A million thanks to Loueze for being an angel. Not only does she have mad beta skills, she's super supportive.
I own nothing and all mistakes are mine.
Against All Odds
Peeta was going stir crazy. It was the calm before the storm at work. The October rush had ended and they were enjoying the downtime that came right before the Thanksgiving rush began.
His work hours were cut back, he was even free to take time for himself, not that there was any point to it. The person with whom he wanted to share that freedom was not available. Three days after their most intense one on one, she boarded a plane to Atlanta, gone for a week, only to return for 24 hours and leave once more to Seattle and then the same to Chicago. Three weeks. It would be three weeks (maybe four since her return will coincide with the bakery being swamped with Thanksgiving orders) before they might have a chance to really talk again.
The last time they sat together, comforted by the warmth of the bakery ovens, Peeta shared insight to his feelings, to his heart's one desire. They parted without coming to any conclusion for no other reason than the bad timing. He didn't want their business relationship to be jeopardized by anything personal nor vice versa. Peeta was very strict in regards to his work ethics and he let her know as much, although with her obtuseness, that really wasn't an issue.
Katniss, he thought. The intelligent, secure, successful professional woman she had become was otherwise as unmindful and clueless as when they were kids. How can she not recognize the love in his eyes? How can she not realize that his amenability was in fact, devotion? How can she not know that the only woman who's ever mattered to him, is her?
Peeta. She thought, while holed up in a lonely hotel room, whiling away the hours, wishing for the time to fly by and see him once again. Silly, naive Peeta who'd rather believe her obtuse than to see how her eyes mirror the same desire and devotion as do his.
Since the recent conversation with Johanna in her office, Katniss paid extra attention to all the little details about and around Peeta. The way he looked at her as if trying to memorize every detail of her face and then double checking to make sure he got it right. The way he always found a reason to touch her hair often, as if he were pulling a strand behind her ear but really only twirling it around his finger. The way he seemed to take deeper breaths when he stood particularly close to her as if memorizing her scent. And yet, he never noticed that she did the exact same thing.
How can anyone not fall in love with Peeta Mellark? Love? Love!
Katniss did not see this coming.
Since the day she realized that she could not love Darius because Peeta was haunting her existance, she accepted the handsome baker would always be the love of her life.
But from recognizing someone's significance to actually being in love were two very different things weren't they?
She was in love with Peeta Mellark.
Katniss Everdeen was in love with Peeta Mellark!
The thought made her giggle with giddiness. She loved him. At that moment all she wanted to do was literally run to him and tell him, make him see how wrong he was for thinking she wasn't ready for him, for them. Of course she was ready. No need to wait for their business contract to be fulfilled. She was ready for him to stake claim on what had always been his.
Days are crawling by slowly , so slowly. She was impatient. After Atlanta comes Seattle. So tired, so, so tired. No free time, not even a few minutes to stop and say a quick hello. Katniss doesn't think she's ever missed home as much as she does now.
Peeta. She thought. The name, the smile, the eyes brought warm happy feelings to her heart, just like those ovens in the bakery.
...
Those first two weeks apart felt like a very long time.
They texted a bit. She would ask about his day and would briefly talk about hers. Conferences and boring meetings. People with whom she had so much in common but little interest to get to know.
He talked about her interns, Rue and Vic (Gale's younger brother). They made him laugh. By Katniss' instruction, they dealt with him directly. Nothing went past Lavinia anymore. The less she knew the better. Especially because Peeta had taken advantage of Katniss' absence to let the girl down as easily as possible.
So his surprise when Katniss walked into the bakery one morning was so great, it took him a moment for the shock to wear off.
He was all alone, the morning rush had waned, and was wiping down the counter when he heard the door chime ding and a soft melodic voice spoke out.
"Good morning!"
His eyes locked in the gaze of deep grey. There she stood in the middle of the bakery smiling at him. She was dressed sharply but her hair was gathered in a lose braid over her left shoulder. She was breathtaking.
"H-hi," he managed to stutter.
She chuckled softly. God, how she's missed him. His hair was rumpled, his face smudged with flour, there was glaze and frosting on his forearms. He looked tired and under rested, he must have started his day at an ungodly hour, but she's never seen him look more handsome.
"Hi," she answered back, grinning at him. "I was on my way to the airport and decided to make a quick stop, say 'hi' maybe pick up some breakfast."
He couldn't tear his gaze from her face.
"You look beautiful." He stared at her.
Her grin spread even wider.
"I'm sorry. I just…" He had no idea what he wanted to say. He'd gone so many years without her in his life, how is it that after just a short time working together not seeing her for two weeks felt like an eternity?
She raised her eyebrows at him in question?
"I've missed you," he confessed.
Her smile softened shyly.
"Rue called me last night."
That sobered him up. That's right, theirs is a work relationship.
"Did we have anything pending?" He asked confused.
She shook her head. "She wanted to tell me that you're a great mentor and that she and Vic are having so much fun with you."
Peeta seemed to relax.
