Chapter Forty-One: Picking Up the Pieces

Yeah, I'm scared of death and I'm scared of living
I gave up on the past cause it's unforgiving
I misplaced my trust. I watched my word begin to rust
I'm a balloon about to bust. I need a place for reliving
Sometimes I feel like weeping, awake and when I'm sleeping
Perfecting how to put a game face on and this puzzle I've been keeping
Has been in hiding creeping out the closet door, spilling out onto the floor
How long will I be picking up pieces? How long will I be picking up my heart?
~Blue October

Nilly had no idea how long she had been asleep. It was one of those deep hallow sleeps that left her disoriented as she woke up. She rolled over in bed, her arm ran across the empty mattress. Huffing slightly, she felt as if something was off. Something was missing. Then her memory snapped back like a rubber band and she realized what it was... well, who actually.

"Damon…" Nilly mumbled, rolling on her back again.

"Yes?" came a velvet voice in the corner of her room. Nilly popped her head up to see Damon causally draped over the floral sofa, one of her old notebooks in his hand. He smirked from over the pages and Nilly let out a sigh of relief.

"You stayed," she breathed, shocked.

"Well, obviously," he said, motioning to his lounging form. "And you, Sleeping Beauty, left me to entertain myself." Damon smirked as he turned the page of her notebook. Nilin hoisted herself up and crawled off her bed. She snatched the notebook from his hands and jammed it under her pillow as she sat back on her bed.

"Slept well, I presume," Damon said. Nilly didn't respond. She just pulled her knees up to her chin. With a sigh, he made his way over to her bed as the numbness began to creep up on her again. He slid next to her, leaning back on the headboard. "You have to leave your room eventually… How about today?" he asked quietly.

"I can't," she whispered.

Damon gave her a look. "You can't?" he repeated. "I didn't know that word was even in your vocabulary" he said, giving her a little nudge.

"I don't want to," she rephrased.

"And I wish you didn't have to," he told her softly. "But Nilin," Damon reached out his other hand and tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear. "You do."

"Damon, I've gone to enough funerals to last me a life time," she stated, her voice quivering slightly. "How can I put on another black dress and hear people tell me how sorry they are?" Nilly uttered. His hand trailed down her jaw line and on to the mattress where he rested it on top of hers.

"If I had the perfect answer for you, I would tell you, princess." Damon said, his voice so soft it caught Nilly off guard. They sat in silence as the sunlight crawled its way into her room. In a quick movement Damon pushed himself off the bed, standing up. "Come on," he said, easily pulling her up next to him.

"You just have to make an appearance to let people know you're alive. Start with small steps." Damon instructed, smoothing out her hair. She didn't want to even think what her curly rat's nest looked like right now.

"It's not worth it," she motioned to her hair as he dropped his hands. Nilly pulled a hair tie off her wrist and wrangled her hair into a messy bun. "Presentable?" she asked. He tuck a fly-a-way behind her ear grinning.

"There. Now just go downstairs and get a bowl of cereal. when was the last time you ate?" he asked.

Nilly's eyebrows pulled together as she tried to remember the last time she even felt hungry. He sighed, patted her on the head and gave her a little shove towards the door. She looked back at him apprehensively, her chest growing tight.

"I'm not asking you to go down there all smiles, throwing 'Good Mornings' at everyone. I think at this point they'll be satisfied just to see you." Damon said, crossing his arms over his chest. She sighed and reluctantly opened her door, hearing it unlock. She sauntered down the stairs slowly, gripping the banister as she descended.

As she reached the last step she immediately wanted to retreat back up to her room. There were flowers everywhere, all with little white note cards sticking out of them labeled 'To: The Gilbert Family'. Roses, Marigolds, Chrysanthemums, it was ridiculous. She stroked the petal of a tulip in one of the bouquets, plucking it off the flower. As she made her way down the hall she crinkled the petal in her palm.

Nilly heard the scrapping of metal on glass as she rounded the corner to the kitchen. Three pairs of eyes shot to her as she emerged. They all stared at each other for a moment, then Nilly dropped her eyes to the floor as she made her way to one of the cabinets. She knew they were all walking on glass with her, one wrong word and it could send her spiraling over the ledge.

She opened the cabinet door and grabbed a box of cereal quickly before turning back around. When she did their eyes were already on her. A spoon hung from Jeremy's mouth as he watched her. That's when she realized how bloodshot his eyes were, just like Jenna and Elena's. She noticed Jenna's utter disheveled appearance, the dark circles shadowing her eyes. Elena's worn pale face, her jaw locked in concern as she stared at her.

She was hit with guilt as she realized that they had all been suffering. That they were all experiencing this lost as Nilly locked herself in her room. They have been taking care of everything, carrying her burden while she was MIA. How could she be so selfish? To leave her family like this, it wasn't her.

"Hi," she said softly.

"How are you doing, Nil?" Elena asked slowly.

