It was a new day, every day in here had seemed the same but not this day, no… the wind had shifted bringing with it the cool calming breeze I'd long forgotten.

I was up half the night thinking about what I should do before sleep consumed me.

Even at breakfast when a hand caught my shoulder, making me up "whoa, calm down, it's just me."

"Sorry Kit." I offered him a small smile while staring back at my half eaten plate.

Taking a seat across from me he leaned close and asked "You ok? You seem a bit off."

I look his dead in the eyes, wanting to ask about last night but Grace had made it very clear that morning that it was never to be mentioned again after ignoring the question all together, so with a heavy sigh I asked "do you think Pepper's ok?"

A thin lipped smile twitched into place as he looked at me, a fondness in his tone I'd come to expect and admire "there you go worrying about everyone else again… she'll be ok Bootsy, she's a good girl."

With a shake of my head I let my actual concern for the girl show, not even needing to pretend "exactly! Pepper is sweet and trusting and good… she's basically a child and children don't belong in the big bad world all alone. She could get hurt."

His coarse fingers graze my creamy hand with a tight squeeze "they'll find her, she'll be ok…"

I knew it was a promise he could never keep but still I found a comfort in it, however it did little to drown out the scratching pull my mind wondered to.

Oliver …

It wasn't until I stood; burying myself into the cold wall near the end of the long corridor, watching his office door and gnawing at my fingernails as I saw her leaving his office, it was then I realized that it was simple… everything was so simple.

With a quick glance to the mirror I brush my fingers through my falling golden locks, brushing any dirt from my pink cotton nightdress as I strode to his office. I didn't need to knock as the door was open, there he stood at the window, reading over a file, the sun streaming in the bounce from the thick frame of his glasses and shower him in a steam of light; he looked almost godlike "Oliver?"

With a snap of the file he spun towards me, licking his lips as he nervously straightens himself "Marilin… um, please take a seat."

Oliver rushes to close the door as I curl up in the worn chair opposite his. He's all fidget and shame as his gaze never meets mine "Marilin, firstly I would like to apologize for last night, there is no excuse, no explanation. I… what's so funny?"

I couldn't help the giggling as I lightly bit my thumb "you trying to apologize. Silly thing… it's fine."

His brow creases in confusion as he leans, cross-armed on his desk "I don't understand, Marilin what I did was…"

"Hush. I told you, it's alright… I'm alright. We all get a little angry sometimes and it's not like you hurt me or anything. So don't be such a fuddy-duddy." I smiled and lightly pressed the tip of his nose with my finger playfully.

He seemed to relax instantly but was still on edge "it was still wrong of me."

"Then you can make it up to me if you feel that bad." A wily smile twisted onto my face as his expression darkened in curiosity "How?"

It sounded like a sort of accusation but I kept my smile firmly in place as I answered "Cola and Red Vines."

"What?" he chuckled in mild shock, but with a shrug and a bit of my lip I explained "Oliver I've been locked up for seven years and guess what; soda and candy are not provided… I just want a little; my sweet tooth's kind of starving to death in here, living on scraps from the bakery. Please Oliver? Pretty please?"

I pout playfully in a way that I did as a child when I wanted something and with a flash of that toothy smile and a small shake of his head he answers "I'll see what I can do…"

It was only in the dayroom when I saw Lana again; speaking all hushed like to the new girl. Lana Winters, always so sneaky, so secretive. She moves to sit alone on the worn red sofa as I walk near her "care to share?"

Startled she gazes up at me when I gesture towards the burning stick in her hand, quickly she lights another with her own before handing to me, but as my fingers meet the filter the new girl breaks from her vow of silence to scream at Dr. Arden… the Nazi?

As they dragged her out I took a seat beside the other woman and smile with a quick drag "so, the new girl seems nice."

Lana smiles at my small joke and nods "yeah well I wouldn't be shocked if it was true."

"Wouldn't matter if it was… men light Arden have a survival streak, like cockroaches… I hate cockroaches." Again she laughs and I offer her my sweetest smile.

The reporter eyed me suspiciously before turning silent again and I cough "you're not sick."

"What?" her mud-pooled gaze finds mine as I shrug, slouching into the soft sofa as I explain "for liking women, you're not sick."

She eyes me curiously before asking with a twitch of her fingers, spilling ash on the floor "why do you say that?"

I know by the way her confident stare glitters that she's expecting me to confess some dark secret, tell her we're the same, but that would be a lie. So with a deep pull of my cigarette I reminisce "when I was nine I caught my mother kissing the house maid. She tried to explain it all to me, about society and love. I didn't quite understand it. I just knew Daisy made her happy… she made her so happy."

