/exasperated flailing

Hi! I'm so sorry I was away for two weeks again. From now on, I'm going to try to post a new chapter every Friday to make things simpler.

For the last two weeks or so, I've been trying to write more original work - I'm blogging to practice writing articles, and I met with one of my professors today who gave me advice on submitting work to different publications. Maybe someday I'll actually make money from my writing. :P

Thank you guys for you patience and your reviews. I was toying with the idea of giving you guys my "Kevedd playlist" at the beginning of the next chapter to give you a sense of what inspires me to write this pairing ... let me know if you'd be interested.

Happy reading!

Chapter 10

The sun crept above the treetops, accompanied by the irritated chatter of grackles and sparrows. Disgruntled families shuffled, clad in their best clothes, into minivans and tiny, energy efficient cars, then proceeded in a sleepy herd onto the highway toward one of the town's three churches. Nazz waved to her parents as they pulled out of the driveway, silently relieved to have a project due the next day so she could stay home. Double Dee sat up and stretched exactly thirty two seconds before his alarm was set to go off, grunting as the pleasantly heavy feeling blossomed in his muscles. He made himself a cup of tea before checking on his various pets and plants, jotting down a few notes about his flatworms and watering Jim and his tiny shrub. He took a shower and got dressed, hiding his head beneath his cap and scrutinizing himself in the mirror.

He had gone to the store Saturday to pick up a bottle of concealer, finding that the shade darker than his mother's peachy one was closer to his coloring. Careful fingers dabbed at the liquid before tapping a spot onto his bruised throat. Non-comedogenic, he reminded himself. All natural ingredients that double as sunscreen. No perfumes. No unscrupulous chemicals.

"And maximum buildability," he added aloud, smoothing the color over a violet crescent bearing an uncanny resemblance to Kevin's teeth. Leaning closer to scrutinize his reflection, Double Dee hummed in thought. Another dot of makeup was tapped onto his neck.

The scholar's thoughts wandered to his studies. He had reviewed the material for all of his classes, taking note of the few facts he hadn't yet memorized. If he allotted himself ten minutes to look over the list at lunch and after dinner, he imagined that he'd be sufficiently prepared for finals. Good.

Tap tap. The overlapping hickeys peeking out from the left side of his collar were all but unnoticeable now. If anyone asked, he could blame it on getting too close to one of Rolf's chickens during an inspection in agriculture class.

His planarians were doing quite well too - he had charted their activity in response to light and mild temperature changes, and the handful of tiny brown creatures were seemingly as healthy as they had been on Friday afternoon. Perhaps he could find a clever way to incorporate their behavior into one of the essay questions on the biology exam. He was sure Mr. Sanders would appreciate the reference to non-mandatory material.

Tap tap tap. The small shadow of a faded bruise beneath his ear was almost perfectly concealed now, and he shuddered at the memory of the lips and tongue that had put it there. Putting on cosmetics had seemed preposterous at first, but as well as the brand worked, he thought the head of the drama club might consider using it for future productions. The recent advancements in dermatology were unarguably quite amazing...

Eddward trotted back to his room and placed the bottle of makeup back in its place, tucked behind a stack of special-edition dictionaries in one of his drawers. Everything was flawlessly cleaned; the carpet swept, the glass wiped down, his clean sheets tucked into the mattress and smoothed painstakingly. He gave a long stretch and a sigh, interrupting the humming he hadn't realized he'd begun.

After Kevin's visit on Friday evening, his every muscle felt strangely relaxed.

-x-

Eddy arrived at Ed's house at 10:30, and as he raised his fist to knock, the door flew open.

"EDDY," bellowed the tall, smelly boy, leaping to embrace him. "Long time no see, mister!"

"Yeah yeah." Eddy struggled until he was released, his frown not lasting for longer than a moment. "It's been like twelve hours. Straighten your bowtie, Lumpzilla."

"Already did it."

The short teen stared at the enormous boy, whose red, polka-dotted bowtie was clearly crooked.

"Whatever. Let's go get Sockhead."

The pair shuffled up the tidy lawn to stand side by side on the abnormally clean doormat. Eddy waited for about fifteen seconds before deciding that Ed wasn't going to knock.

As soon as the greedy one's fist came up, the door opened, a streak of gray flying out.

"Greetings, gentlemen! What a stunning morning."

"Geez, Double Dee. Save your energy for the scam." Eddy pulled the door shut behind him as Ed chuckled, bouncing excitedly on the balls of his feet at Eddward's enthusiasm.

