Author's Note: I own nothing. I just like to play with the characters that were created by Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.

Also, thank you for those of who have commented and offered well-wishes in my difficult time. It means a lot to me. Writing these stories has been my strength (as silly as that sounds) and has grounded me.

Rated M for future lemons (they will come!). I have a mini lemon for you today! Woo hoo!

Chapter 12: The Realization

We spent so long sharing our feelings; the dinner that Edward brought from La Bella Italia is cold. I reheated the food in the microwave and we ate in a comfortable silence, soft jazz wafting through my home. I looked up at Edward and I felt so guilty. He tells me that he loves me and I flounder. What the hell is wrong with me? Edward notices my guilty stare and he frowned.

"What's wrong, beautiful?" he asked.

I snapped out of my guilty trance and gave him a smile. "Nothing," I answered quickly.

"You're lying, Isabella," Edward growled. "You're thinking too hard. What's the matter?"

"Are you mad?" I blurted. I covered my mouth with my hands and buried my face against the table.

"Mad? Why would I be mad, Bella?" he asked incredulously. "Is it because you didn't say you loved me back?"

I nodded and sniffled. "I want to say it. In my heart and in my head, I feel it but I'm so afraid."

"Bella, you are in a different stage in this relationship than I am. I've been through the ringer. If I had met someone within the first few months of Tanya's death and they professed their love for me, I'd be in the same boat. I understand that your relationship with your ex-husband wasn't necessarily the most conducive for a good, loving marriage, but it's all that you've known. It's my job as your boyfriend and possibly more, to help you see that you deserve all the happiness in the world. The way you treat me and care for me shows me that you love me on some level," Edward said as he knelt in front of me. "I'll wait. Just like I promised at the barbeque. When you're ready, you'll tell me."

I brushed a wayward hair off his forehead and wrapped my arms around his neck. "What did I do to deserve you, Edward?"

"I could ask the same, Bella," Edward chuckled against my shoulder. "However, I've got to move. My knees are barking."

"Then get off the floor, silly," I giggled as I released my hold on his neck. He gracefully got up, but his knees cracked. "Ouch."

"Yeah, ouch," Edward said. "I ran this morning and I took a miss-step. I think I jacked up something."

"Go sit in the family room and I'll give you something," I said as I pointed to my couch. "It saved me when I was gimpy."

I went into the freezer and grabbed a blue icepack. I stuck it in a Velcro pouch and walked to where Edward was sitting. "Which body part?" I asked. Edward pointed to his left knee. I strapped the icepack to his knee and placed a pillow underneath for some support. "You should take better care of yourself, Dr. Masen," I scolded.

"I wanted my nurse to take care of me," he purred seductively.

"If you think I'm wearing a tiny white dress and one of the nurse hats, you're sadly mistaken, buddy," I said, putting my hands on my hips.

"A guy can dream, right?" Edward laughed.

"Keep that on until I'm done with dishes, 'Hop Along,'" I commanded.

"Yes, Dr. Swan," Edward said with a mock salute. I handed him the remote and turned off the music. Edward turned on the television and I put the food away and did the dishes. I pulled out a tin of cookies that Rose made for me. I arranged the cookies and some fruit on a platter and I walked back out to the family room. Edward was watching CSI or some other crime show. I removed the icepack and felt around on his knee. "It's not swollen," Edward said.

"Just making a thorough diagnosis," I teased. "Do you want any Advil?"

"Nah, I'm good. I'm just old," he laughed.

"You're as old as me. Well a little older," I giggled. "Alice said you were born in June?"

"Yeah, June 20th," Edward replied. "When's your birthday?"

"Uh, I don't like to celebrate my birthday," I said quickly.

"Bella, when's your birthday?" Edward asked.

"September 13th," I grumbled.

"That's after Alice's wedding," Edward said surprisingly. "Why don't you like celebrating your birthday? It was the day that you were brought into this world. It's definitely a day for celebration."

"It was the day that my grandmother died," I mumbled. "And the day that my parents told me that they were getting a divorce. However, they happened on two separate occasions, but on my birthday, nonetheless."

"Oh, Bella," Edward breathed. "I'm so sorry."

"Well, that's why I hate my birthday. It's no reason for you to apologize. That and I am getting older. Blech," I said as a wrinkled my nose. "I ain't no spring chicken."

"Bella, you are perfect," Edward said, arching a brow.

