shots in the dark
VI: Kai
and what if i were you?
Kai's eyes widen in shock as Jinora lands on the garbage lid, holding up her knife. "Give me the gun and get over the fence," she snaps, sounding angry, at him, and at herself. Kai doesn't argue, shoving the gun in her other hand, his own knife now his only weapon, and moves slowly towards the fence. He fights back the zombies, trying to swallow his overwhelming relief that she hasn't left him to die, trying to give her time so they can both make it to safety. Kai owes her that much, and he doesn't like owing people things, but...
Once Jinora is close enough Kai swings one leg over the fence. Jinora hands him his gun while she gets into position to drop off from the frame of the fence as well. "On the count of three," Kai whispers. The Clackers are stumbling towards them, over the garbage lid, clawing at the fence, trying to drag them down. "One, two-"
"-three!" Jinora finishes, and they drop.
Kai's knee smashes against the pavement, the rest of his body falling onto it as he rolls flat onto his back, his body aching, especially his right knee. It's not broken though, he knows that for sure. He can still move it. And then he sees Jinora, curled up in a ball and it doesn't look like she's moving. "Jin!" he shouts, scrambling over to her. "Jin," he reaches to turn her over when he hears her take a deep breath. The amount of relief that crashes over him is almost embarrassing. "Are you alright?"
"Do I look alright?" she says weakly, and he helps her to her feet. "Nothing's broken though." She looks up. "Man, that was a worse drop than I thought it was. We're lucky."
"We're not out of the woods yet," he reminds her, pointing towards the fence a few feet away. The Clackers are screeching in anger on the other side of the fence. Soon, the noise will attract the zombies from the grocery store. They have to get moving.
"Looks like food will have to wait," Jinora says grimly. "Let's find somewhere safe to wait it out."
Kai limps because of his knee, and it takes Jinora a while to catch her breath, but they make it to an old apartment building, safe and sound and hole up in one of the bottom apartments. Jinora's barely in the room for three seconds before she lets her bag slide off her shoulders and flops into the moldy sofa. "Toss me some food," she requests. Kai throws her a bag of chips, but is grateful she isn't really looking at him.
"Thanks, by the way," he says quietly, still not looking at her. He's ashamed that there's a lump in his throat, and he's sorta ashamed that he cares about her, but also isn't really ashamed about any of that at all. The one thing he is ashamed of is if he had been in her place, would he have made the same choice?
Jinora makes a small noise of acknowledgement.
"No seriously," Kai stresses. "Thank you... I - I..." He swallows hard. "W-why?"
Finally, their eyes meet. Kai wants to look away from her intense stare but finds it impossible; he's trapped in her gaze of glittering brown.
There's a warmth in his chest and his heart is in his throat as she stares at him. It's simultaneously harder and easier to breathe and he knows that it shouldn't be possible, but somehow it is, and he doesn't really care why. Jinora's face is still young, but scraped, with smudges of dirt. There's traces of black blood on her fingers and under her nails. The look in her eyes isn't sad exactly, and even though he can't pinpoint exactly what it is, it's familiar: it's the look he finds every time he looks at himself in the mirror. Her hair curls, tangled into knots with frayed, loose strands, pulled back into a messy bun.
"Because whether I like it or not, I care about you, you asshole," she says dryly, but there's warmth there too, and a flicker of a smile illuminates her face.
Kai slowly smiles at her. "Right back at ya Jin."
It's a turning point, Kai guesses. To be honest, he isn't quite sure what to call it, but something has changed, that much is certain. Jinora smiles more around him, and he feels more comfortable around her. Trust is easier; everything's easier. Who knew that going through a near death experience could bond people so well?
They've been scouting the grocery store for a few days. The zombies tend to start roaming around mid-afternoon, leaving it not nearly as packed as it usually is. It'll still be dangerous. What surprises Kai is Jinora: she kills with ferocity, and doesn't stop until there's a heap of dead zombies lying at her fear, her fingers smeared with black blood.