The genius turned back to face them, clad in dark jeans and a loose gray shirt. He had an armful of pamphlets and a paper bag swinging from his elbow. "Forgive me, Eddy. I'm simply overcome with joy at such a marvelous day."

"I slept in and Mom made pancakes," Ed agreed. "And Sarah didn't even hit me once."

"Why Ed, that sounds like a positively lovely morning!"

"Sure, I had a Pop Tart. Can we get to the suckers already?"

Double Dee frowned. "Members, Eddy. Not suckers. We want them to join our group, not be insulted."

"Suckers or not, here we come," said Ed, breaking into a trot across the yard.

Eddy grinned at the scholar. "See? Ed's got the idea, Double Dee."

Left behind as his companions started out across the cul-de-sac, Eddward tightened his grip on his fliers and muttered, "Could you straighten your tie, Ed?"

-x-

"Yes, yes! Here I am!" Rolf threw open the door that was being banged mercilessly on. "Ah, hello, do-la-ti Ed boys. The cockles shine brightly in the heat, yes?"

"Um." Double Dee blinked. Eddy elbowed him gently in the side. "Hello, Rolf! The school year may be drawing to a close, but next year promises new challenges and new opportunity. That's why we are inviting you to join our newly-formed study group, Ed's Excellence in Education! If the principal accepts my proposal, your participation over the course of the summer will count as two of your extracurricular credits! We'll meet weekly."

The blue-haired boy took the flier extended to him by Ed and raised an eyebrow. "Hmmm. Yes, this is very interesting, as Rolf is still unused to your country's strange and repetitive educational system."

"So?" Eddy tapped his fingers together expectantly, a wide grin spreading across his face.

The foreigner tapped his chin, staring intently at the clean font across the front fold of the paper. "Rolf will think about it. Good day to you, Ed boys! The potatoes will not peel themselves!"

"Wait!" The shortest of the trio stepped forward as the door slammed shut, holding out his jar. "There's a membership fee…"

Double Dee glanced at Eddy worriedly as his imploring expression faded into one of mild irritation. Ed grinned and gazed where Rolf had been a moment before, papers sticking out of his pockets and shirt collar, tie still askew. Sending fliers scattering in the breeze, he swung an arm into the air. "BYE, ROLF!"

"Forget Rolf," Eddy grumbled, turning and pacing back across the grass. "Jonny'll listen."

"Your optimism is inspiring, Eddy," chimed Double Dee, smiling his gap-toothed smile and hurrying after him. Ed gave a final wave before leaving their neighbor's doorstep.

-x-

Bonk.

"Hello, Jonny!"

Bonk.

"Hello, Jonny!"

Bonk.

"Hello, Jonny!"

"Ed, you'll give yourself a concussion!" Double Dee approached his strangely-scented friend, putting a hand on either of his shoulders and holding him from whacking his head against the door again.

"What the heck are you guys doing?"

At the bald head popping out of the bushes, Eddy screamed. "What the heck are you doing?!"

"Salamanders," the olive-skinned boy replied as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. Plank peered out of a gap in the shrub's leaves. "They're nifty!"

"Wanna join our club, Jonny?" Ed waved a brochure around.

"Mmmm … nope!"

"You'll get a free peppermint," Double Dee chimed in, pulling a red and white candy out of his paper bag. The strange kid hesitated. He descended back into the bushes, rattling around for a minute. Eddy cupped a hand to his ear when mumbling emerged from within the branches.

"Okay!" Jonny reemerged, and Plank popped up beside him. "But only if Plank gets one too!"

"It's a study group," Double Dee explained, holding out a brochure as the dirt-covered boy came over. "Over the season, we'll meet weekly and work on cultivating good study habits. There's a possibility … that…"

Ignoring the genius completely, the bald-headed kid dug a hand into the bag of mints. "Cool! Thanks, guys!"

"Ah-ah-ah!"

The shortest of the Eds jumped in front of the boy, shaking his jar.

"There's a membership fee."

Jonny's eyes narrowed. "How much?"

"Five bucks. Plank pays too."

"Plank gets in for free or no deal."

A stare-off ensued. Double Dee blinked, hiding his worried expression behind the flier he held, and Ed squinted at Jonny in an attempt to mimic his best friend.

"Fine." Eddy threw his hands skyward. "The log gets in free."

