The sight of Lilah gave Angel the same reaction as before: shock. She was dead and in Hell, and she just couldn't seem to stay there. Still, she said she was here to help, so it wasn't like Angel was going to deny help. Right now, he could use any help he could get. He needed to lift the memory spell and it was possible the demons that could do it were dead right now.
"Lilah. Always great to see you," Angel said with a bit of sarcasm.
"Of course it is," Lilah responded. "You don't have to worry, though; I won't be here too long. I was just sent here to help you yet again in your times of dire needs."
"Listen, Lilah, I just need to lift the memory spell. I don't need any other trouble or sarcastic comments or anything. So you can help?"
Lilah smiled. "Yes I can help. I'm the only one who can, really. The others who could do it are dead."
Angel nodded. He had suspected that much. Now it was official. He could still lift the spell, though, which was what he wanted. It was time for his friends to know the truth, the whole truth. It would affect them all greatly, but Angel didn't think he had a choice. In order to decide what must be done with Connor, he needed the help and support of his friends, his family.
What if they were hurt beyond repair? What if they hated Angel for what he did? What if they wouldn't talk to him?
There were too many "what if" questions he couldn't even worry about them all. All he could do was lift the spell and hope everything turns out for the better. If it didn't, then he'd deal with it.
"Can we do it quickly?" Angel asked Lilah.
"Well, it'll take a while, but we can get started right away if you want. After all, you are the boss."
"I don't feel like the boss. I feel like a failure to all my friends and family. If it weren't for me and my decisions Connor wouldn't be in danger right now and neither would anyone else. This is all my fault."
"Yeah, well you can brood about that later. We've got a memory spell to lift."
Angel rolled his eyes. Wasn't he punished enough, did he really have to stay here and work with Lilah to lift a spell? He supposed so. That was unfortunate. Hopefully they'd be able to get the spell done semi-quick, though. He had no idea when Connor would come back and he wanted to talk to everyone before that happened. He had a lot to fill them in on.
Gunn and Anne came back to Wolfram & Hart. They both felt more comfortable to be here, in a place where the lights were on and other people were, even if there were only a few people.
Anne, for one, was happy to be back. She found what she needed and she succeeding in getting closure. What she did not succeed in was deciding what she was supposed to do now. She worked so hard to give those kids a place they could sleep and feel safe and know they could go there whenever they needed, and now that place and her kids were gone. In her time running the shelter, she had realized that was her true calling, though. She wanted to help teens, like she wished someone had helped her as a teen. Were there orphans out there, in the area of Los Angeles that was still alive? Possibly, but how would she even find them? And surely, if their parents were gone, someone was looking after them for the moment. She sighed. It was official. She was useless.
She couldn't just give up, though. She had to find something, some way to help anybody or anything, no matter what. That was possible, wasn't it? It had to be.
One thing she was thankful for, in this moment, was that she was here with a few familiar faces, and everyone new she met seemed to be pretty friendly. Things would positively be harder if she were going through this alone. It helped that Gunn was here, also, and had been willing to take her to the shelter. It helped to know there was someone she could count on.
"Thank you," Anne told him again as they walked into an elevator. "I don't know how I would've been able to survive without seeing and just making sure."
"You don't need to thank me. It's all completely fine. Honestly, I like gettin' out of this place for a while, so I should be thanking you."
The elevator doors closed and the whole thing started moving upwards.
Anne laughed. "Why? This place isn't all bad for an evil law firm."
"Maybe not to you," Gunn told her, "but for me it gets kind of hard. Especially when I see Wes or Fred or anybody, really. All it does is send some guilt up my body."
"Guilt? Guilt for what?"
Gunn sighed. "I just made some bad choices is all. Almost traded my friend's life for something that doesn't even matter anymore. It was an accident, and they all get that, but that don't make it easier."
"Gunn, what are you talking about?"
"Kind of a long story."
The elevator doors opened. "Well, for some reason I think we've got all the time in the world," Anne said. "You can tell me anything. Just a few minutes ago you saw me at, like, my most vulnerable I've ever been, so feel free to send that back to me with your own vulnerability."
He laughed. "Fine, let's go back to my office. I can tell you why everything that went down happened. You deserve to know."
They walked to his office and Anne got ready to listen to a long, heartbreaking story about why half the world suddenly just seemed to die.
Buffy, Willow, Dawn, and Oz were out walking around, taking in the beautiful scenery. Buffy was glad to be out of the apartment and she relished in the fact that she wouldn't have to deal with any Slayers or any drama for a little while. When she got back, that would be another story. But for now, she was here with her friends and enjoying it.
