Some time later, she woke up. She didn't remember falling asleep, but she felt like she was being watched. Nervously, she opened her eyes and felt Ezra's gaze upon her. It was dark in the room, where it had been dim before. The light from the window had provided a dim glow in his room, but now that light was gone. She wondered how long she had slept, and what time it was.
"Felicity," Ezra whispered.
She stood up and went over to him, sitting beside him. "Yes? Do you need anything? Water, food?" She was anxious to give him anything.
He nodded his head once, "water, please."
She retrieved the pitcher and left the room to get fresh water, returning as quickly as she could. She poured the water into a glass and handed it to him.
"Thank you, my dear," he said, then he took a few swallows from the glass, before handing it back to her.
When she had put the glass down, she turned back to him and found his intense eyes upon her once again. She forced herself to calm down. "I realize you have been napping while caring for me, Felicity, but how long has it been since you had any real rest?" he asked her.
"I have been getting real rest, Ezra," she protested.
"While that chair is comfortable, it is hardly appropriate for a proper repose," he insisted. "You need to take care of yourself."
"You do not want me near you," she whispered, pained.
He took her hand and placed it within his own. "That is not the case. I simply do not wish for you to make yourself ill."
She looked away from him. She didn't believe him. He didn't want her near him. Though she tried to control it, her breaths came quicker as she fought off a wave of panic and pain. She was surprised when she felt his hands pull her close to him.
"Felicity? What is the matter?" Ezra asked.
How could she tell him? Would he even understand how much he meant to her already? She wanted to be content to be held by him; she wanted to relish the feel of his shoulder, his chest, his arms about her.
He ran his fingers over her hair, sending chills down her spine. Several times she started to say something, but each time the sentence seemed stupid and inadequate before the words left her mouth. How could she tell him that she had rested better in that chair than she could ever remember doing without sounding like a fool? How could she tell him that she never wanted him to let go of her? But he seemed patient enough to wait while she formed her thoughts.
Finally, she whispered into his shoulder, "please don't send me away. I'll go if you ask, but I don't want to leave you."
She felt him stiffen and knew that she'd said something wrong. "You really don't understand, do you?" he asked.
She was confused and didn't know what he was talking about.
"Felicity, you are your own person. You can go where you want…anywhere."
"But not here, not with you. You don't want me near you." She understood. Ezra had taken pity on her because of the way she was being treated. But he did not find her attractive; he was not now, nor was he likely to be, interested in her. She choked back a sob, trying not to let him hear it. She had no right to inflict herself upon him.
He gently squeezed her once, then pushed her back so he could look at her, but she turned her face away. She could not bear to look into his face knowing he could never want her as badly as she wanted him. She wanted to believe she loved him, but she didn't know; she'd never experienced love. But if its rejection made her heart feel like a leaden lump that twisted and burned inside her chest and made her stomach feel like she hadn't eaten in days, she loved him. And she'd only known him for a day.
"Look at me Felicity," he said gently. "Please."
She couldn't do it; she tried but she could not.
Ezra said, "My dear, you think you want to be with me because I have set you free. You have many emotions you are trying to deal with right now, and no doubt gratitude," he paused there as if quite surprised, "is one of them. I could make you stay, easily. For you are a beautiful woman."
She turned to him in shock.
"You are," he insisted. "I want you to have the chance to deal with your new situation before trying to complicate it with a…" he paused searching for the word. "Complicate it by taking up with me. I'd like nothing more than for you to stay here, but it is not what is best for you."
"You aren't disgusted by what I was?"
His eyes looked pained. "I am disgusted that someone would take a beautiful woman and turn her into a frightened individual and use her for his own purposes. But I am not disgusted by you."
She leaned into him again, holding onto him. He held her close and did not try to push her away. Felicity closed her eyes and fell asleep.
It had been a week since she'd met Ezra. He spoke to her, on the occasions she saw him, but he made no attempt to seek her out…not since he'd healed up enough that Nathan would let him out of his room, and she really couldn't think of a good reason to go up to him. Besides, if he didn't want to be near her, who was she to argue?
