Human
Working together was easy, so easy. Not only was he accommodating, he was willingly giving up his free time to run errands with her.
Sandwiches one night during a moment of creative frustration for Katniss became lunches or coffee after closing in the bakery several times a week.
She would show up with her binder and iPad. He'd have snacks and drinks ready for her arrival, making sure first that Rye would not show up. Unfortunately for him, whenever she came in, he'd have work to do.
Peeta didn't know that Katniss preferred it that way. She could stare at him freely when he was busy, and she loved to look at him. Although she would tell herself that she was there during his work hours so as not to intrude on his personal time.
Katniss didn't know that he hated to be so busy because he couldn't give her his full attention and he loved to look at her. He'd lost so much time being away from her. He wanted to know if she still had those same little quirks that made her so endearing. And then he wanted to memorize the new ones like the way she seemed to fiddle with the earring on her left ear when she was lost in thought. That one seemed to have replaced fiddling with her braid which she didn't wear very often anymore.
And they began this dance around each other. Fun, not quite flirty, at least the other wouldn't admit it was flirty, but very playful. He was afraid of coming on to strong, didn't want to scare her away. She was so open now, so comfortable in her own skin, that he was taken back as to how to proceed. Although he found it incredibly sexy, it bugged him that he didn't know much about this woman sitting before him. She was so different. Wonderful, enthralling, amazing and worth spending the rest of his life admiring and learning everything there was to know about her. But for today, for right now, he felt at a disadvantage.
She was relentless in her teasing. He took it like a champ, sometimes blushing to the point of embarrassment. But she loved to see that color creep up his neck, it made his eyes appear even more impossibly blue and in her mind there was no sound more beautiful than his laugh, so masculine and melodic…then there are other enticing sounds he also makes with that voice, especially that guttural grunt from-
- Whoa!
She thought.
Where did that train of thoughts come from?
She needed to tread these waters lightly. She sat up a little straighter while he continued with his work. She was staring again.
He was rolling out a sugary paste in a very bright shade of red, over and over again until it had the exact thickness he needed. Roll out, roll in. Roll out, roll in. She studied the strength of his hands, the veins on his arms, the bulge of his biceps, the width of his shoulders, the angles of his jaw, the slope of his nose, the exact shade of blue of his eyes...what?
He was staring back at her.
- You're staring.
He said smirking.
- It's...interesting how out of a sugary paste...you...build...flowers.
She was embarrassed. She wasn't looking at the flowers she was looking at him, at his body, at his face and he caught her doing it.
- It's actually very simple. You wanna try?
He was pointing toward the paste on his work table.
- Maybe when you're not in a hurry. I know your schedule must be tight.
She felt a fluttering sensation in her stomach. Nerves. The thought of being so close to his body made her nervous. She cleared her throat.
- Is there anything you can't do?
Peeta laughed.
- Let's see, I can't shoot straight with a bow and arrow even if my life depended on it.
- Pfff….practice.
She waved him off.
- Uumm, I can't go on a hike without scaring all the wildlife away because I have a heavy tread or so I've been told.
She smiled at the memory.
- I can't climb trees like squirrel.
She laughed.
He smiled.
- I can't change the carburetor in my car.
- Neither can I.
- I can't forget….
His eyes locked with hers, unable to finish his sentence. If he told her all the things about her he has never forgotten he'll drive her away for sure, and he really doesn't want to deal with her interns, much less the secretary, untill the end of this project. While they are working together, he needs to reign his feelings in.
- Can't forget what?
- I can't forget that you used to love cheesebuns, do you still?
His voice had dropped an octave and his stare was intent.
- Yeah.
She answered breathlessly. She took a deep breath.
- Yeah, they're still my favorite.
He stared for another second, then gave her a knowing smirk.
- I'll have some for you next time I see you, made especially. They're a popular item around here, but I'll make sure you get your own.
She laughed.
- I'm going to hold you to that, I hope you realize it. I won't let you forget.
Her eyes bore into his.
- I couldn't if I tried.
He stared right back. It was a loaded exchange, all playfulness gone.
- Peeta you're like the perfect man, why aren't you married, yet? Why is there no one?
The words left her mouth before she could stop them. Embarrassed she dropped her eyes to her lap.
He blushed. How can he tell her its because he never forgot her, he never moved-on? How does he confess that the only relationship he tried to have throughout the almost eight years apart was a disaster and that being called by another woman's name in bed gets old after 3 times, so she left? How does he own up to being lost since Katniss walked out of his life?
- I'm sorry. That's none of my business.
