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Chapter 3
Tony never believed that saying about kids being little people, until he met Raven. She had come into his life when she was seven years old, very much her own person. She knew what she wanted to be and what she needed to be to accomplish her dream. Besides that she was a fight, damaged, secretive and skittish as a cat. But she was brilliant.
Her IQ was higher than his.
Those who knew him, thought it was humbling and paralyzing. Your daughter could flip the world on its head if she wanted to. She could change it. That little thing in your arms could unlock things you never dreamed off. But that wasn't Raven. She was an artist, a musician. She commented a thousand times, how she wanted give her brain to a doctor or a cancer researcher, if she could. I don't like being so smart. Everyone expects me to be just like you, and I'm not! It broke his heart whenever she screamed it at the top of her lungs. I'm me, not you. Before she was even thirteen. The way she would try to fail her classes, just so she could stay behind with her friends.
Tony never thought he would have to nag his kid to stop pretending to be stupid. To check over their homework to make sure she actually tried to do it, and not try to fail. Lucky for him the teachers knew she was genius, and twisted her arm about it. It had the opposite effect at times, but she did, in the end, do her homework. He wondered if he did the right thing pushing her. She never got to go to senior prom, a chance to fight for the prom queen crown. She graduated at fifteen, small and unsure, beside giddy seniors, with no friends. She refused to give the Valedictorian speech. At the last minute she gave it to a boy, her runner up. He worked harder than me, she told him when he asked why she did it. He worked harder than me, so he earned that speech. To the spotty teen's credit, he did come back and shook Raven's hand all smiles. Pepper was all teary eyed by the display, and that they decided to break tradition and share the Valedictorian title for the yearbook. We did good, was all Pepper said when he asked why she stifling tears. We did good.
Raven had a moral compass, an honor code underneath that adolescent melancholy and famous irish temper. She was a good kid. After two therapists whispering to him that Raven might have skewed morals due to her abusive past, the neglect, witnessing domestic violence, being coddled into a trained bulldog. They were all so afraid she would reflect that childhood, the damage too deep set to unwind, their love and care not strong enough. It made Pepper nervous for years. Especially when Van was born.
When Van was born, Raven was excited. Tony had been on pins and needles thinking that she might resent her brother for having his attention, for taking the spotlight. Seeing how Thor and Loki turned out, he had every right to be on edge. Thor warned him himself, telling him to accept Raven despite how different she was, no matter what deal with her with a loving hand, and a low voice. If that wasn't a sign to panic Tony had to be freaking blind. The idea of Thor seeing red flags in Raven using Loki as an example, made him sick, for a week he hovered around her. He had no idea what he was looking for, but the image wouldn't be shaken.
The shared traits of Loki and Raven.
They were nothing alike, yet, they were similar.
Thor meant to arm him, warn him against what happened to Loki. All it did was make Tony fret more. He wanted Raven to be happy, normal, to have her dreams come true. She loved music and art, so he encouraged it. He bought her paints, easels, brushes, sketch books and charcoal sticks, he let her learn the piano when she asked for lessons, when she wanted to go to plays instead of movies. He let her be herself. And it paid off.
Sure she fought in school, she back chatted teachers, argued with ferocious conviction, and she had an issue of breaking things, and hearts, when she was in corner and losing. But she was a good kid. She was adorable and the most lovable thing alive. When he couldn't sleep some nights, she would bring him cups of warm milk, dreary eyed and dead on her feet. Some nights when she woke up from a nightmare, she would make him lie down next to her. Tucking him in to his chin, she would hug his head, running her hand through his hair singing whatever song she could remember, until one of them drifted off. Most of time she was the first to nod off. It was the cutest thing, she would be singing, then yawn, and in three minutes her voice fade away to loud puffs of breath.
The way he made Raven was blurry and sleazy, but Tony never regretted Raven. It was magical how she never saw the suit as a part of him. Even at eight, before the Mandarin, she would say, why do you need so many suits? It's not like they're shoes. How she would only hug and kiss him goodbye before he put the suit on. Whenever she talked about him to other kids, who had no idea he was Iron Man or that she was his daughter, she never brought the suit up. She would say he makes stuff, robot stuff, if they asked what he did. But she'd list how silly he thought she was, or thick, as she would say. How he played with her, building stuff together, playing on the Wii or board games. She would say how he works a lot but he works at home, so she got to see him all day.
Everything but that suit.
She helped him give it up, when they suggested retirement. She was in Ireland at that time, probably at university. Van or someone must have called her, because the next day she was banging on his lab door. Demanding to be let in, knowing he had blocked everyone out. She got in and let him have it, tears in her eyes and fire in her voice, she broke him down.
"I want you old and wrinkly, you bloody idiot!" She cried, the infamous brogue getting stronger. It came back to her naturally when she left for Dublin. "I want to be pushing you about in a wheelchair, because you're too damn tired to lift your saggy self up! I want you at my wedding! And if you don't deactivate that suit, I'll destroy myself. I may be a cellist but I guarantee you I'll turn it into a scrap! You hear me?"
