My humblest appologies to anyone that is still following this story. 2 years is a really long time for an update.
The Hunger Games and its characters do not belong to me.
Days…weeks….months, so many months. Everyone was right, life does go on, it just seems like its going on without her.
Katniss isn 't living, she's merely existing. Going day by day with her routines, new routines she was forced to establish since she left….him. His name is taboo. No one is allowed to say it. She needs to forget, she wants to forget and that won't happen unless she can make a clean break. Which she did.
First she moved out. While he was at work she stuffed all her belongings in boxes and walked away without looking back. She left anything they ever shared, she wanted no reminders. That meant she'd have to acquire new furniture when she found her own apartment so thank goodness for the raise she'd just recently been given at work. So very early Monday morning Gale showed up with his wife Madge in tow and between the three of them, erased any sign of her from his life.
It only took one trip to get her things jammed into Gale's truck and away from the home she'd shared with the only love she's ever known. She kept her whereabouts a secret for the first week. Knowing how resourceful he can be, she just sent her loved ones messages letting them know she was fine and not to worry if he showed up asking about her.
Second, she changed her cell phone number. She forced herself to get out of bed and drag her ass to the nearest distributor. Patiently waiting, she endured long lines, being passed from one rep to the next, she even put up with the strong come-ons from the rep assisting her at the moment. It's not the guy wasn't attractive, he was even by her standards. Tall with a goofy smile, pretty green eyes, untamed red hair and charming, so charming, just like him. For crying out loud, she'd been in a relationship so serious she expected it to last a lifetime, not 3 days prior. Not that this guy would know, but still.
Third, she talked to her office building security and had him banned from the building. They didn't ask her questions but complied willingly. Her friend Johanna later informed her that he had to be escorted from the building everyday that first week and the first two of the second before he got the message. So he took to waiting across the street until a patrolling officer reminded him that loitering wasn't allowed. To avoid any accidental run-ins, Katniss readjusted her schedule arriving and leaving an hour earlier everyday so by the time he showed up she'd be gone.
Fourth, she asks Gale to pay him a visit.
- Catnip is this really necessary?
- A clean break includes my family, why doesn't he get that?
Gale walks away grunting something about over-reacting.
They've never been extremely close but both men at least they made an effort to enjoy each others company, for her. Except Gale this time was not there to make a courtesy call. He was there to ask him nicely to back off. Especially when it came to Prim. In his insistence to find her, he hadn't left Prim alone, borderlining on harrassment. Yet despite knowing the reasons for the seperation, the youngest Everdeen wasn't ready towrite him off just yet, much to her sister's dismay.
-If you could only see him Katniss. He's so desperate, so broken, so desolate.
Her sister's words only infuriate her more.
-Guess my feelings don't matter right?
-Don't be childish, Katniss. Don't forget he's my friend.
- And I'm your sister, your loyalty should be to me.
- I hope you never have to regret your overreaction, Katniss. I love you, I'm with you, but you have no control over whom I chose to befriend. Don't forget that. I don't approve of your choices but I respect them. I expect the same consideration for me.
Those first few days, Katniss was fueled by anger. Everyone around her tried to understand but her nastiness often led to confrontations, especially with her sister, who could be just as stubborn and tenacious as Katniss herself.
Finally, Katniss found a great apartment a week later. It was in Johanna's building and way on the other side of town from where she used to live before, which was closer to the bakery than her office and since he needed to keep his baker's hours, it only made sense his commute be shorter. At least there was no risk of running into him at a laundromat.
Her life seemed to be regaining some normalcy even though for the first time in her life, Katniss found herself completely alone.
It didn't bother her too much in the beginning, because once the anger ebbed, the pain began to set in. Gale and Madge were constantly present making sure she didn't spiral into some sort of depression. Prim took the time from her busy school schedule to visit for a few days and then Johanna hovered annoyingly close as well. Even going as far as planning get-togethers with people from the office so she wouldn't have time to wallow.
Katniss couldn't lie to herself, she appreciated the company and they distractions they provided. It all kept her busy.
During the day she was good at avoiding any thoughts of him. It was the nights where she had no control. He was always there. On good nights, the dreams were pleasant. A recount of happier times, memories that deep down she prayed she never lose.
On bad nights the nightmares came. She would see him look just like Prim had described, desolate and sad, powerless and scared, crying out for her like a little boy lost in a dark forest. She would run after the child trying to help him but the more she reached out to him, the further he seemed to be. Those nights were exhausting.
