Spinning on that dizzy edge
I kissed her face and kissed her head
And dreamed of all the ways I had
To make her glow
"Why are you so far away?" she said
"Why won't you ever know that I'm in love with you?
"That I'm in love with you?"
"Just Like Heaven," The Cure
"Text me when you get home," Kylo requests as Rey stumbles towards the taxi, wine dizzying her.
"'Kay," she mumbles, sliding inside. He kissed me. And she kissed him back, and she wanted to keep kissing him, swallow more of him, feel his hands in places she's never let anyone touch before.
Finn and Poe are gonna be so pissed.
What would Leia think? Rey wonders. Or Han? Or Luke? Her head lolls against the window as she sprawls across the seat.
"Seatbelt, please," requests the taxi driver.
"Oh right." Rey fumbles to buckle it. She's such a lightweight. Two glasses was more than enough.
She sees a text from Finn and barely bothers to read it. Her mind gallops ahead, to places she's never been and things she's never done, her imagination whirring with Kylo and possibilities. On my way home, she texts. Actually pulling up now.
She wishes the taxi driver a goodnight as she steps out, wobbling onto the sidewalk.
"Rey Jakku?"
She doesn't recognize the high-pitched voice from across the street. "Yeah?"
Someone leans out of their car. They're in the dark, and Rey can't make out their face. "Why're you asking for me?" She steps off the sidewalk.
The car—a small car, like a Prius or something—veers to life, and before Rey can respond, it surges at her. She screams.
Sirens wail, and fear leaps inside of Finn. Rey texted him seven minutes ago that she was pulling up, and she hasn't come in.
"What the heck's going on?" Poe wonders, peering out a window. Beebee-Ate whines.
"It's Rey," Finn says. He rushes out the door and realizes that Poe's staggering behind him, limping.
"How do you—"
"I just do!" Finn punches the door close on the elevator, trying in vain to control his breathing as he rakes his finger over his scalp. The elevator dings and Finn flies out the lobby door.
Sure enough, a small crowd's gathered around Rey, crumpled on the ground and blinking.
"Rey!" Finn yells.
"Oh my fucking—" Poe blurts out.
"A car just rammed right into her—sent her flying!" reports an elderly lady.
"I can move all my legs. Limbs. My legs and my limbs. And my arms," Rey mutters. "I'm not like you, Poe."
"Um, but you clearly hit your head," Poe states as paramedics swarm Rey.
"I'll be fine," she grumbles. "'S not my head. I'm drunk."
"You're drunk, and you hit your head," Poe declares. "Which, at the risk of sounding like I'm lecturing you, I'll tell you is not a good combination."
A paramedic crouches in front of Rey, shining a light in her eyes. She blinks.
"Who hit you?" Poe demands.
Finn swallows, cold running down his back in sweat droplets. Phasma, you lying bitch.
"I dunno," Rey says.
"A Prius, I think," muses the elderly lady. "They took right off."
Not Phasma's car. But it's someone from FO Tech, Finn knows it.
"Maybe our apartment has bad juju," Poe jokes. "Stick to the sidewalks, Finn."
Finn closes his eyes, trying to stifle a sob.
"We'll meet you at the hospital!" Poe calls to Rey, who grants him a lopsided thumbs-up.
What if they'd killed her?
They didn't.
Still.
"Here." The lady taps Finn on his shoulder and smiles. Her skin looks almost orange from fake tanner. "Your friend dropped this." She holds out her hand.
Rey's phone. Cracked, but Finn presses the button and it lights up. "Thanks."
Beebee-Ate whimpers as he climbs into the backseat. Finn has to think. Has to drive. Stop stop stop.
"You okay?" Poe asks doubtfully.
"I'm fine."
"You don't look it."
"Just—" Finn shakes his head and can't bring himself to tell Poe to shut up.
"Finn, if this is gonna continue to, you know—" Poe gestures. "—be a problem for you, you might wanna think about getting help."
No one can help. "It's not—it's just—it's you, and now it's Rey—"
"It's not like it was the same person." Poe studies him.
Finn shakes his head. "No, but—" He covers his face with his hands.
"Finn?" Poe ventures.
"I know who hit you," Finn manages. Beebee-Ate shifts in the backseat.
"Um—what?"
"Phasma. The woman I worked for. We went to coffee because I quit—I stopped coming to work, and she tracked me down and tried to convince me to come back—and when we were leaving and I still said no, she pulled out and hit you. It was an accident, but she took off, and I—I felt—I couldn't just leave you there, so I called for help." Finn can't look at Poe. "I lied to the police, though."
