Chapter Sixty-Four: I'm Sorry

I'm sorry, I don't mean to remember
It's true that I dream less often.
I'm not ashamed of that long December
Your hand's coming down again
I close my eyes and brace myself
I only noticed your face
No matter what you're gonna build my shell
No matter what you're gonna build my shel
My scars are yours today. This story ends so good
I love you and I understand that you stood where I stood
~Flyleaf

Nilin had found a hiding spot. She had been roaming the house at night lately, unable to sleep. She went peeking through the other rooms in the house, then she came across a room that had a nook in the wall window seat. She sat there and peered out the large window at the acres and acres of forest it overlooked.

She had been lost in her head ever since that phone call. She would slip away there when ever she got a chance, just gazing outside. No one had discovered her yet and that's how she liked it. When she heard someone calling her name she'd just slip back out and find them before they found her.

No one seemed to notice though, either because she wasn't around people or people weren't around at all. Nilly began to realize that Damon and Stefan would disappear more and more often, not coming back to the boarding house until late hours of the night. She knew what they were doing, they were hunting for Christian. Even her usual visitors would show up less and less. They were so consumed in finding him that they left Nilly in the house alone a lot of the time, which only caused her to sink further into herself.

It was one of those nights, the entire house was silent. Stefan and Damon had left hours ago and Nilly sat in her window seat watching the sun set. When a few hours had past she snuck away from her spot and left the room. Lights were on in the house, almost in every room. The brothers had kept them on for her when ever they went out.

Her eyes started to burn with sleep and she wonder when the last time was she had more that two straight hours of it. Even Damon was having trouble keeping her asleep and her nightmares away. She lost count of the number of times woke up screaming and fighting him as the nightmare faded away. Nilly noticed not only the toll that it was taking on her but also on Damon. So she gave up on sleep all together.

She found herself walking down the hall as her body felt more and more lethargic. She really wished someone was here, anyone. The quiet and stillness of the old house was killing her. She needed someone here, but she knew they were out there tracking Christian.

Nilly came to a door, like she had done numerous nights before, and opened it. The room was dark like usual without the bedside lamp on, but she didn't mind it. Padding across the hardwood floors, Nilly quickly folded herself under the soft sheets and nuzzled her head on the pillow. She inhaled deeply taking in the smell of Damon and closed her eyes, wrapping the blankets tighter around her.

Who should be next then, hmm…Then you know what I want…Times running out Nilly… Tick tock. Nilly couldn't get his voice out of her head, the way he listed her family off as if they were items on a grocery list. No matter how hard she tried, she always found herself staring at the fading gash on Shellie's forehead or the bandage that still cover Elena's neck.

The guilt, the fear, the worry and the absolute dread that she constantly felt was tearing at her. She had a constant throbbing in her head and she hadn't been able to take a deep enough breath for days now. If Christian wasn't going to kill her, her own mind and body were.

Multiple people had told her that it would be over soon and just hang in there. She had been promised that she and no one else would get hurt. People had said a lot to her, but none of it put an ounce of confidence in her. The phone call the other night had shattered any hope that she was clinging to.

Nilly turned over on her stomach, burying her face in the pillow. It was her attempt at controlling the tears that relentlessly threaten to fall. She began to feel herself doze slightly into sleep. All of a sudden she felt a hand on her back. Instinctively she spun herself around and shot up.

"Whoa, whoa. It's me." Damon said, hands raised and sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Damon," Nilly breathed, falling back on the pillow. "You scared me," she whispered. The room was still dark but she could make out his outline next to her. He chuckled a little and she noticed the stiffness in his shoulders. "What happened?" she asked, sitting up again.

He didn't answer her at first.

She leaned over and snapped the lights on to look at him, the first thing she saw was blood. A part of Damon's black shirt was darkened with it. She looked up at him in horror. Damon looked down at his shirt then at Nilly, he had a smirk on his face. "Oh, it's fine. Nilin, I'm okay."