Then there were the dreams that freaked her out. In them she was trapped inside a glass wall. She couldn't move, not even turn her head. And there he was in all his beautiful glory with her. That faceless woman that tore her happiness to shreds. Sometimes he'd just go about his business, others he would interct with Katniss, teasing her, tormenting her, asking her if she was enjoying watching him, watching them. Then they would scream in ecstacy, loud and ferral, like animals. Over and over again and Katniss had to watch since she couldn't close her eyes. Screaming herself at having to see her heartbreaking.
A surly bad mood was assured the days following that specific nightmare
Work becomes the best distraction. Her responsibilities grow as well as the time she dedicates to them. Johanna worries. It's been months and she's stuck in a funk. She tries and tries to get Katniss to agree to blind dates or to accept invitations from guys around the office who like her. She refuses, claiming she's not ready or that she doesn't want to meet anyone that way. Johanna becomes annoyed with Katniss' stubbornness as she is annoyed with Johanna's persistence.
Then she gets a strange phone call. The area code is local and it seems registered to her phone carrier. She answers. His name is Darius. He spends most of the time she grants him, apologizing profusely for his unorthodox, not to mention illegal method of obtaining her number, but he hasn't been able to get her off his mind since the day she walked into his store.
That was months ago….eww.
She's angry and accuses him of stalking her and being some creeper and cuts the call. Wait…. does he have access to her address as well? She doesn't really feel flattered but a little freaked out. Should she call Gale and have him pay ol'Darius, or whatever he said his name was, a visit?
Instead she calls Johanna and shares the tale of her strange admirer. Johanna's uncontrolled laughter throws Katniss off.
-What the hell Johanna, this creep scared me.
-Yeah, no kidding brainless, don't ever leave without your can of mace in your purse but girl, I'm going to start stalking you myself!
Wait…what?
Katniss couldn't believe Johanna would crack jokes at this moment. She was really scared.
-I've got to figure out what you do, maybe its the soap you use or something you eat affecting your pheromones?
-What the hell are you talking about?
-Do you realize how many guys are falling at your feet? And you are so oblivious to it. Maybe that's the secret…
-You're crazy!
So much for Johanna being any help.
Darius doesn't call again but he does text. Always from work so that she may throw the police on him if she wishes. He wants to prove he's not a stalker or a creeper, just a boy with a crush on a beautiful girl.
Whatever!
Yet, many, many, many texts later she starts to respond. He's wearing her down. He's funny. He makes her laugh.
Eventually, the texting evolves into actual talking.
At first they'd speak every once in a while and short to the point conversations, like quick hello, a "Hope you have a good day at work", or "Just wishing you good night" and they were always initiated by him. But the frequency increased, as well as the length of the conversations and soon they were talking all the time, any time, and about anything.
She knew his co-workers by name as did he. So office gossip was always a fun topic. They knew about each others families despite only having seen each other the one time. Again making childhood memories a good enough reason to tease one another. Both had been star athletes in highschool so talking sports was never off the table, despite his unfortunate choice of favorite teams.
Sometimes she'd even be in bed and on the phone making fun of him for not being out on a real date, instead of reviewing the latest episode of Breaking Bad with her. He would always answer that he was waiting for her to be that girl on a to date with him. Lucky for her, he couldn't see the smile that stretched across her face.
She finally gave in making sure he understood this would only be a one-time thing. Even though they hadn't spoken about past relationships, he knew her mindset wasn't on dating anyone just yet.
Somehow lunch with him became a several-times-a-week habit as well as brunch every other Sunday. He never gloated.
She liked Darius. A lot. She had fun with him. A lot.
They were friends. She felt relaxed around him, she didn't need to pretend she was fine if she really wasn't and she was already pretending with so many other people. He made her feel light and airy and free. Besides, Darius didn't know him, nor anyone in his circle. There was no risk of him ever coming up between them unless she wanted that to happen. She liked having that control.
Soon, with Darius' company and distraction, weeks flew by instead of crawling and without noticing the passing of time. Thedate of a sad anniversary came and went and she never really noticed.
Yet he would not leave her alone. In her conscious mind he was stored in the recesses of the memories that were too painful to bring up and although the nightmares were very far and in-between as of late, she still dreamt of him. Except now her dreams were more and more erotic. What?
It's been so long since she's been with a man and for her that was only Peeta. Johanna constantly called her a prude when it came to sex, and her friend was right, she was modest. He didn't mind. He was actually endeared by it. But these new dreams were stirring feelings that she hadn't felt in months. Since the break-up, whenever her thoughts drifted to sex, lust would turn into anger as visions of him with that woman clouded her mind. Not like in her nightmares but enough to pain her. But now it's his face between her thighs or him taking her from behind or looking down at her as she sucked him to completion. Other woman forgotten.