"Hey." Poe's hand grips his shoulder, sliding towards his neck. Finn lifts his eyes to meet Poe's. "You still helped me."
"I just—I'm not a liar, and I lied, to the police and to you—"
"You," Poe informs him. "Are too good for this world. Have you really been feeling guilty about that all this time?"
Finn nods. "It's like—it's a tie to FO Tech. I'm still protecting them, even though I left them. Or I was." And I still am. For Rey. "It's like a black mark I can't ever cut out of me. That whole company."
"No, it's not," Poe insists, his eyes glinting in the dark. "I don't—Finn, you've got to stop seeing yourself as a 'former employee of FO Tech.' Once you stop, everyone else will see it, too."
Finn shakes his head. "You think so?" You're too good for this world.
"I know so. Because I don't see you that way, and neither does Rey, or Leia, or Han. You know it. You're a good guy, Finn. You've got a lot of courage, and I mean, goddammit, I admire that. I admire you."
"Yeah?" Poe's nose almost touches Finn.
"Yeah. Finn, I really—I—" Poe rolls his eyes and then his hand grabs the back of Finn's head and he pulls him closer, and Poe's mouth presses against his. At first Finn stiffens, wishing Poe would pull away not because he wants Poe to, but because Finn's twenty-three and he's never been kissed and surely Poe will realize he's no good at it, and then he starts to relax, following Poe's lead and focusing not on himself, but on Poe and on the fact that Poe wants to kiss him, Poe chose him.
An unfamiliar ringtone jolts the car. Rey's phone.
Poe pulls away, gasping as he looks at the phone. "Oh damn."
Kylo Ren's name lights up the phone.
Poe answers. "The fuck do you want?"
"The fuck is this?" Kylo sounds shocked.
"Rey's roommate, asshole. Why are you—"
"She said she would call when she got home and I haven't heard from her—"
"Because she got hit by a goddamn car outside out door. We're on our way to the hospital right now," Poe snaps.
Finn twists the keys in the ignition. Excitement shivers and snaps down his spine. Poe kissed me.
"What?" Kylo genuinely sounds horrified. He's spluttering, and his voice is strangled. "She—she—a car—she got hit—what car?"
"Who knows? Although given people in your organization's records…" Poe lets the sentence dangle.
"What hospital?" Kylo demands.
"You aren't gonna tell him, are you?" Finn hisses.
Poe grimaces and covers the phone. "What would Rey want?"
Finn rolls his eyes, a smile taking over his face.
"Where is she?" Kylo—or Ben Solo, Finn supposes—barges into the emergency room, hair flying wildly around his face and his eyes welling up with terror.
"She's got a concussion and a few broken ribs. They said they'll be keeping her overnight and we can see her in a half hour," Poe reports, stretching out his own injured leg.
Kylo's gaze traces Poe's own bloody face. He swallows.
He actually likes her, Finn realizes. He's not the crazy monster Finn always pictured, a dark-haired version of the sneering Hux with Phasma's cruelty sparking from even his smile. He looks far more like the grinning boy from the picture on Leia's desk, except he's not grinning right now. He keeps opening and closing his mouth as if trying to decide whether to speak.
"I've got to find a bathroom," Poe announces. "Will you be okay, Finn? You know—with him?"
Kylo crosses his arms and scowls.
"Yeah," Finn says. "I think so." And there's fire flashing inside him now—rage, and fire, and courage he thought he couldn't remember ever possessing but realizes is there. He glares at Kylo as Poe wobbles out of sight. "You know one of your goons did this."
Kylo shakes his head. "That's impossible."
"Is it? Who owns a Prius?"
Kylo frowns. "I—I don't know."
"Yeah? Well, Phasma and I had a little encounter earlier today," Finn snarls. And he tells Kylo precisely what Phasma said.
Kylo's face drains.
"You make sure she's safe," Finn says, pushing Kylo in the chest. "No matter what. I know she can take care of herself, but don't give her a reason to have to, you understand?"
"And you?" Kylo asks. "You're willing to play a role in that?"
"I don't want anything to do with you or FO Tech. Not anymore." But Finn knows the tremor in his voice gives him away. Yes, he'll do it for Rey—but only if there's a point. As in, Rey doesn't get hit by any more cars.
