Chapter Forty-Seven: Baby Blue
Confess, your kiss still knocks me off my legs.
The first time I saw you was like a punch right through my chest
And I will forever, 'cause you'll forever be my one true broken heart
Pieces inside of me and you'll forever, my baby
Confess I'm not quite ready to be left
Still, I know I gave my level best
You give, you give, to this I can attest
You made me, you made me.
You and me forever, baby
~Dave Mathews Band
The next day Nilin found herself driving Mildred's car back to Hopesvile, with Mil in the passenger seat. Elena was with Stefan in her own car and Damon said he'd find his own way of getting down there. Nilin didn't care to know what that meant. Nilin wanted to be the one to drive because it kept her mind busy and not focused on the next few days, so Mildred had let her.
She already felt sick with worry. Her body was hot and flush, she had a pounding headache and her teeth remained gripped together. Nilly was positively dreading this.
After the many hour drive they pulled off the highway and into town. It only took a few more miles before they reached her house. The house was a simple two story house, with three bedrooms, three bathrooms, a kitchen, a family room and garage. It was a lovely home, just never her home. She pulled in the driveway, with Elena behind her. Stefan got out first, scanning the area. Then he nodded, and Elena hoped out of the driver's seat, taking his hand.
Nilin was about to reach for the car door handle when the door suddenly swung open. She felt arms wrap around her waist and pull her out then there was a rush of air.
"Invite me in," a voice hissed sweetly in her ear. Dazed and confused her lips stumbled over the words, stuttering out "Come in." Then she felt her feet make contact with the ground again and Nilly realized she was standing in the dim foyer of her house.
She inhaled sharply, head spinning. It felt as is she had just gotten off the fastest rollercoaster in the world… or shot into her home at supernatural speed. Trying to regain herself, Nilin began to stumble back a little but someone kept her from falling. Her eyes focused and she saw a smirking Damon in front of her. "Thanks for the warning," she glared.
"You're welcome," he retorted just as the others came through the door. Nilly stepped back awkwardly, realizing how close the two of them had been standing. Damon just gave a crooked grin as his arms crossed over his chest. She turned to the door where Stefan waited patently, Elena and Mildred on the other side of the threshold. She uttered the words again and Stefan stepped in the house with a gracious nod.
"Make yourselves at home," she sighed flipping on the lights above their heads. She was beginning to get a piercing headache. "Mi casa es su casa, and all that."
"I didn't sense anything around the house," Stefan announced.
Damon chuckled, rolling his eyes. "Yes, let's all rely on the bunny-muncher for surveillance," he remarked, causing Nilin to furrow her eyebrows. "I," Damon continued, "didn't find anything as well."
"If you don't feel like sleeping on the law tonight you three will keep the disparaging banter to a minimum, got it?" Nilin warned, rubbing the side of her temples.
"Very well put," Mildred said, ignoring the obviously tension in the room. "Remember, as long as you stay in the house, ya'll be perfectly fine," she turned to Nilly. "You got that?"
Nilly nodded, heading towards the stairs. "Yes, warden."
Elena laughing a little and Mildred turned to her. "That goes for you too, girly."
Elena's laughter halted. "Yes, ma'am," she agreed.
"Now, I'm going to get some food started," she smiled, heading towards the kitchen as if nothing in the world was wrong. Nilly kicked off her shoes at the base of the stairs and slid them to the side before she ascended. She turned back to find the other three standing uncomfortably in the foyer, looking at her.
She sighed.
"I'm going upstairs, feel free to move," she said, gesturing to the rest of the house. "Elena, you've been here like twice before, I think. You know where stuff is." Nilly turned back to the stairs. "Second door on the left is the bourbon, Damon," she called over her shoulder. "It's hidden on top of the bookshelf."
She heard something muttered behind her but paid no attention to it. Stepping into her room, she let out a huff and collapsed on top of the bed. Though she preferred this bedroom more then the one back in Mystic Falls, she didn't mind that this would be the last few times she'd sleep in it. Nilin already had paint colors picked out in her head.
Still, it would be bittersweet. The surreality that her dad was gone still spun around in her head, it didn't feel real. She began to cry. It was a soft and quiet crying that felt more like a slow gas leak just waiting for the whole thing to burst. Nilin had been crying more and more lately, it worried her but she let it happen. After a while she wiped the dampness off her cheeks and she lifted herself from the bed.