She misses him. Desperately. How was he doing? Where was he? Had he forgotten about her by now? Had he moved on? For some strange reason, she realized can't remember the sound of his laugh, her favorite sound in the world and what she loved about him the most only next to his eyes. What did this mean? Was she moving on without realizing? Was she forgetting him? Did she want to forget him? That train of thoughts alone was enough to make her hide in the bathroom at work.
Johanna asks her if she's gotten past his mistake. She doesn't know. Maybe, but…. Darius calls.
-Well what do you know, it's your boyfriend.
Katniss glares at Johanna. They've had this conversation before. A lot. He calls to remind her of the engagement party she will be accompanying him that evening. Johanna takes Katniss' phone and looks at the selfie he took of the two of them last weekend at the Movies at the Park. They were both smiling, they looked happy.
-You know you're right, he doesn't come across as your boyfriend but whatever.
Katniss glares at her friend again, not really appreciating her sarcasm.
- And I still don't understand why you haven't hit that, yet!
It's not like that between us, she thinks as she lies in her bathtub filled with lavender scented bubbles.
The kissing between them has only just recently started. He hadn't pushed for anything, and even though the intensity of the kissing has been escalating, he always lets her set the pace.
He is so good to her and he is good with her friends and Prim. You would even think that he'd been lifelong friends with Gale, their rapport is so comfortable with one another. She likes that. It's important that all parts of her life are able to connect.
Its with this thought that she drifts off to sleep. The dream starts as usual. She's making out with him under a tree. He kisses down her neck, across her breasts suckling each nipple before continuing his path down until he's there lapping her up.
She's winding up like a coil, that familiar heat starting at the tip of her toes and slowly climbing, climbing, climbing. She's grinding her pelvis into his face so that he has to hold her hips down. Her hands anchor in his hair as his teeth tease her clit. The heat is climbing stronger still.
-Oh Peeeeetaaaaa…yeeeeeeeeesss….
His ministrations are driving her wild.
-Baby, I'm coming! I'm coming!
She shouts.
-Look at me. I want to see your face when you come.
He whispers into her skin.
She looks down at him but the eyes looking back at her aren't blue, they're green and the hair between her fingers is red. He smiles at her despite working her clit to her completion and she comes, wild and crazy.
It's at that moment that her conscience decides to make its presence known and she awakens with a start. She feels herself blushing even though there is no one there to see her.
-What does this mean?
She has a great time at the party. His friends are fun. She tries to get that dream out of her head but every time Darius tries to catch her eyes she blushes and he's noticed though he's said nothing. There's even a moment in which Darius is goofing around with his buddy Tom, that she feels so turned on by him that she tries to cross her legs but the dress is too tight. She has to settle for just squeezing her thighs together. Damn, Johanna for talking her into buying this coral toned strapless sheath. She can't really move. Worse was that it was so tight she was forced to forgo underwear. Even her sheerest thong could be outlined.
- Are you hot, you look kind of red?
He asked without removing his eyes from the skin across her collarbone. He noticed her blush. How can he not she was so exposed. Also by Johanna's instruction, she'd pulled her long straight hair into a high ponytail. She must admit, that by her friends instructions, along with her nude colored heels the outcome was quite pleasing and the sweatheart neckline enhanced her cleavage nicely. When she walked out her door Darius' eyes had all but bulged from his eye sockets. Right now she can't deny that she likes the way he seems to be devouring her with those green orbs of his, only turning her on even further.
She could only shake her head at him and smiled shyly.
Was she flirting with him?
He leaned in resting his arm behind her chair and with the softest touch ran his thumb across her back.
- Have I mentioned how insanely beautiful you look? I'm having a hard time breathing.
She blushed looking down at her lap but smiling. His thumb was burning across the skin it touched. She felt like she was on fire tonight. Geez, she really needed to get laid!
-These look beautiful on you.
He said letting his fingers skim her earlobe. She wore the tiny diamond studs he gave her for her birthday a couple of weeks ago.
-Thank you.
She whispered. She was afraid her raging hormones would make her voice quiver.
She followed his eyes down to her breasts And saw him swallow slowly.
Oh geez, he knows I'm not wearing a bra!
She yelled internally at herself in humilliation. She knew her nipples were hard but thought the light padding attached to the dress would be enough to conceal their state.