"Perhaps you getting Lasik will improve your eyesight as you are blind, Edward. I'm far from perfect," I laughed. "I have many, many flaws."

"So do I," Edward said. "Those flaws make us who we are. However, you're perfect for me. I know you have flaws."

"Yeah, like my indecision about…"

"Bella," Edward warned. "Stop. Let's move past this. I love you and I know on some level you feel the same. You'll say it when you're ready. Let's not beat a dead horse, okay?"

"Okay," I said quietly. Edward held open his arms and I cuddled next to him. We watched some television and snuggled on the couch for a couple hours.

"Bella?"

"Hmmm?" I responded intelligently.

"Have you ever truly been in love?" Edward asked quietly as he gently rubbed my back.

"I thought so. With Mike," I answered. "But was he the love of my life? No. Is it safe to assume that you have been truly in love?"

"Yes, with Tanya," Edward replied. "However, was she the love of my life? I don't think so. She was my love of my life in that moment. Would we have drifted apart as we grew? Possibly. We were very different."

"How so?"

"She was a doctor and she came from an affluent family. However, that's where the similarities end. She was very vivacious, outgoing and full of life. I have a tendency to be more reserved, calculated and deliberate. I needed to be to compensate for my mental deficiencies. I also take a long time to let people in. But when I do, I'm fiercely loyal. Tanya was a bit fay and flighty. I enjoyed art, music and theater. Tanya didn't. She would rather go to a sports game than to an opera. I was actually surprised that she said yes when I asked her out. However, she liked the way I looked."

"You are devastingly good-looking, Edward," I said, stroking his soft cheek. He leaned into my touch and kissed the palm of my hand.

"Thank you, my Bella," he smiled. "You are incredibly gorgeous, both inside and out."

"So, Tanya," I encouraged.

"Tanya was beautiful too. However, she was different than you. She was tall, about 5'8". She had the most amazing blue eyes; they were almost violet. Her hair was strawberry blond and curly. She had the most adorable nose and sweetest lips. She was very smart and empathic. She was amazing with her patients. Especially her autistic patients. She really got through to them. It was because she was big kid," Edward said. "The kids loved her, tremendously. I loved to see her with her patients. She wanted to children so badly. We tried as soon as we got married, but she had difficulties. We tried in vitro and we found out the morning the she left for her trip before she died that she was pregnant."

"How far along was she?" I murmured.

"Not long. Only a few weeks," Edward said quietly. "I was going to be a daddy. I was ready. I still am ready."

"Oh," I whispered.

"Have you met the love of your life?" Edward asked.

"That's complicated," I replied.

"Why?" Edward asked as he captured my face, forcing me to look into his jade eyes.

"I'm sitting with him," I whispered. "I never thought I could feel the way I feel about you. You are brilliant, kind, sweet, compassionate, loving, and…and…amazing. Edward…"

"Bella, you don't have to. I'm sorry I pushed," he said as he kissed my forehead.

"I love you, Edward," I said confidently. "You are the love of my life."

"Oh, Bella," Edward cried as he drew me into his arms. He pressed sweet but ardent kisses to my lips. I opened my mouth and slid my tongue along Edward's bottom lip. He groaned and he pulled me over his lap. I straddled his strong thighs. His fingers danced along my spine and I tangled my hands into his soft hair. "Those words make me so happy, my Bella," Edward said fervently between soft but heated kisses. "I love you, beautiful."

"I love you, too, Edward," I whispered against his lips. Edward's hands moved up my back and they gently caressed across my collarbones. He pulled away and his eyes asked for permission, pleading with me. What did he want? His eyes dropped to my breasts and he wrapped his hands around my ribcage. I inhaled deeply and brought his face back to mine, giving him permission with my kisses. With my hands, I covered his and brought them to my chest, resting on my breasts. Edward growled and his fingers expertly squeezed my breasts. I ground into his lap and moaned wantonly, wanting all of him. Edward's lips moved from my mouth and he nibbled down my neck and licked across my collarbones. "Edward," I moaned as pulled on his hair, dragging his mouth back to mine.

"Hold on, Bella," Edward said quietly. I pulled away and arched a brow. Edward's hands cupped my ass and he stood up. I wrapped my legs around his waist and held tightly around his neck. He kissed my earlobe and nibbled on my neck. He carried us back to my bedroom and gently laid me on the bed, his muscular body hovering over mine. He looked down at me and he muttered that I was beautiful. I blushed and hid my face. "Don't hide from me, Bella. You are exquisite, alluring and beautiful." He pulled my hands away and looked down at me. "Believe it."