Maybe she is here just for me. He thought, hopefully. "They're great kids. It's not hard to be a good mentor to them. Their work is a tribute to you."
They stand there grinning like idiots for a very long second.
"If I had woken up earlier I might have had more time to come hang out a little more. But I barely had time to pack a fresh bag last night."
"Your visit isn't work related then?"
"No. Just to see you."
She's here for me, just for me. His heart was flying and he had to control the very large stupid smile spread across his face.
"You said you wanted breakfast, what can I get for you?"
You! She thought with a sigh.
He filled up a box with cinnamon rolls, cheese buns, croissants and muffins of varied flavors. She wouldn't be traveling alone this time and wanted to share a treat with her group.
He was returning with her latte when the strong smell came out of the kitchen.
"Peeta, it smells like something is burning."
His face falls. "Oh my god!" He runs into the kitchen.
She waits for him behind the counter not wanting to get in his way. When she hears him cursing she approaches the door.
He turns to look at her. "I can't believe this is happening to me now, at 33 than when I was 11 and starting out around here." He was holding a burnt loaf in his hands.
"What happened?"
"I was making mini loaves and forgot about the timer."
She feels guilty. She must have distracted him from his work.
"Hey, no, no, no, no. This wasn't because of you," he tries to reassure her.
"Are they all ruined?" She walked into the kitchen and stopped next to him looking over the mini loaves.
"Most of them, nothing I can sell, though." He says looking over them again, dumping the ones that were badly burnt.
She picks one up that is only slightly burned. "What are they?"
"Banana nut."
She gasps. "I love banana nut."
She glances at him briefly and turns and walks out of the kitchen. He follows.
"Katniss."
"What?" she asks, sounding annoyed. "I want this."
He doesn't look pleased. "Katniss."
"Let it go, Peeta! You aren't going to charge me for this. You are going to let me have it!"
"It's burnt bread, how are you leaving my bakery with burnt bread?"
She squared her shoulders walked over to the counter and placed the bill she had in her pocket over the cash register.
"Katniss..." he tried again.
She broke off the burnt piece and placed it in his hand. "Consider it just...toasted then." She stretched on her tiptoes and kissed his cheek. "I missed you, too! See you in a week." she whispered in his ear.
She quickly turned around picked up her purchases and walked out the door without giving him a chance to react. " I have a plane to catch," she called over her shoulder.
As she walked to her car she took a bite out of the loaf and smiled at the incredible taste. It was still warm. She was strapping on her seat belt when there was a knock on her window.
Peeta waited while she lowered the window.
"What are you doing for Thanksgiving?"
There was that sparkle in his eyes.
Crap! The one year she actually made plans.
"Uuuum….driving my mom up to Prim's. She has to work the holiday so she couldn't come visit. The life of a resident you know?"
He nodded but looked as disappointed as she felt.
"We're supposed to go shopping on Friday. You?"
"Parents. Rye. I don't know."
"I should be back by Saturday night…I'll call you or…you…call me?"
They smiled at each other. When did they become teenagers again? Shy about the possibility of a first date. Did they just agree to a date?
"Have a good trip and be safe."
"Bye."
"Bye."
He stood on the sidewalk, his gaze following her car until it disappeared into traffic.
...
Peeta wasn't really in the mood to celebrate Thanksgiving. All he wanted to do was sleep. A sudden lethargy swept over him. He blamed the fatigue on work.
Even though it had been decided that they wouldn't accept catering engagements for this holiday weekend, their mother had volunteered their services at the local church for Black Friday. They would be donating 250 complete Thanksgiving dinners to the needy. With Will away visiting Bonnie's family out of state, that made the workload heavier for Peeta and Rye.
So while their mother prepared their Thanksgiving meal, the Mellark men worked diligently. It was a pleasant enough day. Their life as a family had always revolved around food, given it was their livelihood. Spending a holiday in the kitchen didn't feel like anything out of the ordinary.
The routine remained the same as when Peeta was a boy. Mr. Mellark liked to play music, Rye was always good for cracking jokes, despite getting chastised for the crassness of some of them, by the elder Mellarks. Their mother provided the latest gossip from around their neighborhood, the bakery clientele, even celebrities. Having retired from the bakery gave her more time to do just that, and Peeta was always good for filling in uncomfortable silences with talk of current events.
"Katniss Everdeen, Peeta? Again?" His mother finally said. Oddly enough, thought Peeta, she didn't sound upset. Her voice was laced with concern.
"Annalise!" Bram Mellark interjected.
"What?" her tone defensive. "I'm just asking." She was right, everybody was ready to pounce on her and she'd only made an innocent question. She turned to Peeta. "You haven't said a single word about her, and yet you've been spending a lot of time together. Excuse me for being concerned."
Peeta just stood there looking at his mother. She was right and he imagined his whole family was concerned about Katniss.
"She's a client. Rye must have told you that we're catering their holiday party. It was completely coincidental. She didn't know I-we were Three Bros. Inc. and we've been working together. I'm her advisor organizing this thing. It's a pretty big event."
She doesn't say anything. Peeta feels uncomfortable under the stare of both his parents.
