Two months later Districts 1-5 were rebuilt and Annie and I have secured a three bedroom shell cottage on the bay. I sit on the bathroom floor holding her hair as she wretches into the toilet. Morning sickness has ensued. She has one more month of this fresh hell.
She coughs loudly and I hear vomit plop into the toilet.
"You're okay. I'm right here," I croon rubbing her back.
We sit a bit longer on the bathroom floor. I continue to rub her back. Her chest heaves but nothing comes out.
"Annie, you need to eat more, babe," I say.
In some cases women lose their appetite during pregnancy. This is rare. Then again, so is Annie so it makes sense she would be one of the few. She shakes her head.
"Yes, Annie," I say sternly.
She turns her head to me wiping her mouth with the back of her hand.
"I'll throw it up," she groans.
"The doctor said you haven't gained enough weight. Only two pounds in three months. You're supposed to have gained over double that. You need to eat for two, Annie. You're barely eating for one," I scold.
She puts down the lid of the toilet and sits on it. Her stomach is almost flat. You can't tell she is pregnant unless you get inches from her stomach. That's not good. At three months she should be noticeably pregnant. Like, if you were to touch her stomach you should feel a soft bump. Instead it's more of a hard lump. She's hasn't gained enough weight for her stomach to comfortably grow. I don't want to alarm her but the baby could be premature if she continues these eating habits.
She rests her elbows on her knees and cradles her head in her hands.
"You think you're done vomiting?" I ask.
She nods.
"Are you sleepy?"
She nods again.
Fatigue.
Another one of the many symptoms. It was only ten am and she was already drowsy. I scoop her up in my arms and she wraps her arms around my neck resting her head on my chest. I kiss the top of her head as I climb the stairs and enter our room.
"I'm not breaking your back, am I?" she murmurs.
I laugh softly and set her down on the unmade bed. We've been up since eight am with her vomiting.
"You couldn't break my back if you tried," I smile covering her.
She nuzzles into the pillow.
"I HAVE gained two pounds," she says, a faint smile on her lips.
"You aren't nearly big enough to break my back, honey," I grin.
She pulls the covers tighter around her.
"I'm going to fix you something to eat. What do you want? Anything…"
But she's already asleep.
I kiss her head and go downstairs to the kitchen. I decide to make her favorites. Fish sticks. Mashed potatoes. Asparagus. Yeast rolls. Cookies.
She was going to have a health pregnancy. I refused to see her in any pain whatsoever.
"Hey, wake up, beautiful," comes Fin's voice.
I blink awake to see Fin sitting at my feet. Beside me is a tray with water, orange juice, fish sticks, cookies, potatoes, asparagus and yeast rolls. I frown and turn my eyes to Finnick.
"I'm just going to throw it back up…" I mutter.
He sits on the bed, his jaw set.
"Annie. Eat," he says in a stern tone.
I nibble on a fish stick and raise my brows at him.
"Atta girl…" he grins.
That smile calms me down. Slows my heart and silences the voices in my head. Fin is the antidote to my madness. The air for my lungs. My everything.
I feel tears well up in my eyes and I bow my head.
"I'm sorry," I cry.
"Honey, what's wrong?" Fin asks leaning forward and touching my shoulder.
"I am just so lucky to have you and…and I feel like I am not doing a good job of taking care of our baby… I'm really trying-"
"Honey, no… Hey, you're fine…"
He scoots closer to me and wraps his arms around me, kissing my cheek. I begin to sob softly.
"It's okay, beautiful… You're fighting with another human being for residence in your body! It's not going to be easy. I think you're going to be fine. I think the BABY is going to be fine."
"What if I'm a horrible mother?" I cry.
"Hey, don't say that! You're going to be a great mother! I can't imagine a better one. You'll be the best mother ever," Finnick says into my hair.
"Yeah?" I cry.
"Oh, yeah. The baby loves you already… I promise…"
He takes my hands and places them over the tiny bump in between my hips.
"And, it would love you even more if you gave it some food," he whispers in my ear.
I laugh softly.
"Seriously, feed our son," he chuckles.
I smile from ear to ear and press my lips to his. He threads his fingers in my hair and kisses me passionately.
"I love you," he whispers.
"I love you too," I reply.
We ate that huge meal together and I managed to hold it down the rest of the day.