Something's changed in her too, and he isn't sure if it's a good thing or a bad thing.
"What are you doing?" she asks him slowly, panting heavily and turning to look at him. "There'll be more soon, so let's get going."
Kai smiles a little - a little sadly, maybe. "'Course Jin," and he joins her in stuffing as much food and water as possible into their bags, which are new, taken from other stores, and even bigger than their old ones.
Jinora's shoulders sag under the weight of her bag. "Is the coast clear?" she asks while he checks the area for zombies.
"Mostly," Kai utters, "just some Commons. If we're quiet they shouldn't see us."
They get back to the apartment in one piece, and Jinora starts crying and Kai already knows why. She's starting to see zombies not as former people. She's learning to pity the living, not the dead. It's a hard lesson.
Kai places a hand on her shoulder and doesn't ask if she's okay, because she's obviously not. Her eyes are tired and sad and old. He imagines he looks the same way. "Hey Jin," he begins. "Did I ever tell you about how when I was a kid..." He chuckles a little at the memory and it gets Jinora to look at him. It encourages him to continue. "This one time I thought it would be a great idea to take all the toilet paper off the roll and put it in the toilet and flush it... My mom was not happy."
It's not even that funny, but he starts laughing and Jinora joins in, and soon they're laughing so hard they're crying. And then the laughing stops, but that's okay. When Jinora reels herself back in, reducing her sobs to hiccoughs, she curls up next to him and gives him a hug. She's surprisingly warm against him, and he can feel her breathing, solid and alive.
He hugs her back, resting his head on her shoulder. "It's okay Jinora," he breathes. It's not. It's not. It's an empty promise, he knows that - she knows that. But when she pulls away, she smiles at him and it reaches her tear-filled eyes.
It's enough.
Haircuts are important. The shaved portion of Kai's hair is starting to grow out and he knows it will be too much work to keep it in check. He makes sure to shave every once in a while; he may be surviving the end of the world, but he was not going out with a monstrous beard.
But the reason why haircuts are important is because when they've been in the city for a week, Jinora cuts her hair. It's too much trouble to pull it into a bun all the time, but it's been getting long - dangerously long. If a zombie grabbed her hair she'd be in trouble. So she takes her knife, pulls back her hair, and trims it. It's much shorter, just below her ears but curls over them onto her face. It suits her. She seems happier, anyway.
And Kai doesn't stare. Really, he doesn't. (Okay, maybe just a little.)
"It's cold," Jinora notes when they go outside in that morning. She shivers under her coat, not nearly warm enough.
Kai doesn't even think about what he's doing: he pulls his jacket off and places it over her shoulders. It's two sizes too big on him and she's tiny, so it looks more like a dress on her. Jinora shakes her head and purses her lips. The wind bites at his bare arms. "Kai, no, I can't take your jacket."
"I'm not going to wear it," he says simply, giving her a smile. "So either you wear it or nobody wears it."
"You idiot," Jinora mutters angrily, but she slips her arms inside the jacket anyway, and Kai can see the tiniest glimpse of a smile tugging on her lips.
They manage to find a map in one of the old abandoned stores.
They find a movie theatre in downtown during their second week. The posters for the movies are still up, faded but overall protected by the glass encasement, with mud and dirt splattered over the glass. Jinora wipes it off and it's scary, because Kai can remember seeing the posters for the movie all over the place before the outbreak, and for a moment it feels like nothing's changed.
"We should see if the old player thingy still works," Jinora says decidedly, and Kai's happy to let her pull him into the theatre. "What do you say to a movie Kai?"
"It sounds delightful Jin," he says cheerfully and it has nothing to do with the fact she's holding his hand, her fingers slim and warm in his own. Nothing at all.
A/N: Because you guys are too kind and I can't torture you for too long due to being too empathetic. As always, I'd love to hear your thoughts.