"Take your shirt off," she said suddenly. Damon's grin widened and she knew he was about to make some vulgar comment. "Just do it." Nilly rolled her eyes. Damon stared at her for a moment, apprehensively. Then slowly he peeled off his sodden shirt.

Nilly swallowed hard, quickly ripping her eyes of his body and staring at anything else but him. He was like a chiseled station of some damn Greek god. She hoped he didn't notice her lingering eyes but by the smirk on his face Nilin knew he did. With red cheeks she looked at his shoulder as she sat up to kneeled on the bed in front of him.

"You know, people normally buy me dinner first," he told her. She was too busy looking at the large hole he had in his shoulder, the skin torn and bloody. Her eyes widen as she looked at him for an explanation. "We found him," was all he said, still grinning.

"And you went after him!" she yelled smacking his arm.

"Ow ow ow," he cursed, gripping his hurt shoulder. "Well sort of," he answered.

"Sort of?" Nilly asked about to hit him again. Her hand was raised but she stopped when she saw the smirk reappeared on Damon's face.

"I went after him," Damon said but put a defensive hand up when he saw Nilly's reaction. "But before I could get my hands on the bastard he stabbed me… with a tree branch." Nilly stared at him in shock, her jaw dropped and eyes like saucers.

"I could kill you myself!" she screeched, staring at him in disbelief. She was fuming but then something dawned on her. "Why hasn't it healed yet?" she asked as an after thought and gently touched the injury on his shoulder.

He gave her a painful shrug. "There are probably shards of wood in there still. Magnolia wasn't very gentle when she pulled it out."

"Mags was with you?!" Nilin yelled. "She was with you while you hunted Christian! What the hell were you thinking?!" Nilly stared at him, complete and utter horror in her eyes. "You know what, forget it. I don't want to know what you were thinking, because it was incredibly stupid." She slid off the bed and stalked off towards the bathroom. "Stay," she ordered Damon when she saw him about to follow her.

She went into his bathroom and rummaged through the cabinets. Returning to the bed with a towel and a pair of tweezers, Nilly walked over to Damon. "Lay back," she instructed, sitting at the edge of the bed now. He stared at her questioningly. "I'm not going to kill you, I promise." Nilin rolled her eyes.

After a moment and an implied smirk, Damon complied and leaned on the head board. Then Nilly began the task of pulling the splintered pieces of wood out of his shoulder. She had an ironic thought of how the roles were reversed less than three weeks ago as she plucked one of the larger shards out.

"They volunteered, you know." Damon said, as Nilin worked on his shoulder. "They wanted to go. I was fine by myself, but those two are determined."

She looked up at him, giving him a short snort of laughter. "Yeah, I know. Trust me," she nodded before looking back down.

"Magnolia probably would have stabbed me herself if I didn't let her come, anyway," he said. Nilly couldn't help but smile at the thought. She laughed a little, Damon giving her that light feeling in her stomach. "We almost got him this time, Nilin. He's getting sloppy." Damon said, and Nilly had to look up. The excitement and hope in his voice made her heart clench.

Nilly wished that was true. She wished she could believe that one day in the future she'd wake up and everything would be okay, but she was losing hope. Scratch that, she had lost hope. Everyday felt like she was just sitting in purgatory, waiting for the inevitable to happen.

With a shocking thought, Nilly realized something. Christian wasn't getting sloppy, he was luring them in. He wanted to make them think that so they'd get closer, so they'd put their guard down. He was fulfilling the promise he made to her. He was choosing his next victim, and it was Damon.

"Hey, are you okay?" his voice suddenly pulled her out of his head. She looked up at him, swallowing hard. Trying to hide her sudden shakiness, she answered him.

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine. Just thinking," she said as she fished the last splinter of wood out. And just like that, before Nilly could even wipe the blood away, Damon's wound healed. No sign of the skin ever being torn and tattered. "There," she smiled.

Then she felt a hand cup her face and gently tilt it upward, forcing her to look at Damon's eyes. "What were you thinking about?" he asked, his voice a low rumble. It caused butterflies to erupt in Nilin's stomach. She tried to smile at him as he searched her face for an answer.

