"You're doing good work, Finn," his instructor, Ematt, tells him.
"Yeah?" Finn asks, blinking. Is he really? His mind churns with Phasma's threat. Do I deserve any compliments?
Ematt smiles. "Yeah. And you've got that compassion-empathy thing going on. I've seen the way you interact with the students you're tutoring—you care, and they know it."
Finn shrugs.
"Don't shrug. Teaching's 90% about relationships and 10% about knowledge. If you pass your TESL certification, I'm sure Leia will want you to stay."
Finn shifts, thinking to the flurry of applications he sent out after Phasma's threat, because he felt pressure crushing him from all sides, pressure to get out before he makes things worse for Alderaan House, for Rey, for Poe.
But he wants to stay. He remembers Chandra's smile when she told him she was improving her English, her giggle as she told him about how well her little sister was doing too. And in that moment Finn felt like he was a part of something—not something forced and confining, but something freeing.
"Thank you," Finn says, studying his scuffed shoes, fraying along the soles.
"Whatever you want to do," Ematt tells him. "It's your choice."
It's your choice.
And Phasma's trying to steal his choices.
Maybe he doesn't have to give in.
"Off to lunch?" Ematt asks.
"Yeah. Meeting Rey."
"Cool." Ematt smiles. "Just one more thing, Finn—whatever you decide, you should know that you're talented."
"How's it going, Rey?" Luke calls to her as she loiters by the door, where she's waiting for Finn to meet her for lunch.
"Good," she answers, checking her phone. Nothing new from Ben, but she knows he plans to take her to dinner that night. And she has news for him. Rey swings back and forth.
"Ribs doing okay?" Luke studies her, and Rey feels like she's being examined.
She steps back. "Yeah. They're hurting a lot less."
"You look like you just got really good news."
Rey laughs. "I kind of did. I'm starting community college in six weeks. Part time. After I get out of work for the day."
"That's fantastic. What are you taking?"
"I don't know yet. General classes, I guess. I'll decide over the weekend." Rey smiles, but inside she feels a pinch of guilt. Luke must know that she's still in touch with his nephew, even if he doesn't know that they're dating. Although he might. Either way, Luke knows that she hasn't told Leia.
Maybe he understands, Rey thinks, remembering all the details Ben's told her.
"Well, if you need any advice or any help, don't hesitate to ask me—or Leia," Luke adds hastily.
"Right." Rey glances behind Luke to see Finn approaching. She waves.
As they head out the door, Rey darts a look over her shoulder. Luke watches them walk away, his jaw working just like his nephew's when he's upset.
"Have fun," Finn says dully to Rey as she leaves.
She rolls her eyes. "I'll be home tonight."
"Oh, will you?" Finn leans against the car, grinning in spite of himself. He wonders if Rey doesn't come back—could he and Poe do something? So far, they've kept their relationship under wraps, and he doesn't quite understand why. He doesn't want to freak Rey out though, make her feel like she's a third wheel.
You're talented. That's all it took to make Finn's day, make him consider new directions.
Rey scowls, her healed face flushing to look like it's sunburned all over again. "Maybe I will and maybe I won't."
"We won't wait up." Finn winks.
"Stop!" She shoves him, laughing. "I thought you hated him."
She might as well have dumped ice water over Finn. He straightens, reminding himself that she's dating Kylo Ren, monster in a suit. "I do."
Rey rolls her eyes. "Yeah, yeah, okay." She wraps an arm around Finn. "See you later."
Finn sighs as she walks away. At least Kylo Ren's making no pretense as to where he stands. Finn… he hasn't had to contact Phasma. He hasn't heard anything from Poe. And if he did, maybe he could talk about it with Kylo Ren first. Finn snorts, absurdity tempering any anxiety.
He checks his phone. Poe claimed he would leave at the same time as Finn today, that he'd meet him in the parking lot behind the building, but he hasn't shown. Finn heads back to look for his roommate. His boyfriend.
He skids to a stop as he approaches the corner of the building. Poe's voice interrupts Luke's.
"From what we can tell, he doesn't have anything to do with that part of the company."
"I know, Poe, but it only makes sense that he's somewhat involved. You don't rise to that height in FO Tech if you're just doing logistics and straight-edge presentations. I know we'd like to give Leia some good news for once, Han too, but he's got to be involved, as painful as it is for me to say."
"Well, we still can't trace whatever group they're working with right now, but we know something's going down soon. Han can go to the press. We can go to the authorities." Poe sighs. "I just don't want Leia to hate me."
"Poe, she knows what her son's become. She's objective. She won't blame you." Luke exhales too, and Finn wants to vomit.
Don't do it. Phasma will be behind bars before any harm can come to her.