They can't look at each other. Katniss crossed a line that she's pretty sure she established herself. Why did she ask him that? Why does she want to know?
- Umm...
- I need to go, I have an early meeting.
She gathered her things in a hurry. She was running and they both knew it. She hated herself for running but now was not the time for this conversation. Neither of them was ready.
He walked her to the front door to unlock it for her.
- I'll let you know about the bands I was telling you about, later this week. I know that's kind of a priority.
He tried to make his voice sound easy.
- Sure. Thanks again.
She leaned in to kiss his check and stopped herself next to his face.
What am I doing?
She thought.
They were the closest that they had been in all these years. Her breathing was labored. He wasn't breathing at all.
If he turned his face to the left a little more and slightly leaned in he could press his lips to hers. He wanted to so badly.
She could smell his breath, she could smell him, so sweet and enticing. How she missed his smell.
She finished her first intent and kissed him on the cheek. Quick and chaste.
- Good night.
She whispered.
His gaze followed her until she got into her car and drove away.
He locked the door but didn't move from his spot still staring out at the street.
Good night
He thought.
- So Katniss Everdeen, huh?
Peeta jumped and turned to the voice. Rye was leaning against the division between the bakery and the deli, in the dark. Peeta didn't know his brother was home.
- Funny how after all this time you had failed to mention you had reconnected with her, even more that you were working together.
- Not now Rye. Please!
Peeta walked back into the kitchen. Such a wonderful evening in the beginning and now he felt drained.
- The thing is Peet, when it comes to Katniss Everdeen, it may never be the right time.
He really didn't want to hear anything his brother had to say. Not now.
- I have work to finish. Why are you down here?
Annoyance was seeping into his voice.
- I had just walked in when I heard voices and laughter, so I snuck a peak to see who had you in such a good mood. Haven't heard you laugh like that in a long time so, imagine my surprise?
Rye made a gesture to imitate an explosion.
- I gotta admit, Peety, she looks good. All grown-up.
Peeta took a deep breath and refused to answer by going about his work.
- What are you doing Peety?
He stared at his hands. What is he doing?
- Frosting the Martin wedding cake. Can you believe it, Glimmer is getting married for the third time. Red roses and this God-awful gold ribbon she asked for. This husband doesn't have taste either. The dad's throwing the party of the year or so Mrs. Martin said. Hey, didn't she try to get you to drop your pants in school?
- Peeta!
- What?
He glared at his brother.
Rye just stared back, waiting.
- Don't worry. It's just friendly. Work remember?
- I didn't walk in on cake sketching...
- It was just a moment.
Rye looked worried. Peeta refused to acknowledge him staring only at his hands.
-Just a moment.
He muttered more to himself than his brother.
- Did you hear? You have to have heard!
Rye walked into the bakery excited.
- Hear what?
Peeta was standing at his usual spot behind the work table, surrounded by many trays of cupcakes needing to be frosted within the next hour before the lunch rush began. He didn't really have time to gossip with his brother.
- Cousin Cecily has a boyfriend.
- Good for her.
He said bitterly.
Seriously Rye, I could care less.
Peeta tried to bring his thoughts out of the dark place they seemed to be in today.
- It's your best friend! I would think you would know.
Peeta froze for a second and looked up at his brother.
- Haven't talked with Finn in a bit.
He felt guilty. He's been ignoring his friends.
- Hey, wasn't she his nurse? At the clinic?
- And now she's his girlfriend, your point?
Rye held up his hands in surrender.
- Just making conversation.
Peeta narrowed his eyes.
- No you're not. Get to it.
His brother sighed sadly.
- Look at Finn, he found the rainbow at the end of the storm.
- You're so full of shit-
- He moved on Peety, he looks happy. You might want to give it try. I'm sure she has, too!
Peeta set his jaw. His hands were balled into fists.
- Okay, okay, okay, I'm leaving, but just look at Cee's pictures on Facebook, I opened the folder on your laptop. Okay.
Rye walked away.
...
He couldn't sleep that night. Leave it to Rye to stir up his brain and leave him restless.
Move on.
Move on.
Move on.
How the fuck do you move on when every fiber of your body is holding on to something you don't have? How do you move on when your mind won't let go of the memories? How do you move on when the only reason that you're a functioning human being is because of the inertia of your routine? How do you move on after your heart has been ripped to shreds? How do you move on when your soul is gone?
He knows it's been way over a year. It's time and it's only fair. Letting go of Katniss...how?