He never oogled her so blatantly before but maybe he was just as horny as she was. She couldn't take the way he was looking at her any longer. They were in public. She was hot for him but its neither the time nor place. She excused herself to the ladies room where she could finally breathe.
What was happening to her? Did she really want him to go down on her like in her dream?
It would be nice.
She thought to herself.
Johanna was right. She should've just gotten laid months ago and gotten it over with. She wouldn't be so horny right now. But he isn't helping. He just looks and smells so good and those looks he was throwing her way. If he only knew the only thing dividing her skin from his lips is her dress.
She walked out of the bathroom and grabbed a glass of champagne from a waiter walking by. Her date was nowhere to be seen so she walked out the french doors onto an outdoor deck. It was dark but at least she could pull herself together before facing Darius again.
She hears a gasp to her right and struggles to hold a gasp in herself.
- Katniss? What a surprise!
That is an understatement.
- Finnick.
She nods her head at him and turns to leave. What a way to sober up!
- I'm sorry Katniss.
His eyes look sad.
She furrows her brow.
- For what exactly?
She should reign in her curiosity not sure she wants to know.
-For destroying your relationship.
She knew it. She needed to get out of there fast.
- That was long ago. Whatever it was doesn't matter anymore.
She's not sure if her face agrees with her words. She takes a deep breath and squares her shoulders.
- No, Katniss. You have no idea. Everything was my doing, I was in a very bad place back then, very self-destructive. I ended up in rehab.
She felt bad for a second, but only for a second.
- I'm happy you found the necessary help, Finnick. Good luck with your journey.
She turns to leave but he reaches out and grabs hold of her elbow. She glares down at his hand. How dare he touch her? Her eyes are cold when she politely asks him to let her go.
- Sorry.
Katniss turns her back to him.
- Katniss, I drugged Peeta. I gave him ecstasy in a beer and kept pushing more alcohol down his throat. He didn't want to be there but I had just found out Annie had started dating again and I couldn't be alone.
Katniss' mouth fell open in shock as she slowly turned to look at him. Disgust quickly replacing her shock.
- You drugged your best friend? What kind of a person does that?
Finick has the decency to look contrite.
- I almost lost my only ally trying to keep him by my side. He hit me when he found out why his memory was so muddled that night…
In that moment a memory burst through in Katniss' head " I don't know what happened Katniss…I thought she was you…" She didn't believe him back then. He was telling her the truth.
- It took me hitting rock bottom for him to come around again.
- Rock bottom?
It was none of her business but couldn't control the curiosity. What did he do to scare Peeta out of his anger?
He pulls out his wrists and shows Katniss the scars of his shame.
- Oh, Finnick.
Her own anger towards him wanes
- My forgiveness doesn't matter, Finn. What's done is done. You might want to try and forgive yourself.
She looks him in the eye and tries to be as honest as possible.
- Good luck with yourself , Finn
That's the best she could do for him. She's barely taken two steps when he speaks again.
- He hasn't been able to move on. Peeta. You're in him too deep. He's struggling though he's not destructive like I was but….yeah!
Those words leave her cold. It's exactly what she didn't want to know. It's been too long….it's too late to do anything…isn't it?
- Then I hope you're returning the favor, by being there for him.
She tells him over her shoulder and walks away quickly, very quickly before he realizes how badly she's shaking.
She looks for Darius wanting to disappear into the crowd so that Finnick isn't tempted to continue reminiscing.
He's standing off the bar with a group of friends. She hurries up to him and snuggles into his side tightly burying her face into his chest. He tightens his hold around her and kisses her head. He doesn't ask.
She takes a deep breath. She can smell him and its good to the point that she feels dizzy. He smells like soap and musk and all man and just different. Nothing to remind her of cinnamon or or dill or fresh baked bread. She likes this smell, she thinks as she commits it to memory. The stirring down below starts again and she takes a deeper breath.
- Hey.
He whispers huskily into her ear. She can feel his breath down to her toes.
-You wanna dance?
Wrapped up in his arms swaying to the soft music she let's her mind drift far, far away, to a distance where Finnick's words can't reach her, or memories of baking spices or broken hearts.
She thinks of sitting in a forest, nestled underneath a tree that for some reason looks familiar and of the hard chest she's currently pressed against. She feels large strong hands roam her back where one settles a little lower than the curve of her back, fingers splayed out. If anyone were paying attention they'd see that his fingers are pretty much dancing over her ass while his thumb rubs her hip. Is he trying to feel for panty lines? This dress is so tight how can he not notice?
