Chapter Thirty: Half-Truism
And it's ashes to ashes again. Should we even try to pretend?
All our light that shines strong, only lasts for so long
The banner you're waving is burning and red
It's blocking the sunlight that shines overhead
You against the world, diamonds and pearls
Voices inside you churn. Watch the city burn
Your own liberation will leave them behind
All the slings and arrows.
That rain on your mind don't make it better.
Break it 'cause it never mattered anyway
~The Offspring
Nilly was sitting on the floor of the guestroom. She had finally showered. Her hair braided over her shoulder, dripped ans dampened her shirt. She had on a pink tank top and a pair of her fluffiest sweatpants. Her mother's navy blanket was draped over her shoulder as she sat crossed legged on her floor, looking over the Gilbert journal she had borrowed from Jeremy a lifetime ago. She had almost forgotten that it was stashed under the mattress.
Now it laid in front of her as she squinted at the faded looped writing of her ancestor Jonathan Gilbert. He was known as the first of the Gilberts to lose there minds and find sanity at the bottom of a bottle. From the dates in the journal entries, Nilly guessed this was written right in the middle of 1864, when MysticFalls was resident to many vampires and when he was still coherent.
There was a knock on her door, Nilly quickly closed the journal sliding it under her bed. "Come in," she called, pulling the blanket around her tighter. Nilly expected to see Elena or Jeremy poke their head in, but not Stefan. He opened the door slowly, stepping into her room. He was dressed in a plain grey t-shirt and jeans but still looked impeccable. Well, good looks was one thing the Salvatore brothers had in common.
"Hey, can I talk to you for a second?" he asked. Nilly smiled and patted the floor in front of her. Stefan came over and sat down soundlessly. "How are you holding up?" he asked.
"It hasn't fully sunken in yet, but I've been through worse," she answered.
"You have and that's why I wanted to apologize for everything that's happened. I never meant to deceive you or take advantage in anyway. It's just my situation, and Elena's, is very delicate," he explained, his green eyes on hers. "I want you to know that you can still trust me. I'll be there for you, even if it takes a while to regain your trust. I'll understand."
"Thanks Stefan," Nilin smiled. "No offense but I have trouble trusting anyone. I've always had issues with that kind of thing," she confessed, her gaze falling to the floor.
Stefan laughed softly. "Don't worry, I get it. It's hard to let people in when you've hurt so much." Nilly nodded, fiddling with her fingers.
"It's not that," Nilly paused. "Well, I guess it is that." She looked up at Stefan. "It's just that, people hurt you. No matter who they are, they hurt you. Even if they never meant to, it's inevitable. And I've learned to expect and accept it."
Stefan nodded. "You don't want to push people away though, Nilly. It could get lonely."
"Yeah, but it seems like the farther people are from me the safer." Nilly said.
Stefan was silent for a moment then he nodded his head once. "That's why you're helping Damon, isn't it?" He asked. Damn these Salvatore brothers' wits, Nilly grumbled in her head.
She looked at Stefan, face expressionless. "Like I said, I have my reasons."
He looked at her for a moment before he casted his eyes down. "It's going to take that one person to open you back up again for you to realize how lonely you really were."
"And what if that one person gives you even more reasons to cut yourself off?" Nilin asked.
"Well, then," Stefan thought for a moment. "Then that's not the right person for you." Nilly just huffed a laugh as she picked lint balls off her blanket. "Elena's told me a lot about you since you've arrived, mostly when you two were younger." Stefan said, changing the subject. "I think she'd never mentioned you before because it was too painful for her. She's missed you deeply, they all have. You might think that isolating yourself is helping everyone, but really you're still hurting them."
Nilly shook her head. "The emotional pain can't kill you, physical can. Believe me," she replied. She knew Stefan was trying to help, she could see his point but there's only so much you can say to someone without being in their shoes.
"What I'm trying to say here is if something happens to you, I want you to realize it would be devastating to a lot of people. More than you might think."
"You would just be a wreck, wouldn't you Stefan?" Nilin asked exaggeratedly, with a smirk on her lips.
Stefan laughed. "Oh, definitely."
"I mean, you'd have to deal with Elena alone," she gasped in phony horror.
"Hey, I've been doing a pretty good job so far," he said standing.
"Yeah, I guess you're okay," Nilin shrugged, smiling.
Stefan chuckled again. "Goodnight, Nilly," he said softly.
"'Night Stefan," she said. He went to leave, hand on the door knob when she called after him. He popped his head back in, "Yeah?"
"Thank you," she said with a smile. He returned her smile and nodded.
"You are welcome." And than Nilly was alone again in her room. She crawled into bed, laying on top of the covers with only the blanket covering her. She was glad Stefan had come to talk to her, it was sweet that he was worried. But now she stared up at the ceiling, their conversation reeling through her head.
She went through every decision she'd made the past few days, every consequence, every reason. Mostly she was trying to figure out what she was doing with her life. Nilly may seem to have it all in control all the time, but god was that a lie. Process, Accept, Move on.
Christian was still out there, and worst case scenario he knew where she was. He had attacked Damon and her, and promised he'd be back, back for her. Nilly would have to be ready. She wasn't going to allow anyone else get hurt, she promised herself that.
On top of that, Nilly had now promised Damon she'd help get his past lover out of the burnt remains of the ancient FellsChurch. How hard could that be? Nilly knew she could figure something out. Bree had told Damon they need a reversal spell from Emily's grimoire. They needed to find it, Nilly knew the answer was somewhere in front of her. She'd just have to unbury it.