"I don't know what you want me to say," his tone a bit defensive maybe.
"Son. We're just worried about you. It took you a really long time to get your life back together last time…" his father's voice was soft in an attempt to soothe the tension.
Peeta can't begrudge them their concern. They are his parents after all.
"Why didn't you mention her before?" His mother asked.
"We aren't dating, and you are all acting like we're walking down some aisle. It's just work. And I didn't know I was supposed to give a detailed account of every client. I'm not a kid anymore, things are different now." Peeta snapped. He was being defensive and he knew it.
It was Rye who stepped in to assuage the situation, reminding him that as his family they are only concerned about his well being.
"That's just it Rye, you don't need to be concerned, I'm fine!" He was losing his temper fast.
"Peeta!" His mother spoke up.
"I feel cornered by all of you like I need to defend both Katniss and myself," he continued.
"That's just it, nobody is attacking Katniss," his mother's words left him cold. "This really isn't about Katniss. It's about you and how you deal with your life around her."
Peeta turned abruptly to his mother. "You've just never liked her."
"Peeta, you're acting like a child!" She was beginning to lose her patience as well. "I don't understand where all this anger is coming from but I can assure you it has nothing to do with us," she admonished.
"I have nothing against that girl-woman. Your brother said she's really made something of herself and that should be commended."
She walked over to the work table and sat on a stool. "I never blamed her, you know. I can actually understand her reaction to what happened back then. She did over react a bit, but that's her being true to herself. And you two were just so young."
"Peety," Rye says softly as if speaking to a wounded animal. "Truth is you know this isn't just work for you. Don't expect us to believe that either."
Peeta took the rolling pin and kept rolling out pie crusts. His intention wasn't to ignore his brother, not really.
"We just need to know where you stand, that you know where you stand."
Peeta stopped. That was a very good question. Where does he stand?
"We're friends." He wished his voice didn't sound so sad.
"Son-"
"and, that's more than I had last year, Dad, or the year before that, or the year before that. We don't talk about the past. We have a contract to fulfill, so we keep the relationship professional."
"Peeta, look at me…look at me!" He reluctantly turns to his mother.
"Look me in the eye and tell me that you are not still in love with her?"
"Mom, I-"
"Look at me. You're a grown man. Tell me that you know what you're doing. Tell me that at least she feels the same way about you. Tell me that I shouldn't worry!"
"I don't know what I'm doing. Not really. I just…..I can't stay away. But if her friendship is all she can offer, Mom, I'm okay with that."
She doesn't look convinced but rather sad.
"Annalise, I think that it's time that we check on our own dinner. We can continue with the work afterwards." Bram interrupted.
"It's just the pies left dad and those aren't going into the oven tonight," Rye steps in.
Peeta can't seem to break away from his mother's stare and while both are unhappy, it's for different reasons.
When he was a child she had been so hard, cold, not very nurturing. Their relationship had always been strained, to say the least. Since that scare with the panic attack, she's been a lot more interested in her boys. Going to therapy on her own, also helped. One day she broke down and asked her family for forgiveness, for letting the bitterness and resentment in her life dictate her as a person. It's been a long process but she really has been trying. Peeta can even say that as a family they have grown closer.
"Please don't let her be so important to you, that you forget about yourself? Promise me that, if things don't go your way, promise me?" she pleaded.
Peeta takes a deep sigh. "I won't end up in an ER again. I promise. It's just different this time, both she and I have changed." He shrugs.
"If things don't go my way, in the end I'll be just like I was in the beginning, without her, but maybe with a new friend."
His parents and Rye can do nothing more than stare.
"I promise," he mutters.
That would be a difficult promise to keep. He would try.
...
Just as fate brought them together, it was now determined to keep them apart.
Katniss was forced to stay away until the following Wednesday due to inclement weather, having to call-out of the office. When she and her mother were finally able to return home, she was swamped with work. In an effort to catch up, there was not much time left over for anything else except maybe a quick sandwich and sleep.
So that meant long hours in the office even while alone. Everybody had left for the day. Johanna had offered to stay but Katniss sent her home. While she was away, the full responsibility of the department falls completely on Johanna's shoulders. It was Friday night, she deserved to let loose and begin her weekend.
Katniss was just finishing typing her notes on a progress report to their latest project, engulfed in her computer when a pale hand lay down a covered cup of coffee with the Mellark's logo on it, next to her keyboard.
"Vanilla latte, extra shot of vanilla, 2% milk."
That voice, his voice, a sound that can reach deep into her like no other sound can. Even if it is only to recite her coffee order.
She looked up at him, leaning against her desk, his hands stuffed in his pockets.
"Tag, you're it!" he grinned at her.
She couldn't speak. Her body actually wasn't responding. She just sat there, looking into the most beautiful pair of blue eyes.
"Katniss?"
"Hi."
Is that all you can say dummy, she thought to herself?
"Hi," he grinned again.
She felt like the blind man seeing light for the first time. "Tag?"
"It feels like it doesn't it? Like we're in the middle of a game? I'm busy, you're busy…there is never enough time."
