XVI: Kai
two kids without their jackets
Kai notices Jinora rubbing her wrist, her fingers pale against the dark purple of the bruise Ganbat had left. They're packing up camp, and it's been nearly two days since their encounter with the hunters, but his blood still turns as cold as the air around them when he thinks about how close they came to dying.
"Does it still hurt?" he asks quietly, shouldering his bag as Jinora does the same.
Jinora flexes her wrist, and winces a little. "A bit. But I'm okay, really."
Kai watches her for a moment, doubtful. "If you're sure." He doesn't give her a chance to reply before his attention is already elsewhere, latching onto the icicles hanging down from the branches of nearby trees. It may be winter and freezing, but there has to be a silver lining somewhere, right? He pulls a strip of bandage from his bag and rips it into a small cloth, before breaking off a piece of an icicle and wrapping the cloth around it. "Here."
Jinora studies for a moment, and then takes it, slipping her knife into her belt, before she presses the clothed ice to her injured wrist. "I don't like not having my weapon in my hand," she admits.
Kai smiles at her, and drops a hand to his gun. "Don't you trust me?" He says in a kind of joking tone, but by the end of his question it's anything but a joke as Jinora's eyes meet his.
"Of course I do," she says quietly, and then tears her eyes away. "Thank you. For the ice."
Kai scratches at the back of his neck. "You're uh, welcome."
He lets the silence walk between them like an old friend, even as their cold hands occasionally bump into each other's. They aren't far from Doa's, although Kai's never been there before, and none of this really looks familiar, so they trust their old, dirty map and street signs, at least.
It's far easier to trust each other. At least if they're lost, they're still together.
It's scary to think how much that matters to him, yet he can't find it in him to deny it.
They make camp about a day's journey from Doa, and Jinora cries herself to sleep (it's not the first time, but it still hurts, like the tears are freezing on his face instead of hers). He knows that as much as she knows there was no other way, murdering another human being is different than killing a zombie. He knows it'll only get worse from here; they won't survive without sacrifices, and he thinks their morals will be some of the first to go. If not, then their innocence ― not that he has had much to begin with. But Jinora... she was sheltered, he remembers numbly, and he's done a poor job of upholding it.
He can't just protect her with bullets. He needs to protect her heart too. It may be a lost cause - a shot in the dark - but he's always been stubborn, he's always had good aim, and well...he has to try at least.
Kai watches as the flames illuminate her silhouette in her sleeping bag, the shiny, warm material tugged up to her chin with herself burrowed in her coat as well. Her makeshift ice pack has melted, and left the cloth unusable, but he has it drying on a nearby log set near the fire.
He rises, first pushing himself up from his knees, and then goes and sits closer to her. Her nose scrunches up in her sleep, and he wonders if she's having a dream. He hopes it's a good one.
"I'm going to protect you," he murmurs, and somehow saying the promise out loud makes it feel as tangible as stardust. So close, a possibility to dream and know, but never really touch. He's almost afraid to touch her ―he's killed countless zombies and more than a few people, he's tainted― but he knows that she's like him. She's not the same.
They can't go back. But maybe they can move forwards. Maybe, once they reach the BeiFong Sanctuary, they can...
Stay survival-partners. Stay best friends. Because that's all they are. All they can concern themselves with being, he reminds himself. And it's stupid to think otherwise.
He'll think and act with his head to protect her heart, even if that means sacrificing his own.
Doa is dingy at best. Unlike Omashu, it was never a grand city; the houses are narrow and squat all at once, and Kai has a feeling they've been falling apart long before the decay set in. (A little like him, then.) The streets are snowy and deserted, houses full of broken windows and void of light.
They stop at a convenience store to raid for food and other supplies. Jinora finds a box of crackers that miraculously isn't past its expiry date. There's a bunch of old, faded magazines and a rack of cards stowed away in the back. Once Kai's filled his backpack to the brim with any food he could find, he peruses the aisles, opening up old cards that used to play music but have now been reduced to crackling, ear-grating static. He quickly puts them away, stopping when he comes to a section set away for 21st birthday cards.
His birthday. If his math is right, it's in two days. He wonders what it would be like without the outbreak. He'd have his parents, friends. Skoochy? A cake, presents. Maybe a girlfriend.
He looks back at Jinora and sees she's closing her knapsack, hers as full as his. She slings it over her shoulder as she joins his side. "Birthday cards?" she inquires, picking one up. She has a notebook tucked under one arm, as well as a package full of pens.
