Chapter 3: Viva La Diva!
Notes: Omg, I'm so sorry this took so long- massive reworking and rewrites. Life/work/school is complicated and I am still not at the point where I am comfortable/capable of writing full-on sex scenes. Still…
Dr. Tommy Oliver had gotten past security after flashing his credentials and made his way to the Dino Bite Café. He was there to meet with the museum director, but due to a scheduling problem, he was extremely late and missed their intended appointment time. He figured it wouldn't be a problem to drop in a little after hours. The surprisingly handsome aqua-uniformed security guard did seem peculiar though… Since when does a museum need such tight security after closing?
Dismissing the thought from his mind, he entered the Dino Bite Café and beheld the makings of a Bacchanalia as scantily clad men were carrying crates of alcohol and furniture about at the shrill cackling commands of a VERY familiar and supposedly very DEFEATED old arch-nemesis… It HAD to be some kind of trick… or a dream…
The dangerously beautiful apparition before him wore a red, gilt-edged, strapless bodice allowing for maximum cleavage, nestled with a beautiful jewel pendant, with a black-ribbed corset and a short pleather skirt accented with goldfish scale mail, elbow length black gloves and knee high high-heeled black leather boots. Her shining chestnut hair was pulled into a high pony tail allowing her voluminous metallic-purple tipped locks to fall in a tight swirl behind her. Her gold face-frame mask and shoulder pauldrons, lavender gossamer train, and red webbed high collar completed the menacing ensemble.
Her rosy glossed lips pursed into a duck-like near-sneer and her eyes squinted in appraisal, scanning everyone around. She flourished her arm about and barked an order to each man as she passed:
"Straighten that vest! Lose the shirt! Tighten that bowtie! Align those suspenders! You! No slouching!"
'That CAN'T be her…' thought a horrified Tommy 'She was PURIFIED…th- the SACRIFICE…'
"All right, all right! Make way! Pure beauty, commin' through!" the sultry woman in red and black shouted and muscled her way through her minions "HA!" she flaunted as she punched the air "Viva La Diva!"
'Oh yeah, that's HER alright…' Tommy mentally confirmed as he advanced pointing at her shouting "DIVATOX!" he spreads his arms gesturing about "What, no Pirhanatrons this time?"
The space pirate queen looked up in horror and shock. The first surprised and nasally word that tumbled from her mouth was "Tommy?!" before looking down at her getup. That was enough for Dr. Oliver to launch his attack on the terrified space pirate queen who clearly recognized him.
He may be older now, but he can still fight, and fight Tommy did with a flurry of blows against a surprisingly adept Divatox. His onslaught was brutal, but somehow, she managed to defend herself quite expertly- if screaming a bit and flailing wildly after blocking each strike. Did she always used to be such a competent fighter? He never remembered her fighting hand-to-hand back in his Turbo days. "Wait! Tommy!" she cried as she kept blocking his incoming attacks. All of the other workers around dove for cover as both veteran and villain duked it out in the middle of the café floor.
"Back off, buddy!" shouted Tyler, dressed in only yellow fireman bottoms and red suspenders and menacingly waving a banana. "Leave her alone!" joined Chase, in black jean shorts and brandishing his skateboard. "Be gone, blackguard!" declared Ivan twirling a rubber prop rapier "Yeah, back off, bub!" shrilled a teetering, sushi-lipped, feather boa-wielding Nicki Minaj.
Tommy Oliver could only stop and stare in utter confusion at the ridiculous warriors coming to Divatox's aid…
~1 hour earlier~
At last, the Dino Dude Lounge was about to begin its first evening. During the several hours between the Dino Bite Cafe closing and the opening for seating of the Dino Dude Lounge, the floor was packed with the hustle and bustle of the final preparations. Kendall was directing the workflow as several strapping young men were vetted for server duty, including Riley's nemesis-turned-friend Burt and his two lackeys, and surprisingly enough, Riley's brother Matt- THAT was interesting for Riley to explain…
'You want WHO to help out at the Club?' Kendall was not sure whether to be confused, grateful or just plain horrified. 'Just Burt, his two friends, and…' Riley mumbled at the last '…mybrotherMatt…' Kendall could only shake her head 'Oh Riley…what am I going to do with you…'
Shelby had suggested to Kendall the need to be disguised- after all, she was a respected scientist who ran the museum. What Kendall did NOT expect, was an over-the-top outfit with an even MORE ridiculous persona to emulate. Normally very conservatively dressed, she now looked like some sort of amalgamated space opera pirate queen.
