I'd been back in New York for a little over two weeks now and so far the only one of my old friends to speak to me was Serena. It was fine I guess, she'd introduced me to her boyfriend Dan and his little sister Jenny, they seemed cool and we hung out a few times but it felt empty. It was three in the afternoon on a Saturday and I was sat in a hotel bar drinking whatever alcohol the bartender put in front of me, I wanted to feel something and if that just happened to be feeling sick then I would take it.
"Little Miss Davinbride," A voice said behind me, I wondered if I would ever escape that hook and be just Clementine. "How wonderful to see you again, here, in New York, where you left me." His voice got a little harsher with each word and I turned in my seat to come face to face with Chuck. Well at least he was talking to me, so that was progress, right?
"Chuck," I said, twisting at my hair, "It's good to see you again." I tried to sound confident but it didn't come out that way.
"You mean after disappearing for a year, without saying goodbye, with even so much as a reason for leaving or a clue as to when you would be back. You just up and left, letting me wonder what I'd done wrong." He continued to smile, like we were having the most pleasant conversation. I wanted to hit him but I wanted to hug him too. I took another sip of the red and orange cocktail I'd been given. "Well look at you drinking alone, not going back to old habits I hope." I narrowed my eyes at him.
"Of course not, that part of my life is over, you know that." I said and he looked at me with that ever present smirk.
"So why are you here at three in the afternoon, drinking alone?" He asked, I sighed and turned away from him.
"Because my life is meaningless and everybody I love are arseholes." I took another gulp, whatever I was drinking it definitely had vodka in it. "What are you doing here, Chuck? I thought you weren't talking to me?"
Chuck ordered a drink from the bartender before he answered me, "I was here on some business for my father, I saw you and thought I'd finally driven you to drink, I know I have that effect on woman." I rolled my eyes at him and changed the subject.
"So you and Blair huh? I didn't see you and Little Miss Virginity as a match for each other." I could be hostile towards Blair if I wanted, so far I'd taken her hostility lying down and she hadn't bothered to crush me but like any good Upper Eastsider I loved drama and I didn't feel like lying down anymore.
"Well, she can't hold that title anymore." Chuck commented and I raised my eyebrows at him,
"I should have guessed really, she must be good if she can get the great Chuck Bass to commit to her."
"Not everything is about sex, Clemmy." Chuck replied and I damn near choked on my drink.
"It must be love." I replied, the thought left a sour taste in my mouth. Love was a ridiculous thing. "So Nate's okay with you and his girlfriend of forever being together?"
"A lot changed after you left, Clem." Chuck said, staring down into his own drink. We fell into a silence that was neither comfortable nor uncomfortable, it was just there.
"Why did you leave, Clemmy?" Chuck asked, "Was it because of me? Of us?"
I shook my head, "No of course not! Chuck I..." I sighed, "My dad died, the night you took me home, my dad died. I had to go home, to Benvia I mean."
"You couldn't even say goodbye? I woke up and you were gone, your stuff was gone." I finished off the rest of my drink and not a moment later it was replaced with a new one, I finished that one too. "Slow down Clem, I thought this wasn't like before."
"Its not!" I snapped, I used to drink a lot, all day everyday, Serena and I were always drinking and Georgina Sparks made it worse, Chuck had saved me on more than one occasion, covering for me with Jenson, sobering me up before taking me home, and it wasn't always alcohol, drugs had been a pretty big part of my life. "Why am I even bothering?" I asked myself out loud, "Chuck, I'm sorry, I should have said goodbye but there was no time. I had to go home." Silence fell between us again, this time it was uncomfortable, I wanted to tell him so bad why I had to go home but I knew once you told a secret here, everyone knew it by the end of the day.
"I thought you'd wait for me, you know." I told him as I stirred my next drink with a straw, "Like I guessed you would sleep around a bit because that's what you do but in the end I thought you'd be waiting for me." I laughed, "I guess I sort of believed for a second that when everybody said you were in love with me it might actually be true."
"I was waiting for you." Chuck replied, "But you never called, didn't text or email, hell I'd have accepted a letter delivered by owl if it meant I knew I was still on your radar but nothing, eventually I accepted that I wasn't on your radar and that you probably weren't coming back."
"You really want a goodbye Chuck?" I asked and he watched me carefully, "Have this one." I downed the cocktail in front of me and hopped out of my seat, I stumbled a little and Chuck reached out a hand to steady me but I swatted him away. "I'm done playing your game, it's not fun and I don't want to play. Enjoy your life with Blair. Goodbye Chuck." I walked away from him towards the main lobby and the elevator.
Nothing seems to connect and I have all these ideas that just aren't coming together very well. I'm sorry I suck. ~RainbowVeins