Ha. They'd never arrest everyone in that company.
Please, Finn begs some deity, some force, as his hands scrabble against the wall. He doesn't finish his plea. The beginning is all he can manage. Please.
"She's seen it before, you know," Luke admits. "Snoke was like her uncle growing up."
What the—what?
"You really think they're taking a page out of Galactic Manufacturing's book?" Poe questions.
"Yes, I do. They're starting to get the right contacts. They've got to have something going down soon in order to get the funding, though."
Finn can't help himself now. He bursts around the corner to find Poe leaning against the wall, Beebee-Ate cocking his head as they both look towards a somber Luke.
"Leia knows Snoke?" Finn repeats. Who gives a rip if they know he was eavesdropping?
"It's a long story," Luke says simply, glancing at Poe, who cringes. "Let's just say it was Leia's childhood. It ended when she started running Alderaan House."
"So you knew him, too?" Finn asks.
"No. Leia and I weren't raised together." Luke steps away. "I leave you two to your Friday night."
"Sorry," Finn mutters to Poe.
Poe shrugs. "'S all right. Was bound to come out eventually. I don't think that's something she advertises, though."
"I can see why not," Finn agrees. If he had the option of hiding his history, he would.
"She's not ashamed exactly," Poe says fiercely as he limps towards the car. His leg's almost healed, but he still lurches to one side when walking. "Just… it's not politically smart." He looks to Finn with his eyes wide. "You shouldn't compare—"
But I do have something to be ashamed of, Finn thinks. Maybe.
They ride back to the apartment in silence. Poe feeds Beebee-Ate while Finn retreats to his room, flipping his phone over and over again in his hand.
He wants to fight her, fight FO Tech. He wants Poe and Luke to bring them down, Kylo Ren included. He shouldn't have teased Rey. He hopes she doesn't spend the night with that piece of work.
Except, Kylo cares about Rey just like Finn does, and where everyone—all his colleagues, like Ackbar and Statura and Ematt—see monsters, he sees himself. He sees what he could have been.
Round and round his thoughts go, circling him and drawing him into that whirlpool he can't escape from. It was just a scholarship. It's not fair.
Faces churn around him, voices grind through his head.
"Finn." Poe stands in the doorway. "Finn." Poe's arms encircle him, drawing him out of the room. "Come on. Come out of there. It's dark in there," Poe urges. He takes Finn to the couch and presses both of his palms, calloused and prickly enough to draw Finn out of his nightmare, against Finn's cheeks. "Calm down. Please."
Finn blinks. "Why do you even like me, Poe? I'm a—a mess."
Poe shakes his head. "Because you're honest, and you're kind, and you're the kind of brave that sees something wrong in their life—that they're going down a wrong path, and changes. I don't think you get how rare that is, Finn. It's way fucking easier to just continue down the way you've been going."
"What if I've done more wrong than you know?" Finn rasps. Doing. I'm doing more wrong. Maybe.
You can change. You don't have to go down this path.
Trust Poe. Trust that there'd be a way to protect Rey. Trust that you can fight this and win.
"I'd listen," Poe tells him, voice shaking. "And I'd still be here, Finn."
"Why?"
"Because I really—I—I really do love you, Finn." Poe smirks. "Would you believe I've never said that to another guy before?"
Fuck you, Phasma, Finn decides, because he's choosing to believe they can do this. "I've never said it to anyone. Or had anyone say it to me."
"Well, okay then." Poe smiles, and bites his lip.
Finn presses his mouth against Poe's, tasting coffee and Poe. And Poe's hands grip his chest, his waist, his body warm against Finn's and Finn gives in to it, lets the electricity shooting through him flare and ignite. FO Tech and Phasma's threats drop away.
"Do you want to do this?" Poe pants as he comes up for air.
"Yeah," Finn breathes.
"One sec." Poe pulls him into his bedroom, and Poe darts over to his dresser and comes back with condoms.
"Um… Poe, I have to tell you I have no idea what I'm doing," Finn admits, heart palpitating in his chest. But he wants to. All these new sensations grab hold of him, lighting him on fire.
Poe just smiles. "That's okay." He wraps an arm around Finn, kissing him slowly."Let me know if you don't like something," he requests, fingers resting on Finn's cheek.
Finn nods. He trusts Poe. Their mouths melt together again, and something beyond basic lust and love floods through Finn. Hope.
Poe reaches for Finn's shirt and tugs it off. His teeth nibble at Finn's neck, and Finn gasps, sinking into the tightening feeling flooding his abdomen. He pulls Poe's shirt over his head, and Poe pulls him closer, his lips exploring places on Finn's body where he's never been touched.