She tightens her arms around his neck and he rests his forehead on hers. There is no space between their bodies, her heartbeat is racing, she wants this. She lifts her face slightly until her nose nudges his. He smiles at her.
- Did you know that lavender is my favorite in whole wide world?
She giggles.
- Is it? I didn't know.
She really didn't…she thinks. Maybe he did mention it once.
- Yeah.
He drags his nose across her cheek and pulls at her earlobe with his lips before kissing her pulse point. She shivers.
- You wanna get out of here?
His voice is deep and husky and laced with an invitation that doesn't need to be voiced.
- I had fun with your friends, but more than anything, I've been waiting for you to ask me that all night.
She whispers to him, clearly out of breath.
- Yeah?
There's a playful twinkle in his eye.
- Yeah! Have some fun of our own.
That twinkle was replaced by fat pupils.
He gives her a sweet kiss and walks back to their table, collect her things and say their goodbyes with promises of lunch get-togethers.
As they walk out the door, Darius' arm tightly around her waist and her giddy giggles, she catches Finnick staring at them. She averts her eyes quickly and wraps her own arm around her date, its time she move on.
She will give herself completely over to Darius, she thinks, even though her thoughts are already so muddled.
The drive over to his apartment was awkward.
He was nervous, maybe even considering the possibility that she'd change her mind.
He tries to break the tension by making small talk, telling her how his friends loved her and even congratulating him on his knock- out date. What was he with such a pretty girl, they teased. She snorts and they both spend the rest of the ride laughing.
He loosened his tie from around his neck and took her hand pressing her fingers to her lips.
He offers her a drink which she accepts. She's not going anywhere for a while. She drinks her beer while looking through the pictures spread across the room. Its not the first time she's been here but tonight there's no rush.
He turns his sound system on watches her for a while leaning against the door jam. He puts his own beer on the coffee table then takes hers pulling her into his arms, slowly swaying to the beat.
The movements are pretty chaste in the beginning but then he's holding her tighter and kissing her with purpose. She decides she loves the feeling of his tongue in her mouth.
He drags one of the hands down to cup her ass, pressing her hips against his erection. He's big and for the umpteenth time tonight she's turned on and moans into his mouth. She grinds her hips into his pelvis as he drags his lips across her collarbone. His hands reach up to her zipper.
She pulls away from him.
- Bedroom.
She says through hooded lids and swollen lips pulling at his hands. He follows her obediently discarding his shoes, shirt and tie.
He grabs her hips once they reach the edge of his bed and sucks on her shoulder where it meets her neck. Her head slumps backward onto his shoulder and he slowly lowers the zipper of the dress.
-I think this is my new favorite color.
He breathes into her ear.
- Coral?
She asks through giggles. He's running his hands up and down her sides, pulling up the hem of her dress around her thighs.
- You not only looked beautiful but so fucking sexy. I spent the whole night painfully hard just thinking about what's underneath your dress. I'm surprised you didn't notice.
She didn't. She pulled her arm back and around his head bringing his mouth down to hers. She tried to kiss him with all the passion she could muster.
- I've been ready all night for you, too!
He moans onto her shoulder.
He finished pulling down the zipper and let the offending garment fall to the floor. That's when he took in her nude body in amazement.
- You will kill me one day. So much perfection is not possible.
She pulled him close pressing their bare chests against each other.
She was floating on a cloud. After tracing every plane of her body with his tongue, he gently placed her on the bed and continued his exploration. He's trying to learn what makes her tick but she's so desperate for to be him inside her.
Patience.
She chastises to herself letting him enjoy this too.
Her patience was rewarded when a few seconds later, he was fulfilling her dream.
His head was buried between her thighs working off her tension until she exploded. She'd never come so hard before and she wants to do it again. While she was coming down from her high, he took a condom out of his bedside table and slid it on. She was about to pull herself up on her elbows when he sat against the head board and dragging her on top of him.
- I want you to ride me so I can see you, I want to see all of you. You're so beautiful.
She was caught by his eyes and his words.
He grabbed her hips and aligned them with his. She pulled her knees up around his sides and took him in her hand pressing him against her entrance. He hissed. She slowly lowered herself just as he raised his hips to meet her. The both moaned at the contact. She felt so full, so content. They both began rocking against each other moaning in pleasure.
He felt so good and it had been too long for her. She needed this so much, she wanted this so badly that she really doesn't care that she is way past the point of no return. Nothing else matters right now. Can her need for sex be so strong that it clouds all logic?
Fuck yes, if its always this good!