"I'm trying," I whispered. "I'm not sure if I'm ready for…"

"Not tonight," Edward said. "I don't put out on the first date."

I snorted and began laughing hysterically. Edward's laugh joined mine and it was musical. He rolled onto his side and grabbed his stomach. We laughed for an immeasurable amount of time, until my sides were aching from giggling. Edward looked at me and his eyes were sparkling, full of amusement. He stared at me and he caressed my cheek. His smile turned from amused to loving. His eyes softened and he pulled me closer to his hard, muscled chest. He ran his nose along my jaw and I shivered. He smiled against my skin and his hands moved up to my chest. His fingers gently cupped my breast and I moved closer to him. I felt his arousal strain in his khakis. Feeling bold, I moved my hands down his sides and I rested my hand on his hip.

I ghosted my hand closer to his straining erection and gently palmed his hardened length. Edward inhaled sharply and he pulled away. "Too much?" I asked in a small voice. He shook his head and wiggled his hips. I giggled and rubbed his length over his pants. He moaned and held me closer, moving his hand up my leg. He wrapped his fingers around my knee, hitching my leg over his hip. He pushed my hips closer to his and his arousal hit in just the right spot. I rocked against him and I could feel my body react to the sensual movements. "Ungh," I groaned.

"You are so hot, baby," Edward cooed against my neck. "I can feel you through my pants."

"I haven't felt like this in a long time, Edward," I moaned. "Sexy. Desirable. Wanted."

"You are all of the above, my beautiful girl," Edward said as his fingers moved up my thigh, under my dress. His fingers were igniting a line of fire on my leg and I wanted him to touch me. Everywhere. Edward kissed me and his mouth was aggressive against mine. His teeth nibbled on my bottom lip and his hand was gently caressing my ass under my dress, tracing the edge of my panties. He pulled away and he moved his hand on my thigh, moving closer to where I wanted his fingers. It had been so long since I had been touched that way. At least not by myself. I swiveled my hips and gave Edward a confident stare. He smirked and his fingers moved closer to the promised land. "Can I touch you, Bella?"

Not trusting my voice, I nodded and pulled my lip between my teeth. He reached up with his other hand and released my lip from its enamel prison. He kissed me with fervor and his fingers reached the waistband of my lacy boy shorts. His hand dipped into the lacy fabric and it moved to my slick folds. When he reached my pussy, he moaned and his hips bucked. "You're so wet, Bella," he said in a strangled voice. His finger circled around my clit and I tangled my fingers into his hair, pulling his face back to mine. Our breath mingled and we stared into each other's eyes. Edward's fingers were magical, pulling me closer to bliss and rapture. He slid a long finger into my entrance and I hissed at the feeling. Two years since anything with a pulse had been near my pussy. It felt fucking amazing. "Shit," I breathed as I moved against his hand. "Feels so good."

Edward grunted and added another finger, toying with my clit with his thumb. "You have no idea how this feels for me, Bella," he said against my skin. "So good. So tight, beautiful." His teeth bit down on my earlobe and I moaned loudly. I held him closer to my body and his fingers moved faster in and out of pussy. "Fuck," Edward said as he latched on to my neck, sucking lightly. I grasped at Edward's neck and I felt my body get closer to release.

"Edward," I moaned. "I'm so close." His mouth attacked mine and his hand moved faster, rubbing against my clit. He added a third finger and bit down on my bottom lip.

"Let go, Bella," he coaxed. "I want to feel you come. All over my hand, come for me, beautiful girl."

His words were my undoing. My muscles clenched around his fingers and I let out a guttural scream as I rode out my orgasm. I had never felt one so intense. Ever.

I collapsed against the bed and Edward removed his hand from my panties. He looked at me and put one of his fingers into his mouth, sucking on the juices that were undoubtedly there. He moaned and moved to another finger. I grabbed his hand and put the final finger into my mouth. Edward's eyes widened and he growled lightly. I could taste myself on his hand and it was hot. Edward removed his fingers from my mouth and his tongue plunged into my mouth and he rolled us so I was straddling his waist. My hands were on either side of his head and his hands were on my ass, pressing my heat against his cock. I swiveled my hips and smiled against his lips. I scooted down on his lap and reached for his belt buckle.