Finn finds himself lying back, Poe hovering over him. Finn pulls Poe closer to his chest. I can trust him. Poe looks at him with his eyes wet, like he thinks Finn's something amazing, someone irreplaceable, and Finn knows that Poe is irreplaceable to him.
Poe starts moving and Finn holds onto Poe, copying him at first. And then his body moves because it doesn't matter that he's never done this before. He focuses on Poe's face, on the way his lips hover open, on the way his eyes glisten, on the way his hair droops and falls over his forehead, because he's Poe and Finn cares so, so much for him.
I love you, Poe, Finn thinks, pressing his mouth against Poe's chest, burying his fingers in Poe's hair.
Poe groans and drops his head to Finn's collarbone. And this time Finn takes Poe's face in his hands, kissing his cheeks, his forehead, his hairline, his chin, and finally his lips.
"Uh, thanks," Rey says as they leave the Indian restaurant, the taste of masala still stinging in her mouth.
Ben manages a slight smile. He's been quiet—way too quiet, but he insists work's fine.
"Hey." Rey pulls him close in the parking lot and kisses him.
For a moment she feels him give in to her, opening his mouth, fingers tracing her ears, and then he pulls back.
"What is going on with you?' Rey demands, frustration shooting through her. And something else, something she hasn't felt in a long time. Fear.
She's never been afraid of losing anybody, because there's never been anybody to lose. And now she's afraid, and she hates it.
"I—have to tell you something." Ben gulps. "In the car?"
"Fine." Rey marches around and slams the door. She crosses her arms. Is he about to break up with her? If he does, then she'll drown herself in ice cream and spend time with Finn and Poe. If he walks away, she's got others—so many people now. Rey shivers.
But she's afraid for him.
"You remember what you told me about your real parents? How you don't remember them?" Ben begins, tapping his fingers against the steering wheel. He avoids her eyes.
This was not the direction Rey expected this to go in. "Yes," she says slowly. She remembers the promise, and then the failure.
And she remember screaming, thrashing and flailing against the social workers because she knew, she knew, that her daddy was coming back for her, and they were wrong, and they were coming back.
And now she doesn't even remember his face, or his name. She doesn't even remember her mother's voice. Traitor.
"If I knew who your parents were, would you want to know?"
Rey tries to swallow. She can't. "Yes."
"Your father was the son of an agent who worked with my uncle. Luke Skywalker. Your grandfather—Obi-Wan Kenobi—was like a mentor to my uncle. He died on a mission."
"Kenobi," Rey repeats the name. Rey Kenobi. Not Rey Jakku.
Luke… this is crazy. This makes no fucking sense. Rey's chest constricts and tears burn her eyes.
"Your father was in a car accident, but the state changed your name because your grandfather was—well known among certain… groups." Ben presses his hand over his eyes.
"FO Tech?" Rey spits out, starting to shake.
"No. Not that I know of. No."
"My mother?"
"I don't know."
"Yes, you do!"
"She disappeared, Rey. No one knows."
"Fuck." Rey slams her palm against her forehead.
"But—Rey, my uncle was supposed to take you in. Like he was caring for me." Ben drops his head, looking like a boy instead of a man. "And then I ran away and the state said no. If I hadn't, you would have—you would have had a much happier—"
"What do you know?" Rey demands. "You weren't happy. And—how—how do you even know this?"
"Snoke told me."
"Snoke?" Rey's eyebrows rise. "Oh my God—the car! You—"
"I didn't—"
"But FO Tech—"
"It was someone going rogue—not authorized—the guy who did it's been fired—"
"And you still work there?" Rey shrieks.
"I can protect you! From in there. No one will—" He reaches for her.
"I don't want your protection!" Rey shoves at him. Tears stream down her face.
Ben shakes his head. "It had nothing to do with your history! Snoke was furious too. It's complicated."
"It's not complicated, it's fucking attempted murder!"
His breath comes in short gasps. His hair looks wild and mussed. "I'm a bad person, Rey!"
"Yeah, you fucking are!" Rey lets out a sob. "And Luke and your mother and Han? They all know, don't they?"
He shakes his head. "I don't know."
She feels like an animal in a zoo that's just starting to realize people are gawking at it. Finn, Poe—do any of them know too?
"I'm so sorry," Ben whispers. "I ruined your childhood. If I wasn't so selfish—"
"If you would just get away from that bastard company," Rey corrects. Her chest heaves and she feels like it's being torn in two. She wraps her arms around herself and drops her head to her knees, pressing her eyes into her skin. Her tears still flow. "But you're a coward. You don't even know whether you support their ideals, whether you believe in it, but you're too afraid to admit that you've been wrong."
He lets out a shuddering breath. For several minutes, Rey cries into her knees. Finally she straightens. "Take me home, please."