Nilly looked down at the brightly colored box in her hands, nodding. "Smalls steps," she repeated Damon's words. There was silence as she asked, "Is there anything I need to do?" Looking up, she saw heads shaking.

"There's some paperwork you need to sign, but that can wait." Jenna answered.

Nilly nodded once and peered back down. "Um. When- When is everything?" she stuttered out, feeling a lump in her throat.

"It's tomorrow." Elena said, pivoting on the seat to face her.

"Yeah," Jenna cut it. "It's a mid-morning ceremony. Mildred said she was coming down late tonight. Everything has been taken care of, we're just waiting now."

Nilly swallowed hard. "Thank you," she said quietly. "I'm just going to take this," she waved the cereal in her hand. "And shower, then I'll be back down later to um- sign those papers." Nilly nodded.

"Okay," Jenna said as Nilly made her way out of the kitchen casually. The moment she was out of sight, she sprinted up the stairs to her room and straight into Damon's chest. He chuckled quietly as the door swung close behind her. He held her out at arms length in front of him, and examined box of cereal.

"Fruit-Loops?" He cocked his head to the side, fighting a smile.

She looked at the box she was gripping. "I was quick," she mumbled.

He shrugged and reached in the box, tossing a few in his mouth before he strolled over to her bed again. Nilin sighed before following him. They ended up sitting in front of each other on the bed, the box of cereal between them. He watched her carefully, making sure she consumed a satisfying amount of sugar. They were quiet for a while, until Nilin decided to speak up.

"Are you okay?" she asked him. "You know, with everything that happened with Katherine and all," she said hesitantly, looking down at the colorful cereal in her hand.

She heard Damon laugh. "Unbelievable," he huffed. "After everything you've been going through, you're still worrying about me."

"It's what I do." Nilin looked up at him and just shrugged. "You didn't answer my question," she told him quietly. Damon sighed as he laid back against her headboard.

"Life moves on, right?" he smirked.

Nilin gave him a pointed look. "You've spent over a hundred years hooked on this girl, and all you say is that life moves on?" she challenged him. He crossed his arms over his chest.

"You and me are the same Nilin," he said slowly. "We don't handle heartbreak well." She looked back down to her palm. She had been crumbling the cereal, leaving multicolored dust in her hand. He was right, of course. If their past was any indication, neither Nilin nor Damon handled any type of emotion very well. But emotion is a necessary aspect of living, for someone to go through life without it is cheating.

So why were people so afraid of emotions? Why was she? With everything that's happened to her, she no longer had an answer. So instead playing safe, Nilly asked the one questioned that only seemed to matter anymore.

"Do you still love her?"

Damon watched her as he tried to come up with an answer. The silence stretched. Nilin never dropped her eyes from his onyx ones. A small lopsided smile came to his face. "That's a good question," he said. "Ask me that in a day or two."

Nilin nodded, collecting her Fruit-Loop powder and sliding off the bed to throw it in her trash can. "And how are you doing?" she heard Damon say behind her. Nilin turned around slowly to find him standing right there.

"Life goes on, remember," she quoted him. She saw his expression harden over as he took a step towards her.

"Nilin," he pushed. She looked down, unable to hold his gaze anymore.

"Process. Accept. Move on." Nilin said quietly.

"What?" Damon's eyebrows pulled together.

"Process, accept and move on," she repeated. "It's the only thing you can do. It's how my father raised me."

"So it that what this is?" he asked her. "Is that what you're going to do?" Damon didn't seem convinced.

"Family has been the only thing I've ever had, and now half of them are gone," she began. "I have to go to my father's funeral tomorrow with Christian still out there looking to kill me. I have to deal with all that, plus finding out about the adoption, the possibility that there are more secrets out there, the fact that there are vampires, witches, seers and empaths in Mystic Falls." Nilin nearly cried out. She put a hand to her head. "On top of all that, I have you to deal with," she said, calming down. "So to answer your question, Damon, yes, it is what I'm going to do."

Damon was quiet as he waited for her fit to subside. Nilin was left breathing heavily and on the verge of tears. He approached her slowly before he took her face in his hands.

"I should go," he said quietly. She looked up at him and nodded. "I'm going to do the right thing by you," he promised her.

"Will you be there tomorrow?" she asked. Nilly leaned into his touch, as he stroked the side of her cheek. He didn't answer her as he bent down slowly and placed a kiss on her forehead. She frowned slightly at the lost of his touch as he pulled away, placing another quick kiss on her temple and vanishing from her room.

She sighed and placed her hand on her burning cheeks before her legs wobbled and she slid back down on to the floor.

Author's Notes:

Hey guys! Sorry about the late update. I hope you had a fantastic week. Here's Chapter 41 for everyone.
Thank you to all the new followers and favorites I've gotten this past week. You guys are amazing! Let me know what you all think of the story so far by reviewing. I'll see you guys on Monday :)
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RLS