Sirens scream, but all Rey hears are sobs—Ben's, her own, Leia's, Chewie's, Luke's, Finn's. She waits for Poe's, waits for Poe to confirm it, to confirm that it's over, but Poe still works, frantic, gasping, but not crying.
"Let's go!" shouts an African-American man as he leaps out of a vehicle, racing over to Luke and Snoke and Finn and the other man. Ben leans over and gags. Rey presses her face against his shoulder, cradling his head.
"Come on!" Several medics rush by, and Poe steps away. Rey glances up, terror biting at her wrists, the soles of her feet. A sheen of sweat covers Poe's ashen face, and blood stains his shirt, his jeans, but his brow's still tense.
"Give them some room!" barks out the African-American man. An agent, Rey realizes. She grabs Ben and pulls him away, towards Finn and Luke. Artoo howls as they both kneel on the ground.
Leia crowds near the medics, her hand over her mouth. One of them says something to her and she steps back, but she can't join the rest of them. Or, at least, she doesn't.
Luke turns to his nephew, and Ben backs away, face like a cowed dog facing an angry owner. Rey knows that look well.
Tear tracks mar the bloody streak on Ben's cheek as he looks up at his uncle, gasping, his hair soaked in sweat.
Luke shakes his head and drops to his knees next to Ben, pulling his nephew against his shoulder like Ben's a young boy waking up from a nightmare. Except he can't soothe this away, but he's trying, and that's something, Rey supposes.
Something drops in the corner of Rey's eyes, and she realizes Finn's put his hand on Ben's shoulder, even as Finn cries too.
The medics rise, lifting a stretcher. Leia watches it go, Poe's arm around her. Chewie paces back and forth, unable to look at his friend, at Ben.
"Excuse me," interrupts the African-American agent. "Kylo Ren?"
Ben flinches and nods.
"You'll have to come with us. Actually—we'll need to question you all. But—"
"You're arresting me," Ben states.
"Well, yes. But you aren't being charged with anything. Yet."
"I will be, though," Ben mutters, getting to his feet. Rey rises with him, and she feels Finn's hands on her shoulders as the agent puts Ben's hands behind his back, snapping handcuffs on. Ben's head hangs low, avoiding his mother's gaze.
"Ben," Rey calls, reaching her hand out towards him even though she's bawling. She can't grab him and he can't grab onto her, not this time, but please, Ben, just know I'm reaching for you.
He looks at her like she's his only hope, a miracle and he drinks her in.
"I'm going to the hospital," Poe announces as he strides over. The car door slams, closing Ben in. "With Leia. Lando says they can question us there…"
"I'll go with you," Finn adds.
Rey shakes her head. "Text me. I'm—going to the station. Or the agency. Wherever."
"Just a station," Poe confirms. "For now. Luke—what are you—"
"I'll go with Rey, answer some questions, and then head over to the hospital," Luke says. "If… she's okay with that."
Rey glances at the man who, in another set of circumstances, could have wound up raising her. "I'm okay with it." She wipes at her eyes.
At the station, Rey and Luke sit in silence, with Artoo between them. Beebee-Ate must still be in the apartment. Poor thing.
Almost obsessively, Rey checks her texts to see if there's an update. Bile surges in her throat each time, because she's so afraid she'll see the words she expects.
The agent who arrested Ben asks to talk to her. Lando Calrissian, his name is, and even he appears shaken.
"Name?"
"Rey… Kenobi," she answers. "Legally Rey Jakku."
Lando cocks his head, a smile on his face.
Rey answers everything as best she can, and they let her go.
Luke studies her face when she emerges. She drops into the seat next to him, and the minutes tick-tock by in silence.
"What was my grandfather like?" Rey finally asks, shattering the invisible wall.
"Do you really want to know?" Luke asks.
She nods. "I can't just sit here. I'm going crazy."
"Your grandfather…" Luke sighs, and then he launches into a description of a brave, patient, kind man, the kind of man Rey's always imagined her father to be.
Still waiting, Finn texts her four hours in. Surgery's long.
Rey chugs coffee as she listens to Luke, but exhaustion catches her and she falls asleep, her head against Luke's shoulder.
A hand shakes her awake. Rey blinks, gripping her phone. Still nothing?
"You can see him now," Lando Calrissian tells her. He turns to Luke. "They haven't officially charged any of them yet—still gathering information—but he's been cooperating."
"This shipment?" Luke quizzes.
"Can't say to a private citizen," Lando says, but he winks.
They got it. Relief washes over Rey. She jumps to her feet, pulse beating in her throat. She endures the mandatory pat down before she rushes to see him.
He's slumped against a wall, and she runs towards him. Two guards stand in the corners. "Ben."
"No touching," one guard orders as Rey takes a seat across from him. Ben's eyes and nose, swollen and red, all scream his grief, his regret. She aches to reach out, hold him like they held each other less than twenty-four hours ago.
"I love you," she says.
He sniffs and his lips quiver. "I love you, too."
