Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia.

Kicking the Bucket List

nine

"I've tried to reason,
I'm trying to see.
Why can't you imagine
a successful me?"
— Bring It On by Light Up The Sky

"So basically, the PAS will be having a general assembly next week where the seniors will be picking out the underclassmen they want to assist them in their play, which is also their final project," Bella says, scooping whipped cream out of her coffee jelly frappé using the end of her straw. She pops it in her mouth before setting it back into the cup. "Aren't you excited, Lovi?"

"Hmm?" Lovino hums distractedly as he looks out of the window.

Bella's icy green eyes glance up at him, surprised to see the unmistakeable blush on his face. A feline smile crept onto her lips as she follows his line of sight. There were two guys just outside the Starbucks, a brunette and a redhead currently engrossed in a conversation.

Which one is it? She thinks to herself, taking a second to revel in Lovino's flushed face. As she glances out the window, the brunette walks away, yet the redhead stands. The Italian's eyes are still trained on the latter.

Said redhead turns around, and instantly, she recognises him as Allistor Kirkland, a senior taking Performing Arts. She's heard a lot about him through the upperclassmen she befriended during the general assembly last week.

Apparently, he had a lot of potential as a play director. The professors adore him because he had a unique perspective on things which truly brought the plays he's directed alive. There's speculation that if Allistor focussed his talents on directing films, he could possibly be the next Spielberg, and that's saying a lot.

"Ooh~ He's kinda cute~" She coos, eyeing Lovino suggestively, all the whilst wriggling her eyebrows.

His eyes meet hers as his face reddens even more. He glances down in effort to conceal his face, "S-Shut up. You don't know what you're talking about, d-dammit! Plus, I— I don't even know the bastard."

"Right," the Belgian drawls. She was going to continue teasing him about it, but then— 'IF YOU WANNA BE MY LOVER, YOU GOTTA GET WITH MY FRIENDS'— her phone went off.

"The fuck..?" Lovino mouths, glancing up at her as she rummages through her Louis Vuitton handbag. She pulls her phone out of the bag and holds it to her ear.

"Hello?" She greets, listening intently. "Ooh~!" she exclaims after several seconds, leaning across the low coffee table to tap Lovino's knee. His eyes met hers inquisitively. "Lovi, can the rest of our friends come here?"

His eyes widened as his eyebrows shot up. Che cosa? 'Our' friends?

"Please?" She pleads, pouting at him.

The Italian ensconced himself further in the armchair, rolling his eyes as he shrugged his shoulders. "Yeah, whatever, dammit."

"Oh my gosh. Come here ASAP! We'll be waiting for you~!" She exclaims, straightening up in her seat. "Toodles~!"

And it was at that moment where Lovino's jaw just went slack. Bella was really radiating Legally Blonde vibes right now. Where the fuck did that come from? "'Toodles'?" He echoes, expression incredulous. "Fucking 'toodles'? What happened to you over summer break?"

A laugh escapes her lips.

"Really, Bella, just when I thought you couldn't get any girlier…" Lovino rants, only to trail off when Allistor walks in. His face darkens fifty shades of red as he presses his lips together and glances down at his hands again.

"Lovino," she says, secretly devising a plan for a 'Chance Encounter'.

"What, dammit?" He asks, face-palming himself in effort to hide his face.

"Lovi~" Bella says again, her tone beckoning his attention. A sigh escapes his lips. After a second or two, he forces himself to meet her gaze. "Can you get me a bagel? Like, with cream cheese?"

His hazel eyes flicker over to the redhead's form before they flicker back to the Belgian's icy green eyes. "How about no?"

"Please? With cherries and sprinkles on top?" She asks again, this time with a tinge of urgency in her tone.

"I'll get it in a minute, dammit," he grumbles, rolling his eyes.

She glances up at the senior, who is currently ordering his caffeine fix.

…O mijn God. What if he leaves and he and Lovino never get to talk?!

Fast! Need to act fast!

And just like that, Bella's calm, collected composure crumbled into bits and pieces.

Just like the croissant Lovino bought her earlier. Oops~?