"Yeah."
She flips through the other cards offered, and then looks at him once she's done. "You okay?"
"Yeah, yeah," he repeats. "Just...if the date's right, my 21st birthday is in two days. That's all."
Jinora gasps, her eyes going wide. "Kai! Why didn't you say anything earlier?"
He shrugs and sticks his hands in the pocket of his two-sizes-too-big jacket. "Didn't realize. We've had other things on our minds, after all. Survival, zombies, winter. All that fun stuff."
Jinora doesn't smile. "Kai-"
"It's nothing, Jin," he assures her. "You ready to go?"
She purses her lips, but nods. "Yeah."
The snow crunches under the boots as they head out of the store, Kai pausing in the doorway, checking both ways just to make sure there's nothing waiting for them outside. "D'you want more ice?" he asks her, once they move out into the street. The dried strip of cloth is in his pocket.
"No, I'm alright." Jinora shakes her head, waving her free hand dismissively, and it draws his attention back to the book and pens in her other arm. He doesn't even have to ask before she answers. "You said your mom was an artist, right?" Kai's a little surprised that she remembered - a little touched too, because surely she spends time trying to hold onto her own family's memories, let alone have room for his - and he nods. "And you wondered if you'd inherited her talent, so I'm taking these so I can take you up on it."
Kai bumps his shoulder against hers. "I'm surprised you remembered," he reveals.
Jinora bites her lip slightly and turns away, and the way she says, "I remember everything about you," tells him that it clearly wasn't meant to be heard. He's not quite sure how it makes him feel, even if he is aware of a warmth spreading through his chest.
He lets it slip away, and realizes they've both stopped walking for a moment, and quickly resume their journey. They don't have time to dilly-dallying. They don't have time for distractions, especially not when they haven't explored the town and its dangers and safe places yet.
They poke cautiously around a few houses and an old, rotten apartment complex. Kai thinks it isn't worth going up more than a few floors when Jinora discovers the water - fresh, clean, hell even warm water - is still running, and suddenly the dusty rooms are the best place he's ever been.
He and Jinora take apartments that are across the hall from each other's ―it feels weird to be even that far away, even if they're only temporarily out of each other's sight ―and it feels so good to strip off his sweaty, dirty clothes, and the warm water on his freezing skin feels even better. After drying himself with some abandoned towels, he pulls on the newest clothes he has (which is to say, clothes he hasn't worn in a week; they really need to get some new clothes).
He's still drying his hair when he walks across the hallway to Jinora's apartment, just to make sure she's okay. Even if it probably has only been 20 minutes. Jinora's pulled on a baggy, long sleeved top, her wet hair falling in adorable little curls and nicely framing her face. It seems the shower has done her good too; she looks younger, happier, the bags under her eyes lessened and the grime and scrapes wiped away from her fresh, clean face.
She's sunk into the sofa, and when he sits down next to her it sags under their joint weight but neither of them care. It's been so long since they've sat down on something soft, let alone something that wasn't soft and wet or dirty.
"Looks like the universe is giving me a birthday present," Kai says lightly, and Jinora snorts, swatting at his arm.
"Idiot," she scoffs, and he only grins at her more, going so far as to lean in a little towards her. He is a little surprised when Jinora doesn't pull away at all, but looks down at his lap when he feels her toss the notebook and the package of pens into it. "Now that we have a place to stay, I'm gonna take you up on those supposed art skills of yours."
Kai's grin widens, and he pries open the pens and takes one out, pinching it in between this thumb and forefinger, opening up the new notebook and leaning back into the couch. "What do you want me to draw? There's not that much in here, Jin."
Jinora hesitates for a moment, tucks a curl behind her ear (Kai wonders if her hair is as soft as it looks) and then draws herself up, straightening her back. "Well, you could draw me."
Kai's grin turns into a kind of a smirk as he raises his eyebrow. "Oh?"
Jinora really does smack him on the shoulder that time, still lightly though, not wanting to aggravate any injuries he may still have. "You don't have to, I'm just...curious, is all? As to how you see me."
Kai's smile softens. "I'd be glad to draw you, Jin. You're going to have to pose."
Kai's thinking about how it'll be to do this in pen, especially since he hasn't drawn in so long (not since becoming a Hunter, not since the Sanctuary fell) when he looks up to see Jinora with her head held high. She looks almost regal, and she definitely looks beautiful. Well, she always looks beautiful―but that's not the point!