But she desperately wanted to be near him.
"Felicity, you ain't doin' yourself no favors by moonin' over him." Nathan's voice broke into her thoughts.
She looked at him. "I know. I can't help it though. I can't get over him, and contrary to what he thinks, this is not just gratitude."
Nathan took a long look at her; his expression was unreadable. Then he nodded once and left her there, studying yet another bone diagram. She sighed. She didn't want to seem ungrateful, but this was not something she enjoyed. She'd been terrified when she'd taken care of Ezra, but this was boring. She also realized that if the same thing had happened before she'd met him, if Simon had been shot, she'd have let him die. And that was not the attitude a healer should have.
Granted, Simon would never have taken a bullet for her. Likely, he'd have used her as a shield.
But it did tell her that this was not her calling.
She looked back at the diagram. The door opened and she thought, 'Nathan must be back,' and did not look up.
"This really does not suit you, Felicity."
She looked over to the door. Ezra was there. "No. This is definitely not your chosen trade. Come." He held out his hand.
But he did not look happy either. She was a burden to him. That was the last thing she had ever wanted. She did not take his offered hand.
A few quick strides brought him to her. "What is wrong?" he asked, concerned.
"Ezra, I'll not be a burden to you, or in your way. No, I'm not enjoying this, but it is respectable…something I can do…to contribute in some way." She tried to sound aloof and failed.
"Felicity…oh my bliss," he said gently, "What have I done to you?" The tone of his voice made her look at him uncertainly.
He cupped his hands around her cheeks. His eyes searched hers…making her uncomfortable under his scrutiny. She looked away. She wanted to throw her arms around him. But she knew he didn't want her. And she could not really blame him.
Out of the corner of her eyes, she saw him shake his head. In a sudden, swift movement, his arms were around her, pulling her to her feet and drawing her to him.
She looked at him, confused. Ezra didn't say a word. He bent his head down and kissed her lightly on the cheek.
"Come, let's find you a more suitable employment, one which will give you pleasure. Tell me, have you given thought to contacting your family, my dear?"
Family? Her grandmother was dead, and she'd just as soon never see her father again.
"What 'family' I have left is not worth contacting," she said bitterly.
Ezra looked at her and almost flinched. Then he smiled, "Then I surmise that they will not be coming to retrieve you at present."
She shook her head.
"Good," he said simply. "Well, my dear, what are you adept at?" he asked.
She raised an eyebrow and decided to show him.
She took his hand and led him to the room where she had been staying. It was not a big room, rather small and dingy. But it was hers. She urged him to come in. And he did so, with a questioning look on his face.
"You have not answered my question."
"I'm am about to. However, it is not an occupation I wish to engage in professionally, Ezra," she said. She nearly lost her nerve, but she wanted him. She really did.
His expression went completely unreadable. "Felicity, you do not have to do this."
"Don't you understand? I want to. For the first time in my life I have a choice, and I want this. Tell me you don't want me, and I'll leave."
He looked away. "Oh, I desire you, Felicity."
Her heart nearly stopped. He wanted her too. "Then let me show you," she whispered, bringing her face close to his and kissing him. She wrapped her arms around him for just a moment, then stepped back and pushed him so that he sat on the bed. Then she smiled at him.
It was time to dance.
Felicity started humming a light tune, it was so soft that only she could hear it, but it was the song that would govern the dance. First she closed her eyes and raised her arms slightly above her head, her legs beating out an intricate pattern on the floor. One which would not be visible to him just yet, but would make her hips sway in a suggestive manner. She leaned first slightly to one side than to the other, weaving back and forth as she hummed her song. She lowered her arms, running her hands suggestively over her body. Then she began to unbutton her shirt.
She moved closer to Ezra as she did so. He was watching her, like he wanted to assist her, but she held him back with a glance. He looked at her and smiled with a crooked assenting smile. She pulled the shirt out of her skirt and finished unbuttoning it, never missing a step. She slowly pulled the shirt off of first one arm, then the other and brought it in front of her, dangling it at first. Then she tightened her grip on it and changed the way she held it, so that instead of looking like a shirt, it resembled a strip of cloth. She raised her arms again, dragging the shirt against her breasts, then holding it high above her head before releasing it, and allowing it to fall to the ground. She lowered her arms, again trailing them in a manner which suggested how she wanted to be touched.