"Plank says you're a no-good two-faced lily-livered hack." He dug around in the pocket of his muddy overalls, finding five rumpled dollars and dropping them into the jar flippantly. "Hey Double Dee, will we get mints at meetings, too?"

"Why, I - um, I don't see why not."

"Allrighty! Let me know when it starts!"

"But you didn't take a-"

Jonny dove back into the shrubbery, cackling manically as mulch flew in all directions.

"-flier," Eddward finished.

"C'mon, kids." Eddy grabbed Double Dee's arm and the corner of Ed's jacket collar and tugged gently. "Time's a-wastin'."

-x-

"Who's next on our list of hapless victims, Eddy?"

"NAZZ'S HOUSE!"

The tank of a teenager swept an Ed under either arm and plowed up to the blonde's door. He plopped Double Dee next to him and set Eddy gingerly between the brightly-flowered potted plants under the awning.

The shortest of the Eds froze immediately, nearly turning white.

Double Dee watched Eddy and Eddy stared complacently at the door. Ed blinked one eye and then the other before clearing his throat.

"KNOCK KNOCK!"

The shortest whirled around, raising his hands pleadingly. "Ed, wait!"

The creak of the door swinging open behind him froze Eddy in place. Ed beamed and Double Dee offered a polite smile. "Hey, guys."

"Hey, Nazz."

Turning around, the leader of the group rubbed the back of his neck self-consciously. She leaned on the doorframe and crossed her arms, an amused smile spreading across her round face. "Hi, Eddy. How are you, dude?"

"Yeah. Uh, ahem - great." He shoved his hands in his pockets and looked at his feet. Ed and Edd traded a glance. "So we're, uh, doing this club thing."

"A study group," Eddward volunteered.

"Yeah, what he said. We're meeting once a week. Just to learn how to, like, take notes and stuff."

"Free peppermint," Ed added.

"Cool." She stepped away from the doorframe. "Where do I sign up?"

"Uh…"

"Eddy's all sweaty like my grandma," Ed whispered.

"It's - ya don't have to sign anything yet. We're just handin' out brochures and stuff."

"Free peppermint," reminded Ed from behind him.

"Oh. Great." The blonde took the papers handed to her, skimming them for a moment. When Ed held out a mint, she laughed and accepted it. "Thanks Ed."

"You're welcome, fair lady."

The brilliant one leaned toward his friend. "Eddy."

"Huh?"

"The membership fee, Eddy."

"Ohhh. Haha." He turned back to Nazz and shrugged. "It's more of a donation, really."

The girl nodded, pulling a pink wallet from her baggy pants. "No problem! How much is it, Double Dee?"

"Five dollars," the scholar replied, clasping his hands and smiling politely.

"Not bad," the blonde mused. The slipped the rolled-up bill into the jar clutched at Eddy's side. "Let me know when we start meeting, okay?"

"Yeah." A mix of disbelief and excitement filled the short one's voice. "Sweet."

"Okay, then. Bye, you guys!"

"Bye, Nazz," the tall one and the smart one replied in unison. She gave a small wave before stepping back inside and closing the door.

"That went surprisingly well," mused Eddward, eyes fixed on the wreath adorning the door.

"Sure, yeah," Eddy agreed, suddenly turning and shuffling between his friends. "Whatever. Let's go get Jimmy."

"My toes are tingly, guys." Ed looped his arm through Double Dee's, dragging him along before he could protest.

-x-

When Jimmy came to the door, he was clad in a fuzzy bathrobe and had a mug of something steaming. "Oh! Hello. What dubious service are you offering today?"

Eddward let out a squeak of laughter before covering his mouth with his hands. Eddy shot him a dirty look.

"It ain't no dubstep service," Eddy snapped, sticking a hand out and waving it at Ed. The yellowish male pulled a rumpled flier out of his shirt collar with his teeth, then dropped it onto the smallest Ed's open palm. "It's a study group. Meeting weekly. If Sockhead comes through for us, you'll actually get school credit for it."

The delicate boy blinked. "A study group, eh? Intriguing."

"We are asking for a small membership fee, just to procure supplies. We'll provide you with a complimentary notebook and mechanical pencil at our first official meeting."

Eddy gawked at the genius. "We'll what now?"

"Sure. I'll drop five bucks for it. Let me go find my change purse."

"Wait. Seriously?"

Jimmy stopped in his entryway and glanced over his shoulder. "Don't test me, Eddy. Spa days tend to make me charitable."

"Okay, okay." Eddy nodded twice and frowned at his feet.