Kai's preparing to put the tip of the pen to the paper and start the first stroke of ink when Jinora says in a lofty voice, "It's too bad we don't have time. You could always draw me nude."
Kai chokes on air and looks up at her wildly. "W-what?" He cringes; his voice hasn't come out that high since puberty.
Now it's Jinora's turn to smirk at him, even if she does look a little uncertain. "I was just joking...Are you okay? You look really red." But then she bites her lip, which is really not helping, and Kai clears his throat.
"Just pose," he says hopelessly, and she laughs a little at his expense as he directs his eyes back to the paper.
And then he draws. The movement of pen across the paper, soft, or firm trails of ink, are deliberate and skilled. Kai feels himself fall back into the motions, finds that drawing Jinora, although he's never done so before, is surprisingly easy. He supposes it's because they've spent so much time together, travelling 24/7 for nearly four months now. He knows the way she moves and breathes, because he checks in the night that she's still alive; he knows how she soothes her aching joints and how she weaves in and out during a fight. He knows he can trust her; he knows she has his back.
And he knows, not thinks, that she's absolutely beautiful.
Kai glances up a few times for reference ―her hair is typically not this curly, and he wants to get the light in her eyes just right― but once he's finished the drawing, a portrait of her from the shoulders up, he has to admit he is pleased with it. He hopes, as he turns the drawing over to her with a slight apprehension, she thinks so too.
He hears her breath catch in her throat, and her fingers, very lightly, touch the edges of her drawing, careful not to the smudge the ink. "Kai, this is..." She lifts her gaze and her bright brown eyes meet his green ones. "This is how you see me?"
She has a fighter's spirit, a compassionate, bleeding heart, a spine of steel, brown curls and eyes like chocolate and pale skin that stains far too easily with blood.
Kai swallows hard. Nods. "Yeah."
She shakes her head and smiles a little, as if she still can't quite believe it. "You have a gift. I hope you get a chance to share it with other people too."
Kai manages a smile. "I hope so too," he admits. "You can keep it, if you like."
Jinora shakes her head again. "No, no...You should have it. You drew it. It's almost like a photograph."
Kai understands the meaning in her words: that if anything happened to her, he'd have a picture to remember her by. His hands are shaking slightly as he reaches over to take the drawing from her, but that's okay, because hers are too. "Thanks, Jin."
Her lips twitch upwards as he tears off the page from the rest of the notebook. "Of course."
Kai carefully folds and tucks the drawing into the front inner pocket of his coat. Over his heart. It fits like a puzzle piece into the thin opening, even if inside him there's a gaping hole.
Two days later, Kai wakes up to a dark room lying on a soft mattress. Jinora's in the room across his, after scouring the halls for an apartment with two beds, and the room is freezing. He pulls on an extra pair of socks and his coat, resting a hand on his gun as he tiptoes out of bed. He can hear rustling and shifting into the living room of the apartment, but can tell by the noise and the way the person is breathing that it's just Jinora.
She's sitting cross-legged on the floor, setting out crackers and a box of stale cookies on a plate, with a large folded up piece of paper covered in blue ink and scribbles. Kai knows the only reason she doesn't hear anyone approaching her is because she's so used to him, so in tune that it doesn't even register until he drops a hand gently onto her shoulder.
"What're you doing?" he says quietly, and she jumps, momentarily startled.
"A surprise," she tells him, hastily turning him away. "I was just about to show you."
He tilts his head at her. "A surprise...?"
"Yes, so don't ruin it." She pulls herself to her feet and brings the plate with the folded in half paper on it too. "Too late, I guess." But Jinora's expression brightens anyway. "Happy 21st birthday, Kai."
To an outsider, her offering is little more than scraps: some dry cookies and a fresh collection of crackers, a bottle of clean water and a card covered in little doodles and drawings in messy ink, of trees and flowers and something that looks like the two of them. But to him...
Tears are welling in Kai's eyes as he sets her gift aside on the floor, and then pulls her into a tight hug. "Thank you," he murmurs, resting his chin on her shoulder. Jinora's fingers curl into the fabric of his jacket, and she gives him a little squeeze.
"Of course," she says just as quietly.
Kai thinks, still holding onto her, that the universe has already given him all the presents he need by giving him her.