"Yeah."
"How's Prim?"
"Good. Busy. Cold."
He chuckles.
She points to a chair closest to her. "Gees, Peeta it was so cold. I know the point was to spend time together but for two days we were stuck in her apartment while she was at the hospital. I wanted to run to a hotel with a heater that worked."
"Her heater didn't work?"
"It's not central heat," she complained.
He laughed at her cuteness.
"It started snowing that Saturday we were supposed to return and didn't stop for two days…then we had to wait until the roads were cleared. It wasn't the funnest weekend."
"What about your mom?"
"She's like me, we don't do well being cooped up…" she smiled shyly at him. "And yet, here I am stuck in my office."
He chuckled again.
"Are you almost done, with this I mean, or for the day, maybe?"
"For today, yes. I was finishing up when you showed up. Why?" she turns toward her computer to log off and shut down the machine.
"You need to eat don't you?"
"You're such a sweet talker," she tells him over her shoulder in an attempt to flirt.
Peeta chuckled.
"What did you have in mind?" she asked with mirth.
"Food truck Friday!" He makes a big display of rolling his eyes at her ignorance.
"Ugh! It's like you're talking dirty to me," she hangs her head back while closing her eyes. It was an innocent joke, at least she thought it was.
"That can be arranged." All the playfulness from his tone lost in exchange for a deeper more serious note.
Her head snaped back and she looked at him. "Peeta!" She tried to sound mock shocked. Truth is she wished they could go into dangerous territory. It's so time to stop holding back.
He gave her a wicked smile. "Let's go eat, I'm starving!"
...
They sat in the back of his SUV , at the furthest end of the parking lot, while eating the most delectable, greasiest items they could find.
Despite the cold chill of the night, a lot of people had gathered.
"Are you warm enough?" he asked.
"Yeah, I'm good but let's go for some hot chocolate afterwards?"
"You're on!"
"How was your holiday? Did you get to relax?"
He shook his head. "We worked. My mom donated meals to the church, for the homeless. So we spent all day Thursday cooking, everybody in the kitchen, good times!" he mockingly twirls his fingers in the air.
She chuckled. "How is your mom and your dad, of course. The whole family, how is the Mellark clan?"
He smiled at her stuttering. "Funny you should ask, they were asking about you, too."
"Me?"
"Are you surprised? It had been a long time since your name had been mentioned in that household."
"Why did I come up?"
"You're our biggest client and my friend."
She smiled at him. "I like that. I like being your friend. I missed out on having that for a while."
Peeta's eyes were as round as saucers filled with delight and hope. "You did?"
She just confessed to missing me. He thought.
"Yeah."
She couldn't hold his eyes. She looked everywhere but at him. Three weeks ago, she was sure she was more than ready to give it all to him. Why is she suddenly holding back now?
"We used to be best friends, Peeta. When my dad died, you were the rock in my life. You were my home. That's not forgotten easily."
She just wants to be your friend. Peeta thought sadly as the reality of her true feelings created fissures in his heart. All of a sudden, that old familiar feeling started constricting in his chest.
No. He thought desperately as he tried to focus, remembering the exercises that would help him control the onslaught of an episode. He can't go into full panic mode right now.
He shut down his mind, concentrating on his breathing. Inhale…exhale…inhale…exhale. It didn't help that he could smell her. But they are in such a public place, where could he go?
Katniss in the meantime had gathered their trash and walked over to the closest bin, giving herself a breath of air. As she was walking back to Peeta's car, she noticed him clutching at his chest, his eyes shut tight, his face deathly pale.
"Peeta? Peeta? What's wrong?" she cried worried. She rushed to his side and placed her hand on his shoulder.
Her touch was so warm, so comforting, it would be so easy to lean into it and let her comfort him. How he wanted to never be without her presence in his life again. But it seems that this is not to be. She doesn't want him the way he does, there is no need for her to be any more clear. Suddenly and without warning, another old familiar feeling started crawling through his veins.
Shortly after seeing those pictures of Katniss with the red-head on his cousins Facebook page, the pain, the hurt, the tears and the desperation morphed into a deep resentment and anger.
Finnick had told him that he'd had the opportunity to confess his stupidity to Katniss, but that was all he could get out of his friend. Finn wouldn't go into detail about anything about her, not even her reaction except that she was shocked and angry at what Finn told her. He'd often wondered where they'd run into each other. After seeing the pictures, Peeta understood that Finn had been trying to save him a bit of heartache.
So Peeta waited and waited to hear from her. There was still no way for him to reach her, going to her office had been a bust, just as seeking out her sister. Katniss had done an excellent job of disappearing from his life. Then why wasn't she trying to reach him? He hadn't changed a single thing with his routine with the exception of his living arrangements but he'd only moved above the bakery. He was not hard to find.
Days, weeks, months passed since Finnick's confession and Katniss remained silent.
How easy it had been for Katniss to dispose of him. Years of friendship, years of loving each other, years of sharing everything and anything that was important was thrown out like yesterday's garbage. How little Katniss valued him.