"My," Eddward exclaimed, "this is turning out to be a marvelous venture!"

"Sure is, Double Dee." The brilliant one squinted, hit with a wave of peppermint when the largest Ed opened his mouth. Jimmy returned, accepting a flier and a brochure before counting out five dollars' worth of quarters.

"Thank you, Jimmy. We look forward to seeing you at our first meeting!"

The younger boy smiled brightly. "You too, Double Dee." Turning to Eddy, he added, "If my money goes to anything other than supplies, Eddy, I'll have your hide."

Eddy responded with a petulant scowl. Jimmy patted him condescendingly on the head and disappeared into the house, narrowly missing the scammer swatting after him.

"I think that's about everybody." The genius tidied his handful of papers. "With this many potential members, I'm inclined to believe that the school will allow us to earn extracurricular credits! I'll file a detailed report of each session and e-mail them to Principal Hartford for his approval."

"Awesome," said Eddy, voice soft with amazement. "My scam worked. My scam actually worked!"

"It isn't a scam, Eddy. Knowledge is invaluable! Not to mention-"

"Let's hurry up and get Kevin so we can go back to Ed's and watch movies."

"MOVIES AT ED'S."

The brilliant boy's mouth closed slowly. "Oh … right! Sh-shall we proceed?"

"Since you're so popular, you do the talking," said Eddy, giving him a light shove onto the sidewalk in front of the athlete's house.

"Certainly," Edd responded faintly, and he wrung his hands together so tightly that a knuckle cracked. "Ahhh … ha ha. Let's!"

The two gawked at their usually-articulate friend for a long moment. After about ten seconds, Ed's jovial expression began to fade, his eyebrow dropping steadily until he appeared to be profoundly unamused. "Double Dee?"

The individual in question chirped, startled. "Yes, Ed?"

"MOVIES AT ED'S."

The world vanished from beneath his feet as Eddward was swept into the air and carried up to the door. Still holding the genius above his head, Ed drew his arms back, angling Double Dee like a battering ram. "KNOCK KNOCK-"

"ED, STOP!"

That was how the jock found them - Eddy grinning expectantly from behind, Ed rearing back to smash a hole into his house, and Double Dee flailing, eyes bugging out of his head.

Immediately, Ed's anger disappeared. "Hello, Kevin," he greeted, setting Edd lightly on his feet. The redhead grinned at the trembling boy in front, tucking his hands into his pockets and knocking his shoulder against the door.

"Hey. What's up?"

"A- a thing," Double Dee squawked lamely.

"A thing, huh?"

"I club - a group! A study group. A group that studies study skills!"

"Ooookay." Kevin did his best to look unamused, but bit his bottom lip in a way that only Edd would know was to hide a laugh. The genius's face burned red as his friends' dumbfounded stares burned into his shoulder blades.

"We're recruiting members for a week-oncely - um, a once-weekly study group over the course of the summer. There's a five d-dollar entry fee, but I'm attempting to get Principal Hartford to allow members to earn two credits toward the coming academic year for it. Isn't that marvelous?!"

The redhead gazed at the genius, a smirk twitching at the corners of his lips. The fire racing to Double Dee's groin was dizzying. He fisted the handles of his paper bag as he hid his crotch with it, dozens of peppermints beginning to rattle audibly against one another inside.

"Yeah, rad. I'll be there."

"You'll what?" chorused the trio.

"I'll make sure to get the five bucks to Double Dork later. I don't trust you with it anyway." He shot a glance at a now-fuming Eddy.

And then he leaned forward and reached into the bag, the back of his hand brushing Edd's pants through the paper as he grabbed a mint.

The world had faded into a tiny pinpoint when the redhead straightened to his full height and unwrapped the piece of candy to toss it into his mouth. "Later," he drawled with the mint between his teeth. Double Dee squeaked shrilly when the door closed in front of him.

"Jesus, Sockhead, it's not like he's gonna break your legs," Eddy finally uttered. "Ya don't have to be so freaked out by him…"

"I'm - I'm sure you're right, Eddy."

The genius turned back to face them, his face glowing red and his hat rumpled. His shoulders were drawn up to his chin and a frazzled smile was plastered onto his face.

"Let's return to Ed's and commence with the movie night, shall we?"

"Sure, whatever." Eddy stared at his brilliant friend for a long moment before shouting in alarm as Ed picked him up by the collar of his shirt, carrying him like a kitten as he raced to his house.