He took to roaming the apartment in the dark. He walked around as silent as he could so as not to wake his brother. He drew back the curtains in the living room and kitchen to let in more light. He needed a distraction and television banality wouldn't do. So he sat on a chair next to the window, leaned back and stared out into the sky. He was getting comfortable lifting his feet onto the ottoman in front of his chair when his foot bumped into something. He sat up and saw that it was his laptop.
Whatever. Let's see what the big deal is about cousin Cecily's pictures.
He clicked on the space bar and the machine buzzed to life. A few moments later the image appeared on his screen.
There was Finn all smiles with his arms around his cousin. She was looking at him. They looked happy. Peeta smiled, glad that his friend was finally able to find some balance. It had been a crazy year for Finnick as well.
He was about click on the done icon to exit the image when he saw her there.
Up in the top right corner, sitting on a table with her back to Finnick was Katniss. There was no mistaking her. She was sitting next to a tall red head. Their heads were turned toward the other. Her hand seemed to be resting on his thigh. Oh God, let it just be resting on his thigh. His arm was draped across her chair and it seemed like he might be running-his thumb across her bare back.
-Peeta, she's met somebody
The thought kept screaming across his mind. Was this the guy he was losing Katniss to? The look this man was giving her, HIS KATNISS, spoke so loudly to him, he knew that look. A look that said he couldn't wait to get her home and devour her.
The machine burned his hands and he let it fall off his lap and tumble to the floor.
-Peeta, she's met somebody.
He picked up the computer again.
Are there more pictures?
He was a glutton for punishment, he knew that. Didn't he constantly try to gain his own mother's approval to no avail? Even knowing that nothing will ever please that woman?
The image came up on the screen once more. Down at the bottom was the name of the album. Mitchell and Jackie Engagement Party. He clicked twice and waited while it opened. The longest 2 seconds of his life. There it was, the thumbnail page. Click on the first one. He examined every detail. He had to admit that the resolution of the image was incredible. Kudos to his cousin for purchasing a great camera.
Next….next….next….next…..5, 6, there! There she was again. Cecily was walking toward the photographer and Katniss was in the background. It was a full body picture of her by the bar. She was leaning against someone with an arm around her waist. He was hidden by Cee. Didn't matter though.
There she was, beautiful and incredibly hot. That dress fit like water running on her skin. She looked like a Victoria Secret's model, lean, slim, and breath taking. He double right clicked and saved the image.
Next…next…next…so many pictures!
Next…next…next…there she was again. This time she wasn't in the background, she was the subject.
The caption read, "When will my arms look like these? Wouldn't mind having that ass either ;)."
God, she looks gorgeous. So painfully gorgeous. Peeta dragged his finger across the screen. She was standing away from the crowd, alone with a glass of champagne in her hand, her eyes lost in thought.
He missed her so much. He hadn't seen her face in so long. A lifetime ago it seemed.
Thank you Cee for this amazing gift.
He right clicked on the picture and saved it to his hard drive. He sighed. His chest hurt. A whole year without her love, without her kisses, without her touch, without her. He wiped the moisture from his eyes and sniffed.
Next…next…ne-
WHAT?
He should have stopped while he was ahead. This was a wide angle group shot. His cousin, Finn and several of their friends had grouped together while other couples had taken to the dance floor. Right behind the group was Katniss with her companion holding each other in a tight embrace. Others probably just saw a couple in love swaying to the music.
What Peeta saw as clear as day was one of the man's hands gripping her hips while his fingers splayed over her ass, pressing her center against his groin, while the other hand firmly pressed between her shoulder blades keeping their chests connected. Their faces were locked in a heated kiss.
Peeta couldn't breathe, his heart was constricting painfully and no matter how much he sucked in for air, he felt like he was suffocating. The room was spinning. Everything was out of focus.
- Rye!
He tried to scream but nothing came out. He tried to stand, the computer fell to the floor. He tripped over his feet, knocking over the ottoman.
- Rye!
Was he having a heart attack? The pain. He was scared.
- Rye!
He hoped this time it was louder.
Rye heard the noise and ran out with a baseball bat thinking it might be an intruder. He found Peeta on the floor struggling for air. Terrified, he called 911.
Peeta spent the night at the hospital for observation. He'd had a panic attack and his blood pressure was dangerously high. Tests were run and found nothing except high levels of stress and anxiety. The attending physician recommended he take some sort of therapy to help cope with the triggers, learn some exercises that help control the onset of more episodes.
Even his mother looked worried. She bent to kiss him on the forehead.
- This has to stop! For you, for your own good.
She pleaded with him. He can't recall his mother ever looking scared.
Everyone left except Rye. He didn't look worried, he was rabid.
- We had a family meeting while you were out and this is it, Peety. We gave you time, we gave you space. We let you do this your way. We are done.
