Beep. Beep. Beep.
The incessant sound may assure Leia that her ex-husband—was he ever really an ex anything?—is still alive, but she wants to tear the machine out and bash it against the wall regardless. It's a reminder that they have to monitor whether he's a live or not. It's a ticking time bomb that could go off at any moment, plunging the room into a code blue that Leia isn't even sure would be worth trying to diffuse.
Chewie snores as he hunches over in the plastic chair, too small for his body.
"Han," Leia tries, her fingers caressing his shoulder. "Han. It's me." Does she even need to tell him that?
How much can he hear?
Is he even still there, or is it just his body? What if whatever's made him Han has already fled?
"I love you," Leia tries. "I'm—all those years—" What a waste, a damn waste.
Or was it? Maybe they needed those years apart. Maybe they needed them to grow, to realize that no matter how much they fought, how many times he left, they loved each other. They are each others' center of gravity; they will always fall back together.
Beep. Beep. Beep.
"I still wear our wedding ring, you know," Leia tells him. "Of course you know. You've seen it." Han had never worn his, except on fancy occasions, but he hadn't needed to. "I don't think I'll take it off. No matter what."
Ben.
The boy, now a man, with as much of his father in his face as Leia. The boy Han had almost fainted upon finding out he was growing inside Leia, the boy whose birth sent her husband into a flurry of tears, the child Han used to spoil and cuddle with on the couch, when Ben would fall asleep, his head on Han's shoulder and Leia would look at them and think how beautiful they were.
They still are, Leia thinks as she studies Han's sunken cheeks, the knobs of his eyes. "Han… Ben's all right. He's in custody now, but—he's all right. He's away from Snoke." Her voice trembles. "He came home. And you—" Come home too, she wants to say.
But she can't.
Beep. Beep. Beep.
"If you pass," Leia says. "If you go, know that he's okay. He knows you love him. He knows you forgive him, and Han, I'm so proud of you—I'm so—he's gonna be okay. I know it."
She leans over and kisses him on his cheek, because she can't reach his lips due to the breathing tube, and if she could, his lips for once wouldn't receive her. His skin is dry, like paper.
"Hey," Luke says gruffly from the doorway. "Any change?"
Leia turns to her brother, shaking her head.
"Rey and Finn will head over shortly." Luke sighs, and then blinks.
"What?" Leia asks.
"Han?" Luke gasps.
Leia whirls around as Chewie's eyes snap open, as if that name, spoken in that tone, is exactly the alarm clock he was waiting for.
And Han—his eyes blink at her with their telltale confusion and irritation. His hand, IV jutting out of it, crawls up his chest to tug at the breathing tube.
"Nurse! Doctor!" Luke shrieks, leaping out of the room.
The doctors flood the room, ushering Leia, Luke, and Chewie out. Leia's hands press against her face, a grin on her face and hope alive.
"I'll go to the station. Jail," Chewie says gruffly. "Someone's got to tell that kid. And you should stay here, both of you."
Leia wraps her arms around Chewie in an embrace.
Ben signs the documents with his legal name: Kylo Ren. It feels wrong, sliding off the ballpoint pen, like a lie in black ink, graffiti on his father's grave.
He's not dead yet.
"We'll be in touch," Lando promises. Ben's spent the past forty-eight hours being grilled for each and every detail. He's given them access to every file he can find from FO Tech's databases. The press has somehow been shut out from the story for the past few days, in order to lure key officials from the Starkiller group into a trap. Chewie agreed to keep quiet, apparently, for now.
And now that's over, and Ben's certain that the press will be all over the story. Hopefully, his mother's reputation isn't ruined.
"Fortunately," Lando tells him, clapping him on the shoulder. "It seems the people who know Kylo Ren is Ben Solo are all in custody, or aren't the sort you need to worry about."
Ben nods. He plans to change his name back as soon as he can.
"You know," Lando says, pausing. "I used to work with your father."
Ben blinks. "What?"
"I may have fed him tidbits here and there when we were both getting started." Lando winks. "But I'll deny it if you ever say anything."
"I wouldn't."
Lando peers up into Ben's eyes. "You know, I'd say I saw Han Solo at his happiest twice in my life. The first was when he married your mother."
"Yeah," Ben says, guilt grabbing him. Because look how that turned out. Divorced, and it's all his fault.
"Kid, they may have separated, but let's be real. They still love each other. Their lives always reflect that, before they met even, during their fights, after they separated, when he was shot."
Ben shakes his head. He can't even remember this man—who does he think he is? But his anger—it's a ruse, it's a straw man burning, protecting him from the searing pain.
He's dying because of me.
"And the second time I saw him so happy was right after you were born." Lando grips his shoulder and grits his teeth. "Don't ever doubt that."
Why would I trust you?
It's like Lando's trying to tell him he's worth it, and Ben knows he's not.
Your father thinks you are.
Rey thinks you are. So does your mother.
"Hey," says a gruff voice to the side.
Chewie.
Ben gulps.