'I look and feel ridiculous, Shelby' Kendall had complained 'It's one thing to look like a dominatrix, but it's ENTIRELY another to look and act like some kind of soap opera supervillain!' 'Don't worry about it, Ms. Morgan!' explained an inspiring Shelby who placed a gold half-mask over Kendall's eyes 'Remember, you are a strong, confident woman- a DIVA!' Kendall blew out a sigh and conceded to her point as . She really DID need to have more confidence in her own abilities. So with a deep breath, she smoothed herself down, perked up her boobs and with a determined nod, proceeded to get it done…like a BAUS.
Kendall really got into character as she paced amongst the workers- embracing her inner 'Madam'. As she commanded her staff, she grew more and more confident, and finally she completely lost herself in the role:
"Straighten that vest! Lose the shirt! Tighten that bowtie! Align those suspenders! YOU! No slouching!"
'Yes' she chuckled satisfyingly to herself 'it's GOOD to be the queen…'
"DIVATOX!"
At least until Dr. Tommy Oliver attacked…
Meanwhile, in the back, the guys were doing their final prep as well…
"Riley? Can you help me?" asked Koda, holding out a bottle of oil and gesturing behind him "I can't get it all even on my back" "Sure, Koda" Smoothing the oil along Koda's shoulders, Riley's deft hands slowly kneaded up and down his taut upper back muscles "Woah buddy, you've got some horrible knots up here" he observed while fussing "You really should consider a real bed instead of that crag of rock you sleep in." Koda melted under Riley's ministrations, his head lolling in ecstasy and oblivious to all else. He purred contentedly and pulled at length as Riley's deft hands slid down to his lower back and worked around his torso. Even Riley wasn't immune to Koda's arousal as his hands smoothed over his obliques, along the trenches of his abs and up over his pecs, deeply working the oil in. Koda drew his head back and rested it against Riley's shoulder with a happy sigh. Taking a moment to de-bug his eyes and regulate his breathing again, Riley rolled his eyes and chuckled at his friend who now resembled a big housebroken jungle cat.
Chase let out a sigh at the scene with a dreamy nod of approval and returned to rehearsing Phillip- his hands on Phillip's shoulders, wringing out the tension as the latter was trying to loosen his hips. He wasn't sure if he was trying to relax Phillip as much as distract himself from Riley and Koda slowly dry-humping not ten feet away "Ok, ok Phillip. Don't make your moves too sharp or deliberate or they'll look really jerky and awkward. Let your hips roll…" Chase stood right behind him guiding Phillip's swaying hips with his hands as he demonstrated in slow fluid gyrations "…just like that" Phillip could feel Chase's heartbeat...as well as his erection against the small of his back and deviously started to grind back against it.
No longer able to contain himself, Koda whipped around and grabbed the surprised yet pliant Riley by the waist and dragged his nose from Riley's navel up to behind his neck with one long sharp sniff, taking in his scent. Gripping Riley's waist firmly, Koda drank in Riley's arousal and pressed their bodies flush against one another. Riley regained his senses enough to reciprocate the caveman's claiming amidst many sharp whimpers. Their mouths thrashed for dominance, despite Koda's advantage in size and strength.
Chase was lost in his daydream and wondered to himself if this isn't what REALLY goes on at La Bare when the cameras are off. His thoughts meandered to a seemingly demure and innocent Riley…prepping the lot of them…all those chiseled abs, smooth pecs, a panorama of hard flesh. When his faculties returned, he found fingers rubbing his neck, moving up his spine. Chase turned his head back to face his sneaky assailant- and finding James pulling them together, James's lips cutting off any possible protest. Chase took charge, shifting his position and grinding into James. Suddenly, his face was jerked back and his eyes met Phillip's "I shall not suffer your attention to be diverted" and with that, Phillip forcefully took control and began ravishing Chase. 'Woah' Chase mused 'When did Phillip get dominant? Well…not that I'm complaining…'
Not to be outdone by the shameless throupling, Riley more vigorously nipped at the flesh behind Koda's ear and nuzzled into his neck prompting Koda to growl and bite at Riley's lower lip and in stereotypical macho fashion, shred Riley's shirt with one swift pull. He proceeded to manhandle Riley with renewed passion.
