The spinning- it wasn't natural. Nothing about it would have been, of course. But that was the worst feeling. She was standing perfectly still, or as still as she could when she felt like this, but it seemed as though she was spinning. It wasn't dizziness, where one feels as though their body remains unstable and in motion. No, Hermione was sure it was not dizziness. It was deeper than that- every element of her body- every organ, every cell- she could feel them twirling in place.

"Vortex dissipation complete," confirmed one of the Reis in the typical breathy monotone. She tapped a few keys on her console, and the control rods near the top of Hermione's tank began to retract. She fell forward, unable to keep herself upright any longer. Her forehead tapped the glass, which exploded outward. She collapsed onto the metal floor.

"What?!" shouted one of the Reis, conveying some sort of emotion. "How did she just break through?"

"She is not stable!" cried another. "Get a Tricorder reading!"

"There's no need for a Tricorder reading," said Artemis, walking serenely into the dimly-lit room. Hermione could see the calm on his face through the dull gold glow that covered everything in her vision.

"…What's… happening… to me?" she wheezed.

"You've received a slight overdose of Time Vortex energy. Normally, this would be fatal, but thanks to the application method we've designed, it should have little effect on your health."

"Everything's… bloody… spinning," Hermione gasped.

"In a few minutes, it will stop. Then you'll be headed straight to training."

"T…training? I… need a… medical bay!"

"Mrs. Granger, I'm sorry I was not able to inform you of the plan any earlier. We are using you as a testbed to analyze the effectiveness of Time Vortex energy as a performance modification for our agents."

Hermione found the strength to push herself up off of the floor, as the pain began to subside. As she stood, she noticed something odd about Artemis. Something she couldn't quite put her finger on.

"So you're going to make this into a drug, and I'm the guinea pig?" she said, a little disgusted. She must have drawn her breath wrong as she said it, because it came out more like a squeak.

"Right on one account. You are the guinea pig, but I won't move ahead with the experiment if your results are less than optimal."

"I didn't want to become your pet project, Fowl. I just didn't want to get myself killed."

"I don't want to see you dead, either. That's why I did this, Mrs. Granger. Now, you may want to put this on," he said, drawing a tightly-folded uniform from behind his back. Hermione took it- realizing she hadn't been clothed this whole time- and began to put it on, until she noticed the tag.

"Artemis, this will never fit me. It's too small."

"I think you will find that it fits you perfectly, Mrs. Granger. Your AEGIS is already on the right arm, and I've programmed the coordinates of your trainer. If you feel like anything is going wrong, make sure to contact the head of Research."

With that, he activated his AEGIS and warped away.

Fits me perfectly, my arse. I haven't worn this size since I was- two and two were put together. He seemed taller, didn't he?

Hermione scurried over to one of the Reis, who did not seem particularly disturbed by being accosted by a naked test subject. She held out a hand, measuring from the top of the blue-haired girl's head to hers.

Taller. She's taller, too.

She then rushed to the side of her tank, which still had enough intact glass to view a reflection.

"Oh, god. I'm a sodding kid."

"Now who is 'suave'?" whispered one of the lab Reis, with the slightest hint of spite. She packed up some paperwork and left the lab with the few others, leaving Hermione alone with the shattered glass and her new uniform. Hermione gave herself another look, and began to slip into her clothing.

I haven't looked like this since I was twelve or so. All things considered, it could be worse. I could be eight. Or a newt. I really wouldn't want to be a newt.

She locked her AEGIS down over her arm and watched the device boot up, giving her a message that new coordinates had been added.

I guess I had better get ready for training. Knowing Artemis, it won't be anything ordinary.

She was right. The coordinates took her to an area of the ship she wasn't familiar with- though she wasn't familiar with most of it, this deck in particular seemed strange. The design was radically different from the bridge or science decks. It must have been part of the modular storage sections she had overheard some Reis discussing. It certainly looked modular, with big blocky seams connecting segments that ran up and down the hallway. In front of her, squarely in the middle of its module, stood a door. A white piece of paper had been tacked onto it unceremoniously, and scrawled across it in rough pencil were the words

MARTIAL ARTS TRAINING
INQUIRE WITHIN

Artemis, you dumb clod. What am I supposed to do with martial arts? Why can't you just have me train with a proper witch or wizard? Is that too much to ask? Furthermore, why would he send me to some sort of unsanctioned training as opposed to something through the actual program? Does Regulations even know this exists? If they did, they'd surely have something to say about it.

Regardless of her misgivings, Hermione knew that following orders was probably the wise thing to do. If she did what the big man (or at least, now he was bigger) said, she might have a chance to get back to normal. She cautiously walked to the door, and gave it a knock. As soon as her hand touched the door, it gave a little- it was open. Hermione paused for a moment, waiting for a response. No one spoke, so she slowly, quietly pushed through.

The room was well-lit, but that certainly didn't make it an attractive place by any means. It was huge, as the storage modules were said to be, but it was quite empty. There were exactly two things in the room. Toward the center of the room, and just to the left, was a glass of water. To its right was its owner, who floated just above the floor. The man seemed to be meditating, as his arms were curved in toward his chest and his legs were folded over each other. He was dead silent- his cape, which flowed out from his oversized shoulder-pads, made more noise billowing softly underneath him than he did. He was clearly no ordinary human, of that Hermione was sure. Pointed ears and green skin did not a homo sapiens make.