Immediately, she stands up and totters over to Lovino in her gold Jimmy Choo pumps, tugging at his black jacket sleeve. "Get up and get me my bagel!" She half-shrieks, desperately trying to pull him up.

Everyone's attention is suddenly focussed on the pair as the sweet-looking Belgian girl frantically shakes the panicking Italian back and forth.

"Che cazzo stai facendo?!" He demanded, inadvertently slipping into his native tongue.

"Get me a bagel!" She urges, her expression borderline corybantic.

"Che cosa—"

"Bagel!"

"Sei già in piedi! È possibile ottenere il vostro bagel, dannazione!"

"I don't understand Italian!" She manages to haul him half-way up. "Get the bagel before he leaves!"

He blanks out for a second, two seconds…

…And realisation slaps him in the face.

"Merda, I should've known!" He manages to exclaim in English, his expression scandalised.

It is then when finally, the silence settles in and the pair take notice of the (not-so) sudden silence and grow wary of the eyes of everyone in the café focussed on them.

"Holy fucking shit—" Lovino curses under his breath, face flushing bright red in embarrassment and shame. He face-palms himself, sinking back down in his seat. "Oh my God."

"Nothing to see here, people!" Bella says, sheepishly waving her hands before her. "Nothing to see! Carry on now~!"

"Oh my God," He reiterates. Just as he's about to commence his jeremiad, Allistor saunters up to them, coffee in hand and all.

"'Ello, Lovino." He says, smiling at the Italian, whose heart skips a beat. Shit.

Bella's eyes widen in pleasant surprise. They know each other already?!

"Hi, Ah'm Allistor," the redhead greets, giving the Belgian a curt nod. They shake hands.

"Hi, I'm Bella. Lovino's friend," she greets back before observing the spectacle before her. Bible (AKA 'swear to God'), if Elizabeta were here, she would freak. Out.

This kinda stuff is what she pretty much lives for.

On a sidenote, is this what it's like to be a wingman? Wing… woman?

"Sorry, I— I had a moment." She says, waving what had happened aside. "I just need to go to the powder room for a second. Collect myself and all."

"Oh. Righ'." Allistor concurs, gesturing to the comfort room situated in the back of the café. "It's over there—"

Bella laughs. But it's one of those obnoxiously fake shrilly laughs that made shivers slither down Lovino's spine as he internally cringed. Fuck. "Yeah! Yeah! I'll go now! Because, I'll tell you, mister," she resignedly puts her hands on her hips, determinedly nodding her head. "I was just, like— overwhelmed with the, er, bagel feels? You know what I mean."

"U-Uh. Yeah. Sure." The redhead says, feeling absolutely nonplussed.

"Yep! I'll go now! And you stay here and—"

"Bella, what are you doing—" it was Lovino speaking now, pulling his face away from his hand.

"—You talk with Lovino, okay? Okay~!" And with that, she f-fucking trots to the comfort room, probably feeling satisfied as fuck with herself right now.

Shit, fuck, dammit— argh!

"…Okay." Allistor says slowly, taking Bella's seat opposite the blushing Italian. "Yer friend is quite th' character, if Ah may admit," he comments, setting his cup down on the coffee table.

Lovino covers his cheeks with his hand, hoping his blushing wasn't evident. Dammit, why did he have to be like this?! Why?! "Y-Yeah," he mutters. "I should probably keep her away from the coffee jelly next time."

Wait, what the fuck?

What did he just say?

Did that even make any goddamn sense?

Allistor hums in agreement. "So. 'Ow've yeh been? Yeh feelin' any better yet?"

"I-I'm fine, dammit…" Lovino chokes out.

"Oh? Tha's good." the redhead says, smiling at the Italian. And like a Subway sandwich, Lovino made like an Italian melt. Allistor groans, leaning back in the armchair. "Ah am proper knackered righ' now. Ah spent all nigh' 'elping me best mate, Oliver, do some last minute revisions on our script. E's a screenwriter, yeh see. So caffeine," he lifts his cup up before setting it back down. "'As basically become me lifeline righ' now. Ah go frae 'ome ta campus wif several stops ta Starbucks in between. Very unhealthy, innit?"