"Everything he's saying," Chewie says, nodding at Lando. "Is true."
"You can't not hate me." His mother, Ben believes. Rey, he believes. Even Finn and Poe… but not Chewie. Not the man who is his father's best friend.
"Your father's awake," Chewie informs him.
"What?" Ben gapes at him.
"He's awake."
"He is?" Lando's eyes widen.
"Yeah, awake and they're talking about extubating him." Chewie smirks. "I've been waiting here all day for you to sign that goddamn plea agreement. Poe told me about it before he went to the hospital with Finn. And I'm going to bring you to him whether you like it or not."
"I want to go," Ben insists, blood rushing through him. Does he? His heart constricts.
"Good. Rey's in the bathroom. She'll be right out." Chewie rolls his eyes.
"She's been waiting here?"
"Yep." Chewie nods.
"I'll stop by after work," Lando informs them.
"And, Ben," Chewie says, watching Lando stride away. "I don't hate you. I'm damn pissed at you, and to be honest it's going to be really fucking hard to forgive you. But I think I can."
"Because he lived?"
"Not hardly. Because your father isn't the type to throw his life away. All he ever wanted was you and Leia, safe and happy. He doesn't have to be in the picture, in the end." Chewie hesitates, and then wraps an arm around him. "And you're still that kid who managed to beat me at chess."
When Ben pulls back, he's smiling.
"Let's go," Chewie says, nodding as Rey appears.
"You heard?" Rey grabs Ben and he holds her against his chest.
He'd almost accepted that his father was going to die. But now—he's alive.
It's a second chance, it's a gift, and he doesn't deserve it like he doesn't deserve Rey.
Rey pulls him in and kisses him, and in her eyes Ben sees the person he could be as well as the person he is. In her eyes, he imagines an ocean of possibilities.
He turns to Chewie, hand entwined with Rey's. "Let's go."
The drive to the hospital is hushed. Rey checks her phone constantly. "Looks like they managed to get the breathing tube out," she reports.
"So he'll be able to talk?"
Rey studies him and brushes a lock of his hair back from his face. "Don't be afraid." An invitation.
What would it be like not to be afraid?
He squeezes Rey's hand.
"Hey," Finn greets them in the hospital lobby, all sparse and neat and with the smell of hand sanitizer nipping at their nostrils. "It's good to see you… Ben."
Ben nods, ducking his head, and then Finn holds out his hand and Ben takes it.
"He's been asking for you," Finn tells him. "First words out of his mouth. Well, that and 'about time.' Don't think he liked that tube thing very much."
Rey snorts. Ben shakes his head.
"Look," Finn says as they ride the elevator to the seventh floor ICU. "Poe forgave me, okay? I know it's not quite the same thing. But your dad—I mean, I once heard someone in a church say that love covers a multitude of sins. Like—your mother loves you. He does too."
"I know," Ben manages. "It's just—seeing him." How can he convince his father that he loves him too? That he doesn't take with his father did lightly? That he's sorry?
A slow process. Living each day at a time.
And he won't have to do it alone.
"Good luck, man," Finn says, clapping Ben on the shoulder as the elevator dings and Ben's legs petrify.
Ben! Dad had screamed that day he ordered security to beat him.
Now he wants to cry out: Dad!
Daddy! he'd screamed when he got lost at six years old, in a mall. And his father heard him and came swooping in, saving him.
"Hey." Rey turns to him and traces his face. She doesn't have to say any words.
The door. They're at it. Ben's feet pause as Finn slips in.
The figure in the bed, frail and so much older than Ben could have imagined, turns to him. His mother's hand grips her husband's, and Uncle Luke smiles from a corner. Poe flashes Ben a thumbs-up, and Chewie's hand pushes Ben into the room.
"Ben," Dad rasps, voice raw from the breathing tube, and Ben's façade starts to crumple. Rey lets go of his hand to wipe at her eyes.
"Come here," Mom requests.
"Let me look at you," Dad croaks.
Ben stumbles forward towards his father's side, hands clasping his father's hand, and Dad pries the other hand from Mom's grip just to stroke Ben's face yet again.
What do you see? Ben wonders. He tries to keep his expression neutral, but his mask disintegrates. I'm a mess. I'm a big, fucking mess, Dad, and here I am.
"You're all right, kid."
"I'm—you're all right," Ben manages. "You're—I'm so sorry—I'm—" Regret wraps itself in strings around his voice, pulling it down, and he drops his head to his father's side, sobbing.
"Help me, Leia," grumbles Dad.
"With what?"
"I wanna hug my son."
"No—don't get—you shouldn't move—" But Mom's already helping lift him, and then he's embracing Ben, arms weak but strong, and his mother's embracing them both, and Uncle Luke—and then both his mother and Uncle Luke hold out an arm, beckoning for Rey to join their family.
"You did it," Ben hears Finn saying to Poe. He lifts his head just enough to see the two men wrapping their arms around each other, both crying, but not from distress.
The heart monitor beats beside them. Beep. Beep. Beep.
They're alive.