The pictures were the catalyst that ended him in the hands of a therapist.
Those first few visits to the doctor were useless. All Peeta did was stare at the generic artwork on the wall. This insipid little man lacks taste, Peeta thought.
After a few weeks, the good Dr. Aurelius must have gotten fed up because then he started asking about his family, specifically his mother.
How did this asshole know anything about his mother?
So Peeta broke a few items around the doctor's office. Security had to be called just for protection. By the time the burly men had entered the office, Peeta had calmed himself down. His intention had never been to actually hurt anyone, just vent a little. Since your actions speak louder than words, he was given a prescription to have filled that very day.
His therapy started to turn around when the art workshops became part of the healing process. They would meet together outside of the art room where Peeta would receive his assignment and then spend the next two hours surrounded by blank canvases and colors galore. He was free to let his imagination take over and amongst swirls of color, let the paint brush say everything that he held back, so many confessions, so much pain, all that anger.
Slowly the doctor integrated himself in Peeta's painting sessions. Quiet at first, then comments here and there about the colors or shapes. Soon the discussions of the illustrations and the meanings behind them became open conversations until Peeta felt comfortable enough to not need an easel between himself and the therapist and would show up at his office and speak freely. The prescription was suspended.
The process was slow. Peeta's issues were deep rooted from further back than that tragic night he'd been drugged at a bar. But he had time on his side. It may have taken years but he learned to let go of everything that held him back, made him bitter. That sensation of anger running through his veins like a poison all but disappeared. His resentment toward Katniss waned leaving in its place a deep melancholia. He no longer saw her like the enemy. Until now.
Her hand on his shoulder was meant as a sign of reassurance but he shrugged it off. He stood and took several steps away from her, all dread of a panic attack forgotten. All he felt at this moment was rage. Feelings of abandonment once thought to be forgotten came flooding back into his head accompanied by an immense humiliation.
"Why didn't you come to me?" Peeta said through gritted teeth. He was fighting them, the memories of the pain stored deep within his mind that wanted to convince him he was standing before an evil harpy attempting to rip his heart to shreds.
She stood there, in shock at the change of his demeanor, looking as beautiful as ever in that wine colored wrap dress. Her eyes shining with hurt and confusion.
"What are you talking about?" She was clearly confused.
"After Finnick told you the truth. After you found out that I wasn't responsible for what happened to me, to us, that night at that bar, why didn't you come to me."
Her mouth fell open in shock, but she didn't utter a sound.
"You never made any attempts to find me. Why?"
"Peeta that was so long ago. Why rehash the pa-"
"No. I've waited years to know the truth, been through so much. Don't I even rate the truth from you?"
"You do."
"Then? Tell me, why was I so inconsequential to you, to not deserve for you to at least tell me that you knew I wasn't to blame for my mistake? To release me from years of guilt and bitterness."
This evening had started out so perfectly. They were enjoying each other's company, a great meal and suddenly the ground had shifted beneath Katniss' feet.
Maybe Peeta was right. He did deserve the truth. Let everything out and see what survives afterward.
"Hell, maybe if you'd done that, I would've been able to have some closure as well. Find myself my own red head to help me forget."
Her head snapped to him in anger.
"He had nothing to do with this? Don't drag him into anything. You and I were done long before I even went out with him."
"Was he not part of your life the day you found out about me?"
How does he know that, she wonders. Did Finnick tell him he saw her with Darius.
"How do you even know about Darius? What did Finnick tell you? Were you stalking me?"
"Darius" Peeta sounded out the name as if trying to get a taste of it.
"Darius...I saw you Katniss," he said through gritted teeth, his voice dripping with disdain. "In a picture once, where he was grabbing your ass and hen at the movies, when my girlfriend of the time, caught you boning in public. She pointed you out to me. Finnick never said a word and I admit that there might have been a moment when I would've dared to stalk you, but you did too good of a job of hiding yourself from me."
Katniss was angry but also scared. She doesn't remember ever seeing Peeta so angry, even after all the unjust moments he endured in the hands of his mother. It wasn't his anger she feared. It was the thought of losing him after tonight that terrified her. The possibility of having to let go of him again, this time for good.
"I'm waiting for your answer"
"You've asked so many questions," she answered tiredly.
"Was Darius a part of your life the day you found out about me?"
His voice was cold and calculated.
Katniss considered the answer. That was the first night she spent with Darius and she remembered not caring… "Yes."
Peeta takes a very deep breath, buries his hands into his pockets and takes several steps away from her.
He turns to face her. "Were you in love with him?"
"What does that have to do..."
He took three long strides to her and gripped her from the shoulders.
"Because loving another man would explain how you could think so little of me that casting me aside wouldn't bother you in the least."
His eyes were boring into hers, only for the first time since she's known Peeta, she didn't feel loved.
"Because only another man could erase years of devotion and dedication that I gave you by the handfuls."
His fingers were pressing into her flesh. Their faces where so close to each other.
"So tell me the truth Katniss, were you in love with him?"
"No." She finally admits. "Not really."