"Us," she said vaguely and paused for a moment to top Damon's hand with her own. "I'm just thinking of us." Nilly gave him a lopsided grin, cocking her head to the side to look at him.

"What about us?" he asked, his other hand coming up and brushing her curly hair behind her ear.

"About what we're gonna do after all this is over," she gave him a little smile.

"Well I don't know about you, but I plan on celebrating. I thought about starting off with a trip to Paris, how's that sound? Or how about Florence? Hmm, or Rome?" he posed.

"Why not all of them?" Nilin shrugged. She took a moment to gaze at him as his lips perked up into a grin and he let out a breathy laugh. He was a dream placed in the middle of her darkest nightmare.

"That a girl," he said softly, minimizing the distance between them even more.

Nilin was suddenly over come with the intense need to touch him and kiss him as if it was her last chance to. In one movement she closed the space between their bodies, sliding on to his lap and kissing him forcefully. Her arms linked behind his neck, pulling her closer to him. He was hesitant at first, surprised by her actions, but then she felt his hands on her back pressing them together as his lips moved in sync with hers.

A rush of wind and she was on her back, Damon's hands braced on either side of her head. A pulsing heat ran through Nilly's body as he looked down at her. "Well then," he smirked. Then he leaned down and kissed her again. "Wanna tell me what that was about?" he eyed her suspiciously.

"Like I said, just thinking," Nilly smirked, her hands grazing over his bare chest. She saw a change in him as a spark of electricity traveled between their bodies. He leaned in closer to her, his hand brushed her bangs out of her eyes and off her forehead.

"When this is over I'm going to show you the world, you're going to experience it all and never have to look over your shoulder again." Damon promised her. Nilly realized she was seeing a man that had been buried deep inside for decades. She felt like her heart was breaking as she stared up at him, his eyes so open and human. Their dark murkiness was shinning as he leaned down and kissed her.

Nilly found herself speechless, she was lost in him. Everything that she felt for him was surging through her and the thought of a life without Damon slammed its way into her head. It was impossible, unbearable. Knowing that there was a chance, more than a chance, that she could lose him made her want to do anything to stop it.

He had done it. Damon had finally found his way completely inside her heart, leaving no room. There was nothing she could do now, so she just rolled with the punches.

As she laid on the mattress, her body tingling with every touch of him, she stare into his midnight eyes. Those eyes that haunted and graced her dreams ever since her first night back in Mystic Falls. Here she was with the man who slipped her a tequila shot and called her beautiful. The man she used to sneak away to see on an old park bench. The man who put her back together, the man who she put back together.

As she looked at him Nilly made her decision. What everyone had been telling her was true, it was going to be over soon, but she wasn't going to be around to see. Nilin was going to be the one who stopped it.

Damon realized the house was unusually silent as he left his bedroom. He wondered where Nilin had snuck off too. He had turned over, expecting to find her there but the bed was empty. She had been acting strange last night and the girl was worrying him. So he had gotten up in search for her.

When he found her sleeping in his bed last night he knew something was wrong. But when she had more or less jumped him, any and all reasonable thoughts went out the window. With each kiss, each touch, the more he found himself being uprooted. Emotions and desires coursing through him, ones he hadn't felt in years. One's that he had purposely hid away and out of reach. She had ruthlessly tore each one out without even knowing it.

But still he had this nagging concern in his head. She was keeping something from him. There was something she wanted to tell him but for whatever reason she couldn't. He saw it in eyes, the way she seemed on the verge of speaking but always holding back.

He had been so set of driving a stake through Christian's heart that it was the only thing he had been thinking about. But now he saw the toll it was taking on Nilin. Her eyes seemed duller, her skin paler and there were growing circles under her eyes. It was hard seeing her like that, as if her light had vanished, but he knew that she'd be back to normal once they go rid of that bastard.