Starting for her dresser, she figured she might as well start now, the quicker the better. Besides, Nilin needed something to keep her mind busy and distracted. She began piling the clothes from her drawers; pajamas, sweats, socks. Digging in her closet she found a big red suitcase and emptied her clothes in there, not bothered to fold them. The remaining room she pushed as many pairs of shoes she could in there before it was bulging at the zipper, then dragged it next to her door. That's when she smelled something cooking and her stomach gave an involuntary rumble.
Oh, did Mildred know how to cook. With her mouth watering Nilin left her room and her minimal packing to follow her feet as they took her back downstairs. Confusion washed over her when she heard laughter and 'awes' coming from the living room which was attached to the kitchen. She rounded the corner to find a peculiar sight. Stefan and Elena cozily smiling on the long green sofa, Mildred crossed legged in the brown recliner and Damon leaning causally on the wall, a glass tumbler in hand.
They were all staring at the television perched on the wall and they were all smiling. Nilly followed their gazes to the screen and her mouth dropped.
She was watching herself, well a 7 year old self with her goofy crooked smile and lopsided braids. Her eyes widened as the little girl on the screen smiled, showing the bright orange peel in her mouth. Nilly's hands went to her mouth in embarrassment as everyone laughed.
"Oh my god," she groaned. "Where'd you find this?"
"Second door on the right," Damon teased, pushing off the wall. "I might have done a little snooping and found these charming home-videos." Nilly glared at him.
She went to reprimand him about going through her father's study but the scene on changed, drawing her attention back to the TV. The date at the bottom showed it was the summer time, almost eight years ago.
The video zoomed in, showing a young Nilin and Elena doing somersaults in her old backyard in Mystic Falls. They were laughing as they sadly attempted to get their little ten year old legs in the air. The camera turned to show Nilin's Aunt Miranda sitting on the back deck. It zoomed in again, focusing on her aunt who hid her face and shooed the camera away, hinting it was her Uncle Grayson who was filming. He zoomed the camera out again, getting Nilin's parents in the picture as well.
They sat close together in lawn chairs, arms linked together, finger intertwined. Her mother lifted a bony hand and waved at the camera. Nilin watched as her father leaned over and pecked her mother on the cheek. She turned to him, beaming and kissed him back on the lips.
Nilly could feel herself smile. "I miss them," she said to no one in particular. Then she noticed her mother's appearance. The dull skin, the dark circles under her eyes and the lack of hair, all pointed to her illness. The corners of Nilly's mouth dropped mechanically.
But before she had a chance to think more into it the tape changed again. This time it was Nilly, hair long and messy. Her curls were flying everywhere as she spun in a yellow spring dress. She must have been eleven as her father filmed her jumping and dancing around their old living room.
"You are so dead," she threatened Damon, momentarily turning her attention off the TV. He just smirked at her, his eyes shifting back to the eleven year old Nilin as she began to sing. Her voice was higher, more like wind chimes and, to Nilly's ears, it sounded happy.
"You will rest your head, your strength once saving.
And when you wake you will fly away,
holding tight to the legs of all your angels.
Goodbye my love, into your blue, blue eyes,
your blue, blue world, you're my baby blue."
The carefree little girl with the bright blue eyes and bouncy chocolate curls spun around, doing a little bow. She heard the cheers and clapping behind the camera.
"Nills, wanna say something to the camera?" she heard her dad ask.
Eleven year old Nilin nodded and got really close to lens. "I love you mommy," she said loudly. "Feel better and come home soon," the little girl smiled before the film cut out.
Nilly realized her cheeks were wet again, and scrubbed her eyes furiously. She hadn't heard that song in ages, her mother used to sing it to her. She turned to the others, Elena was smiling as she leaned on Stefan's shoulder.
"Ah, god," she rubbed her nose, trying to swallow the lump in her throat. "You guys sure know how to cheer a girl up." Nilin laughed a little.
"It was Damon's idea." Elena pointed a finger.
Nilin turned to her. "I can't believe you let them watch that."
"What?" Elena lifted her shoulders in a shrug. "It was cute, you were an adorable little kid."
Nilly just glowered at her, shaking her head. "We look alike."
"Exactly," Elena smiled.
