Chapter 11

Raven loved and hated Christmas. She hated the work schedule, the concerts, the brief tours, leaving Clover behind sometimes. She would bring over Clover if she hadn't been working the days before, so her poor baby was in the kennel. Normally she brought her dog with her since any holiday with the Avengers was emotional draining. Keeping up secrets was always hard work, now more than ever. She hated being reminded how much of an outsider she felt among them at times. With each year that went by she remembered dark memories from her morbid childhood. She envied Van, Astrid, Jamal and Erik in their ignorant innocence.

What she loved was the snow, seeing family and friends, the overall festiveness of the holiday. Despite the bad stir-ups than came with it. She loved them all dearly. She warned her dad she had a concert, several, and may not make it this year. Her first Christmas alone wasn't miserable, she wanted How The Grinch Stole Christmas, It's a Wonderful Life and The Bishop's Wife. She sent out texts to Marshall and Tony, the former responding faster than the latter, and she was content. It scared her knowing she was so used to be alone, even with more family than she could handle, she wanted to be alone. But Tony was hellbent to have her at his table this year, he wired the perfect amount for a first class flight on any airline she chose. Just try and make it, he said voice deep with swallowed emotion.

A part of her wanted to run to him, she could never stand having her father upset over her. Either of them. She hated being a bother to anyone especially her family and that was what she felt like, a giant bother. I'm nothing but trouble. Another part wanted of her wanted to be with Henry, she wanted to be with him a lot lately, he had no family and she was terrified to have him near hers. Everyone got so afraid of her when she mentioned boys or men, there was this distant look of worry and alarm at how optimistic she sounded. No one expected her to have a normal relationship. All her therapists said she was destined to have Daddy Issues, be attention seeking and unable to have stable relationships because of her past. The fact her family believed those theories made her distrust them with anything intimate.

How could she share any happiness if the world was anticipating her fall?

The fact she was outside Stark Tower, like she didn't belong there, in the freaking snow made her think she should have taken her father's money and go elsewhere. But she could never do that. Think of it as a good deed, he'll be happy to see you. It's the right thing.

It had been awhile since Raven had seen the old place, formidable and ostentatious, a giant compared to her Marshall's cottage-like home in the Irish suburbs. Most of the floors were a part of her father's company only the very top floors were bedrooms and the lab. She felt like such a stranger in this place, she only came home for holidays and the usual birthday, if she didn't promise Marshall or Brogan her company. Which she often did. Tony had her holidays for ten years, Ireland needed some love too. She loved the silly traditions of Ireland, the songs on the radio, the candles in the window, the Wren Parade, the food, being in a cozy home watching the snow fall from her window. Here she was a wild horse in a palace, no weeds to trample through.

Snow on her shoulders she entered the lobby letting herself up into the elevator shaft.

"Nice to see you again Miss Raven."

She missed Jarvis' voice. It was stagnant, unchanging, without judging. Sometimes. "I missed you too Jarvis. Is my dad in?"

"Everyone has arrived for the holidays, Miss Raven. He had your room prepared for you. As usual."

Ever hopeful, she thought. "As always," she sighed right before the elevator shaft opened.

"Raven!" A ball of blonde hair launched into her the second she came into sight. "You came home!"

Erik Thorson sat on Raven legs, he knocked her over as he did with everyone, beaming ear to ear. He was the carbon copy of Thor, big blue eyes, golden blonde hair and loving to the point of being annoying. Raven hugged the happy boy giving him a kiss, four years old he was adventurous with his mother's love of knowledge.

"Look at you, you've gotten taller since I last saw you." She rubbed his mop of hair. "You need a haircut buddy."

"No I don't," he insisted, "Daddy said I don't have to."

"Of course he said that."

Astrid, Erik's big sister came to investigate the noise, like her brother she imploded with joy running into the dog pile in the shaft. The chorus of laughter brought everyone to the sight. Jamal, Bruce's son silently asked his father's permission and ran off to join the dog pile. Raven welcomed the olive skinned boy fluffing his tight curls and rubbing her knuckles on his skull.

Tony beamed at the sight, the family was finally whole. "The prodigal daughter returns," he opened his arms dramatically as the kids let Raven up long enough to welcomed by him.

"I haven't missed anything have I?" She glanced at Van who smiled at her behind the other adults, he was too cool for hugs and kisses, but never for smiles. Teenagers were never too cool for smiles, for now.

He was Tony's smile and bright brown eyes, brown hair with an auburn undertone no doubt a trait for Pepper. When he was born Raven fell in love with him right away, his smile, his active jerks, his high pitched laughter. They made sand castles on the beach, snow men in the snow followed by a snowball war and forts when they were trapped inside. He getting taller, his hair shaggier, he was growing up and Raven resisted the urge to kiss his cheek when she went to but her bags down by the couch.

