"Ben!"
His father's voice rings again and again in Kylo's mind. In Ben's mind. It's been hours since he heard it, and his can't stop replaying it.
One word, one name, and he was a child again, the child who was so scared that when they came to visit he ran away and hid to punish his parents for sending him away, not a grown man about to present at a conference.
I'm impressed you recognized me, he wanted to sneer, but he couldn't. He didn't even want to look at his father, but invisible strings attached themselves to him—sentiment—and they pulled him around to face the man, who looked older than Kylo expected.
Kylo clutches the steering wheel of his car, trying to focus on driving as his mind replays the moment he saw not just his father, but his father's best friend, Chewie, too. And the stunned look on his father's face when he saw Kylo, and how Kylo tried so hard not to give anything away.
You hate me, Kylo thought. You hate me. I'm nothing you ever wanted me to become.
"We've missed you," Han said, stepping towards him, and Kylo wanted to run. But he saw Hux appear in the corner of his eye, saw the security guards milling about and knew all he had to do was say the word. Say the word, and secure Snoke's favor. Say the word, and secure that he would inherit FO Tech.
"Ben is gone," Kylo said, heart thumping wildly.
"No, he's not—you're right here." Han got too close, and Kylo turned to security.
"Take care of him."
"Hey!" Chewie shouted as Kylo turned and stalked away. He knew what those guards were going to do, and he cared but he couldn't care.
The presentation went off without a hitch, but Kylo's a mess as he drives home. He should feel confident, secure in his future. Instead, he feels as if his last hope's been torn away, shredded, and his arm is the arm that fed it into the shredder.
He could call the hospitals. Find out how badly he's hurt… No. Don't do that. The shock will wear off, and you'll want a clean break.
Too many splinters are already embedded inside him. He's bleeding, he's infected, and he's afraid he's going to die.
Pull yourself together. For Rey.
If she's working for his mother… and Snoke finds out… Oh, shut up, Snoke doesn't have to find out! She's not a liability. Kylo can't kick her out.
If Rey knew what he'd done to his own father, would she understand, or think him a monster?
"Hey!" Rey greets him with a smile that can only mean one thing, and Kylo wants to scream. "I got the job!"
"Congratulations," he chokes out.
"And I also found a place to live," she tells him. "So I won't have to impose on you any longer. I've already called for a taxi, but I wanted to wait and say bye."
"What?" His mask of joy starts to melt away. "You're leaving now?"
Why is he upset she's leaving? It's a good thing. He won't have to worry about Snoke finding out, or about her finding out his connection and then confronting him.
"Yeah, another new guy—a friend I've actually met before—he's looking for another roommate." Rey smiles up at him with her hazel eyes glinting with pure joy. "And he used to work for FO Tech, actually."
Oh, fuck. "Is his name Finn?" Kylo queries.
"Yeah." Rey's eyebrows draw together. "You know him?"
"No, I just heard of him." This is one fact he will not be informing Phasma or Hux of. The thought of Rey living with this Finn makes Kylo's already ulcerated stomach throbs like it's about to dissolve. Surely he'll just confirm Rey's opinion of his company, of Snoke, poison Rey's mind against him.
Although, if Rey finds out what he did to his own father today—and if his mother finds out, Rey very well might—Kylo suspects he's poisoned himself in her mind. "Well… let me know if you need anything. You know. After."
"Thanks." Rey hesitates, and then steps forward and wraps an arm around him. "Do you have my number?"
"I—no?"
"Well, do you want it?"
Kylo nods. "If you don't like it at your new job, let me know."
Rey rolls her eyes as she takes his phone and enters her number. "I'm pretty sure I'll like it just fine." A horn blares outside, and Rey glances out the window. "Well… bye. Thanks for all you did. I really do appreciate it."
He nods.
The door shuts behind her, and Kylo leans against the wall, staring empty at a mirror hanging on the wall.
Ben!
Get out of my head, Kylo thinks frantically, watching his face twitch. Ben doesn't exist anymore. Ben's dead.
No, Ben is alive.
You're Ben.
Kylo slams his fist into the wall.
"Thanks for rescuing him, Chewie," Leia's voice cuts through the beeps and chatter of the emergency room.
"Wish I didn't have to," Chewie snarls. "That piece of—" He tightens his fists, and Han wishes he wouldn't.
Wouldn't say the truth?
What even is Ben anymore? Who is he?
Not Kylo Ren.
You're just in denial.
Even if he is Kylo Ren, Han still loves him. He wants to protect him, dammit, even though he shouldn't.
We lost our son, forever.
They haven't. Han's seen him. He can't ever believe that again.