She missed school for him. University was the world to her, learning about music. And she missed two days of it for him.
"Shut it down," she begged him. "I... I... Can't lose you too, alright? It'll kill me Daddy. Please, Dad, for me. Shut it down, for me?"
And he did. For her.
She never asked him for anything. Even when she was off at college. She never fussed, or whined for anything. Marshall said she had a job as a barista during her first year, until they let her go because of budgeting reasons. The next job was at a library at college, which was very her, she had that job on and off during her three remaining years at college. That was her allowance, her salary. Pepper told him she was independent, Tony felt as though he had done something wrong.
So much so he went to visit her.
Raven's face went white when she saw her father walk into the library. Nonchalant, and as laid back as he could dress. He had grabbed him by the arm and yanked him aside.
"Dad, what are you doing?"
As though he had done nothing wrong, he shrugged. "I'm looking for a vintage copy of the Dubliners, you got it?"
"Dad, this isn't funny," she hissed. "I'm working."
"You're on the night shift, no one's here." He glanced behind her, "Damn, no one's in here, at all, that's sad."
"Dad, for the love of God, what do you want?"
"I'm visiting you," he was offended by her tone. Like he was bothering her. When did that happen?
"They're days for that," she scolded. "And today isn't one of them."
Her hair was pulled up in a messy bun, held up by a single pencil and the sheer will power of her scowl. The haunting fact she reminded him more and more of the woman he couldn't remember, didn't help him at the moment. She was Vivian's ghost, hair tousled and wild, pale as marble, bright doleful eyes and a neat mouth.
"You're sixteen, I have a right to check in on you."
"You don't -" Her mouth suddenly dropped. "Holy shit." When did she start swearing? She shoved him deeper down the aisle. "Stay here," she warned, "or I'll bury you in the reference aisle." And when did her accent start coming back?
She zipped off into the aisle in front of them. Rightfully inquisitive, Tony had pulled out a book and spied on the activity. To his complete stupefaction Raven was talking to a boy, a scrawny boy with a big smile. And she was smiling at him, blushing and girly. Tony didn't hear the conversation, all he saw was this new side of Raven. Shy because of boy, not wanting to look up, a boy looking at her like she a shooting star. He handed her a piece of paper, and with no warming he sneaked in stealing a kiss on her lips before darting off like a rabbit.
When she came back to him, she somehow had forgotten he was there and it showed.
"Dad? I..."
"You got a boyfriend." She blushed, guilty. He held his temple. "Why didn't you tell me?"
She became defensive. "We barely started going out a month ago. Besides he's not the first boy, I went out with..."
"There was another one?" He felt stunned. She was into boys and dating now? "And I'm hearing about this now?"
"I didn't want to freak you out," she said. "And he... broke up with me."
"What? Why?" Raven was pretty in her own special way. Looking back on her Tony wondered why more boys didn't ask her out. Intellectual types at least.
Ashamed she sighed. "Because I wouldn't sleep with him. I told him no and he dumped me... Leaving me at a party by myself. I didn't tell you because I knew you'd want to break his neck."
Tony couldn't speak. It was like he missed years of experiences with Raven. The idea of her being pushed into sex made him burn with hate, and a forgotten youth. The fact she stood her ground and was ditched in a way he had shaken off girls, made him feel a sadness he never wanted to know. He never prepared himself for the fact there were guys like him, in young men, and Raven might get hurt by them. He saw the face of what he had no doubt felt behind in his childless days. It stung him.
"Look, if you and you're new boyfriend don't have plans... You wanna get some dinner?"
She blinked at him, "Dinner?" She looked at the paper the boy had given her. "Sure, we can do that." Then she smiled, big and bright. "Now shoo, I'm at work."
Pepper gave him an earful when he got home, but it was worth it. He and Raven had some time together. She vaguely mentioned the asshole who deserved to be neutered. She mostly mentioned school, her friends, the main one being a guy call Nate, a German exchange student and a girl called Brogan who was in English major. Nate was like a big brother to her, by the way she talked about him. It was more pressing his little girl had discovered boys and already had her heart broken. She was growing up.
Raven didn't like telling him about her boyfriends. Pepper understood why she wouldn't, you're Iron Man, retired or not, they'll faint the second they hit the lobby. Of course she'll be apprehensive, it's not right but it's a logical reaction. Give her time and she'll feel more confident to tell you.
They all said that but Raven was her own person. She travelled with friends across Europe, her university used her for one night jobs to show off their teaching skills, she did semesters abroad. As much as Tony wanted to have Raven to himself, after he saw that boy, he dawned on him that she was slipping away from him. She was growing up, and she didn't need him anymore.
But she never really needed him that much to begin with.