Lana's lip twitched up at that as she turned completely towards me "your mother was a lesbian?"

"Yep, not that many people knew, not even after she died… she married my father out of fear, fear of what people would say and do, had Nate and I, content to spending the rest of her life just pretending to be happy. Oh, but those last few years with Daisy… it was like she was alive for the first time you know. She was always smiling, singing and laughing and Daisy did that." I smile at the memory as Lana observes me, watches my understanding and fond smile before I finish my smoke and turn to meet her gaze.

"You accepted her." I can't tell if it's a question or a statement but I laugh with a slight nod "of course I did, she was my mother and it's like she said 'there's no such thing as sinful love, because how can love be wrong when it's what we were created to do.'"

I watch the smile on her face soften and warm sincerely "She sounds like a very smart woman."

"Best there was… until she told my father she was leaving with Daisy, taking us with her. I found her dead in the study that Sunday." I felt my voice crack before I heard it, the quiver in my lip as her clammy hand touches mine tenderly.

I push down the feeling to shake her off as she stares at me with all the sympathy she could muster "Your father murdered your mother?"

"They said it was a break in gone bad, but I always knew it was never quite right. I just knew." I sit straight and face the woman before me as I speak in hushed tones "so you see Lana I know you're not sick, but this place will try to make you think you are, they'll push and punish because that's all they know how to do… who knows, might even make a great story one day."

She laughs with then as the whistle is blown, pill-popping o'clock, we stand and her expression makes me want to punch her, comprehension and compassion "thank you Bootsy… for sharing your story with me."

I wanted to flay the skin where she'd touched me but instead I smiled before lining up for the docile-zombie pills. Not thirty seconds later after downing her pills Lana stormed from the room with determination coursing from her, I didn't follow her, I'd ask later. Because even though sharing my mother's story with her crippled me I knew it had to be done, I had to form a connection… after all it's as they say, keep your friends close and your enemy's closer.

I was going to find out what Oliver saw in the little bitch and then tear it apart!

I was walking past the kitchen's to lunch when I saw Kit again but quickly he stormed off, leaving me to wonder what was going on in his pretty little head. I sat with Grace at dinner, waving Lana over when I saw her wondering eyes scanning the hall.

After a few minutes I look over the woman across from me with a far off look in her eye "Lana you've hardly touched your food…"

"I'm not hungry, besides Dr. Thredson said I should drink more water than actual food for our session." She says it like its nothing like it means nothing and the itch to see what her insides look like makes me growl quietly as grace asks curiously "Dr. Thredson? I thought he was here only for Kit."

"He is but he's helping me while he's able to." she said it with a fondness that I can't bear, how can she be fond of him, she doesn't even know him!

Swallowing down the mess this place called food I ask with an innocent tilt of my head "He's a good one, how is he helping you?"

It takes her a second to say it but as she does a shameful glint catches her eye "Conversion Therapy."

"What? That's ridiculous." Grace, finally someone with half a brain, mutters before I glare angrily "damn right it is. No one has the right to try and change you!"

She smiles to me again and every time she does I want to be sick "it's fine really."

"No Lana it's not. In fact I'm coming with you to this session, make sure they don't brain wash you." I knew it was a long shot, but I had to convince her I was her friend, someone she could trust and judging by the almost comforting look on her face I knew it was working.

After dinner Grace had wondered off back to the kitchen's, Sister Jude had her and Kit on a double, maybe that's why he was so grouchy earlier. I walked with Lana to Oliver's office, he seemed shocked to see me but smiled none the less "Lana, we're all set up if you'd like to start… Marilin, I'm afraid this is a closed session."

"This isn't right Oliver, you can't just do some hokum and expect her to stop liking women, it's demeaning and inhumane, not to mention just plain mean." His bushy brows shot up at my little outburst but in my mind it wasn't Lana I was defending, it was, Caroline, my mother.

Looking from Lana to me Oliver fiddles with his glasses "I'm just trying to help, Marilin please."

With a nod from Lana I give a heavy sigh and slump in defeat "fine, but for the record Mama would never have let them to this to her. You can't choose who you love." The last part forces my eyes to meet the dark gaze of the good doctors before I walk to the door "I'll be right outside."

I park myself on the cold, dirty floor across from the door as I wait, it's been half an hour when I saw them bringing Daniel down the hall, we've bumped into each other over the years of switching asylums, he likes hurting cats and birds and wasn't aloud outside much "hey Danny."

"Bootsy, hey." He hid behind the veil of his long hair with a touch of embarrassment as they opened the door and wondered why he was here, but the door closed just as quickly as it opened, however shortly after Daniel rushes out, tying his robe not quite quickly enough.