To the left of their frenzy, Tyler and Ivan were stretching in nothing but skin-tight trunks, terribly distracted by the near-sex happening right there. Ivan lagged, transfixed by his comrades' shamelessness and Tyler, catching him in this moment of inattention, pounces and pins him to the wall in a kiss. Ivan wrestles back playfully but continues to allow Tyler to take charge, pressing his cheek against the cool hewn stone.
Riley changed tactics and ran his tongue across Koda's oiled chest as Koda's head fell back with a gasp, his eyes rolled back. Riley continued up his neck and met back up with his lips prompting Koda to shift them both forward into Phillip's waiting arms who then turned Riley's head, breaking his kiss and claiming one of his own. Riley's delirious moans grew more lustful as Phillip's hand slid down Riley's torso into shorts and gripping firmly and tenderly.
Chase stepped to Riley's left and slid his arm between his and Koda's bodies, firmly latching himself to Riley's side. As a swift as a swooping raptor (bird- ahem) he brushed his lips along Riley's temple and glided into Koda's. Ivan and Tyler were suddenly on Riley's other side- Ivan tongue-bathing Phillip and Tyler burying his nose in Riley's hair and sighing deeply.
James reclined on a sofa nearby, enjoying the pre-show show and sucking a protein shake through a straw. Poor Riley was drowning in a puppy pile- no sooner do his lips unlatch from Phillip's that they find themselves attached to Tyler's…then Chase's…then Ivan's…then Koda's…then back to Phillip's…then Chase again…
'This is how I die' Riley internally monologues in delirious ecstasy 'Yep…this is definitely how it ends… Death- By SnuSnu'
As the last light in Riley's vision is swallowed by the torrent of man-flesh enveloping him in a cocoon of orgasmic bliss Shelby clapped her hands breaking the spell and the tides of darkness receded "All right, all right, all right boys! Enough mutual butt-sniffing! We need to go over the rotation!"
Everyone blinked at the drag queen Nikki Minaj standing before them with her bubblegum-pink lips, long sweeping wig and gigantic fake lashes. "What?" she barks at the sniggering lot of them, now looking less like gay porn stars and more like junior varsity jocks in a locker room "What? I have to look different!" she swings about to address them all "I need to have a different persona when I'm up there on the turn table!" she continued to defend herself. Bubbles of laughter seethed and churned beneath the paper thin ice sheet of silence. Shelby's eyes dared them- DARED them to crack a joke and someone was going to break… yes she would be ready…
"So Shelby…" Riley hazarded "Did you find all the sound equipment we set up for you?" Shelby softened and relaxed a bit "Yes, Riley. It's all there and ready to go" "Kay, then you know you've got that Super Bass?"
Aaaaaaaand the ice shattered- plummeting the boys and even Shelby into a sea of laughter "Well, I suppose I do look ridiculous in this get up" she managed after getting a hold of herself.
No sooner did everyone recover from their mirth that they whipped their heads at a strong voice booming out in the front "DIVATOX!"