Peeta doesn't remember ever hearing Rye sound so serious.
- She's moved on, it's time you let go as well. This stops now. Consider this a fucking intervention.
Peeta leaned back and turned to the wall opposite his brother.
- We're not saying you stop loving her, you might never be able to do that, just stop making her your priority, especially over your own well-being. Think of yourself for once. Then you might want to remember you have a family as well.
Tears ran down Peeta's face.
He signed up in a painting workshop via the recommendation of his therapist.
- This is why I didn't say anything, Rye. To avoid your over reaction.
Peeta was exasperated.
- You know as well as I do that this job is a great opportunity for us.
Peeta turned to look at his brother. Rye stood impassive, staring down at his him with his arms crossed over his chest. His eyebrows raised in disbelieve.
- I don't want to have pull together another family intervention because of a "moment" again, Peety. Just looking out for you.
He turned and walked away, leaving Peeta alone with his thoughts.
-I'm only human, Rye.
He said sadly to himself.
...
Laughter, even way back when they were children, laughter had been a contributing factor that brought them together.
The months following her father's death, Katniss had retreated into herself ignoring all of her classmates including him. Peeta, unable to give up on her like all the other kids had, felt bad for her sadness and wanted to see her smile again. So everyday he'd save the cookie from the lunch his father would pack for him and place it in her cubby. Today he left her a note with a joke he'd just heard on the television the night before and a short message saying "I'm sorry you're sad", along with the cookie. She smiled for the first time in weeks.
So the initial awkwardness of that first time together since their almost kiss faded away quickly to be replaced with laughter. They drove around town following a list of possibilities that Peeta had compiled.
Even though Peeta had taken Rye's words to heart, the moment he saw her walking towards him with that magnetic smile that undoubtedly made his breath catch, he threw caution to the wind. He didn't know what the future held. Katniss hadn't really showed any type of interest aside from the playful flirtatious banter they always shared. That almost kiss was a moment. It was the mood, the conversation, the proximity that lead up to it. He can't let himself get his hopes high because of something so ephemeral. But if all he had left with the love of his life were these few days, then by all means he was going to enjoy them. A little pain afterwards was worth it.
How many nights had he laid awake wishing for just one more day with her, just one. Wouldn't it be stupid of him to let that go now, that he was given this second opportunity to have just that?
On her part she insisted that her actions were for work purposes and for the benefit of her coworkers, to give them all a pleasant evening. Truth is, most of it could've been done over the phone or on chat, no need to meet as often as they did. But the more time they spent together the more she needed to feel his presence, hear his voice, feel his warmth seep in through her pores when he stood by her side. To see him smile made her day and left her with a feeling of home.
So they spent the afternoon looking at everything and anything that will help them achieve turning the foyer of the Museum of Natural History into a winter wonderland complete with snow-capped trees and icicles and frozen ponds.
Hours flew by. They didn't even realize how late it was getting until both their stomachs grumbled in unison.
- Was that yours or mine?
She asked laughing.
- Both, probably.
- How did we forget to eat?
She turned to him with her eyebrows raised. It was already past eight.
- I've been having too much fun.
He replied laughing.
- Me too, but I'm starving like you wouldn't believe. Let's eat.
Peeta's heart soared. It was such an automatic thing to just continue the evening together, share a meal, not let the night end, not let each other go. It was like the old days, when they didn't have to be apart.
- Any suggestions? My treat….
She said smiling naughtily, like trying to entice him to accept her invitation. He laughed, he was so giddy and…happy.
- Yes and no.
He said, trying to catch his breath. His lungs were racing with his heart.
- There's a jazz festival going on right now, down by the wharf, streets are closed, vendor's everywhere. What do you say? Great weather, great food, great music but it's my treat.
He leaned in dangerously close, his eyes were intense.
- Take it or leave it?
Her smile faltered for a second as she took in a deep breath (she seemed to do that a lot around him, he noticed), and stared at his mouth.
- How can I refuse?
Her voice was throaty, low and breathy. He leaned back a huge smile across his face.
- Perfect.
He had set out to get a rise out of her using some of his best moves and he'd done just that. He was proud of the effect he saw he had on her.
He then reached for her hand and ran to his car dragging her behind him.
- Let's go.
She laughed squealing.
- Peeta!
She didn't even try to let go of his hand.
- Slow down…remember 4 inch heels.
He stopped suddenly turned toward her first looking down at her feet and then lifting her up over his shoulder, running the whole block and a half with her in his arms.
