney laughing?" I added.
"Umm... Because. I owe her ten bucks," he said hesitantly.
"Why?"
A long pause of something like shame followed.
"We made a bet. I said you guys will get together before the morning comes and she said you're gonna need more time," he admitted at last, saying the last part with a high voice that I knew was supposed to tease Sydney, which made her laigh again. And even without the bond, I knew he was only hesitant because he lost. I couldn't even get myself to be mad, no matter how ridiculous what they did was. All I did was laugh out loud.
"Seriously? Now you guys make bets about my love life?" I asked, still with a smile on my face. They actually made my day.
"Sorry. I still think it's very tragical, if that helps," he said with the amused sorry expression on his face I could practically see, even when he was on the other side of the hotel.
"I don't mind anyway," I told him. Then I started asking him ten thousand questions, because I just missed knowing what's going on in his life.
Then I finally took that shower. Of course, I locked that door before, even if Eddie wasn't here. The last time was just too awkward. I got dressed when I was done. A few minutes later I heard the sound of several female voices laughing down the hall. Just out of curiosity, I opened the door and tilted my head through the narrow opening. Although there was no need to do that, because Rose, Lissa and Angeline were comming to me anyway.
"Jill!" Angeline shouted down the door. Lissa continued: "Since the weather sucks today, I'm taking all the girls shopping. And by 'girls' I'm including my royal credit card, so leave your money at home. You comming?"
I felt a smile form on my lips. The last time I'd had a good shopping trip seemed too far ago to remember it. And with what she was born into, I knew with no doubt that Lissa was an expert.
"Of course I'm comming!" I exclaimed, almost giving them all a big hug.
"Cool, take your stuff, we pick up Sydney and Olive and we go," said Rose. I took my phone and my purse, and texted Eddie I'd be gone before, so that he couldn't get too worried.
The four of us walked down the hall with some kind of euphoria. I think in the weird way our lives were always turning, we all missed doing something ridiculous, girly and silly, something that didn't require much thinking. Something like shopping.
First we picked Olive up. In the beginning she seemed a bit hesitant about it, since she didn't know us that well yet and since she was, you know, a guardian. But it's not like she had a charge here, and she was on vacation just as much as we were. So in the end, she came.
Sydney, on the other hand, was a harder nut to crack. She still didn't completely get rid of the Alchemist way of thinking (although I'd never tell her, because she didn't even want to hear about them) and she thought all she was allowed to do were her duties. I also knew she didn't want to leave Adrian, even when he encouraged her to go have some fun. The fact that we entered the room while they were 'busy' didn't help. And...
"Lissa, I really don't want to cause you more trouble. You can't spend that much of your money on me. Already, I made a mess with comming to the Court, I can't..." she said with guilt in her voice.
"Since we're rolling in money," Adrian sarcastically reminded her. She grimaced.
"Sydney, come on. You need this trip. When you came to Palm Springs, you didn't own a single pair of jeans. Your closet was pure khakis," I told her. She smiled at my words and after a few seconds of thinking nodded. "Okay, you're right. I'm comming."
We all cheered and clapped, making her feel a bit awkward, but she laughed with us in the end.
Lissa called us a cab. We waited for it in the hotel lobby. Otherwise, we would have walked downtown. But with the weather, that thought wasn't all that appealing.
Eddie walked in just when we saw that cab arrive through the window.
"Hey, where are you girls going?" he asked mostly me. I explained the whole thing. Which was hard. I couldn't help but notice he was all wet from the rain. He had raindrops on his eyelashes and his hair was sticked on his forehead, amking the most adorable effect ever when he was leaning down to look into my eyes. And most deadly of all, his white T-shirt was so wet you could see through it. It stuck to his body so tight his muscles were standing out. He went through his hair with his hand once in between to keep it away from his eyes while I was talking, making me lose my point. He's never looked that gorgeous before. Or was it just me?
In the end I managed to explain, stuttering with my heart beating out of my chest. It took me five minutes, and there wasn't even much to say. Eddie of course added the "It's not safe!" notice, but I told him that Rose, Olive and Angeline were all guardians. Then Rose came and dragged me behind her.