His hard eyes seem to soften a bit.
"Meaning…?"
"While he is an amazing human being that I admit did make me happy for a while, he... he..." she really doesn't want to finish the sentence.
"Finish already, he what?" Peeta's impatience getting the most of him.
"He wasn't you. Are you happy? I let go a wonderful man, who loved and cared for me, and made me happy and wanted a future with me because he wasn't you!"
"Happy? I spent that last eight years thinking about you. Not being able to get on with my life because every time I close my eyes you are there. Every corner I turn, every picture I paint, every fucking bun I made, you are there, even when I was screwing another woman, you were there. Does that sound like I'm a happy man?"
"You cannot hold me responsible for your inability to move on."
"Hold you resp-seriously? You left me! You never gave me a chance to explain or prove myself to you, you just disappeared. Where was my closure? Where was my chance to forgive and forget?"
Katniss breaks free from the hold he had on her and pulls away. She just shakes her head at his words, at all the hatred.
"You denied me that Katniss."
Katniss turned to look at Peeta. All the anger from before was gone leaving in its wake a lump of sad bones. He sat on the car, shoulders slumped, face forlorn, just a sad pitiful imitation of all that Peeta represents to her.
"I promise you I will never bother you again after tonight. I will fulfill our contract to your complete satisfaction and disappear from your life in two weeks, after the holiday party."
An icy cold feeling of dread crept up her spine at an alarming speed at his words of leaving her alone.
"Just tell me why you didn't look for me. Help me get some closure, please?"
She sees tears land on his lap but he won't lift his face. She turns her back on such a scene because his pain is hurting her more than her own.
"Because Peeta. I was young, so young and petty and stupid." Her voice breaks. She can't hold back her own tears anymore. "Even though you didn't do it on purpose or with malice, you hurt me and I was mad at you. It was still your skin, sweaty against hers. Every time I closed my eyes...I saw your mouth all over her body. Her ecstasy and yours."
She shakes her head trying to erase the memory from her head.
One week after the day Katniss left him...
"Brainless, are you sure you're ready to be here?"
"I need to work Johanna." Katniss was interrupted by girly laughing. "Since when are we a daycare?"
"New interns and those two are meant to shadow us, and we only get them for four hours a day, from 10 to 2, so we better take advantage."
"Is it just me or do they seem to come younger every year? Are they still in high school?"
"Nope college, if you can believe that? The red-headed fox-faced one is Melinda or Mindy." She sticks a finger in her mouth pretending to gag. "And the one with the nose ring is Chloe, she's alright I guess." Johanna jumps off Katniss' desk and whistles over to the girls, waving them over.
"Why four hours?"
"They have class in the evenings, duh!"
Katniss chuckles.
"Hey kiddies, over here."
Katniss spins her chair towards the entrance of her cubicle.
"This is Katniss, my better half, work wife, lady lover, whatever."
The girls giggle and Katniss scowls at Johanna.
"She's the nice one so if you piss her off, ya'll are screwed."
"Nice to meet you," said the red-head very politely. "You can call me Mindy."
"Katniss."
"Gosh you have such pretty eyes."
The girl with the nose ring was starring with her big round brown ones.
"Errr, thanks." Katniss said very uncomfortable by the girls stare.
"oh sorry, I'm Chloe and we're sorry we missed you last week. We thought you were on vacation." Katniss shook the girls hand and thought of how outspoken she was. Couldn't quite decide if that was a good thing, at least not yet.
Johanna answers for her. "She was out sick."
Mindy turns to Katniss. "I hope you're feeling better."
"Getting there." Katniss answered as sincerely as possible, fiddling with her braid. She could feel Chloe's eyes on her. She turned to the girl.
"I'm staring I'm sorry its just…your name sounds familiar, but we've never met."
Odd. Nobody had ever heard her name before meeting her. Few people knew it was a water plant.
"I get that a lot."
…
One week after that...
In the break room. Katniss was making herself a third cup of coffee while Johanna was leaning against the door deep in concentration.
"Johanna did you delete those files for me, yet? I need to get back on my computer…"
No answer.
"Johanna?" Her friend still wasn't paying attention. "Johanna!" Katniss called out raising her voice.
"What?" Johanna whispers loudly somewhat annoyed. She walks towards Katniss hurriedly. "You're interrupting some really hot gossip!" Her eyes were wide.
"You're worse than the girls. What gossip?"
Johanna takes Katniss by the elbow and scoots her further into the room even though nobody is there. "Nose-ring was regaling Fox-faced about some super hot fuck she had last week!"
"Johanna!" The ease with which her friend manages to be so crass never seizes to surprise her.
"Oh, get over it, you prude!"
Katniss scowled at her.
"So this dude hooks up with her at some party, bar, club, I don't know. She takes him to her place, keep in mind that she doesn't even know his name!"
Both girls grimace at Chloe's recklessness.
"Gives her the screw of a lifetime, she says, mind-blowing all throughout the night she says-"
"And at 19 that is so hard to come by," Katniss interrupts.