He was pushing into her harder rubbing against her clit with each pass of himself. The heat was building. Her tits were bouncing against his face but he wouldn't take his eyes off her face. He grabbed a nipple with his teeth and suckled until her moans were so embarrassingly loud.
-Ahh. So good!
She was on a high.
- You're so tight, so perfectly tight. Aaaahh baby.
He groaned.
- Are your bedroom walls sound proof?
She whispered.
- No.
He grunted.
She kept riding him with abandon, his eyes intent on hers.
- Are you close?
He asked.
- I don't know how long I can last. I've been fantasizing about you for too long and watching you ride me is just so hot!
She smiles at him and nods. Screaming as he drives into her faster and harder.
Then he leans back and hooks his arms around her knees and anchoring his hands on her ass cheeks and begins rolling her unto him, pulling out enough to creating delicious friction as he rolls back in. Her back arches and she can't help her head falling back. Her whole body is flushed and slick with sweat. His eyes roam all over her. She has to hold on to his shoulders for balance.
Peeta.
Peeta.
-So good, so, so good.
She mewled.
Peeta.
Why can't she stop thinking about him, at this of all moments?
Peeta used to make her feel good too, dizzy with want. But he's not Peeta. These aren't Peeta's eyes. These aren't Peeta's hands. Those hands that took her to and from the brink of insanity with his gentleness, his love. No, this isn't Peeta.
For the first time in her 25 years, She's in someone else's bed, in someone else's arms. She's being teased and suckled and kissed raw by another set of lips. It's someone else's skin sliding against her own.
Not Peeta.
This is another man working her to completion.
For a second, amidst all the sensations and the blood rushing throughout her body, she missed him, his eyes, his breath, his kisses, his hands, his-
-Ooooh! Yes, baby right there! Just like that.
She tried to say. She might have just mumbled. Her head kept falling back...so good! All thoughts interrupted.
-Baby say my name.
He said out of the blue bringing her back from her trance. It's almost like he knew who was really on her mind at the moment.
-So fucking beautiful and today you're all mine. He says with veneration.
Her head snapped up and locked eyes with him. She smiled shyly but didn't correct him. But if she really thought about, is it really so bad to stake claim on this beautiful man? They now belonged to each other.
She looked at him becoming enraptured by the eyes boring into her, green, her favorite color, becoming trapped by the clear devotion in them, by his body, by his smile . She smiled at him. If this man, his love, his mouth, his tongue, his hands, if being connected to him was a cage, there was no way she wanted to escape from it. At least not today. So she enjoys the ride, and lets her inhibitions fall.
-Ooohhh...
Her moaning was getting even louder still.
- Say my name.
He said again.
- If you only knew how many nights I dreamt of having you just like this. Shouting my name as I made you come. Tell me you like it.
If it's possible for his words to turn her on even more, given the position they're in. He's been dreaming about her. This gorgeous man has been fantasizing about her.
- I like it Darius. Darius. Darius. I like it. So. Much.
- Fuck yeah! Katniss, baby, fuuuuuck!
She was completely out of breath. He rolled himself onto her clit.
- Ohhh baby, Dar, Dar, Dar….
She couldn't say his full name, she was feeling so good.
All of a sudden his movements become erratic and fast. His hands dug into her ass cheeks and he sat up a little more, nuzzling his face between her breasts. She cradled his head there. He's gasping for air,
- Fuck, fuck, fuck me! I love you Katniss, I'm coming, ohhhh!
She bent her head tenderly kissing his forehead while she enjoys her own high, much quieter this time.
She is given three more orgasms before the sun comes up that morning. It's Saturday so she has nowhere to be. They spend the whole morning asleep, satiated and exhausted. Her phone rings but she doesn't care. She hasn't felt this good in so long that she doesn't want the bubble to burst.
Darius kept her busy for the rest of the weekend. She doesn't make it home until Sunday night and even then the parting kiss was intense and full of promise.
When Johanna pounded on her door not two seconds later, she smirks to see that Katniss is wearing a dress that's two days old. And finds it hard to hold in the laughter to see that she's walking funny.
- I was so sick with worry, but seeing you like this….I forgive you if you spill. How was it?
A smile spreads across her face. She feels tired and giddy and so, so good.
- Your boyfriend's that good, huh?
- My boyfriend is….
She has no words.
- ...amazing and, and, and…amazing and…
How can she describe the magnificence that is Darius?
- Johanna he is that good. I forgot the world existed. I was only in the moment and didn't want it to end.