"You're just in time," Pepper kissed Raven's cheek once her shoulders were relieved of their burden. "Oh sweetie we missed you."

Pepper had aged well despite being married to the world's most stressful husband and children. Her strawberry blonde hair was cropped to an age appropriate shoulder length style, no grays in sight. For the next four months at least.

"I missed you too," Raven hugged her stepmother. "And to show how much I missed you, I brought presents!"

All the kids perked up at the word. Tony scowled folding his arms.

"I thought I said no presents Princess."

Raven shrugged a cheeky smile on her face, "I must have been ignoring you." She winked at Van who laughed automatically at their old joke. "And who that's scrawny pipsqueak?"

"Whatever weirdo," scoffed Van. "Shouldn't you be a belfry somewhere Quasimodo?"

"Like you Doctor Frankenstein?"

"Kids," Pepper broke up the verbal war, "it's Christmas."

"Yes it is," agreed Raven, "right Creature from the Black Lagoon?"

"Sure, Wolfwoman."

Pepper threw up her hands in defeat.

Raven sighed sinking into the festive mood. "Now let me see my favorite uncles and aunties."

Only Steve, Jane, and Thor were no different than when she was a little girl. Bruce was getting bit more salt in his pepper like her dad, Usha, his Indian wife, had a single streak of grey in that long glossy black hair. Natasha, looking somewhat forever young, had little to no grays only fine lines around her eyes indicating her age, Clint had plenty of deep set wrinkles yet maintained his roguish looks.

Loki watched as Raven moved along her family. They had aged, some more than others, that fact soothed him somehow. Being stronger, taking advantage of them, catching them off guard. The sight of Thor and Jane made Loki burn, of course she was still there, now of Asgard but same old pestilent Jane. Weak. Thor had barely changed since he last saw him, life on Midgard suited him well. He and Jane didn't seem any different than when he last saw them, and his children were exactly like Thor, loud, naïve, cheerful bursts of energy. The boy reminded him much of Thor as a boy.

"You brought us presents?" Exclaimed Erik.

"Of course I did," Raven sent down various gifts under the ostentatious tree, that Stark no doubt decorated himself. "How could I forget to bring presents?"

"Will you tell me a story Raven?" Erik pulled at her coat. "The Hobbit one."

"The Hobbit?" Raven scooped the boy up. "You're getting heavy," she groaned, "has Volstagg been giving you boar again?"

"No," the boy giggled. "I've been eating my veggies!"

Raven feigned surprise for the boy. "Really? I never would have guessed."

"Can I listen to the Hobbit too?" The Hulk's son inquired.

"Of course you can Jamal," she gave the timid boy a smile and he returned it. Loki sensed a bond between the two. More so than Van, who observed the scene in mild disinterest.

"Why do you want to listen to Raven read for?" He rolled his eyes. "We have the movie you know!"

"I hate the ending," added Astrid, Thor's daughter.

"No one's asking you two whiners to come along!" Retorted Raven. "Go watch a Doctor Seuss special, if the Hobbit is too stale for you."

"Kids," Jane said, "please don't fight, it's Christmas."

"Who's fighting?" Raven frowned. "Come on you two," she said to Jamal and Erik, "before we're accused of a mutiny on the bounty."

"Hey, hey, hey," Tony stopped the trio, "you two can get your story time after I get my Ireland Update Report."

Raven winced at the term. It reminded her of news bulletins, like Tony wanted some update from a war front. She felt like he didn't have to know everything about her. Her friends, her work, the dating scene. Especially the last one.

She set Erik down, as Van smirked in the background. "Dad please, not this again..."

"What?" He slipped his arms around her. "The first thing you do after a trip from God knows where, and you run off to tell a story. Put your feet up!" He admonished. "Raven will read you guys a story later, she just came from work and she needs at least an hour to put her feet up."

"Work?" Erik followed Raven to the bar stool Stark sat her on. "You mean playing your cello?"

"That's right cutie pie," Raven pinched his nose. "I was in London yesterday."

"London?" Astrid eye's lit up. "Was it wonderful Raven?" She turned to her mother, "Can't I go with Raven when she travels, at least once Mom?"

"Raven doesn't have time to babysit you, she'll be working," Jane replied before Raven could answer. "She works when she travels, and she's only gone for a day or three at the most."

"Right." Loki saw how Raven wanted to correct them but decided against it. "I'd be working sunny."

"All she does is play a song then she goes home," added Van with adolescent callousness. "You play the same songs over and over."

Loki studied how no one rose to defend her immediately, it was a delayed reaction. During that time Raven's jaw clenched, and she hid it with a well placed hand. Did it truly offend her when they berated her line of work? It was her passion after all. He remembered that.