When the guards threw Han out a back entrance, he figured that would be it. He hadn't expected a foot to slam into his gut, an elbow to jut under his chin. He hadn't expected his teeth to clack and to fly backwards into the wall, collapsing only as a boot smashed against his nose.
Han's been in danger before. His job hasn't exactly led him into the cushiest of dens. But today was the first time he didn't have the will to fight.
Chewie came. Chewie chased them away, got Han to the hospital. An overreaction if there ever was one. Han huffs.
"I'm glad you're okay," Leia tells him, her eyes filling with tears.
"Me too," Han grumbles. He wishes his nose would smart more, so he could ignore what feels like the worst frickin' heartburn of his life. Except it's emptier than that.
Han's phone buzzes, and he glances at it. Lor San Tekka. The crazy old fool actually came through. "Listen, Leia. I'll talk to you tomorrow."
"What?" She glares at him.
"I just want to be—" Han waves his hand. "Oh, never mind."
"What?"
"You're going to insist I come home with you, aren't you?"
"Not with that attitude." Leia shakes her head. "He's my son, too."
Han looks into his ex-wife's eyes and sees tears starting to pebble in the corners. Dammit. "Leia." He climbs off the table and takes her in his arms, pressing her face against his chest and resting his chin on her hair. "Look," he tries. "Why doesn't Chewie take me back to his place? Our place," he clarifies as Chewie's bushy eyebrows fly up. "And then I'll meet you at your place, and we'll talk about… about Ben."
"Sounds good," she answers, lifting her head.
I still love you, he wants to say. Divorce papers mean shit. But he doesn't have to.
She knows.
"Calling Lor?" Chewie asks when he and Han climb into his car.
"Yeah." Han dials and grills the old man as to whether what he's found is really accurate.
"I wouldn't say it was if it wasn't," Lor answers quietly. "And I'm giving it to you before I give it to Dameron, as you asked."
And Lor never asked why. Clearly he trusts Han. Or else he just knows Luke. Or both.
"You don't want any credit for this?" Han quizzes.
"No. There isn't any satisfaction in that." Lor grows quiet. "The only satisfaction I'll get is if this actually makes things right."
"And now?" Chewie asks.
"Time to call a certain brother-in-law of mine." Han's fingers shake as he dials. He had no idea how he'll be received, but he is pretty certain that it won't involve Luke ordering some henchmen to kick the shit out of him.
"Hello?" The voice is grainy, but as soft as Han remembers.
Dammit, Luke. "Listen here, kid," Han says gruffly. "You know who this is."
"How did you find me?"
"Lor San Tekka has ways," Han answers, voice shaking. What is with this day? It's too much.
Nothing's too much for Han Solo. He swallows. "Luke… we need you. We know about Kylo Ren."
They arrive at the apartment, and Han sits in the car, still arguing with Luke while Chewie heads inside. But his brother-in-law hasn't hung up yet, and that gives Han hope. "Look, Luke—we found her."
"Well?" Chewie asks an hour later, when Han finally opens the car door. He holds Han out an overnight bag. "You're welcome."
"He's got twenty-four hours," Han grouses, sliding back into the car as Chewie drives to Leia's.
"You're late," Leia greets him.
Han shoulders his way into the house. "Yeah, but I'm still here."
"Welcome to our humble abode. Now your humble abode," Poe greets Rey, leaning against a crutch. Beebee-Ate woofs and bounds towards her. Finn grins.
"Thanks for taking me on so quick. Are you that desperate for rent?"
"Well," Poe says, glancing at Finn. "Yeah. Pretty much. I've got to take some time off work this month, with this bum leg and all, and—"
"Don't you work for Leia?" Finn asks, confused.
"Uh—yeah. Sort of." Poe bites his lip and drops back into the armchair. "I don't work with the main aims of Alderaan House. No direct work. I do advocacy work. Kind of."
"What exactly does Alderaan House do?" Rey wonders. "I mean, I read the mission statement and I know I'm just doing office work, but—"
"It's more like what don't they do?" Poe corrects with a smile. "They mostly work with new immigrants, so they get a lot of refugees. They also do a lot of advocacy, for peace and conflict resolution and such. And some, like, investigating."
Investigating? Finn wonders.
"That's good," Rey says.
"Your room's through here," Finn says, showing Rey. "It's pretty small—if you want, we can—"
"It's perfect." Rey grins at him. "My whole apartment was barely this big."
"How long ago did you lose your place?" Poe calls.
"Only like two days. I stayed with a friend." Rey tosses her bag on the bed—Finn's lending her sheets—and comes back out, Beebee-Ate circling her.
"My dog likes you," Poe comments.