"Um… excuse me?"

The man did not seem to acknowledge Hermione's presence. At her own risk, she slowly trod into the room.

Let's see here. Artemis nearly gets me killed, turns me into a child, and sends me to practice martial arts with a green man in the basement. If so much weren't at stake, I'd clobber him.

When she was about fifty feet from the man, she attempted to make contact again.

"Sir? Do you… do martial arts?"

The man made a sound, a simple, defiant grunt.

"Is that a yes?"

"I 'do' martial arts, all right," he replied. His voice was a deep, nearly animalistic growl. "But not for you."

"What? Artemis sent me here to-"

Without warning, the man disappeared from where he had been floating and reappeared directly in front of Hermione, arms crossed and scowling.

"One," he growled. "You're a little girl. I don't train little girls."

"Okay, I'm not actually a-"

"TWO," he continued, fuming, "you wear the tool of the oppressor."

"The what?"

He made a motion as if he was about to strike Hermione across the face, but the second he lifted his hand up, he held what he had snatched. Her Scouter. He waved it in front of her.

"They used these to kill everyone on my home planet."

"I'm sorry, it's standard issue! All of the Trans-Dimensional Analysts have one!"

"Too bad," he said, crushing it in his hand like it was made of paper. "Go get a new one."

"That's IT!" roared Hermione, who had finally had enough. "I've been knocked off of buildings, almost vaporized, subjected to science projects, turned into a kid, ordered to learn martial arts, and now I'm being harassed by a giant green elf! I've HAD IT!" She stamped one of her feet, which drove a dent through the metal paneling.

"Oh… oh, I didn't mean to do that," she stammered, her anger fading into fear.

"Okay, kid. That's impressive," said the green man. "Do you have any idea the kind of power you just demonstrated?"

"I… I broke the floor," gasped Hermione.

"That's not what I'm interested in. When you got yourself angry… there was a huge surge of latent ki energy. How does a kid like you pull that off? You're no Saiyan."

"What? Ki energy? But I thought they used Time Vortex energy…"

"Listen, I don't care how you got this way. You've got potential."

"That was a pretty quick change of heart, Mr…?"

The man chuckled a little, then giggled, then guffawed in riotous laughter.

"Kids these days. Kids these days! Har har har!"

"Uh, sir?"

"Listen up, kid-"

"I have a name, just like you do. It's not 'kid', it's Hermione Granger. Get it straight because I'm not repeating it."

"Whew," said the man, calming down from his laughing fit. "It's just hilarious, that you think I've had a change of heart."

"Wait, what?"

"That's right. I really have better things to do with my time than train some bratty little girl."

"But didn't you just say I had potential?"

"I did. You've got a lot of potential. For whatever reason, you're incredibly adept at channeling your ki. That's something even most adults can't master."

"Again, I'm not actually a kid."

"Whatever, kid. Just because you've got potential doesn't mean that I want to train you."

"Sempre Secum," said Hermione, discreetly waving her wand at a point behind the green man.

"What was that gibberish about?" he growled down at her.

"Well, you seem to be a fan of water. In fact, considering that the only item you have in this room- which I assume is your living quarters, considering that you've written a sign to hang on the door and its secluded nature would benefit your meditation- is a glass of water," explained Hermione, "I would say that you subsist entirely on it. Water is your only source of nutrition."

The huge green man seemed a little flustered, his bravado broken.

"Y-yeah, we Namekians only need water to survive. So what?"

"Well, I've just placed a charm on your glass of water back there that prevents it from holding any liquid."

"What?!"

"That's right. You can't get any more water, not from that glass. It's completely useless. And considering your distinct lack of social skills, getting a different cup to replace it would be quite the chore. You'd have to leave your precious meditation, you'd have to find your way through this labyrinthine ship- considering you don't have an AEGIS- and you'd actually have to develop the manners to ask someone to give you a glass. I don't think you're up to it, you slob."

The man was stunned. "I… I… I don't…"

"No, you do," smirked Hermione. "I'll lift that charm. Just as soon as you agree to train me."

The man looked around, as if he was checking to see if anyone was watching. He then looked back down at the girl and sighed.

"Fine. You've got me. I'll train you. It'd be a shame to let that power go to waste, anyway," he grumbled.

"Good," chirped Hermione with a smug grin. "Now, I'd really like to know your name."

He grunted, flexed his muscles, and was instantly surrounded by a mirage-like aura of superheated air. The blast from its appearance forced Hermione back a few steps, and made her draw an arm across her face to protect it from the stinging wind. The man floated aloft, carrying his aura with him, and came to a stop halfway between the floor and ceiling.

"The name's Piccolo, kid."

"Granger," she yelled back up, perturbed. "Hermione Granger!"

"Whatever. Kid Granger."

"Ugh," she grunted.

Piccolo shook his head and smiled.

"Okay. We're going to start with the basics. How are you at dodging?"

"Dodgi-?" she barely had time to disapparate away before a blast of energy from Piccolo's hands scorched the panel on which she had been standing.

It's going to be a long day, she thought.