They stopped at a semi-fancy restaurant after a little while. Buffy also concluded that it'd be nice for them to have a meal together, just as friends normally did. Sure, they were all far from normal (she was a Slayer, Willow was a witch, Oz was a werewolf, and Dawn was a key made into human form) but that didn't mean they couldn't have a good time together. Plus, Andrew wasn't with them, and mostly everyone but Oz knew that being away from Andrew was something to cherish for a while.
While waiting for their food, Dawn talked to Oz—although it was pretty much a one-sided conversation—and Buffy and Willow talked. They tried to avoid topics such as Faith and Angel and the world and all the other crazy things. If there was one thing Buffy wanted right now, it was a semi-normal time out with her friends. Being the Slayer and training a bunch of other Slayers came with so many duties and often excluded her from spending time with her friends. This was a special occasion, though, with Oz here.
"How do you feel about him being here?" she asked Will. "It doesn't bother you too much, does it?"
"Oh, no, Buffy, it's totally fine. We actually talked earlier and it was fun. We got caught up kind of and we just, I don't know, got used to being around each other again. I'm glad he's here."
"Well, I'm glad. Kennedy's probably not much with the happiness that he'll be here for a while." She frowned. "Did I just say that? I must be more stressed than I figured."
Willow smiled. "Yeah, but I think she'll be fine. She knows I'm not into that…lifestyle anymore so I don't know why she would be so worried. She just gets kind of really protective. It's kind of sweet, though."
"Yeah," Buffy said longingly. "I wish I could have someone like that. The only person protective of me right now is Andrew." She made a barfing motion.
Willow laughed. "Buf, you don't want someone protective over you. You're not the kind of girl that needs that."
"You're right," she admitted. "Still."
Finally their food came and they began to eat. They ate and conversed and laughed and had fun. It almost felt like an almost original Scooby moment except without Giles, Xander, and Cordelia. Plus, Dawn wasn't exactly an original Scooby, but they did remember her as always being around, so that counted.
Oz felt how much he missed Buffy, Willow, and Dawn more than ever and hated how he hadn't spoken to them more often. He was kind of all by himself in Tibet. It would…would it be too much to stay with them, become a member of their gang again? Things were different now, though, so if he were to stay or stick around it seemed like he'd be put into a job of taking care of the rest of the Slayers. Still, maybe it'd be worth it. It was something he was definitely going to think about.
"Alright, so we've got all the ingredients for the spell to lift the spell and I know the magic words," Lilah concluded. "What do you think, Soul-Boy? This would be your last chance to back out of lifting the spell."
Angel shook his head. "No, we need to lift it. There's no other way."
"What specifically changed your mind?"
"Do you really care?"
"No," Lilah admitted, "but I'm still intrigued. You seemed so sure about the memory spell."
"Well, apparently I didn't think far enough ahead to see the dangers and repercussions of the spell."
"Oh, you're no fun. I've gotta admit, though, I wish I could stay around long enough to see the consequences."
"You have to go back to Hell?"
Lilah shrugged. "It's no big deal, really. It's not like I belong anywhere else."
Angel placed all the spell ingredients on the desk in front of Lilah and backed away. She was, for the most part, the one going to lift the memory spell. Why and how she knew how to do it were mysteries to Angel, but he just went with it. As long as the spell was lifted, he'd be okay. What he needed, what he really needed, was for the spell to be lifted and then to go talk to his friends and tell them what Drogyn told him.
How would they react? Out of everyone, Angel was most worried about Wesley. Sure, Gunn, Lorne, and Fred would have their own reactions and shock, but Wes would be the worst, no doubt. He did things and Angel did things that he made him forget about, but now that Wes would remember things would be different. Would they go back to the way before, with Wes being an outcast, or would they find the strength inside to stay a team?
He was also worried about Wes's and Fred's relationship. It was kind of a strange thing to worry about, but he knew how strong they were and he knew how their relationship mostly pulled Fred from her misery about all the people dying essentially for her. Without that relationship, she might not be as okay as she was now, and how would she react if they were to lose that closeness because of the memory spell?
Was it selfish to be doing this, to lift the memory spell?
Angel rolled his eyes. No matter what he did, his motives were going to be semi-selfish, he had to confront that. Connor's life was at stake, and he already made the decision. Lilah needed to remove the memory spell.
Lilah began chanting. After a while, the ingredients started shaking slowly and then rising and twirling around in the air. A bright white light seemed to envelop Lilah. The memory spell was being lifted.