She moved even closer to Ezra, smiling, she reached out and untied the bow of his necktie, tugging at both ends. She sat down on his lap, still moving to the beat of the song she now sang completely silently. She pulled his head to hers and kissed him passionately. His arms wrapped around her, pulling her close to him, pressing her against him.
Felicity worked quickly to unbutton his vest and relieve him of the jacket. She pushed it off his shoulders. Kissing his shoulders after she exposed them, she pulled at each sleeve until the jacket was removed. Then she unbuttoned his shirt, but she allowed him to keep it. She kissed his jaw, his cheek, his ear. Then she stood up and continued with her dance.
She saw the hunger in his eyes, and smiled at him, beckoning him to join her now. He stood up and approached her. She put his hands on her waist and led them to the buttons which kept the skirt fastened. He smiled at her and bent his head down, taking her mouth in his. As his kiss became more passionate, Felicity began to unbutton his trousers. She knew the only reason her skirt had not fallen was because he had not released it.
She pushed the shirt which he was still wearing off of his shoulders, backing up from him, taking a sleeve with her. He quickly shifted and removed the shirt himself. Her skirt tumbled in a heap of discarded material to the ground. She stood before him, wearing her corset, and petticoat.
Ezra rapidly approached her and lifted her from the ground, carrying her to the bed. He kissed her deeply. She drank in the smell of him, the feel of him. He tossed her to the middle of the bed, carefully she noted, and then lay down beside her, his hand running up and down her body, exploring, and setting her on fire. She wanted her flesh to be exposed to his touch. She wanted to drink him in, to feel him upon her, in her.
Felicity reached out and drew her fingers across Ezra's chest. She trailed down to the opening of his unbutton trousers and placed her hand on his stiffening manhood, lightly tracing over it. She heard him swallow. He stood up and eased the pants off, then he raised her and slowly, with torturous slowness, untied the strings that bound her. She pushed the undershirt he wore up and allowed her fingers to freely explore his chest, pausing on each of his nipples, pinching and circling until they were hardened. He kissed her and then pulled the corset off of her. He kissed her neck, then slowly, tenderly, he kissed her shoulders, her chest, the top of her breast. He took one breast in his hand, lightly, gently caressing it, while he sucked and licked the other. Felicity groaned.
The dance had changed.
He leaned back and looked into her eyes, then he pulled his shirt off and deposited it on the floor beside them. Urgently, she felt him working at the fastening of her petticoat. She worked her hand into the waistband of his undergarment. She wanted him. She wanted him.
Within moments, Ezra had her clothing removed and she lay naked on the bed before him. He allowed her to remove the last article he was wearing. He lay on top of her, pressing his flesh against hers. She kissed him, urgently. She needed him. She didn't know why, but she needed to feel him inside of her now. It was almost as if she had run out of time.
But Ezra was not ready to enter her. He took his hand and began to explore her, gently at first, then more rapidly as Felicity's breathing became more shallow. She bit down a sound, and he looked up at her. She could see his eyes, burning into her own. Felicity encircled his manhood her hand, moving her fingers in a rhythmic pattern.
Ezra groaned and separated her legs, placing himself between them. Slowly, at first, he entered her. Then his motion became more and more urgent.
Felicity's moans came faster and raised in pitch. She wrapped herself around him, trying to get closer. She could not get close enough to him.
Ezra kissed her gently and passionately, probing her mouth with his tongue.
She ran her fingers over his back, over his chest, through his hair.
Ezra's thrusts slowed, then again increased in speed. With a shudder of warmth, Felicity screamed his name out as she felt him empty into her.
He lay on top of her, spent, but still attentive. He ran his hands over her body, almost worshipping. She had never felt like this. A tear formed at her eye, and Ezra noticed it.