Confusion reigned throughout the ranks as the all-too familiar sounds of battle rang out on the café floor…
~Present~
In all his years of being a ranger, this HAD to be the most ridiculous situation Tommy found himself in- worse than the time he was magically compelled to sing in an operatic voice… or that time he felt the insatiable urge to gorge on mountains of junk food… or of course that time a villain questioned point-blank if he wasn't just "a little [too] old for [all] this". Never had he felt the weariness and age in his bones as he did just now "I AM getting to old for this crap" he mutters to himself. For a split-second he imagines sitting in a rocker in the middle of a Veteran Ranger nursing home commiserating with the other ranger fogeys:
'In MY day, OUR villains were campy AND diabolically effective… AND we could TELEPORT… I miss Zordon… those were the GOOD old days… We didn't have all these new-fangled modular megazords… OUR megazords had TWO formations and we LIKED it…'
'…and sometimes the monster of the week was so tough we had to use ALL SEVEN of our zords and we called it an ULTRAzord… these kids got it easy with their 13 zords and 10 rangers, their 'super modes' and extra powers they INVENT every other WEEK… why in MY day… we had to travel across FIFTEEN star systems to get a SLIGHT power upgrade…and even THEN we had to pass TESTS or fight giant robots WITHOUT our zords'
'In MY day, our homoerotic sexual tension was so subtle, you needed an electron microscope to see it… but it was THERE… none of this gay-baiting crap [eyes to the fourth wall]'
'In MY day, our history maintained continuity and cohesion with villainous plots that spanned SEASONS- I mean YEARS… none of these short-term hit it and quit it scrubs… yep yep… Zordon took down the biggest and baddest with him… *spit*'
'And what's with these last few crops of rangers? They're like poor imitations of the originals… trying to copy our formula as if it'll bring glory back to the noble ranger tradition… and they're a revolving door too… a year or two and POOF- out ya go to pasture- in with a NEW set of baby rangers who have to flounder about with yet more new UNTESTED powers thrust into their amateur hands and having barely a couple of weeks to learn them before a really BIG evil threatens the WHOLE UNIVERSE…. AGAIN…'
'And what's with every other artifact brought to attention suddenly being the "ULTIMATE POWER in the UNIVERSE"? I swear we've got like 5 of those "ULTIMATE POWERS" already'
'The Power Eggs' says Jason.
'The Zeo Crystal' agrees Tommy.
'The Quasar Sabers' chimes Leo.
'The Corona Aurora' muses Dax (because Mack is a sexbot- remember?)
'And don't forget the Energems!' bounces Tyler.
'GET OUT Whippersnapper!' the other four punted the puppy out of the nursing home where he lands in a duck pond with a horn blaring in the background. Tyler sniffles and shuffles along.
Tommy shuddered and vowed NEVER to get THAT old and bitter…
WAIT. The banana-wielding firefighter… "Wait a minute! Hold up!" commands Tommy "What is going on here?"
Kendall hastily rips off her mask "It's me, Dr. Oliver!" she pants "Kendall Morgan. I'm so sorry I'd forgotten about our meeting…" she looks around at the disarray "I can explain all of this…just not out here…"
After one of the most awkward expository recaps in the history of the Power Rangers' legacy, Tommy bit his lip keeping good humor and desperately trying to maintain the proper venerable air of dignity and graciousness.
"…and THAT is why my boys are now strippers" Tommy had to screw his eyes shut at that and scream through his tightly clamped lips. "Ok, Dr. Morgan, I think that sums up a typical evil scheme the Power Rangers thwart from time to time… though I admit… this solution is… rather unique"
"As unorthodox as it is, would you like to stay for our opening night?" offered Kendall.
Tommy blinked at that and took a minute to consider "Yes… yes I think I will" he replied amused "I'm interested in seeing how this generation of rangers… handles… themselves…" he treaded lightly.
~Out front~
A short busty blonde in a hot pink cocktail dress wiggled in her seat sipping at her drink as she glanced about anxiously. Her companion, a lanky, nervous, mousy-haired twenty-something boy was twice as restless as his leg twitched uncontrollably. "Stop it!" the woman hissed "You'll draw too much attention to us!" "Says Glinda the good witch" the boy retorted "Did you have to choose that body? Someone could think you were her"
"Nonsense- I'm Polly April Rhodes. A demure up and coming broadway producer. And you're Kurt O'Byron, my no-good pan-sexual nephew" she primped "You're WAY too into this, Poisan-" "HUSH! You'll spoil everything!" she kicked him under the table as Kendall took center stage.
"Ladies and gentlemen, I welcome you to the Dino Dude Lounge after-hours show! I am your host, Divitria! Accompanying our boys tonight is our very own DJ Cera Topps! Shelby waves while whipping her hair back and forth and batting her absurdly long lashes. "And now to bring out our very own Dino Dudes!" Kendall announces to raucous applause.
~Split-screen~
'This is it' breathed Kendall.
'We're all set' affirmed Riley backstage.
'Ought to be interesting' mused Tommy at a side table.
'All systems go' checked Shelby at her booth.
'Now we'll see something' tittered Poisandra/Polly.
'Popcorn's ready' announced Heckyl from Sledge's command chair.
'SHOWTIME'