A small smirk creeps onto Lovino's face. "Yeah." He takes a deep breath and continues speaking. "B-But you just— you just started fourth year, d-dammit; how could it be so hectic now?"

Allistor gives the brunette a sheepish smile that makes the latter's stomach a-all fucking f-fluttery and s-shit… Dio, this is so gay.

"Fing is, Ah'm kind of… pretentious an' meticulous? when i' comes to me work, so… Ah tend ta work on these things righ' away so Ah can get i' th' way Ah want i' ta be by th' time th' end of th' year comes rollin' in. Ah've a flair for th' dramatic." The redhead winces. "An' Ah guess Ah'm a bi' of a perfectionist."

Lovino didn't exactly know how to respond to that, so he was careful with his choice of words. "I… think that no one can be 'a bit' of a perfectionist. It's either you are or you aren't, b-because…" he gulps, looking down at his hands.

Allistor leans in a fraction, as if urging him to continue.

"…if w-what you want is perfection, then there can never be just 'a bit' of it. You h-have to have it all— n-not that it makes you greedy, dammit—"

"No, Ah understand," the redhead interjects, raising his hands up.

For the first time, the Italian glances up at him properly. Their eyes meet, and Allistor takes Lovino's breath away for the umpteenth time.

"Go on," Allistor says, smiling at Lovino encouragingly, those forest green eyes beseeching him.

Subconsciously, the brunette licks his lips. Briefly, he allowed himself the pleasure of drinking in the sight of the Scotsman, wholly transfixed.

"Because," he continues, his breath growing more shallow. "If you don't want it all, don't crave the faultless beyond reason, then you're not a perfectionist."

With perfection personified sitting right before him, it was then when Lovino realised that he was a perfectionist too.

There was a silence heady with je ne sais quoi before Allistor spoke. "Then Ah guess Ah'm a perfectionist. A full-on perfectionist. Are yeh one as well, Lovino?"

Lovino swallowed this lump that had formed in the back of his throat before responding, "Si, I'm a perfectionist too."

T-There was this… unspoken tension between them that made Lovino fidget underneath his clothing, this torrent of foreign emotions fomenting within his being.

All they did was look at each other dead in the eye, sharing a mutual understanding of something Lovino knew naught of yet.

Suddenly, abruptly— Allistor pulls away and clears his throat before taking a glance down at his watch, eyes resolutely avoiding the Italian's. "Bloody 'ell," he exclaims. "Sorreh, Ah need ta get back ta th' campus now. Oli tends ta get proper stroppy when Ah take too long faffing about."

The redhead stands up, grabbing his caffeine fix. "It were absolutely lovely talking ta yeh. If only we 'ad more time, yeah?" This time, the Scotsman glances up and their eyes meet. Lovino's chest constricted; he found it hard to breathe.

Allistor smiled at him. "Cheers, Lovino. Ah… Ah guess Ah'll see yeh around."

And with that, the redhead walks out of Starbucks and back to campus.

Within seconds, Bella is back from the comfort station, face flushed in excitement. "Oh my gosh. That was so cool!" She fans herself, "Is this what Liz feels too? I make such an awesome wingwoman, I swear to God."

"I cannot believe you just did that." Lovino groans, running a hand through his hair, and an incredulous smile on his face. He tried to keep the goofy ass smile off his face, but he just c-couldn't. Dio, what the fuck's happening to him?!

"I know~! I can't either!" Bella exclaims giddily. "But it was so worth it."

And no matter what, Lovino can't seem to stop smiling. He just feels so overwhelmed with the sudden rush of elatedness and adrenaline. It's weird, a weird type of feeling… but it's— it's nice.

W-Was it a good thing..? To feel like this?

He had a hunch he was going to find out, sooner or later.

"Lovino," Feliks Łukasiewicz says, sashaying in the Starbucks followed by the rest of the squad. Bella's squad. Several people stare at the effeminate Pole in alarm, the latter's voice clearly not matching his feminine physique. "You're looking less sour than usual today~ You're, like, glowing."