"I haven't seen that video in ages," Mildred announced, the look on her face was genuinely happy. Nilly couldn't help but continue to smile, it seemed to light up the thickness of the atmosphere. She rubbed her eyes and sighed.
"I'm still mad," she mumbled, her eyes closed.
"You'll get over it," Damon said in her ear and she jumped at his sudden closeness. He chuckled at her reaction, his breath tingling the back of her neck before she turned around to glare at him. Big mistake. She came face to face with his dark eyes, underestimating how close he was. Swallowing hard she stepped back, annoyed with the fluster that came over her.
He just smiled coolly as she consciously crossed her arms over her chest.
Mildred, still seemingly unaware of the tension between the other four, got up from her spot and patted Nilly's arm. "Come on and eat. You look starved."
She couldn't argue with that so she followed Mil into the kitchen, brushing past Damon. In the kitchen she sat at the counter, leaning her elbow on it sluggishly. Her senses were on high, her emotion drawn.
Nilly was sinking into a doze until a large plate of food was placed in front of her. Her stomach growled involuntarily as the smells wafted to her nose. She dug in, barley noticing Elena's presence as she came and sat down next to Nilly with her own plate.
"Where'd the other two go?" Nilly mumbled with a mouthful of food.
"Outside, to look around." Elena replied with her own mouth full. Nilly nodded, a slight uneasiness coming over her. As long as they stayed near the house they were safe, the reassuring thought came to her. "I think," Elena continued, "that we should try to get done as soon as possible. Pack your room up tonight and then the rest tomorrow."
Nilly nodded again, scrapping her plate clean. "Alright." That's all she could muster at this point. She sighed pushing back from the counter and taking her dish to the sink. She sat back down, across from Elena this time, as Elena continued to eat.
"Do you hate me?" Elena asked attentively, keeping her eyes down.
Nilly paused for a moment before answering, taken back by the question.
"Never," she replied.
Elena smiled. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry for everything. I have made things so much harder for you and I'm sorry. I should support you, I should have your back and trust, damn it." Elena said. "I had my reasons for making the choices that I have," she continued. "I- I just don't know what to do anymore. It feels as if everything is slipping away from me."
Nilly was quiet as she allowed Elena to unload everything. Then she silently took Elena's hand. She could practically feel Elena's emotions, maybe because Nilin herself had felt them recently too. The frustration, the fear, the emptiness all of it, all at once.
Then Nilly realized that Elena had been keeping strong for her, and now she was finally breaking down.
"I haven't been making it easy, either." Nilly reasoned. "I should have listened too you in the beginning, but I didn't. I couldn't and I wish you'd see that. It wasn't in the stars or whatever," Nilin said, causing Elena to smile. "I don't understand any of this, and it scares me. It really does and on top of everything I have Christian and my father and you to think of. I could have made things easier, but I can honestly say I don't regret anything. I just don't understand."
"What's not to understand?" Elena asked softly. "Your hearts to big for your own good," she smiled sadly. "You care about him, Nilin. Don't you realize that?" Nilin couldn't answer. "I'll try to understand, but only if you understand that I can't trust him. Not now, and I don't know when, if ever. He's done things to make sure of that and I know that there is are very good chance he'll hurt you. I don't think I could handle if something happened to you, especially because of him."
Nilly bobbed her head. "But I feel safe now, and I'm very aware of those chances. And because of that I'm cautious. The walls have been up for so long, Elena," she said in sad realization. "And I don't know how to let someone get close to me."
"To know of what you've been going through makes me so angry and sad and… I just don't want you to be in this place anymore." Elena told her.
"I don't either," Nilly laughed slightly. "But I'm dealing," she shrugged. Then she took Elena's hands in hers. "I need time, time to figure things out." Nilly explained. "But first I need to deal with what's in front of me. Meaning this house and Christian, then I can start detangling everything else. Until then though, I need you to believe me and have some sort of faith in me. That's all I'm asking. You don't have to support my decisions, just tolerate them."
"I think I can try and do that." Elena smiled slightly.
"Good." Nilin said, hugging her sister.
Author's Notes:
Hey guys! I hope you had an awesome week. Mine was pretty hectic but the weekend's here! And that means a new chapter! Here's 47 for you, tell me what you all think! I love to hear your thoughts. See you on Monday!
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Featured Songs:
Baby Blue by The Dave Mathews Band