"I'm sorry—if I just—if I hadn't let Snoke up—" She hits her forehead.
"Rey, if anyone's to blame, it's me. It's not you."
"Bullshit. You aren't—you fucked up, but you were trying to make it right—you did make it right."
"You trusted me to fix it, though. That was your plan, wasn't it? And now my father's—he's—" Ben covers his mouth and sobs.
"He loves you. He won't regret it and you know it," Rey insists. Please believe me, Ben. Please.
Please live to tell him, Han.
"I wish I could prove it to him."
"You just might," Rey says, voice shaking. "And even if not… remember what he said to you. I think you already have proven it. He's forgiven you. You just had to look in his eyes. You saw the same look I did."
Ben drops his head, shoulders shaking. "I didn't—deserve it—though."
"Isn't that kind of the point?" Rey asks, wiping at her own eyes.
After Poe finally returns from his debriefing, Finn pulls Poe aside.
"How's it going?"
Poe shrugs. "You tell me."
"It's devastating. This fucking waiting. Chewie's a wreck, and Leia—" Finn gulps and shakes his head.
"You were brave," Poe tells him. "I'm so sorry that you had to—"
Finn shrugs, scenes from the night flashing through his mind like slides. "It was so weird. I was so afraid, but I knew—I knew you and Rey and—you all needed me. And I didn't fall apart."
"No, you didn't," Poe agrees.
"I just wish—Han—" Finn blows out his breath and meets Poe's eyes. "I can't—I've been watching Leia sob all day. Chewie too. She doesn't deserve to lose her son too. If he doesn't make it."
"I know," Poe admits. His eyes cloud, and Finn wonders what he's thinking of—or whom. His parents?
"You can do something, and you know it. Or you can at least try," Finn insists. "If Lando hasn't already thought of it, and he might've." He grips his boyfriend's shoulder. "What would Han want? If he dies, what will he have died for? Even if Kylo—if Ben—deserves to rot, and I'm not so sure he does—there's got to be a chance."
"The laws aren't so forgiving," Poe says.
"Work with them," Finn pleads. "Not even for Ben. For Leia. For Rey. For Han." He pulls him close and rests his cheek against Poe's.
"I love you," Poe whispers, holding Finn. "I was so scared for you. Last night."
"You were scared?"
Poe pulls back and nods, eyes watering. "Yeah."
Finn covers Poe's mouth with his, kissing away the nightmare.
"Excuse me," a female voice interrupts. "I'm Dr. Kalonia."
Leia blanches. "Is he—?"
"Your husband's alive. For now. He's intubated and he lost a lot of blood—we had to give him four transfusions."
"Will he—?" Chewie begins.
"I don't know." Dr. Kalonia bites her lip. "It's too soon to say. If he makes it through the night, then I'd say he's got a fighting chance. At this point, there's nothing more we can do except wait."
When Rey leaves and Agent Calrissian tells him he has another visitor, Ben knows who it is without Agent Calrissian dropping the name.
"Do you want me to let her in?" The man raises his eyebrows.
Ben nods, even though he doesn't. He's afraid. He wishes the guards weren't here, wishes she were able to beat him up so he'd at least know what was in her mind, no have to suffer through the forced calm he'll no doubt endure, and the questions that scream from it.
His mother steps into the small room, eyes sunken and deep lines riddling her face, lines that Ben knows he, no doubt, caused. He wants to duck under the table, curl up, hide, but there's nowhere for him to conceal himself. His guilt, his shame—he gave up the right to hold it in the moment he decided to stop the Starkiller project.
What can he even offer her? An apology is just words. Hopeless words.
She starts. She speaks. "Ben."
He doesn't want to, but he knows he needs to. He owes it to his mother to at least look her in the eyes, so she can see what he's become. "I'm so—I'm—Mom."
"You're okay," she says, looking at him like he's a miracle, nor a monster.
Ben shakes his head. "Is he—is—"
"He's alive. For now. The doctors say we have to wait and see." She shakes her head. "The odds aren't in his favor."
"I love him," he sobs.
"I know you do, Ben." She gasps. "I just—I haven't seen you in so long—I was so scared for you—"
"When you found out I was Kylo Ren—"
"I was so scared," she repeats.
"You didn't hate me?" In his worst nightmares, in the moments he tossed and turned, in the seconds he stood over his pool and stared through the crystal clear water at the bottom, he pictured her swearing, disowning her piece of trash son who clearly never listened to her, who clearly was a sociopath now. I never was, I never was.
"Never. I was angry, yes, Ben, I was furious. At you, but also at Snoke, at myself, at your father—" Her voice trembles. "We should have done more."
"I thought you—why didn't you look for me? When I ran away?"