The aforementioned winced, wryly looking up at the blond. "Hello, Feliks. You're looking," Lovino takes a glance at Feliks' ensemble. An oversized pink cashmere sweater, a black A-line skirt, black thigh-high stockings, and studded Jeffrey Campbell Lita boots. O-Okay, then. "…very androgynous today. A-And I'm notfucking glowing, dammit!"

The Pole does this sassy hand wave, beaming at the Italian. "Oh, why thank you~! Bel, I'll totally order my coffee now, okay?"

"Yeah, of course~!" Bella says, as the others drag a coffee table and a few chairs to her and Lovino's table.

"Hi, Lovino," Michelle greets, smiling at him.

"Hey," Eliza says, currently engrossed with her camcorder in hand.

He greets them in response. Michelle sighs, rolling her chocolate brown eyes. "Sorry we're late. We had to wait for Liz to finish her homophile reconnaissance before we came here."

"Oh, God. You still spy on people?" Lovino blurts out, eyes widening in faux mortification. "Those poor fucks."

"Hey!" Elizabeta interjects, looking at Lovino pointedly before her eyes glance back down at her camcorder. "I so do not spy on people! I just take videos and those videos just happen to have them wandering into my shot! Plus, it's not like— oh my God I am shipping this so hard."

The Italian rolls his eyes, leaning into his seat. "That shit's going to bite you back in the ass one day, I swear to God."

She hums in response, clearly not giving a fuck. "Mhmm. Yeah. I don't really care just as long as it doesn't get in the way of my OTPs." The brunette folds the camcorder shut and shoves it back into her leather messenger bag. "How've you been, though?" She asks, glancing up at the older Vargas brother.

"He has a crush on mfphm—!" Bella exclaims, only to have Lovino lean over the table and muffle her mouth with his hand.

"Bella, if you could please shut up, that'd be fan-fucking-tastic." He grits out, face reddening fifty shades of red.

"Ooh~" Eliza says, grinning deviously at the Belgian. "Who is it? Anyone I know? Spill!"

Michelle laughs before standing up and heading over to the counter to order her drink.

"Over my dead body," Lovino grits out, glaring at the Hungarian.

"Oh, don't worry~! I'll find out nonetheless. I have my ways," Liz says, grinning at the frustrated Italian. "So you might as well spill now?"

"Hmm," he hums in mock contemplation. "No."

Elizabeta frowns at him. "No?"

He nods. "No. Also? Fuck you."

"Nice."

Bella pries Lovino's hand off her mouth, shuddering. "Ugh, Lovi…" Just as she's about to speak again, he threateningly raises his hand in warning. Her eyes widen as she leans away from him, subconsciously covering her mouth, "Okay, okay! I won't tell. Jeez,"

Every week, Nonno would call the Vargas twins through Skype and video chat with them. It was usually once a week, rarely twice, since Nonno was always out and about in the Mediterranean, doing Dio knows what.

Today was a Skype Night.

"Ve~ Hi, Nonno! I missed you so much!" Feliciano says, beaming at the camera connected to their Samsung Smart TV.

"Ciao, Feliciano! How was school today, hmm?" Nonno coos back, his face taking up the TV screen.

Lovino observed the two from the kitchen, attention mainly focussed on pouring himself a glass of red wine. A scoff escapes his lips as they're tugged upwards into a small smirk.

"It was great~! I had fun painting today. I really, really love this school, Nonno! I made new friends, and Lovi's finally made a friend too~!"

Nonno's raucous laughter echoes throughout the apartment, making the older Vargas twin wince. Dio, can't he keep it the fuck down?!

"Really?! It's a miracle, Feli! Your fratellone's finally found friends! Grazie a Dio!"

"I'm glad~"

"So, anyways, tell me more about your classes, Feli…"

Lovino tunes them out, leaning against the island counter as he takes a small sip of his drink. What happened earlier is still replaying itself inside his head. Over and over and over again.

Dio, he felt breathless just thinking about it— why did it affect him like this? Like, physically?

Is… Is infatuation or love really a feeling so strong, that not only does it affect your mental state, but it affects your physical state, too?

Man, that— that is downright terrifying. Who the hell would want to put themselves through something like that..? B-But then again, i-it's not like Lovino wanted to feel this way. Yet at the same time, he didn't want to not feel this way… was that making any sense at all?