Edward stopped my hands and looked at me. "Tonight was all about you, beautiful."

"But…" I argued.

"Bella, if you touch me, I will not be able to control myself. I want you so badly. You are fucking beautiful when you come and I wanted to bury myself into your body as you were clenching my fingers," Edward said as his turned feral and predatory.

"Can you stay tonight?" I asked quietly as I unstraddled his legs.

"I have a bag in my car," Edward said as he cupped my cheek. "I didn't want to bring it up. It would appear presumptuous if I brought it up. On our first date."

"It would have, but we're past that," I giggled. "We can safely say that we are not conventional."

"This is true. We share our first kiss at my sister's and soon-to-be brother-in-law's bachelor/bachelorette party. Decide to be exclusive before our first date. And then, proclaim our undying love on said first date," Edward chortled.

"The next date is the wedding, right?" I teased.

"I was thinking I would save that for the third date," Edward joked. "A good thorough fucking is on the second date."

I squeaked and looked at Edward with wide eyes. "Relax, Bella. All in good time, baby. I'm going to grab my bag."

I nodded and Edward got out of the bed. I followed him into the family room. I blew out the candles and turned off the lights as Edward was getting his duffel. I walked into my bedroom and heard my front door click closed and the locks be twisted. I went into my dresser and pulled out a pair of sleep pants and a tank top. Edward came back into the bedroom and his bag was in his hand along with a garment bag.

"I'm going to shower. School tomorrow," I said with a grimace.

"Me too," Edward said. "We're getting some med students and I have to do the orientation for them. I get to wear a suit. Yay!"

"Don't sound too excited there, doc," I teased.

"It's hard to be a doctor and wear a suit. I'm sorry. I deal with bodily fluids. Do you realize how hard it is to get blood out of merino wool? And how expensive?" he griped. "Give me scrubs and I'm a happy man."

"Oh, speaking of scrubs, erm, rather clothes. You left your dress pants and shirt here the last time you stayed. I sent the pants to the dry cleaner with my latest batch and the shirt is getting washed this weekend," I said as I held my sleep clothes against my body.

Edward dropped the garment bag on the bed and strode to where I was standing. He gathered me in his arms and kissed me fiercely, with renewed passion and adoration. My clothes fell to the floor and my hands flew to his hair.

Who knew laundry would be such a turn on?

Edward pulled away and his jade eyes were nearly black with desire. "What was that for, Edward?" I asked.

"I don't know. I just…" he said as he eyes dropped to the floor.

I know why he was so excited. I'm taking care of him.

"When was the last time you had someone pamper you?" I asked, running my fingers across his cheekbone. "Take care of you?"

"When you let me take that nap," he said quietly.

"Edward, you've been so strong. For so long. It's okay to let someone care for you. I don't mind. I enjoy taking care of you," I said, pressing my finger to his chin. "Is that alright if I do that every so often?"

Edward's eyes closed and several tears fell onto his cheeks. He nodded and held me against his chest. Pretty soon his tears turned into full blown sobs. He had been alone for so long and it was finally ringing in his mind that he wasn't going to be alone anymore. I gently scratched his back and offered my comfort and love. We stayed tangled in our embrace for an immeasurable amount of time. He pulled away and gently rubbed his tears from his face. "Sorry," he mumbled.

"Don't be. It's part of my job as girlfriend to be your shoulder to cry on," I said as rubbed his face with the pads of my thumbs. He smiled and kissed my lips sweetly. He wrapped his arms around my waist and he gently picked me up.

"Thank you, my Bella. My heart has swelled in your compassion. I love you, my sweet girl," he said into my hair.

"And I love you, Edward," I said into the crook of his neck. "But, as much as I hate to break up this love fest, I really need to shower."

"Oh, right," Edward said as he placed me back on the floor. I picked up my clothes and darted into the bathroom. Edward walked to his bag and took out a pair of scrub pants. I winked as I shut the bathroom door. I started the water and stripped out of my dress and underwear. I slipped into the shower and quickly washed my body. I leaned back into the hot spray and washed my hair. As I washed my hair, my hands moved down my body. It had changed so much since I ended it with Mike. I lost nearly all of my 'marriage' weight and was finally back to how I looked when I walked down the aisle. I was still displeased with the flabbiness of my breasts, the jiggliness of my thighs and the lack of tone to my body, but it had improved. My hands moved to the apex of my thighs and I shuddered at the climax I had experienced at Edward's fingers. The thought of it made me wet again and I wanted all of him. His fingers, his mouth, and oh God, his cock.