He felt like he was flying. Light as air and free like a bird. She didn't stop laughing. He didn't miss the minute detail that she never asked to be let go.
When he reached his car, he quickly put her down and wagged his eyebrows at her playfully.
- Let's hurry. I'm starving, too!
She laughed as he ran around the car to the driver's seat. He wasn't going to let the lightness of the evening slip away.
They sat next to each other on a bistro table set out on the sidewalk. By the time they had arrived, the festival was in full swing.
- It's like New Orleans.
- Have you been?
- Yes, once. Not for Mardi Gras, though. You?
They were eating with their fingers, enjoying greasy fried foods, and cold beer. Peeta nodded.
- For Mardi Gras.
Peeta grimaced. Katniss shook with silent laughter.
- Rye kept whining and whining about having to have the Mardi Gras experience before turning 30. So a bunch of us made the trip that year before his birthday. We were there for four days.
Katniss listens intently.
- It was like six of us. Perfect for me because then I could go off on my own and Rye wouldn't miss me. I spent my nights sitting in bars listening to the performers. I had my own fun.
Katniss was smiling at him.
- Is that when you acquired the taste for jazz?
He laughed taking a big drink of his beer. He nodded.
- It's great isn't it?
- That it is.
She smiled holding her beer glass out to him which he happily clinked with his own.
- Rye never missed you when you'd bail on him, really?
She was curious.
- How could he with so many people?
He laughed and shook his head as the memory came to him.
- The first night there, we're walking down the street, I'm trying to get into the mood of things and this girl, woman, throws a bunch of beads around my neck and sticks her tongue down my throat, and it wasn't quick either. There's a picture somewhere. Rye was laughing. I was in shock and kind of grossed out of the after taste she left…I don't want to know.
Katniss has tears in her eyes from laughing so much. He had closed his eyes at the memory.
- I ran into a bar and drank bourbon straight, trying to get that taste washed down. It took like three drinks.
Katniss is full out laughing at the look of indignation on Peeta's face.
- Call it whatever you like Peeta, you were disinfecting, and you used to call me pure.
- That's the same thing Rye said.
Katniss was bending over her chair, clutching her stomach, laughing.
- Stop! Stop! Stop! You're going to make me throw up from laughing so hard.
Peeta laughed quietly, shaking his head.
- So you're expecting me to believe those were the beads you were given or the only time you were hit on?
Peeta blushes remembering he had been pinched, grabbed and cupped as well as flashed and propositioned. He was even given a room key.
That blush sends Katniss into another fit of laughter.
- Yes.
- Whatever!
- Why don't believe me?
- Peeta look at you, you're super hot!
Katniss didn't even look embarrassed. How many beers has she had?
- You think I'm hot?
She laughed and threw her napkin at him. She didn't actually answer but that wasn't necessary, he was soaring.
Peeta smiled. Today was a good day, a very good day.
...
Unfortunately for Peeta it would be another week or two for him to see her again.
As October was winding down, the work only intensified to the point that the Mellark brothers were in the kitchen around the clock. Even their father had to chip in and help with the regular bakery orders. The agenda was full between tending the shops, catering events and wedding cakes to finish and deliver. It was hard, exhausting work but their business was thriving. They'd have the opportunity for a break after this week and before the Thanksgiving rush.
This left very little opportunity for extra curricular activities. It did give him time to think and all thoughts lead to Katniss. The feel of her pressed up against him in his arms. It was as if all these years apart never happened.
After they finished eating, the allure of the music drew them into walking down the wharf. They strolled through the shopping village filled with hand made crafts and artsy knick knacks. They also made a quick stop by the beer garden, not wanting to overdo it since they both worked the next day.
There was also the attention the music itself required. The rhythm was upbeat and very catchy and without giving much thought, Peeta grabbed her around the waist and started twirling her around. She never missed a step even though they couldn't stop laughing.
Holding each other like this just felt so right. He didn't want to let go. Neither did she. Even after the music was over. She leaned her head against his chest claiming she needed to catch her breath. He was pretty breathless too, though not because of the dancing, but when you have to fight against yourself, it takes every last bit of your energy.
The rhythm morphed into a much slower tune. Their bodies easily wound around each other and softly swayed. No need for words, nor explanations.
She could feel his heartbeat with her ear pressed up against his chest. He let himself get engulfed by the warmth of her body, the smell of her hair. Both wishing it were possible to stop time and live in that moment forever. But the music did end. She reluctantly pulled away and with her fingers caressed his cheek softly as she kissed it good night when they were standing in front of her apartment building after droping her off.
- Lipstick.
She lied to him.
Rye was right, what was he thinking?