I can hear crying from the room, no sobbing as I stand to knock on the door, minding the orderly beside it as I ask "is everything ok?"

When the door opens I see Lana trying to compose herself as Oliver looks over, seemingly annoyed as Lana stands with puffy pink eyes "Everything's fine Bootsy, come on. Let's go."

I don't want to go, I want to stay, ask what happened and why Oliver seems none too pleased… who cares that Lana was crying, I told her she couldn't be changed.

We are who we are.

Later that night I heard what had happened with Kit and Grace in the day room, vultures where all gossiping merrily. I was already half way through the building when I realized I was running to a certain Doctor's office "You have to help them."

"Marilin, what are you doing here? Help who?" he stuttered, shuffling papers around on his desk as I closed the door and quickly moved to his side "Grace and Kit, did you hear what that evil bitch is going to do to them? Please Oliver, please you have to help."

"I'm sorry Marilin but there's nothing I can do." He said it so calmly, like I was talking about a broken doll or something.

I thought I might coke on my own saliva as my mouth dried "of course you can, you can talk to Sister Jude, make her see reason, go to the monsieur, do something!"

The crashing sound made me jump as he slammed a stack of files into his briefcase "why Marilin, why do you even care? Because of Kit, because of your obsession with your brother, why do you pretend to care?"

"I do care!" his done so firm and harsh it makes me bite the inside of my cheek.

With a huff in the air he scoffs "right, like you care about Lana, like today pretending to give a damn when really you hate her? Don't treat me like a fool Marilin."

"Your right, I don't care about Lana, today had nothing to do with her… It was for my mother, for you. But this isn't about that it's about them, their innocent." I can feel the tears biting for freedom as my shouts turn into a sob.

I watch him crumble ever so slightly as he sighs "their far from innocent, but I'll talk to Sister Jude only if you swear to me that this isn't about Nate."

"They are my friends, Oliver and in case you haven't noticed I don't really have them to spare." I feet a stray tear fall down my cheek and know I have him, the darkness in his stare fading to those amber chocolate swirls.

We don't move for a moment before I take his hand, rubbing small circles as I sob "Don't be mad at me, please baby."

I'd noticed how the word calmed him the few times before, how it had opened up a small window in the wall he built so tall. A small smile comes to his lips and it spreads like a warm knife through butter into my heart "I'm not mad… I just want to know why."

I take a timid step closer, I can smell him I'm so close but spit venomously "I just wanted to know what you saw in her, why she's so special."

My eyes flutter to a close as he brushes back my curls, fingers gently caressing my posy cheek "you're special to Marilin, you just… you have so many secrets."

Slowly my arms curl around his waist because I'm too small to reach his neck without my feet dangling from the floor "all you have to have to do is ask."

I knew I was crying, silently wishing I'd never fall from his arms, it was the safest I'd felt in years as he asks "what is your fixation on your brother?"

I knew it was a fair enough question for him to ask, the same as me asking about Lana I suppose. So with a heavy hearted breath I speak meekly into his shirt "Nate needs taking care of, always has… I took care of him."

It was that simple really but what I didn't expect as he pulled from my grip was the concern in those consuming coco pools "but who took care of you?"

"What?" the question made me still because it wasn't something anyone had asked before; it just wasn't the way of things.

He leans back for a moment to observe me in that doctor way he does "it seems to me that after your mother was killed you were just left, so alone that someone managed to… hurt you and I'm just wondering why they didn't take care of you. Why your own father couldn't protect you."

I could see it in his eyes, the suspicion as I laughed "it's just the way things wound up I guess."

"Marilin…"

"It wasn't his fault, he was drunk, high and angry and confused… he, he didn't know what he was doing." I stumbled slightly on my words; it's hard to think about, to talk about.

I couldn't bring myself to look at him as Oliver sighed like an answer he knew but didn't want to had just been shoved in his face "oh god, Marilin. Don't make excuses for him, what he did was monstrous, I mean he was your father he…"

"My father?" At his confused face I felt the tears try on my cheek as another load washed ashore "Oliver my father could barely hug me, let alone fuck me."

His face creases out with horror and disbelief as he murmurs "so who… god, Nate? Nate is the one who… he's Maebell's father?"

I bite until I tasted blood and sobbed "he didn't know what he was doing he just… he can't have… he's my big brother!"

Without another word I ran from Oliver's office and locked myself in my room, not even bothering to write in my precious journal as I wept myself to sleep, because you see it hurts so much to remember, but it wasn't his fault, he never meant to hurt me… Nate would never hurt me.

He loves me.

He loves me

He's never hurt me.

Never!

Would he?