Kylo shakes his head and glowers at Finn as if he knows that Finn's thinking he's not good enough for Rey. Because he sure as hell isn't. "You shouldn't have to do that. I'll take care of it."
"Manage not to kill each other?" Poe asks cheerfully as he flops down in the chair next to Finn. "Wouldn't have blamed you," he whispers to Finn.
Kylo shifts and crosses his arms, but Finn can tell he heard and Finn doesn't care.
"Hey, Rey." Poe and Finn shuffle into the room. She blinks.
"How many painkillers are you on?" Poe asks with a smirk.
"I don't know. I feel like shit." She winces and then her eyes widen. "Ben! Er—Kylo."
He shrugs as he leans against the wall by the door, gaze focused on her. And in the small twitches of his jaw, anger simmers. "Are you in pain?"
"No. Just dizzy. And fuzzy. My brain's fuzzy. How are you here?"
"I called when you didn't text that you were home… they told me." He jerks his head towards her roommates.
"Oh. Thanks, guys." She glances at Finn and Poe, who exchange a suspicious look. Rey's too tired to concentrate right now, though.
"I'll call Leia," Poe says. "Tell her that you're hurt. She'll want you to take a few days."
"Did you?" Finn scoffs.
"I took one or two." Poe shrugs. "Really, you should, Rey. A concussion is miserable. As are broken ribs. Ask me how I know."
"Some great age—dramatic story?" Finn snorts.
Age? Age what? The monitor beeps beside her, and Rey wants to throw it across the room so she can sleep. And shut the door. And shut off all these lights. None of which will happen. Dammit.
"No, I got tossed out of a bar once," Poe admits. "College."
Finn shrugs. "Wouldn't know. I was the good kid in college."
"Rey?"
"Have I ever mentioned even starting college?" she rasps. Although she's thought of it. Alderaan House doesn't pay much, but she might be able to scrape enough together to take some classes next semester. She'd like to…
Poe rolls his eyes in desperation. "Kylo?"
Ben shrugs. "I was kind of like him." He nods at Finn.
"That," Poe declares. "Is horseshit if I ever smelled it."
Kylo scowls.
"Whatever. I'm calling your mama." Poe winks at Kylo, who tightens his fist. "Don't worry, I won't break the bad news that you're here." He claps Finn on the shoulder and limps out of the room.
"Over-under on Leia driving here as soon at six am?" Finn wonders, apparently playing out of Poe's book.
"What time is it now?" Rey asks.
"Four."
"I'll get going, then," Kylo says. "I don't want to be here when… I mean, I just wanted to make sure you were okay. Rey."
He came. He came to check on her. So did Finn, and Poe. Rey's heart swells, and whether it's the pain meds or the concussion or even the lingering affects of alcohol, she's not sure, but she reaches out her hand. "Come here?"
He approaches, a wary look on his face. Rey catches his arm and pulls him closer. Her ribs smart.
"Just so you know," she says. "It wasn't a drunken mistake." And then she kisses him again, just briefly slipping her lips over his top lip before leaning back. "Ben."
"Holy—" Finn wraps his hands behind his head. "Why?"
"I'll call you," Ben says, his breath shuddering and looking as if she's stripped him of something. His fingers hover near her face but can't quite land.
"My phone—"
"I've got it." Finn exhales.
"You better call," Rey informs Ben, and this time his mouth opens in an almost-smile.
"Call Phasma," Kylo orders Hux as he storms into the office. "When she gets here, both of you meet me in my office. Immediately."
"You don't give me orders, Ren," Hux snarls.
Kylo throws Hux's cat-shaped paperweight to the ground, along with a pile of papers. "You will!"
Hux's jaw drops. "Okay. Pick up your mess."
"You pick it up." Kylo steps back, raking his hands through his hair. His scalp burns. "Call Phasma."
Hux dutifully picks up the phone, but looks as if he'd like to chuck it at Kylo's head. Satisfied, Kylo spins on his heel and stalks past a cowering Mitaka towards his office, where he leans against the windows and tries to gasp for control over his breaths, over his panic.
He can't let them hurt Rey. He can't keep working here if they're going to hurt Rey. And yet, if he quits... I've trapped myself.
He can't give her up.
She knows who he is, what he's done, and she doesn't hate him, and that—that's impossible, and yet she is the impossible, and she kissed him. Kylo's hands trace his lips.
It wasn't a drunken mistake.
Marriage and love and all of that—it's weakness. It's not worth your time. You've got too much potential.