-Wow…
- ...and he made feel beautiful and wanted and then wanted again, and then again until I lost track of all time, place, everything.
Johanna stared incredulous.
- I wanted to not think and just feel and he gave me that.
- Should I be jealous?
- So very much.
They both laughed.
- Katniss are you in love with him?
Way to ruin a mood Johanna.
- No. Not yet. I do care for him, he's my friend.
- Didn't you just call him your boyfriend?
Katniss blushes and smiles shyly.
- I'm sorry. I asked because you're just so happy. I haven't seen you like this in such a long time.
Katniss gives her friend a sad smile.
- It was like we were in our own world where nothing mattered except each other and he is just so amazing that I don't think I've ever come so hard in my life before. I waited too long and he's just so good! Excuse me for spending the weekend with my boyfriend.
She giggles, blushing. The smile is back on her face.
- Well I'm happy for you, Brainless. Every person deserves to have mind blowing sex at least once in their lives.
Mind-blowing, that's the best way to describe Darius, their relationship, their sex-life. They've become attached at the hip, spending as much time as they can together. She tries to give herself to him as much as she can. Physically she's turned herself over. Emotionally is another story. He constantly tells her he loves her when they are in the throes of passion, but only then. She doesn't say it back, never, only kisses him. Her skin burns with his touch and bursts into flames until together they become consumed by the fire and she likes it. She thrives on it.
He's different, so different and it drives her crazy because even though all of her thoughts and dreams take her back to Peeta, with Darius, her body sings another song. His movements, his preferences, his knowledge of her weaknesses, his smell, his mouth, his teeth, his hands, everything about Darius is a new experience, a new adventure. And she loves getting lost in this journey.
She loves knowing she has power over him, that as much control as she surrenders to him, he is putty in her hands. She loves to make him come, and she loves knowing that he thinks about fucking her all day long just as much as she is thinking the same thing and after they're done, she loves that he's considering the next time. And she loves the way he can make her come so hard one second and then have her begging for more the next. But she's not in love with him. Not yet anyway. Maybe given more time, he can grow on her, too.
Together, she learns new things about her own body, discovers hungers she didn't know existed and she enjoys satiating those cravings, as if she had no fill. Darius is an eager teacher always willing to comply. Going as far as taking sick days, just to be able to continue ravishing the other.
Sex with Peeta was incredible, loving, intimate. Sex with Darius is invigorating and exciting because she feels so new, so free.
But he also teaches her to accept her own beauty both interior and exterior and for the first time in her life she's comfortable in her own skin. Gone are the days of being scandalized by sex. So what if he wants to kiss her in public and grab her ass? So long as he is the only person who knows that she's decided to stop wearing anything underneath her skirts, for practical purposes, she's fine. Nudity had never been as comfortable as it is now and she loves looking as his body.
When they do have to be away from each the've resorted to sexting or exchange naughty pictures. Making sure he gets a full view of those body parts he seems to prefer. She's never felt so open before, and she likes it. She finally understands what Peeta had tried to make her see, that its okay to let people see you, to take your walls down. That a compliment is meant to flatter.
Katniss changes. Her mood is different and everyone around her picks up in it. Her friends, her coworkers. Johanna is relentless on her teasing. She wants the whole world to know she's happy and she doesn't care.
- I gotta say Brainless, I'm officially jealous.
Katniss laughed.
- I mean look at you, so light and nice.
-I've been having a great week. Is it so bad I share some of that joy?
- Spill.
- Johanna-
- You just said you don't care. What did he do?
- He loves me.
- And you?
Katniss thinks for a second and can't help the wide smile spreading across her face.
- Maybe.
- Really?
- He makes me so happy. Crazy happy. I think I'd do anything for him, anything he asked of me.
- Marry him?
- The way I feel right now, yes.
- Be careful, you're still in the honeymoon stage. You've just discovered each other, discovered him, yourself even.
- I don't know Johanna. Right now all I can say I hope this feeling never goes away.
- Give me some details.
- He doesn't have window coverings in his living room and we had sex in front of them, a lot, like every time he was in the mood, he'd carry me to the couch, or a chair or against the wall and I didn't give a shit. In fact thinking someone could Be watching made it more exciting.
- What if someone took video?
- That would be unfortunate but….oh well.
Katniss shrugs her shoulders laughing.
- I hope they send us a copy because I'm sure we looked good!
They both laugh.
- One of those times I was sprawled on top of him, all spread eagle like, and all I could think about was how warm the sun felt on my skin.
Johanna woots.