"Van," Pepper scolded. "No insulting industries on Christmas."

Raven poured herself a whiskey and threw it back in a gulp. "It's gonna be a long week," she said to herself. "Dammit, I need Irish whiskey."

"What's with you?" Clint saw her twisted mouth.

"American whiskey," she stuck her tongue out at the glass container, "so smokey. My God. Dad what did you do with the Irish whiskey I sent you for your anniversary?"

Tony folded his arms, he never liked seeing Raven drink. Too much like his slippery slope began, he wanted to stop it before it began. "I don't know why you keep sending my booze for." He pointed downstairs.

"You kept going on about the bloody ties, so you'll get bloody whiskey, or it'll be cards until your second retirement." She went downstairs, "I mean, if you don't like them pass them on. But don't let them rot in the wine rack. It's a bleeding waste!"

"One glass young lady," Pepper shouted from above. "I won't have you encouraging your father!" She too knotted her hands, afraid of the many slippery slopes Raven's condition lead her to.

"All I need is a glass, it's cold as sh- hell outside!"

Loki followed Raven downstairs as she unscrewed a bottle and drank from the neck. "Sweet Jesus that's it. I don't know why Dad doesn't just drink these goddamn things, whiskey kept Humphrey Bogart alive until he stopped drinking."

She examined each bottle that she no doubt bought for him. Each bottle unopened. Each bottle aggravated her more and more.

"Jesus," she spat under her breath. "He hasn't opened a bloody one."

"He doesn't like Irish whiskey." The Soldier, Steve Rogers entered the workshop. He stared at the opened bottle in her hand, "Raven, at least get a glass."

"If he doesn't like them, then why does he keep them?" She sat down at the nearest table taking the bottle with her. "Honestly, he hated the clothes, he hated the jacket, all I got left to give him is bloody booze."

Steve joined her. A paternal smile on his face. "He rather have you here than some bottle of booze Raven, you know that."

"I work," said Raven. She was about to take another swig when Steve caught her hand. "I have a life," she continued. "He knew I was going to be traveling a lot. I went overseas for semesters, I got called in to perform overseas. He knows."

"And he misses you. We all miss you," he smiled. They were close, Loki noted how fatherly Steve spoke to her, calm and even. No judgement. "That's a nice necklace," he touched Loki's present. "You bought it for yourself? Seems expensive."

"Kind of... Look don't tell Dad, because he'll want to do a background check and I'm in no mood for him to -"

"A boyfriend?" His eyes rose in pleasant surprise. "Is he nice?"

She smiled. "When he wants to be. Oh, Uncle Steve don't look at me like that!" She laughed. "He's just a bit a dick sometimes, but not in a bad way." She yanked his arm, "Not everyone can be an old gent like you."

"Old gent?" Steve snorted. "Now that's before my time."

"Ha ha," Raven scrunched up her nose. "By the way, did you get the birthday present I sent you?"

"Raven, if you send me any more movies from the forties, you'll make TCM jealous." He patted her hand. "Where do you even find these movies?"

"I have my ways," she winked. "But it's no trouble, I know you like having things from your time. So whenever I see something, I get it for you. No trouble."

Rogers eyes darkened with fondness. "You could just come home sometimes kiddo." She held her head. "I know," he chuckled, "you're busy... but we just miss you."

"You guys have Van, Jamal, Erik and Astrid, you don't need me!" She exclaimed in a helpless chortle.

"Yes we do," Steve became more serious. "And we always will."

"Ham," Raven punched his arm. "Tell you what, I'll come home, if you go on a date with that Shield agent you hang out with. You know, the blonde one with the killer aim."

Steve looked away. "Raven that's..."

"My conditions," she drawled. "I'm catching up to you Captain America. If I get married before you, you'll owe me a waltz at my wedding."

"A waltz," he held his head.

"Or should I settle for a jive?" She teased. "Either way you'll be exercising those left feet."

"Hey!" Called Tony from upstairs. "What are you two doing down there?" He trotted down the steps. "Honestly what is with you two?" Raven had screwed back the bottle shut before he came downstairs. "Secrets?" He inquired of the two.

"You aren't in our super secret club Dad," Raven said a babyish tone.

Told rolled his eyes, affection in them. "Capsicle, stop hogging my daughter. Why don't you do us all a favor and ask that blonde pistol out, huh?"

Steve glanced at the stairs, a frown on his face. "Does everyone know my business?"

"Yes," the two Starks chorused. "And we know you're too busy!"

Taa-daa, super fast update! Always review, review, review, let me know what you think and flames will be welcomed. Shout out to my faithful reviewers, you fuel my updates.

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