As he walked down the stairwell, he instantly picked up on Nilin. Her scent, her heart beat, her soft even breaths, all of it filled his senses. Her scent was most powering, though. The sweetness of her blood mingled with the scent of lilacs and vanilla. Being around her was excruciating sometimes, but it was also like paradise. She was like an oasis to the thirsty man inside him.

Following her trail, he turned the corner and found her in the pallor with the piano. The curtains had been pulled open from the large window, allowing the morning light to shine into the room. Nilin stood in front of it, her back towards him. Her hair fell down her back in light waves, her arms around herself as she gazed out the window.

Damon snuck up behind her, wrapping an arm around her waist and pulling her into his chest. She nuzzled into him, sliding her hands over his. "Hi," she sighed, her voice worn.

"Good morning," Damon said into her ear, enjoying the shiver she tried to suppress and the kick start in her heartbeat. "What are you doing down here?" he wondered.

"Watching the sunrise," she explained in a quiet voice. "I didn't want to wake you, I thought you'd need your rest." Damon couldn't help but chuckle.

"I'm a vampire, beautiful. I'm much more durable than you think," he informed her, resting his chin on top of her head. She huffed a small laugh, her delicate fingers tracing up and down his arm.

"Well, I'm glad you're up now." Nilin said. She turned in his arms so that she was facing him. Her head tilted up to look at him, her hands rested on his chest. "I'm going to be okay," she told him, a small, sad smile on her face. He looked at her, his brow furrowing. Now she was really worrying him.

"Of course you are," he said to her, running a hand up and down her back. Her smile curled a little.

"I just want you to know that, but I also need you to promise me something," she continued, her hands linking behind his neck.

"What is it, Nilin?" he asked, searching her freckled blue eyes.

"I want you to promise me, that if something was ever to happen to me—"

"Nilin…" Damon cut her off, looking at her sharply. So this was why she was acting so weird. He knew where this conversation was going.

"No, let- let me just say this. Please, Damon," she pleaded her eyes capturing him. The only response he could muster up was a head nod. "If something ever happens to me, whether it's because of Christian or a flaming meteor, you have to promise me that you won't let it destroy you. You can't bury yourself away again, not when I spent all this time pulling you out of the ruble Katherine left behind. I won't let you do that to yourself. Please, promise me that."

Nilin's eyes began to water, her face was set but her eyes told him everything. Damon's hand came up to stroke her cheek, feeling the warmth of her in his arms. "Yeah, I promise," he swore. Nilin smiled. Her smile the most amazing thing he had seen.

"Thank you," she breathed. Then Nilin rose up on her toes to touch her lips with his. And again Damon felt that jolt of life in his stilled heart. The lightning that sparked his inner demon caused him to kiss her deeper. She was consuming him and he crushed her closer.

Suddenly he felt a stabbing pain in his back and then the familiar fire of vervain began to singe his veins. Damon pulled back, his eyes desperately questioning Nilin. She was crying, silent tears fell down her cheeks. "I'm sorry," she whispered as Damon began to loss control of his muscles. He felt himself growing weaker, unable to stand as he clutched at her. "I'm so sorry, Damon," she cried, taking on his weight and laying him back on the ground. "But I have to do this. I can't lose you."

All he could do was watch her, he couldn't move, couldn't speak. The fiery fatigue was making its was through his veins. Nilin kneeled down next to him, sweeping his hair off his forehead. He felt himself sinking under as she lean closer to him, only a breath away.

Her lips touched his in the gentlest scorching kiss, and then she was pulling away. Damon frantically tried to stop her, but his body betrayed him. Just before the vervain dragged him under Nilin whispered something.

"I love you," he heard her whisper as her fingers traced down his cheek. "I will always love you, Damon," and then the blackness took over as he watched her stand and walk out of the door.

Author's Notes:

Welp, here's my holiday present to you guys. I know, I'm just too thoughtful. Haha, I swear I didn't mean for this depressing chapter to be updated this holiday/celebratory week. Buuut, shit happens and I hope you guys still read it and love it. Thank you so much for making this an incredible year.

Have a safe, happy holiday season full of friends, family and food. From me to you, Happy Holidays and I love every one of you.

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