"I know, I know," I sighed outside. She smiled conspiatorially. "No, I totally get it. I was like that too. Guys are at their hottest when they're wet. But you'd stay there all day if I didn't take you here." I nodded with a snort and wringed my hair out, because we got to the cab in that time. The rain was turning into a storm, the raindrops hitting the roof were bigger and louder by minute. We barely made it into the first mall we visited without getting soaking wet.
"Look!" said Rose and pointed at a display of bathing suits in front of a store. "First on the list: we need a bikini for Sydney."
Sydney rolled her eyes with a smirk. "Adrian totally ordered you to say that," she said. Rose just shrugged, but didn't look very innocent in the matter.
"You think I should buy one of those coconut bras? You know, to fit in better in the hotel?" I asked. Rose laughed.
"Yeah, Eddie seems to like those, huh?" she teased. I blushed wildly. I was asking for it, I know.
"He's not really like that," I muttered.
"I know," Rose replied, suddenly looking thoughtful. "He never was. He liked to have fun, but when it came to girls, he always had some respect."
That sounded a bit like what Adrian told me the other night. I wanted to know more. About Eddie. Not just out of curiousity, it's just that I knew he wouldn't tell me some things himself. But still, I wanted to know him, every detail about him. Because I loved him and every single thing fascinated me more.
"What happened? Why did he get so serious?" I asked Rose. She looked around. Lissa was showing Sydney some bikini and Sydney was smiling. Then they picked a few things up and went towards the store's changing room. Rose sat into one of the chairs that were there for the people waiting and beckoned me to do the same. I joined her, crossing my legs and lwaning my chin against one of my hands. She made me nervous. She acted like a doctor that was about to tell me I have two moths of life left.
"Do you know what went on in Spokane?" she asked me. I shrugged.
"Well, yeah. I guess. Your friend Mason was killed. That's about it." Rose gave me a sad smile.
"Okay, you deserve to know more. Mason was very into the idea of attacking Strigoi. So when he found out - because of me - that they're in Spokane, him, Eddie and Mia went hunting for them. The thing is that Mason had a crush on me. And I might have given him the wrong idea of what I felt. So, naturally, I felt guilty when they were out there, risking their lives because of me. It was far more complicated, even, but it doesn't matter if you want to hear about Eddie. So, Christian and I went to save them. Nothing happened yet when we got there, but then they caught us and..."
Rose took a breath, avoiding my look.
"However, Eddie was the one they took their blood from. And you know how it is, the endorphins made him all high. Then, when Mason was killed, he couldn't help him, which made him feel guilty. He immediately started to put everything, all his work into classes and protecting his future charge. He was still the guy from before inside, but much more serious - the way you know him now. An actual guardian. We both got more prepared for life that we did during our whole education, but the price was high," she finished with a distanced smile.
Wow. That explained so much. Now I also knew what was up with him and the feeders. Why he was so terrified of them.
"Thanks, Rose," I said and hugged her. "And I'm sorry if this was hard for you to talk about."
"No problem, you deserved to know," Rose said with a smile, stroking her hand. Back to good old Rose.
In that moment Sydney peeked through the dressing room's door.
"Come out and let us see," Lissa ordered her. Sydney followed her words and leaned her hand in her hip like a model, making us all laugh. But it was terrifying to see how much re-education actually hurt her. The fact that you could still see her ribs after, what, a month and a half, was frankly just scary. What was it that they did to her?
"It's definetly not what I'm used to," she slowly commented. But still, through everything, she looked great.
"Take it," I told her. Others nodded at my words, making her smile. She obeyed us, also taking two other bikinis we'd advised her. The rest of us didn't take anything yet, unless if you count Lissa who paid.
But I did try on a few things in the other stores. I liked many too. I just didn't decide to buy any, even when were already others walking around with full bags of clothes. Like she did with Sydney before (who in the end got the hang of the whole thing retty quickly), Lissa tried to convince me to buy at least something. "But I don't need anything. These things are gorgeous and I'm really gratedul for your offer, but I'm having a great time like this," I told her.
Well, the girls weren't satisfied by that. First we went to a small nearby restaurant for lunch, then they 'took the matters into our own hands'. We were running out of time if we wanted to get back to the hotel by 4 pm, as Lissa promised our guys. Even without that, Eddie's already called me three times all worried.