I stayed in the shower until the water turned cold. I shivered and turned off the water. I stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around my body. I dried off and put on my pajamas. I put on mousse in my hair and walked out of the bathroom. Edward was curled up around my pillow. His glasses were askew and a book was laying on his hip. His scrubs were hanging low on his hips and I could see the delicious 'v' on his body and top of his boxer briefs.

I love Calvin Klein.

I removed his glasses and put his book on his bag. I set my alarm and crawled into bed. Edward's arms wrapped around my waist and I turned off the lights. I gently traced his handsome features and he hummed contentedly. I pressed a kiss to his jaw and then to his soft, pouty lips. Edward's eyes opened and he smiled sleepily. "Hmmmm, you took a long time in the shower," he said gruffly.

"I was thinking," I whispered in the darkness. "Edward, I…love you so much. It's happened so quickly it scares me."

"I know, beautiful. It honestly scares me, too. But why deny it? I love you more than my own life," Edward said fervently. "I'm so happy and full of joy that I can say it to you. I don't want to be afraid of the feelings that I have. We'll take these steps together, my Bella."

"Promise me something, Edward," I said quietly.

"Anything, beautiful girl."

"Don't break me. I won't handle it if you do," I said, tears falling down my cheeks.

"Never, beautiful. I promise that I'm in this for the long haul. Forever, if you'll have me," Edward said. The sincerity in his statement rang through the quiet of my condo. "I love you, Bella. Believe me when I say that."

I nodded and nestled closer to his chest. He instinctually wrapped his arms around my body and kissed my forehead. I stayed cuddled next to Edward and his breaths evened out. I stayed awake for and listened to his breathing, smelled his unique scent, gently traced the contours of his back and body and marveled that he was meant for me.

But when will the other shoe drop?

Don't be such a killjoy. He loves you. He's wanting 'forever.' Get over it.

I can't. Mike ruined my faith in love. All faith in love.

I extricated myself from Edward's steely grasp and padded to the family room. I curled up on the couch and looked out the window, trying to sort out my feelings. I knew I loved him. Irrevocably. But I was so afraid. I didn't want to be hurt again. I couldn't be hurt again. My heart couldn't handle it. I got up from the couch and started pacing. My mind was reeling and I couldn't get it to calm down. I sat down again and I heard my phone chirp from the kitchen. I got up and checked it.

Bella, he loves you. Let him in. Trust in yourself. Please. I need a sister! – Alice

I blinked and gaped at her uncanny timing. How did you know? – Bella

Sixth sense – Alice

I'm so afraid, Elf. – Bella

He's got a lot more to lose than you, Bells. You know his story. – Alice

I know. He's been through hell and back. – Bella

I understand that you are afraid of getting burned again. Mike was a fucking tool. Will always be a fucking tool. Don't let his transgressions ruin your chances with Edward – Alice

I'm trying, Elf – Bella

Try harder, Bells. Go to sleep. – Alice

Thanks, Alice – Bella

Love you, sis – Alice

Love you, too, Elf – Bella

I plugged my phone back into the charger and walked back into my bedroom. Edward was curled around my pillow, but his brow was furrowed. He looked worried. I got back into bed and nestled into Edward's arms. His brow relaxed and he sighed. "Love you, beautiful," he muttered sleepily.

"Love you, too, handsome," I said as my eyes drifted shut. I quickly fell into a deep sleep.

xx AFS xx

I walked into the hospital. I was confused. I saw Alice and Jasper. They were crying. Or rather, Alice was crying. Jasper was holding her tightly.

"Ali? What's wrong?" I asked.

She bawled harder. Jasper gave me a sad smile and held his fiancée. I frowned and looked further into the hospital. I saw Esme standing near a trauma room. Her shoulders were shaking. I walked up to her and put my arms around her. "Esme?"

"Oh, Bella," she cried as she hugged me. "I'm so sorry, sweetheart."

I pulled away and frowned. Then I saw what was going on the trauma room. Carlisle was pounding on Edward's chest, fruitlessly. His beautiful body was mangled and broken. His bronze hair was bright red with blood and his chest was cracked open.

"No," I cried. "No! Edward!" I ran into the trauma room and looked at Edward. His eyes were glazed over and fixed. Not focused on anything. Dead. "Edward," I wailed as I sunk to my knees.

"Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" I screamed as I bolted out of bed.

"Bella! Baby, it's okay. It's a dream," Edward said frantically.

I looked at him and he was alive. I touched his face and his body to verify that he was real. I threw myself into his arms, crying into his chest. He held me and I could hear him coo in my ear. "You're here. You're here," I chanted.

"I'm here, beautiful. I'm not going anywhere," he said. "What's this about?"

"Horrible dream. Nightmare," I sobbed.

"What was it about?" Edward asked as he caressed my cheeks.

"Gone. You were gone," I muttered. "My heart shattered."

"Bella, I'm not going anywhere. I promise you that," Edward said fervently.

"You were in the hospital and it looked like you were in a car accident or something. Carlisle was pounding on your chest and you were dead. Can you promise me that you won't die? No. You can't promise me that you aren't going anywhere. It's an impossibility," I snapped as I got up from his arms and stalked to the bathroom. I slammed the door and sunk to the floor.

Is it too soon to take a sick day? It's only the second day of school.

I bawled and sobbed in my bathroom. I wanted to give myself to Edward. But I couldn't. I was too broken.

So is he, idiot.

"Bella?" Edward said in a broken voice. "Please open the door, baby."

I sobbed harder and curled into myself. Edward was a persistent guy and he opened the door. He sat down on the floor and his green eyes were filled with sadness and concern. "Talk to me, please," he pleaded. I shook my head. "If you're not going to talk, then I am. Bella, I'm scared shitless. The people that I loved and cared for the most were taken from me. Violently. I would not survive if I lost you too. I want everything with you. However, if you dwell on what could have been, then you won't live. I learned that when my parents died. It took years for me to realize it. Then I got a refresher when I lost Tanya. Bella, I know your scared and frightened. But I'm not Mike. I'll never be like him. He made a promise that he couldn't keep. I intend to keep my promise of being with you, loving you for forever."

"I'm sorry, Edward," I mumbled. "I… don't know what to say, but sorry."

"Bella, don't apologize. We're going to make this journey together. I promise. And besides, what you experienced was just a dream. A nightmare. It won't happen. I will do everything in my power to prevent it. I refuse to be taken from you in the same manner I lost my parents and my wife," Edward said as he took my hands in his.

"We're quite a pair," I chuckled darkly.

"Yes, we are," Edward sighed. "But know one thing. I love you. I will always love you." I giggled. "Why are you laughing?"

"You remember that movie with Whitney Houston and Kevin Costner?" I asked.

Edward's mind was working and he got a slow smile on his face. He clutched his chest and started singing, "And I…ee…I will always love you…oohoo," he barked.

"Edward, stop! You make me sound like an opera diva," I laughed.

He stopped singing and gave me a wink. "Don't quit my day job?"

"No, Pavarotti."

From the bedroom, an alarm went off. Edward groaned and his head dropped to his chest. "Can I use your shower, beautiful?"

"Of course," I said as I yawned.

"Tell me about it," Edward laughed as he did his own yawn. I got up from the bathroom floor and chose my clothes for the day. Edward got out of the bathroom and picked up his clothes from his bag. I tossed him some shampoo. He frowned and gave me a questioning look. "What's this for?"

"So you don't smell like girl," I giggled. "Strawberries and freesia probably aren't your style."

"Maybe I want to smell like you," Edward argued. "But thanks."

Edward went into the shower and I heard the water start. I put on my clothes for the day, a pair of charcoal dress pants and a sweater set in a deep lavender. It was still hot outside, but in my school it was an icebox. Fucking freezing cold. The kids always complained about the temperature, as did the teachers, but nothing was ever done. You just dressed like it was winter when it was a 100 degrees out. I decided to put on some makeup as I looked like shit. My eyes were drooping with dark circles and they were puffy from the crying. I did the best I could with my limited makeup expertise. I went into the kitchen and poured myself a cup of coffee. I downed it quickly, ignoring the burning I felt as it went down.

Edward strolled into the kitchen, wearing a very expensive navy suit, white shirt and burgundy tie. His hair was damp and in disarray. His eyes were hidden by his glasses and he smelled delicious: clean man smell and Tuscany cologne.

Yummy.

"Can I have a cup of the evil stuff this morning?" Edward asked as he yawned. "I was up way early."

"Sorry," I mumbled as I poured him a cup of coffee. He took it and grimaced as he swallowed a sip. He reached into his pocket and took out a small prescription bottle. He shook out a pill and swallowed it with the coffee.