- Prudish Katniss no more.
Katniss looked dazed, shaking her head.
- It made me start thinking about sex in public places or at work.
- It sounds hot Brainless but since I would be there, please, please, please not at work.
More laughs.
- I Even told him I wouldn't mind to be woken up that way…so he did.
- Geez, Brainless how can you walk?
Katniss shrugs.
- And where does all that stamina come from?
- Thank God for whatever vitamins he takes.
Once more days turn into weeks and weeks roll into months. And for a long time she's happy. Their lives entwined with the other. Days at the beach, vacations abroad, friend's weddings, holidays, his family's reunion, work promotions, Prim's college graduation, dinner with his boss. His parents love her. Her mother loves him. Life is perfect. This has to be love.
There was even a pregnancy scare or two that didn't necessarily freak her out but didn't completely excite her, either. Darius joked that he wouldn't mind a shot gun wedding, he wasn't exactly a fan of long engagements. Although she didn't mention it, the joke didn't exactly sit well with her. But she took stronger precautions.
That night the dreams began once more. Not nightmares this time, as dreams of Peeta had become, but strange just the same. Although Peeta wasn't really in it, she could feel his presence.
Katniss dreamt of children, her children, a girl with soft dark curls cascading down her back with the most beautiful cerulean eyes, and a younger boy, with curly blonde springs and eyes the color of steel, he had a crooked smile that reminded her of someone, but who?
She awoke with a sweat. In the dream she chased them through the woods, her woods, from her childhood, but could never quite reaching them.
What does this mean?
Shouldn't her children with Darius be redheads or at least have green eyes? What of the blue eyes, her mother and Prim have baby blue eyes not cerulean.
More weeks drift by and Katniss leads herself to believe that things are fine until he starts hinting of them moving-in together. It makes sense. They have been together for years now and haven't really slept apart unless one of them needs to travel on business. If he's not with her, she's with him. Yet, they have both kept their apartments.
They don't openly speak about the future or their plans officially aside of the few cracked jokes. Apparently the idea of a future together is more than implied. To Katniss everything was just so perfect as it was.
- What did you expect Brainless, the dude is already in his 30s? He's doing well at work so he's probably thinking kids and life insurance and home mortgages. And you're about to turn 30 and still don't want to define your feelings for him. Do you even love him?
- Of course I love him.
- No, Katniss. Don't try and bullshit me, too. I love my dog but that doesn't mean I want to birth his puppies.
- Eww, Johanna. And you don't have a dog.
- He lives with my mom, I don't have a backyard. Out with it.
-I do love him. It's just that lately, I've been questioning if I'm in love with him. And I think he's caught on to that.
- What do you mean?
Katniss starts feeling flustered.
- Darius to me is not just my boyfriend or lover, he's my best friend and he makes me feel so loved and special and free. And he never pushes, ever. You think he hasn't noticed I've never actually said I love you to him, after all his time? Whenever he say's it to me, my answer is "me too!"
- What are you going to do?
-I don't want to lose him, I don't want anything to change, and I know I'm being unfair but I don't know what to do.
- What about Peeta?
It doesn't hurt to say his name anymore.
- What about Peeta? I haven't seen him in years. He's not part of this relationship.
- Isn't he though?
That left Katniss cold.
-How do you feel about Peeta?
Katniss was silent was for a long moment. -
-He is the love of my life, Johanna. Let's not fool each other. Although I've been thinking that just maybe, we committed to each other far too young, that we never finished growing up.
- Why didn't you go back to him when you found out the truth about that night?
-That was the first night with Darius.
Katniss felt drained.
- And?
- Johanna, at that moment, despite knowing the truth, I could still see him with her when I closed my eyes.
A few weeks later Darius had made the decision for her. He held her tight and wished her happiness. She was shaking and he tightened his grip reminded her that she defines herself. This is only a setback. She was overwhelmed by guilt that even though he had a broken heart, he was still comforting her.
He had packed all of his belongings from her apartment. It took several trips down to his car before he was done. He took her face in his hands and kissed her forehead. She wanted to ask him to stay. They were good together and so good for each other. He knew she wasn't in love with him, not really. She could deny it to herself but he could see right through her. Sometimes he felt he loved her enough for the two of them, but he wanted, needed, deserved more. So with tears in both their eyes and broken hearts they exchanged keys. She held on to him as long as she could and then let him walk out of her life.
Another failed relationship only this time she didn't remove his pictures from the mantle. Although it hurt to lose him and she missed him, she wasn't broken.
This is Everlark endgame.
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