"That's what I thought. Well morning comes and the dude is gone. No name, no number, nothing, she's heart-broken because they'd had 'the connection' you know?" She makes dramatic air quotes.
Katniss rolls her eyes. Shakes her head. Her own romantic experience turning her into a cynic. There is no such thing.
"She was sure he was so into her, couldn't even wait to get inside the door before ripping her shirt off, finger fucked her in the cab, tipped the driver $100."
"Lucky her," Katniss said bored. "Why are we so concerned about this girl's sexual exploits?"
Johanna looks at Katniss like she's missing the point. "Because Brainless….we've got to know who we're working with and…there's something about her…"
"Well I'm terrible at reading people so let me know what you find. Changing the subject, what about my computer?"
"It's done you weirdo!"
"Thank you."
"Whatever! You're nuts you know! Even if you had come across a picture or two, they weren't going to burn you or anything." Johanna walks away leaving Katniss alone.
"Not nuts. Just trying to forget." She says to herself.
…..
By the end of that week, the whole office knew of Chloe's sexcapade. She would ask anyone who'd lend an ear for advice on finding her star-crossed lover.
…..
Six weeks after that...
"Johanna where's Chloe?"
Her friend shrugs her shoulders without removing her eyes from her own computer.
"I need her to run down to the copy room and get this report ready. Crane is going to lose his shit if we don't get it in before lunch!"
"She was in the bathroom earlier."
"What? Damn it! I don't want to go."
"You need her don't you? Go!"
"Fine!" When did she become such a pushover? "Then you find Mindy and get her to make the copies."
"Fine."
Katniss makes the trek to the bathroom quickly. Of all the mornings to be sick, the intern had to pick the busiest one. "Chloe?"
"Yeah?"
Her voice was shaking. Then Katniss heard sniffing. She rolled her eyes.
"Are you okay?"
"No!"
"Are you sick?" Now the girl was openly crying.
For crying out loud, thought Katniss. She wasn't cut out to be the motherly. "Do you need a doctor?"
"No, I don't know."
Katniss fist punched the air in frustration. Either you're sick or you're not. "Well did you eat something?"
"No!"
"Chloe, I can't help you if you don't tell me. Should I drive you somewhere?" Katniss lost all patience.
"I think I'm pregnant!"
Well damn! Now what?
The sound of the girl retching finally broke the silence.
Chloe walked out looking green. She approached the sinks and started to wash up.
"Chloe are you sure? How long have you been feeling like this?"
The poor girl is splashing her face with water.
"I've been puking all week and I'm late...I'm never late."
"Oh Chloe." Katniss may have never been in her position having only been in one relationship her whole life, but that doesn't stop her from feeling sympathy towards her.
Once the girl looks more put together, Katniss tries again. "What about the father? Does he know? Is he in the picture?"
She lowers her head in shame and shakes her head.
"Can you call him?"
"I don't even know his name, Katniss. He left before I woke up. And before you think the worst of me, we did use condoms."
Katniss felt sorry for this girl. She's young and impulsive. If anyone, she can relate. "I'm not judging and if you think you're feeling better, you need to come with me."
Chloe nodded. Her eyes were swollen, her mascara smudged. Katniss handed her a tissue.
"Clean up first. The whole office doesn't need to know we have a crisis."
Together they walked to the nearest Walgreens a block and a half away. Half an hour later, they were in the bathroom once more, waiting for the pregnancy test to be ready.
"It's time," Katniss said looking at her watch.
Chloe was shifting her feet, nervous, twirling her hair around her fingers. "Katniss, thank you for being here with me, for holding my hand through this."
"Don't mention it, but Chloe, you need to be a little more cautious, your life is just beginning."
Chloe smiles at Katniss and takes the wand in her hand. She takes a deep breath and looks at it. "Oh my God!"
"What?"
"Oh my God! It's negative! Katniss, it's negative!" She throws herself at Katniss and holds her close, sobbing.
Katniss stands there and let's the girl get it put of her system. Chloe finally pulls away laughing and crying at the same time. Katniss clears her throat. "I'm happy for you kid! You still need to go to your doctor, you know that right? Find out why you're late. You might be psyching yourself out."
"I will and thank you Katniss. I'll never forget this."
...
3 months after that...
"Chloe?"
"Yes, Johanna?"
"Sorry to rush you around so much but since Mindy is out with Katniss, we're short-handed right now."
"Don't worry about it, Johanna what did you need?"
"I'm late for a meeting with Crane. I need for you to go into my computer, open a file named Brainless and print the data report. I need six copies. We'll be in the conference room, please?"
"No problem." Chloe shared an easy smile with Jo.
...
Johanna is getting her things together. When Katniss isn't around, everything seems to go to shit.
Chloe nervously walks up to her. "Johanna, can I ask you something?"
"Talk," Jo couldn't be bothered to even look at the girl. She can hear her clear her throat.
"When I was looking for your report this afternoon, I accidentally opened another file also called Brainless."
Johanna chuckles. "It's my favorite word," she admits.