God… is he fucking blushing right now?

Lovino could only blush even harder at the realisation.

...Dammit.

"Ve~ Lovi, Nonno wants to talk to you~!" Feliciano says, smiling at his brother. He was so happy Lovino wasn't going to be a sad, pathetic loner anymore.

"Yeah, give me a sec," Lovino mumbles, gulping all of his wine down before setting the glass on the counter.

Feli's phone goes off and he immediately answers it, walking to his bedroom. "Ve~ Hi, Toni! What's up?"

The older twin stilled. Feliciano's bedroom door closed behind him with a barely audible clack.

…That perverted fucker.

Lovino had half a mind to rip that phone out of Feliciano's hand and put that Spanish bag of dicks in his fucking place. But Nonno was waiting to talk to him, so he decided to spare the Spaniard bastard from his fiery wrath.

For now.

He b-better be grateful as fuck, dammit!

He shuffles into the living room, muttering a stressed out. "Ciao, Nonno." He wasn't sure if it was only him, but whenever he talked to his grandfather, he just felt this uneasiness and anxiety welling up inside of him. He dreaded talking to the old man, mainly because their conversations often revolved around one particular topic…

"Ah, Lovino. How have you been? Have you been taking care of your fratellino?"

…Yep.

Lovino feigns indifference as he shrugs his shoulders. "Si, I have. And I'm doing fine, I guess."

Nonno heartily chortles, "Good, good. Always make sure to keep an eye on your brother, alright? He's still too young and far too naïve; he wears his heart on his sleeve and I don't want him to get heartbroken like your grandfather here has been one too many times,"

"Of course."

"And how are your classes going so far? Can you keep up?"

"I'm doing just fine in my classes. And of course I can keep up. I graduated from high school with honours, if that means anything, dammit."

"Ah," Nonno leans away from the camera, inquisitively putting his hand on his chin. "What was your course again?"

Lovino rolls his eyes. How… typical. "Of course you wouldn't remember," he mutters, a hint of bitterness and a tinge of irritation in his tone. "I'm taking up creative writing."

"Si, si— I remember now." His grandfather's expression suddenly becomes very grave, and briefly, Lovino wonders what the hell's gotten into him. "Are you sure this was the course you wanted?"

Hazel eyes widen in incredulousness as Lovino crosses his arms over his chest. "Tch, isn't it a bit too late to ask me that question? And, yes, Nonno— it is."

"Then how come I've never seen any of your work, Lovino?" Nonno asks again, brows furrowing in seriousness.

Maybe you just never noticed, Lovino thinks to himself. "It's— It's complicated, okay? There are still a few kinks I'm working on right now, I swear to God—"

"Lovino… Wouldn't you have preferred taking up business or something instead?"

"…Why?" Lovino asks, hackles raised.

His grandfather sighs in exasperation. "Because it'd be easy to find a job with a business degree—"

"Wait, wait, wait, wait—" the older twin interjects. "You let Feliciano take art. How is this any different?"

The other's chocolate brown eyes widen, "Per l'amore di Dio, Lovino. It's because Feli has the talent and the heart for it. At the age of eighteen, he's already accomplished so much, so I don't see why not!"

…Okay. That kinda stung.

Lovino clenched his fists, gritting his teeth, before glancing up to meet his grandfather's eye. His voice was strangely hushed as he asked this, "And you think I don't?"

Nonno rolls his eyes in frustration, "How would I know, when you've never even shown me your writing before?! You can only imagine my utmost surprise when you told me this summer you wanted to take up writing in college. For God's sake, Lovino, what do you even write about?!"

The older twin's face flushes in irritation, "I— I write about a lot of stuff, dammit!"

"See? You can't even specifically tell me what you 'write' about. What are you really doing, Lovino?"

"But I can write, dammit!" Lovino exclaims as his voice slowly rises in volume. "I even borrowed all these fucking books from the goddamn library so I could fucking improve myself—"

"Language, Lovino," his grandfather warns, eyes narrowing sternly.