"We did. Privately, to protect you—Ben, there were threats on your life because of me. I felt so guilty. The last thing a mother ever wants is to realize she's put her child in danger, and when you were gone—I sent you away because I thought it would protect you, but I was wrong, I know it now." She inhales. "When we found out you were gone, I paid so many PI's—and none of them ever found you. I had nightmares of you dying alone, of you trying to survive on the streets by any means necessary—"
"Snoke took me in," Ben confesses, glancing at her as his stomach tightens.
She shakes her head as if disgusted with herself, and her guilt—it knits Ben together with her, a cord they both share, even if it's somewhat misapplied in her case. "Of course."
"I thought you didn't love me. I thought you were glad to be rid of me."
"Ben, you could—you could have murdered your father yourself—"
"Didn't I, though? I beat him. I ordered him beaten, and then I—I—if it weren't for me—"
"No, you didn't! You did all that, yes, but I know it and—you could have done far worse. You could have come up with the Starkiller idea on your own, you could have joined that group—and I would still love you. Your father, he'd still love you. Neither of us—you don't understand yet, Ben, because you don't have children. When you do, you'll understand. I won't deny what you've done, but you'll always be my son. You'll always be your father's son."
"Mom," he chokes out. "I love you."
"I know," she answers, voice soft and embracing, because she can't hold him with her arms. "Snoke asked you to change your name, didn't he?"
Ben nods. "I tried to kill myself," he says quietly. "Snoke suggested I changed my name when he took me to the hospital. To Kylo Ren. He saved me, or so I thought—so I—I thought he cared."
Why would you trade something freely given for something you have to earn?
Mom moans, her hand covering her forehead.
"He knew all along, didn't he?" Ben asks, the realization punching him in the gut. "He knew it'd make me harder to find—he knew you were looking—"
"Probably," she agrees. "Snoke's resented me since… so many years. He thought he could control me, since he was like my uncle growing up—he helped jump-start my own career, and when I started questioning him, he—he viewed it as a betrayal." She swallows, staring at her hands, knuckles swollen from arthritis. "I imagine he thought it an appropriate payback to steal my son from me."
It was a kidnapping. Like a cult leader, he manipulated you. All his insistence that he wouldn't go home because he wasn't weak—it all stemmed from weakeness. Ben wants to melt into his chair. "The death threats—were they from him?"
Mom shrugs. "Possibly. Some of them. I have… recent reason to believe so, yes."
"I knew it was wrong. The entire time. What Snoke had me do. I tried to make myself believe otherwise—but it was wrong, all of it. Dad tried—"
Ben!
If only I'd listened. He clenches his fists in agony.
"He didn't give up on you, Ben. His actions last night prove that," she insists, bringing him up for air.
"I know," he admits. We have so many years to catch up on.
Most of them, he knows, she won't like.
But she loves him still.
"I need you," he chokes out, knowing that he has no right to ask it of her, and yet it's the phrase he's been trying to show her since he was a child. Even if he dies, I need you. Please.
Her eyes tear up, and some of the lines in her face ease. "I'm right here."
"So," Poe says as he strides in to meet with Ben late in the evening, after Finn's finally cajoled Rey into leaving and Luke's headed over to the hospital to keep Leia and Chewie company.
"I should've known you'd come," Ben mutters.
"I haven't come to gloat."
"I didn't think you would." Ben meets Poe's eyes with a sad smile.
"Look," Poe says. "Whatever I say, I can't guarantee."
"Is Rey okay?"
"Finn drove her back to snuggle with Beebee and sleep."
Ben nods. "Good."
"Right. Well." Poe clears his throat. "I may be a former agent, but I still have connections."
Ben's nostrils flair. "What—"
"There's still more work to be done. To take down the rest of FO Tech. To catch the Starkiller group." Poe shifts. "Lando might be considering offering you an immunity deal."
Ben shakes his head. "They don't need to do that. I'll tell them whatever they want to know—testify—do whatever they want. They don't need to offer me anything."
"Because you don't deserve it," Poe mocks, ire rising.
"I don't."
"So what? None of this is about what you deserve," Poe snaps. "It's about what your mother deserves. Her son back, and while you behind bars is better than nothing, it's not exactly great. It's about what Rey deserves, which I'm sure you'll agree, is the world—well, a better version of the world, because this earth's a pretty fucked up place. And it's about what your father deserves, if he makes it or if he dies."
Ben gapes, his hands trembling.
"Yeah, keep looking shocked that I'm speaking the truth, and you know it's the truth. Everyone's fucking left Rey, too—her parents, for starters. No, Finn and I aren't going to leave her, and neither is Leia. Or Luke. But neither should you."
Hope starts to glimmer in Ben's eyes, but he tries to blink it away. "It's not my choice."
"Not exactly, and understand that I can't promise you anything—but if they offered you some sort of deal—" Poe sighs, dragging his fingers through his hair. His scalp burns. "—would you take it?"
Ben hesitates, and then nods.
"Good. Because you should know that I love Rey like she's my little sister, and I'm gonna do what I can to make her happy. But you've got to pull your weight, too."
Thanks for reading! Two more chapters (well, really one more chapter, and then an epilogue).