"I found this." Chloe clicks through the necessary folders and pulls up a picture of Peeta standing next to Gale and Madge at their wedding. "Johanna, I'm so sorry for snooping but please, can you tell me the name of this man?"
She turns toward the picture and looks at who she's pointing. She can feel the blood drain from her face, her limbs feel numb. "Why do you want to know?"
"This is him! This is the guy from the club, my unforgettable night! Please tell me his name?" The girl is so hopeful.
"I thought we talked about this Chloe. You were going to let it go, stop thinking about someone who didn't give you a second thought and stop obsessing!"
"But he's so close now. Johanna, I owe it myself to look him up, we were so good to-"
"Okay, I've heard this before, don't need a recap. And sorry, I don't know the dude."
"Really?" Her disappointment was so thick.
"You see? You shouldn't be so disappointed. How can you be upset to lose something that was never yours?"
"Johanna you don't understand, the chemistry…"
"Honey, you're a pretty girl. Learn this now because you will always have guys coming on to you. What you think is love at first sight or chemistry or whatever shit you want to call it, is a guy wanting to get his dick wet! How real is that chemistry when he didn't even give you his name?"
The kid looked disappointed.
"This guy here was somebody's plus one at this wedding. I have it because I'm supposed to Photoshop him out and add Katniss in since she didn't get a picture with the bride and groom, her best friends. Katniss is really bad at Photoshop so I offered but I haven't had time. Satisfied?"
Chloe pouted like a petulant child. "He's just so hoooooot!" She whined.
…..
One week after that…
Johanna cornered Katniss at the break room making herself a cup of coffee.
"Brainless how was Atlanta?"
"Boring!"
Johanna chuckled. "That's great. Hey, listen we need to drop Chloe. Like yesterday!"
"What? Why? What'd she do?"
"Please?"
"Johanna, she's a great element. I was even telling Haymitch we should keep her at the end of her internship."
"No! Katniss, please trust me on this."
"What would we tell Abernathy?"
Johanna looked desperate. "I don't know."
…..
One Month after that…
"Last day, huh?"
"Yes. Katniss, I'm going to miss you so much!" Chloe embraces Katniss. She chuckles.
"Whatever! You know you can't wait to be out of here."
"I'm a little sad. I felt good here. You were a great boss." Katniss snorts. "Seriously. I think you're admirable."
"There you go being all weird again."
They both laugh.
"Listen, can I ask you something?"
"Shoot."
"You remember my super crush? That one hook-up I told you about?"
"The one you were supposed to get over?" Katniss arches an eyebrow at her.
Chloe actually blushes and nods.
"What about him."
"There's a chance you might know him."
Katniss raised her eyebrows. "How?"
Chloe licks her lips. "I saw a picture in Johanna's computer."
"What?"
"A picture of your best friends wedding, the bride and groom posing with a blond man."
Katniss knew exactly what picture she was describing. Her heart beat was racing.
"Well, the blond man, that's him Katniss. He's my crush."
Her phone choses the moment to start beeping. Katniss rushes to her feet. "I have to take this," she said in a breathless whisper and she rushes away from her cubicle, away from Chloe. Before anyone can notice how badly she's shaking.
Chloe.
Her mind starts to take the time into account and yes, it has to be her. All this time, the faceless woman of her nightmares was Chloe.
Chloe, the kid that had become her friend. Katniss can't breathe.
Chloe!
Chloe!
Chloe!
And the man she would rave about, that great sexual chemistry, the best fuck of her short unfortunate life was….Peeta, her Peeta!
Peeta!
Peeta just stood there in shock over her story of the intern.
His brain understood but he just couldn't find the words. All the anger was gone.
"It didn't help that Chloe had been so elaborate in her descriptions of her time with you. She had become obsessed, talking about you all the time, calling you her star-crossed lover. I knew every detail by heart." Tears flowed down Katniss' face.
"Katniss, how was I to know?"
She wiped her eyes and turned to look at him.
"I know. You can thank Darius for helping me let go of all that anger I held against you. For understanding that you had been a victim of circumstance as much as I had and even Chloe. And he knew…"
"Knew what?"
"That the reason I first slept with him was to get back at you. Even though it had been more than a year since we'd broken-up, I was still childish and petty enough to want to get back at you, and feel what you felt in someone else's arms."
They were silent for a long moment. The temperature had dropped several more degrees making Katniss shiver.
"It's cold." Peeta said. "Let me get you home."
It was a quiet drive back to her apartment building. He parked by the front curb to let her out, she broke the silence.
"I'm sorry, Peeta." she whispered and turned toward the door to open it, then paused.
"You know," his voice sounded defeated. "I never stopped loving you. All these years, through the pain, through the heart ache, through the anger even, my heart really never let you go. I should have known the odds wouldn't be in my favor and wanting to be with you again was going against them."
Neither of them looked at each other, just kept their eyes focused into the dark night. The uncomfortable silence seemed to extend.
"Good night, Peeta." She got out of his car and walked inside, not looking back.
A/N. Thank you all for taking the time to read this. The end to this journey is coming up. Let me know what you think.