"I like him," Rey declares, dropping to her knees.
"What friend?" Finn asks curiously. A boyfriend? A cute boyfriend?
"Actually, he works for your old company," Rey says as she scratches Beebee-Ate's head. "Kylo Ren."
"What?" Finn's jaw drops and he hears Poe struggle and fail to rise out of the armchair.
"Are you kidding me?" Poe asks. "He's your friend?"
"Yup." Beebee licks Rey's face and she laughs. "He helped me when no one else did, so."
Finn never met this Kylo Ren, but he's heard the name. "He's like Snoke's second in command." And everyone, even Phasma, respected his word as law.
Poe's eyes take on an unmistakably dark look, and Finn wonders just what's between Poe and this Kylo Ren. Is it really just condemnation of FO Tech? Or is there something else?
"Well, he helped me," Rey says again, and Finn can only nod even as fear prickles down his neck.
The next day, Poe wishes them a happy first day of work. "Leg's hurting. I'm taking the day off."
Are you really? Finn opts not to ask. His roommate works odd hours.
The first person he sees when he walks into the building is Leia, who greets them with a smile.
"How are you?" Finn inquires, remembering yesterday.
"She's fine," grouses an older man in a vest. Half of his face looks as if someone kicked it—his eye's swollen shut and his cheek looks like a purple tennis ball is growing out of it. "Hey, kid. I heard you called and wanted to say hi."
"You know him?" Finn quizzes Rey, who nods.
"He gave me your business card," she admits, looking at Leia.
"This is my ex-husband," Leia introduces the man. "Han Solo."
"The reporter?" Finn squeaks.
"I used to be," Han grumbles. "Don't, Leia. Just… don't." He winks at Finn with his good eye. "She heard I got kinda banged up yesterday and came down to sign my ass out of the hospital."
"What happened?" Finn asks.
"Nothing." Han waves his hand as if to say it doesn't matter. Though, judging by his face, someone ought to be in jail for assault and battery.
"Did you wind up finding your family member?" Rey asks.
What the what? Finn gapes at Rey. Why would she ask such a question?
"You could say that." Han grimaces. Leia stares at her boots, and realization washes over Finn, cold and dark.
Holy shit. Did this family member beat Han up? And Finn thought he had issues. "Um—we'll get to work," he says. Before they get fired.
But Leia gives him a gentle smile as if to reassure him that she's not about to fire him. Finn takes a deep breath. His lungs shudder.
Time to learn to teach. To build. Not destroy. He pushes FO Tech and Han Solo and his screwed-up family from his mind as best he can. He mostly observes, but the more he watches the teacher, the more he feels it's hopeless, he'll never be able to do this—and yet he wants to do it more than ever.
"Hey-ho," Poe says when Finn and Rey arrive home. "That's a smile on your face. I like it. I ordered Thai for everyone. I hope you don't mind."
"I've never had Thai!" Rey exclaims, and Poe and Finn exchange a glance.
"Please tell me you've had Indian and Chinese and Mexican at least," Poe says.
Rey peers at what looks like a carton of pad Thai. "Chinese once or twice… mostly I ate at fast food places. They're cheap. Trying to live on minimum wage is a bitch."
"It is," Poe agrees, still looking at Finn as if sending a telepathic message: operation: introduce Rey to all the cuisines in this city has commenced.
"Not even growing up?" Finn questions.
"I lived in and out of various foster homes. Usually group homes. My parents left when I was five." Rey sets the carton down, inhaling the peanuty scent. "I got my GED and moved out when I was sixteen."
"I was a foster kid, too," Finn says quietly, and she gives him a small nod. Poe crosses his arms.
"Does Beebee like Thai food?" Rey asks.
"Beebee has his own food, Rey," Poe states, but Finn laughs when he sees Rey sneaking the dog a bit of chicken.
"Now I know why my dog likes you so much," Poe complains.
After dinner, when Rey's retreated to her room, Finn takes a shower. As he shampoos his hair, he realizes that he hasn't had a panic attack in twenty-four hours.
Success. Elated, Finn steps out of the shower and wraps a towel around himself. He opens the door and almost runs smack into Poe.
"Sorry," Poe stammers, his eyes lingering for a moment on Finn's chest, and then his lips. Or is Finn just imagining it because he's dealing with inappropriate feelings towards his roommate?
Oh, God.
"Uh… good job finding the third roommate," Poe tells him, nodding as if to congratulate himself on finding something to say. "She's great."
Finn nods. "Yeah. She is." He tears himself away from Poe and hurries to his room, unable to turn around because he's not sure whether he wants Poe's eyes to follow him or not.