Suddenly everything fell to the floor and Lilah stood there like normal. She had a deadpanned look on her face. "Well, that's done," she said nonchalantly.
Angel looked around the room, as if expecting them to come running in here any minute. "They remember?"
"Yep." Lilah and Angel didn't say anything for a moment of awkward silence. "I guess that means I'll be going back to Hell. Be thankful, this is probably the last time you'll ever have to see me again. I know I'm glad I won't have to see you."
"Lilah, I need to thank you. You've helped me both times when I wanted the memory spell and needed to get rid of the memory spell. Honestly, I don't know what I would've done if you hadn't showed up," Angel said with a bit of shock in himself. This was Lilah he was talking to; evil, selfish Lilah.
"Whatever," Lilah rolled her eyes, "you're lucky I was always here to save your ass when you needed it."
They stood there for many more seconds, waiting for Lilah to be gone, to disappear.
"Why are you still here?" Angel questioned.
She sighed. "I don't know. I feel like I should be back in Hell by now."
They waited for several more moments. Lilah still did not disappear.
Wes and Fred were both sleeping when the memories came back to them. For Wes, the sudden onslaught of memories sent shocks through his body and made him get to his feet and jump backwards until he hit a wall. He slid down and sat on the floor, watching the many images fall through his head, false images that didn't make sense but at the same time made so much sense it was unbelievable. The memories he was seeing, they were real, realer than anything he'd ever really seen.
Fred also jumped up, shocked by the sudden memories when she was just lying down asleep seconds before. It hurt when her mind a little bit to see things like Angel trying to suffocate Wesley with a pillow and to see Connor (who was Angel's impossible son, she realized) try to kill Angel and everybody multiple times.
When all the memories were back in place, Fred stood still for an amount of time she wasn't sure of. It was all just such a shock for all these memories to be placed back into her head when they didn't seem to be there before. The fact that Connor was Angel's son and he was possessed by part of Illyria was enough to surprise her fully, and she now truly understood why Angel was so protective over everyone when it came to Connor. He was just worried about his son and his friends, and Fred could understand that, couldn't she? She would be worried to an extreme, too, especially if-
Wesley!
She looked around the room and saw him sitting up against the wall shaking and shivering and breathing heavily. Fred ran over to him and kneeled by him.
"Wesley, are you okay? Okay, stupid question. Wesley, I-"
She tried to reach over to grab his hand but he pulled away. "Don't," he said with a sharp intake of breath. "What…what am I even doing here?"
Fred now remembered Wesley taking Connor and getting his throat slit and being essentially pushed away from the rest of Angel Investigations. She remembered being personally mad at him when he first took Connor, and she remembered taking a long time to forgive him. While it seemed like the wounds may still be fresh because of everything he did to betray all of them, Fred didn't care because what she remembered most, what outplayed the memories greatly, was how great Wes had been in the last few days and how happy she felt with him. She didn't give a damn about the past (although she was wondering why they remembered everything now) because she knew Wes had, in the moment, done what he thought was right and that didn't make him any less of a great person, any less of a person she could love.
If only Wesley could think of it that way.
The sudden return of all of the memories was too much, bringing back every horrible thing he ever did. It was just too much in one sitting, too much for him to be able to actually sit here and sort out in his mind. It would be different if he was just remembering Connor, but, unfortunately, he was also remembering what he did and what Angel did to him and how everyone seemed to hate him at one point. It was all too much at once.
"You all hate me," Wes whispered. "Or-or did. I'm not quite sure what to believe."
"Wes, what you need to believe is it doesn't matter what you did. Nobody cares."
"What if they do? I hurt you all Fred, in terrible ways."
"Wesley, I still love you." Fred's eyes were tearing up as she attempted to comfort Wesley.
"I don't deserve your love, though."
Gunn had to stop in the middle of telling Anne what was going on because of the sudden rush of memories to his head. He saw everything that had to do with Connor and it all hit him deep inside that that was why Angel was so weird about him. Connor was Angel's son. Angel's son! And Wesley, oh God, Wesley did things, didn't he? He took Connor and, yeah, during the time of the Beast and Jasmine they worked with Wes but no one ever really forgave him verbally, did they? He couldn't recall.
At first, Gunn was angry. Wes did terrible things and yet here he was, still part of the team as if everything was fine and normal. That wasn't right. He didn't deserve to be happy with them, any of them, especially Fred. He didn't deserve it.
But if Wes didn't deserve happiness, then he himself didn't deserve it either, did he? He was the one who accidentally arranged for the sarcophagus to come and kill Fred, and they all forgave him quickly enough and what he did was almost just as bad, in his eyes. If he could be forgiven for what he did, there was no reason why Wes shouldn't be either.