But he refuses to pay it any heed. "I'm telling you, I know how to fucking write! I'm perfectly capable of doing this. Fucking hell— why won't you believe me?"

"Dio mio, Lovino—" An incredulous laugh.

That's when the desperation and frustration starts to sink in Lovino's nerves. He could see it so goddamn well in his grandfather's expression that he didn't think Lovino could make it. That he wasn't g-good enough. Dio, Nonno fucking laughed like L-Lovino was just a naïve, little kid who wanted to be a superhero and save the world.

Like Lovino was a naïve eighteen year-old who aspired to become someone he could never be.

"You… You think I can't do it, don't you? You think I can't make it through this goddamn course—"

"Stop putting words in my mouth, Lovino—"

"Well I can! ...B-But I can see it in your eyes, dammit! You don't believe me. You think I will never be good at this shit, but let me tell you: I will prove you the fuck wrong, Nonno."

"Now, Lovino, I'm sure you'll do well in creative writing, but I just think that it would've been better if you took up business or something…"

"You've had no qualms about this before—" A frustrated groan. Feliciano finally exits his bedroom and makes his way to the living room. Lovino looks at him before turning back to the TV screen. "I know I may not be as good at writing as Feli is at painting, but I know I can do this. And I don't give a shit if you don't believe me. Not anymore."

After that, Lovino storms off whilst passing through the kitchen to grab the nearly full bottle of wine atop the counter. He disappears into his bedroom with it, slamming the door loudly behind him.

Nonno is fuming and Feliciano is confused. "Ve~ What happened?"

The former shakes his head, jaw clenched in silent rage, "I… Your brother is… Let's just forget about it, si?" He clears his throat. "How are your classes with Theodore Lennox, Feli?"

For the nth time in his life, Lovino realises this:

It's better to stand alone than to stand with people who hurt you.

Translations:

che cosa - say what (It.)
o mijn God - oh my God (Dutch)
che cazzo stai facendo - what the fuck are you doing (It.)
sei già in piedi - you're already standing up (It.)
è possibile ottenere il vostro bagel dannazione - you get your own bagel, dammit (It.)
merda - shit (It.)
frae - from (Scot.)
Dio - God (It.)
si - yes (It.)
nonno - grandfather (It.)
ciao - hello (It.)
fratellone - older brother (It.)
grazie a Dio - thank God (It.)
fratellino - younger brother (It.)
per l'amore di Dio - for the love of God (It.)
Dio mio - oh my God (It.)

je ne sais quoi - n. A quality that cannot be described or named easily. French term used in English context. Literally means 'I do not know what'.

Hey everyone~! Sorry for the really delayed update. I tried to finish this before classes started, but it just seemed so rushed and turned out absolutely horrid, and even then, I couldn't finish it in time. So I gave up cramming altogether and redid the last part over again, and I only got to upload it now. I'm totes done now~! I Skyped with the ex-drummer of the band for this chapter's song quote once. Dio mio, he was so freaking handsome. Eurgh. Anyways, he quit the band so he could focus more on his photography. He takes really nice photos!

But I digress.

During the conversation between Allistor and Lovino in this chapter, I'm sure you'll have noticed that the word 'perfectionist' had become very prominent. If you kinda read between the lines of what Lovino said, there's this kind of quasi-subliminal message to it. It was a Freudian slip of some sort, really. If you didn't get the significance of this, I'll explain it to you:

According to the dictionary, a perfectionist is defined as 'a person who refuses to accept any standard short of perfection'.

Since Lovino had discovered that he was a perfectionist too, and admitted so to Allistor, it was a way of stating that he didn't want anyone else other than Allistor because he's perfection personified.

Get it?

Will our clueless Spaniard still stand a chance? ?

DUN DUN DUUUUUN

Review, por favore~!

~jellydonut16~

P.S. ERMAHGERD RERVERS. I'm so glad you guys actually like this story~! Thank you for all of the follows, favourites and reviews! Grazie mille, you guys make my day!

P.P.S. This isn't the first time there's been some type of innuendo in this story. *waggles eyebrows*

P.P.P.S. If it's any consolation, I'm 1.4k words into the next chapter~! :D