He's believed Snoke for all these years. He's twenty-nine and still a virgin. He's never even looked at porn, because he told himself he didn't need anything like that. He didn't have any desire to feel ecstasy shooting through his body, feel someone else's body pressed against his own.
And now, all he wants is to give himself to Rey. But Finn is right. She deserves better.
I've never had an employee quite like you, Kylo Ren.
He's never met anyone quite like Rey.
Your father still loves you.
What if he has, and he didn't realize it?
Kylo's hand hovers over his keyboard, ready to wake his computer up and continue working on the Starkiller project. He can't do it.
"What is it now, Ren?" Phasma enters, followed by Hux. Kylo doesn't miss how Hux's eyes glue to Phasma, how the man's Adam's apple bobs as he watches her.
"Is hitting people with your car your new thing?" Kylo demands, glaring at the woman.
Phasma's face knots in befuddlement. "What are you talking about?"
"Rey. Someone hit her with a car. Considering your recent activities with Poe Dameron, I—"
"I'll have you know I was home alone last night, reading," Phasma shoots back.
"Reading what?" Hux asks as Phasma arches one eyebrow.
For the love of God! "I know you threatened her to Finn."
"Yes, but I didn't actually hurt her!" Phasma throws her hands in the air. "That would be foolish. Snoke would be furious."
Kylo exhales. "So it was you, Hux?"
"What? No! I don't consider a girl like that worth my attention. You're free to ruin your career over a homeless charity case if you'd like, but I don't give a damn." Hux crosses his arms.
"She's not a homeless charity—" Kylo stops himself as Hux and Phasma exchange a shrug. "If not either of you, who did?"
Phasma tilts her head towards the door. "Who does lots of research for Snoke here?"
Kylo's stomach lurches. He needs to talk to Phasma about Finn too, but as he looks at her, he realizes Snoke's ordered Phasma to track down Finn. Threaten, maybe not, but track down, surely. He doesn't trust me.
"I should think it's obvious," Phasma comments. "To the two of you. You're so desperate to earn Snoke's favor that any Freudian scholar would have a field day analyzing both of you. Think of who else is desperate to please the CEO and wouldn't know how to go about it in a smart way." She makes a pretend bow. "And now I'm out."
Mitaka.
"I'd offer you your choice of weapons, but I think we both know Snoke wouldn't approve," Hux remarks.
Kylo exhales, flexing his hands.
"Is she just good at sex or what?" Hux asks.
Kylo recoils. "Don't ever—"
"Well, you're not exactly one for hookers even. I can see you becoming—"
"Like you and Phasma?" Kylo retorts.
"That's all in your head."
"Sure it is." Kylo crosses his arms.
"You should figure that a girl with her history—the little I know—will do anything she can to survive," Hux informs him. "Sex included. And she's probably got practice using it to get what she wants."
This time Kylo grabs Hux by the shoulder, blood surging through his muscles. "Don't talk about her like that! She's not—I'm not—I mean, we haven't even—"
"What?" Hux gapes at him. "You haven't slept with her? How the hell are you so infatuated, then?"
I'm not infatuated, Kylo realizes, hearing her voice—strong, more so than sweet—calling him Ben. A name he hasn't heard in years. I think I love her.
"Get out," he orders, and Hux scrambles to obey as Kylo gulps in air. He squeezes his eyes shut as he contemplates dealing with Mitaka.
How would Rey want him to handle his stupid secretary?
Kylo heads out the door and sees his secretary biting a pencil like a beaver gnawing on wood. He tries to smile at Kylo, and in his face, in his nervous twitches, Kylo sees a familiar sight, and nausea slams him hard. He swallows his own bile, and it's bitter.
Mitaka's eyes reveal a man much like Kylo himself ten years ago. Eager to please. Scared of failing. Willing to climb to the uttermost ranks, no matter the cost.
And for the first time, Kylo's heart throbs, and he realizes he doesn't want Mitaka to go down that path. There are real people getting hurt.
There always have been.
"You're being reassigned," Kylo tells Mitaka, knowing that all he has to do is tell Snoke what Mitaka pulled and the man could even be fired. But that would mean revealing Kylo's compassion for Rey, and he can't risk that.
Mitaka knows it, too. He slouches. "Where?"
"I'm making a few phone calls. Pack your things." Kylo takes another step forward, towering over the man. "If you ever hurt her again, or go near her, I'll make sure you regret it."
He stalks back to his office, and his former secretary gapes after him.