Wait a minute, why did these memories come back, anyway? Why were they gone in the first place?
"Gunn, is something wrong?" Anne asked, not understanding the sudden silence.
"I need to go talk to Angel," Gunn told her.
"Okay, honey, you gotta tell me what the hell is going on," Lorne said as he rushed into Angel's office. When he saw who was standing by Angel, his head began to pound harder than it already was from the surprise of all the memories. "Why is she here? Didn't she die?"
"Don't worry," Lilah spoke, "I should be going back to Hell as soon as possible."
"Lorne," Angel started but was stopped.
"Angel, tell me what's going on. Why do I have memories that I didn't have before, and why do I know that these ones are the real ones?"
"I have to wait until everyone's here to explain what happened," he said to Lorne.
It didn't take long for everyone to gather in Angel's office. Gunn came in next, and then Fred and Wesley, although they walked far apart and ended up standing at opposite ends of the room. Wesley kept frowning at things he was thinking about, as if not fully comprehending or being very confused. Any time someone tried to talk to him he just shushed them off. Angel figured the only reason he was able to come here was because Fred somehow got him in here. Eventually Angel got Spike and Faith, so they were in the room too.
Angel didn't know what to do, so he started talking from the beginning, from when he and Lilah first put the memory spell up. He explained his reasoning behind it and why he decided to go through with it. Then, he explained how complicated things were getting with Connor and that he decided to lift the spell so he could tell them the whole truth and how Lilah showed up and was still here.
"You should have warned us or something," Fred nearly accused him when he was done explaining. "Angel, Wesley is hurt. The memories came on too fast for him."
"I did it," Wesley whispered. "This is all my fault."
"Wes, its okay, man," Gunn coaxed. He put a hand on Wes's shoulder only to just be pushed away.
"Don't touch me," Wes growled.
"It looks like he's in shock," Lorne observed.
"Of course he's in shock," Fred reacted. "He just learned he was the reason behind Connor getting sent to a Hell dimension and that his friends either tried to kill him or excluded him. But I don't care. We need to help him somehow. I don't care what he did."
"I don't either," Gunn backed Fred up. "Not anymore. We're past that."
"Me neither," Lorne agreed, rubbing his forehead.
"Look, I'm over it also, but what can I do?" Angel asked. "The best we can do is just wait for him to slowly recover."
"Angel, do you really think that'll work?" Faith spoke up. "I know what it's like to be in shock like that. What if it doesn't wear off?"
"I'm fine," Wesley said. "I know what I did. I know how you guys felt about me. I slept with her," he shot an evil glance at Lilah.
"None of that matters," Fred tried to say.
"Yes it does!" Wes yelled. "How can none of you see that? I didn't earn forgiveness or anything; I was just forgiven because of fake memories."
"That's not true," Angel told him.
"Isn't it? What suddenly made you forgive me, Angel? What suddenly made you not want to suffocate me anymore?"
"Wes, you're our friend. We love you and care about you."
"It doesn't make sense for you to care. And now Connor, in danger, he wouldn't be in this situation if I never took him."
"Wesley, Connor is why I lifted the memory spell. I need your help, all of your help. Look, now that you all know the truth, we can actually have a conversation about what to do with him. Drogyn told me there are three ways we can…save…Connor. They're not all good, but I need your help, especially you, Wes. You all can help me make this decision because I'm lost and I don't know what to do. Wes, if you don't believe we forgive you, then we'll have to talk about that later, because right now Connor is my main concern. Do you understand?"
Wes looked around the room at all the people around him. They cared for him, and they forgave him, and he knew that. But, for some reason, at this point, he couldn't forgive himself, and he knew it'd be easier to deal with that if they didn't forgive him also. But they did. Did that mean he should just move on, get over it? How could he? Even though he was deeply hurt by himself and the memories, he knew that Connor was the priority right now, so he knew he had to try and contain his emotions and revisit them later.
"Okay," he sighed. "What can we do about Connor?" In the back of his mind, though, he couldn't stop thinking about what he did.
"Now that you all remember, you know how important he is to me," Angel told them all. "I don't want to lose him, especially not to Illyria. Drogyn knows ways to save Connor, but they're not all good."
"Oh boy," Lilah said cheerfully. "I'm excited to hear this."
"Why is she still here?" Gunn questioned. Shouldn't she be back in Hell by now?
Ignoring Lilah and Gunn's question, Angel began to tell them all what Drogyn said about Connor.