Nilly was hoping that once Damon had gotten Katherine out of the tomb he'd leave town. This was her way of keeping him safe, even if he didn't realize it. And, as painful as it is, she had to do it. Damon had already come lethally close to Christian. She wasn't going to let that happen again. Now Nilly only had to get Bonnie, Stefan, Elena, Jeremy and Jenna somewhere safe. Perfect…
Then there was the Gilbert's secret that had just been unearthed. The secret adoption and the crap load of things that just didn't make sense. But Nilly stuck with her decision, she didn't want to know anything about it. Maybe down the road if she lived to twenty, she'd look into it. Give her dad a call and ask him about it. But right now, at this moment in her life, it was the least of her worries.
Process.
Nilly was in MysticFalls, she was in her Aunt and Uncles house. Elena was downstairs, Jeremy across from her, and Jenna down the hall. She had a blanket her mother had knitted and given to her best friend as a birthday gift wrapped around her. Her cousin wasn't her cousin anymore, she wasn't an only child. She had a sister, a sister she had grown up with her entire life calling 'cousin'. A sister who sat with her for endless hours while she cried, one who wiped her tears away. A sister who Nilly waited for to wake up in the hospital because Nilly was the one to tell her that her parents were dead. A sister who Nilly would do anything for, one she looked up to, one she protected and was protected by.
Along with that, one of Nilly's closet friends was a witch. Her cousin- no her sister's boyfriend was a vampire. And he had a vampire brother with the darkest midnight eyes that made Nilin's breath catch and her heart melt. The vampire brother who's heart was on another girl, but asked if you could love two people at once. And Nilly was in the middle of all this.
Accept.
She turned over, eyes shutting as a tear just managed to escape. She'd wake up in the morning and face another day, just like she'd been doing everyday these past years. Then she'd do it the next day and the next, until fate finally caught up with her.
Move on.
Stefan stepped through the door of the boarding house cautiously. He had felt his brother's presence the moment he pulled in the driveway. It was only confirmed by the slight smell of bourbon and the dull thump coming from upstairs. Stefan climbed the steps slowly, soundlessly ascending on hopes of catching Damon off guard and find out what he was doing.
No luck though, the moment Stefan walked into his room Damon called out, "Well look who's home, another night of bunny-munching?" Damon was standing by one of Stefan's bookshelves, carelessly skimming through it.
"If you must know, I was making sure you brought Nilin back in one piece." Stefan said, stopping in front of his desk arms crossed.
"Oh and how is our little friend?" Damon asked causally as he flipped the pages of one of Stefan's old journals.
Stefan felt his muscles tense up in annoyance. "She's fine Damon, not that you would care."
Damon just laughed at the journal, dropping it back on the desk. "That's right I'm the dark, manic one and you're the boring, brooding one," he said with a cocky smile.
Stefan did his best to ignore his brother as he walk over to his desk and opened the bottom draw. Stefan pulled out an old leather journal, wound tight and bound closed. He handed it to Damon, who eyed it questionably. "Why are you giving me dad's journal?" he asked, but he continued to take it.
"Cause you were looking for it." Stefan answered, crossing his arms again.
"Why would I want it?" Damon inquired as he waved the ancient book in the air.
Stefan just smirked. "Gee, I don't know Damon. Maybe you wanna do a little posthumous bonding. Go ahead, enjoy it, read it. I have," he said, walking back over to his bed. "Nowhere in it does it say anything about Katherine or the tomb or how to open it."
Damon was silent for a moment. "I'm not surprised. Man could barely spell his own name," he said, tucking the journal under his arm.
Stefan smiled, "I'm really sorry that it won't be of any help with your diabolical plan, the sequel." Stefan continued, staring at his brother. "You know, I could help you."
Damon stared at him for a moment, his eyebrows pulling together. Stefan saw the slight flash of surprise, and doubt before Damon composed himself again, a smirk coming to his face.
"You? Help me? Aw, I don't know. Seems a little unnatural," he said, walking closer to Stefan.
Stefan kept his face emotionless, as he stared at him. "I'll do anything to get you out of this town," he paused. "Even release Katherine."
Damon's smirk grew as he glared at Stefan with cocky distrust. "What are you doing? Hmm? What's your angle, baby brother?" He asked, right in front of Stefan now.
"Think about it," was all Stefan answered returning Damon's grin with his own.
"Why would I trust you?" Damon asked, sticking Stefan's chest with his pointer finger.
Stefan let out a low chuckle. "See, that's your problem, Damon. You apply all of your shortcomings to everybody else. If history's any indication, there's only one liar among us," he shot back.
Damon just glared at him, his obsidian eyes like daggers. "And how does your little girlfriend feel about this?" Damon asked. Stefan just smiled, taking a step closer to his brother.
"Anything to get you away from Nilin," he answered.
Damon just laughed and walked around Stefan. "Well it looks like we're one big team now, doesn't it?" he said, leaving Stefan's room with their father's journal still tucked under his arm. "Don't screw it up!" Damon called.
Stefan heard his footsteps bang down the stairs as an accomplished smile came over his face. Maybe this would be easier that he thought.
Author's Notes:
Thank you to all the new Followers and Favorites I've gotten recently. You guys are fantastic and I hope you all have a terrific weekend! And, like always, remember to Favorite, Follow & Review!
See you guys Monday,
RLS
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