"That's just fowl," he grumbled. "Coffee and my meds are not a good combo."

"At least it's not a horse pill," I shrugged.

"Speaking of meds," Edward transitioned. "I know that we got pretty hot and heavy last night."

"That we did," I blushed. "That was the first orgasm that I've had…"

"What?" Edward barked.

"Let me finish, Masen. Jeez," I chided. "The first orgasm that I've had in two years that was not self induced. It was very nice."

"Nice?" Edward sneered. "It was nice?"

"Not a good word?"

"No, Bella. I was hoping for earth shattering, planet tilting, mind blowingly fucking awesome," Edward prompted.

"It was the most intense orgasm I've had. Ever," I said. "Happy now?"

"Slightly," Edward pouted. "Anyhow, if and when we take the plunge in making love?"

"Are you asking if I've been safe? Been tested?" I asked.

"Kind of. Jake's situation got me thinking. That's all," Edward said. "I'm safe. I've only been with three women. And I've been celibate, or rather a fucking monk, for the past three and half years."

"Well, I'm good too. I've also been with only three men. None without a condom, either. Mike was adamant that I take the pill, but he was so fucking paranoid that he still wrapped it up," I grumbled. "Well, Dr. Masen, do you know a name of a good ob/gyn?"

"Whatever for, Ms. Swan?" Edward asked coyly.

"I want to get back on birth control," I answered simply. "Your sister gave me condoms, but…"

"But, what?"

"I want to feel all of you," I answered quietly. I dropped my gaze to the floor and blushed furiously.

Edward cupped my chin and brought my face up to look at his. His eyes were shining with tears and he had on a smile. "I'll text you with a number, but I'm grateful that you trust me enough to be with all of me."

"That's if you still want me," I sighed.

"Always, Bella," Edward answered. "However, I have an eight o'clock meeting and I have yet to prepare for it. So need to go, love."

"I've got bus duty this morning," I mumbled. "Yay!"

"Try to contain your enthusiasm, Bella," Edward said dryly. "Come on, beautiful."

I gathered my bag and cell phone, while Edward got his stuff from the bedroom. He slung his duffel over his shoulder and laid the garment bag over his arm. He also held a sleek, black leather briefcase in his hand and he was checking his Blackberry. He gave me a smile and adjusted his bags to hold my hand as we walked to our cars. Edward dropped off his stuff and gave me a searing kiss before patting me on the ass before he got into his car. I drove to school and got through the day. Barely.

Seriously, next to no sleep and stress can really make me bitchy.

Alice and Jake were discussing photos during lunch. She decided to go with him, as she was incredibly impressed with his work. Especially for an amateur photographer. Emmett and Rose were nauseating. I was obviously grumpy. I was looking forward to coming home right after school, but I forgot that I had a team leader meeting. I didn't want to sit through that. Argh!

However, as I was walking to my classroom after lunch, my name was called over the intercom. "Please pardon the interruption. Ms. Swan, please come to the office. Ms. Swan to the office." I shrugged and headed to the front office. I walked in and saw a huge bouquet of red, white, and pink roses sitting on the counter.

"Someone has an admirer," Maryann said from her desk. She was the principal's secretary and very nosy.

"Are these for me?" I squeaked.

"That's what the cute delivery boy said," Maryann confirmed.

I picked up the bouquet of flowers and thanked her. I walked to my classroom, setting the beautiful arrangement on my desk. Tucked inside was a card. I opened it up, reading its message.

Dearest Bella,

I told you that you need to prepare to be spoiled. This is first way I intend to spoil you, beautiful girl. These flowers indicate special meanings, for you, for me and for us. The red roses mean passionate love. White means purity. Pink means friendship. You are all of these things to me, my beautiful girl. My love, in the purest sense and my friend.

I love you, so much.

Yours always,

Dr. McFuckme (Edward)

I clutched the card to my chest, tears falling down my face.

"Ms. Swan?" asked Taylor, one of my students. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, Taylor. Just fine," I smiled as I gazed at my beautiful bouquet. And I actually believed what I said.

About damn time!

A/N: Okay, Bella finally got her head out of her ass. Dr. McFuckme is bloody perfect (I want flowers sent to me at work, dagnabbit!). And I snuck in a little lemon. Cumquat. Cutie tangerine. You get the idea. Leave me love, please :)