But, my friends used the half an hour we had left to get me something to buy. They took me to a store called Grace that I've never heard of before, but it really had amazing things. It still took me a while to pick out one that I liked.
Angeline found it in the end. What won me over was probably the color. It was jade green, like my eyes, so it most likey complimented me more because of the match. It was a halter dress, with straps that tied up around my neck, comming from the middle of the upper hem. There was a big cutout on its back. The skirt was loose, reaching an inch above my knees. It was beautiful.
And no matter what doubts I had about myself, I honestly looked great in it. That's what the girls said too.
"That might just be the dress that'll win Eddie over," said Rose.
"And I picked it out," said Angeline proudly.
"Will you finally let me buy you this? Because it's a crime otherwise," said Lissa. I smiled.
"Of course. I love it," I said.
Then Rose and Lissa also found me some gorgeous stilettos and I had to take those too. But in the end I was happy with my purchase.
We went back to the hotel then. It was still raining and Eddie wasn't in the room. I sent him a text saying that I'm back. He didn't respond immediately. Maybe he's enjoying the rain again, I thought with a smile. It didn't bother me anyway. I used the extra time to hide the dress. Maybe it was silly, but I didn't want him to see it until he saw it on me. Ever since Rose said what she said, I had my hopes... Pretty high.
My phone buzzed with a text, making it fall of the corner of the table where I'd left it. I picked it up with a sigh. It was Sydney. The text said You guys gotta come check this out. I didn't know if she meant Eddie and me or if she sent the same text to more of us. But since he wasn't around, I went myself.
I met Olive halfway to Sydney and Adrian's room. She told me she got the same text and the rest of the girls joined us on the way too. So it was a group text.
And boy, I did not see what waited for us comming.
All of our guys were sitting on Sydney and Adrian's couch with their gazes stuck on the TV screen. They were all so into whatever they were watching they barely even noticed us. It was almost unbelievable. I didn't immediately realize what they were watching until I recognised one of the lines in the movie.
"Luke, I am your father."
Yup. Star Wars.
"Seriously?" Rose exclaimed and spoke everyone's mind.
I didn't know what part they were watching, but I stayed until the end. I had nothing better to do. Then Eddie and I went back to our room.
"How come did you watch the movie in their room?" I asked him by the way. He looked at me like I was wasting his time.
"It's the only one that has a DVD player."
I laughed. But he stayed quiet and kept looking me from the side.
"What?" I asked chuckling.
"Do you think it's silly? Star Wars?" he asked kind of nervous. I laughed.
"Didn't you think sewing club was silly?"
He looked at me surprised. "No, I didn't. You got to work as a model! But that sci-fi stuff is kinda stupid, huh?"
"No, it's cool. I've never watched it before. We should watch it together sometime."
He smiled. "We really should."
Then, in the room, we didn't know quite what to do immediately. Until Eddie dug a chess board out of somewhere. It was the hotel's property, obviously because the pawns were coconut shaped. The theme was getting old.
Since I've also never played chess before, he taught me that too. He told me he used to play with his grandma. He grew up in a dhampir commune. I knew people sometimes had bad opinions about them, but somehow I never did. And so, we ended up playing chess. It was surprising lot of fun.
Then, after a while, Eddie said he'd go pick us up some snack down in the restaurant, because he was hungry. I was too. But while waiting for him to come back something funny happened.
I got sucked into Adrian's head. He was breathing deeply. Sydney was lying in front of him with only her underwear on. I sighed. At least they had something to do. Looks like he let go of the blocade because of the powerful emotions. He probably just forgot. It was better for both of us anyway.
But I was suddenly terribly afraid that I won't be able to get out of his head for a while. I was suck already.
"Hey, where did you really learned how to dance like that? You know, the sixties thing in the restaurant last night?" Sydney asked after a long kiss. They were both catching their breath. Adrian smiled. "My mom signed me into a dance class when I was ten," he replied. Sydney laughed.
"So you do remember other things than what I say," she said. That's what he once told her when she asked how can he suck at college, but quote almost every single word she ever told him.