"What is it my dearest?"
"You. You're so different…so wonderful."
"And this makes you sad?"
She looked at him, "Oh no…it makes me happy. Truly happy. For the first time."
He wrapped his arms around her and held her until she fell asleep.
The morning came much too soon to Felicity. She woke up; Ezra's arms were wrapped around her. She looked lovingly at his face, peaceful in sleep, and kissed him on the cheek.
He opened his eyes. "Good morning, my dear."
She smiled. "Good morning to you too."
He pulled her close to him and placed a kiss on her cheek; his kiss moved from her cheek to her lips.
Just then, the sound of gunfire erupted in the streets. Ezra tossed an irritated glare over his shoulder. "Trust the local population to pick this moment to have a crisis."
Felicity didn't know what to say. She didn't want him to go. But she knew he could not stay, not when there was trouble.
Ezra rose and hurriedly dressed, then he returned to her, giving her a lingering kiss. "I shall return, dearest. At the first opportunity. I promise you that."
"Be careful" was all that she could say.
As she watched Ezra leave the room, she was suddenly gripped with the conviction that she would not see him again. Again she felt the weight of the passing of time.
Felicity arose quickly and dressed. She straightened up the room. The gun shots occasionally were silent, but then the repetitive snaps would once again reverberate thought the air.
She tried to shake her fears, but they intensified with every passing moment. Time was moving slowly…it had barely been ten minutes since Ezra had been gone, yet it felt like an eternity.
She took out her cards, trying to calm herself. But one glance at them made her even more wary. Death…not change. All the cards reflected termination, end, and sacrifices.
"Ezra," she whispered. She'd been thinking of him. The future she saw was his.
Without thinking, Felicity ran out of the room; she had to find him. She had to warn him.
She stopped. She saw him. crouching behind a barrel, firing at someone on a roof. He wasn't looking behind him. From the angle she was at, she saw a man approaching him, gun drawn. Ezra continued to fire off shots to the roof; Felicity watch in horror as he stopped to reload. The man moved closer.
Felicity began to run towards Ezra. The man on the roof saw her and fired at her, but she kept running despite her fear. She had to get there first. The man aimed his gun at Ezra's back. Felicity dove behind him, trying to push him out of the way. A searing pain exploded through her chest as she landed on Ezra. He looked at her, and, as if from a distance, she heard him say, "Felicity?" Then she heard the rapid, loud sound of a gun being discharged near her as she closed her eyes.
She felt…warm. She heard silence. Then the silence was disturbed by a screaming. She opened her eyes. Ezra was holding her; he looked afraid.
Felicity was relieved momentarily. Then she noticed there was blood covering him. "Ezra?" she started.
"Sh…it's going to be fine, Felicity. Nathan'll have you better in no time."
Felicity watched Ezra's face as he looked over at someone else. She didn't hear any response, and she was much too tired to turn her head to see who he looked at.
Ezra paled and flinched though.
"Ezra?" she started to ask again.
"Sh…sh…love…you must conserve your strength," he insisted.
She could barely feel herself. She knew she was leaving. She didn't want to leave him, but she knew she had no choice. She didn't have the strength to fight to stay. But she had to know that Ezra was not hurt before she left. She needed to know that.
"Let her talk, Ezra." She heard Nathan. Where was he? Was Ezra all right?
"Are you hurt?" she finally managed to ask. He looked confused for a moment, then forced a smile which she saw did not reach his eyes.
"No, dearest, no. You…" he broke off the sentence and she felt his hand brush against her forehead.
She heard Nathan whisper, "He's all right Felicity. You got him out of the way."
She smiled, relieved, and closed her eyes. She felt Ezra raise her to his chest and press her close, but she didn't have the strength to hold him…to look at him. Everything was fading.
"I love you, Ezra," she tried to say.
Ezra whispered, "My Felicity, my bliss…"
The words were hard for her to understand. She felt his hold on her change. She felt herself falling….slowly…and as she hit the bottom, her awareness left her. The last thing she heard was, "I love you, my Feli…"