"I used to," Adrian sighed. He didn't have to say anything else. Sydney and I both knew he was talking about his father and the way he used to treat him. Because nothing was ever good enough for him, Adrian gave up on school and, well, everything.
Sydney winced. "I'm sorry," she said with a worried look. But Adrian cheered up in a second. He completely left his father behind him a long time ago.
"It's okay. Now tell me where did you learn to dance like that," he said.
"I didn't have much to do back in New Orleans when I worked there," she smirked.
"Of course! And you rather learned than go look for cute boys," Adrian teased.
"Sure you'd like better if I found someone else so there'd be no us," she returned.
"We really are meant to be," he laughed. She pulled his head closer and kissed him passionately. He started to pull her bra off.
In that moment I dimly realized Eddie ceme back with lunch. I only heard the door close, I didn't see him because my eyes were still watching Sydney and Adrian.
Suddenly I had enough of them making out. It was turning into more and I didn't want to see it again. My head started pounding and I just wanted them to go away. I wasn't ready for this, it was my life and I'd seen enough of this for a lifetime. I couldn't stand it anymore, I had to get out!
"Eddie, do something! Make it stop! I don't want to see this again! Do whatever! I'm sick of it!" I screamed. I got out of Adrian's head, now seeing Eddie clearly, but suddenly even his burning emotions running into me were too much. Like they were going to crush my insides because of the power they had.
I saw fear reflecting in Eddie's eyes. "What am I supposed to do?" he asked with panic in his voice.
"I don't know! I don't care! Jut make it stop!" I shrieked.
For a moment he seemed confused, but then his eyes filled with fierceness I've only seen on him when he was protecting me in the attack where I died. That was him when he knew exactly what he was doing.
Well, this time he steped towards me and pulled my head closer the same way Sydney did to Adrian before.
My heart went crazy, making the world dissappear just becausw of the tension in the room and the look in his eyes.
Then he kissed me.
Yup. Eddie kissed ME. It was worth waiting. It was the best moment of my life. Better than both of the kisses we shared before, because I knew he had no hurry, no rush, no intention to stop. It was just the two of us. He completey relaxed and only focused on the kissing. It really was much better than when I kissed him.
Maybe also because... well... it was a bit more than just kissing.
His hands slipped down from my back with that same burning touch I still remembered. I lived for those hands around me.
I wraped my legs around his warm body that made my heartbeat so fast and loud I was sure he heard it. The kiss only grew deeper. I was leaning on the wall, and he was leaning on me, still wrapped around him. We stopped in between to catch our breaths, but there was no rest with looking into his eyes anyway. I didn't need it, though. All I needed to know was in his eyes: he wanted me.
We kissed again, and he kept pressing me closer and closer. Then we somehow both fell on the couch, I was lying on him with his hands all over me. We were still kissing and a bit more...
Then I heard Angeline's voice. "Oh, my God!" she shrieked.
I jumped off of Eddie and stood up quickly. He casually straighened up and put what was supposed to be an innocent smile on his face, but it was too late. She already saw us.
"I'm so sorry, you guys, I'm leaving right now," she apologized and left. Not, of course, before she she showed me a thumbs up. I'd laugh if the situation was any different.
Eddie was staring at the floor when I looked back at him.
"Hey," I started. He looked at me. A bunch of words bursted out of my mouth: "Eddie, I can't do this anymore! I love you so much, and I know and see you love me too! Let's just... Be together!"
He shook his head fiercly. "No, we can't!"
"Why not? Tell me, once and for all, why the heck not?" I exclaimed. I kind of knew what the answer would be, but after the kiss and everything that's happened, I couldn't help but hope. It was time to clear this up.
"Jill, face it! It's not meant to be! It doesn't even have a point! Just give it up!" he said with a desperat expression. I still didn't know what was the actual reason.
"Maybe you're right and there's a slight chance it's not meant to be. But if we want it now, why not enjoy it? Why should we worry about the future? We have to live our lives now!" I told him, maybe a bit too enthusiastic.
"You. You go ahead and live your life. It can't happen because my life is my job. And my job is protecting you. I love you and that's why I'd never give it up."
Really? This again?
"Then you're fired! I'd rather die than let someone - especially you - lose his life because of me!" I exclaimed
"I'm not gonna die..."
"I didn't say die. I said lose your life. Giving it up. For me. I don't want that. You're half of my life anyway. Think of it like that. It's still your choice, but..."
I begged him with my eyes. Looking desperat didn't even matter anymore. I loved him, and I wanted him mine.
"Well, what am I suppose to be? How am I suppose to choose what to be?" he asked with a sad voice that broke my heart. I was in the mood for an inspirational speech.
"Many people have been in front of the same decision and many of them have asked that same question. But the answer is always the same: be what you want to be. Choose what your heart wants. Because you're needed in both places. So why not choose the one you'll enjoy? And one more thing. Most of those people couldn't be in both of those places at the same time. But you can. Just don't be afraid. And because it happened once is a reason itself that it won't happen again."
He bit his lip.
"No, that's not true. Remember when you kissed me in LA? Just imagine if a bunch of Strigoi came out of nowhere while we were-"
Why was hw being so ridiculous?
"Imagine you stop imagining and start living already! Strigoi don't come in bunches. And if they did, do you think you, plus a guardian who was bitten, a not-quite-as guardian dhampir girl, a trained human with a sword, a human magic user and a water using Moroi could defeat them?" I asked. He sighed.
"No."
"Exactly. At least you'd die knowing how it feels. The kiss."
And yet, he still didn't want to give it up. Why wouldn't he just say it already?
"But what if a single Strigoi attacks us while-"
"Eddie, come on. You have eyes on your back. And Rose said she could feel Strigoi while she was shadow-kissed. I could too. And you fight the same in love or not, because it's something you just... do. And you're already in love, whether you want it or not. There won't be a difference in your skill if you love quietly or out loud. Now, why don't you tell me what the real reason is?" I asked, trying to look annoyed, but I was really, really wanting him to tell me already.
"Alright, fine. I would feel guilty if something happened to you. Don't think I wouldn't. But, I wouldn't be able to live without you anyway. Honestly, I think I'd kill myself. But I know about the living in the moment thing. You're right. I just... I'm not you. I'm not like you. I'm not strong. What I am, Jill, is just a guardian. And you... You're a princess. I can't stand it, the people, the judging, the pressure. I felt bad enough already after Mason's death. Like everyone was watching and blaming me. It's too much pressure for me. You, you are so brave and you don't care what they say. But me... As much as I love you, it breaks me every single time, because they already judge me. I grew up in the judging. I can't take it."
Oh, my God, and all this time, I was blaming him for holding back because of his job, when really, he was just insecure...
"I... Eddie, I..." I stuttered, suddenly feeling so ashamed.
But I could help him with that! We could defeat it, if he wanted to...
"And it's not just that. Don't you think I want you? I know you want it, and I want it too. But we can't! It doesn't matter if I want it or not! It never matters what I want! You're a princess and I'm just your guardian! You deserve a prince! Just be happy! I'm not worth you!" he yelled.
I stared at him. He barely ever yelled at me before. He never told me he felt this way before. He didn't think he was worth me? I thought it was just his job that was in the way... Then I thought he was just insecure. But he actually believed everything that people thought?
I couldn't think of anything to say.
"I... I'm gonna be in front of the room," he said quietly.
I kind of wished he'd slamm the door and ahow me some feelings, but he didn't. I knew he was going to sit on the floor with his head leaning on his hands, trying to figure out what just happened. Then he was going to realize he was supposed to protect me, so he was going crash his head into the wall like I'd seen him do before, until he'd get me out of his mind and focus.
As for me...
I stared into the door he closed behind him for a while, then felt the tears starting to form in my eyes.
I ran into the bathroom, turned the water on as much as I could so he wouldn't hear me crying, and when it didn't help, pushed my fist into my mouth to quiet down the sobbing.
It slowly all went to just silent weeping. I could think straight again, a bit over the dissaster that's just happened. So this was the end of me and Eddie. We couldn't go back after this, I knew it.
There was one logical decision I could make about the future right now, if he wasn't in it the way I'd hoped.
I was going back to St. Vladimir's Academy.
Without Eddie.
This is the scene I built the whole story around, basically. So yeah, some of you requested more kisses, there you go. I don't know when the next chapter's comming up, but probably still this month. I hope. Please, tell me what you think!