It took five hours to drive to the spot that Cas said where the cabin was, when we were pulling up to the door snow began to fall. It was twelve days to Christmas and yes I had that awful song stuck in my head. Mainly because Cas had been singing it for the past thirty minutes. "Cas I really hate this song." He grinned at me as he reached the number ten. But then he stopped when we saw the cabin. The forest ground was already covered in snow and it looked like a movie. It was perfect. I said so and he smiled.
"I'm glad you like it so much. But I bet we need to chop fire wood."
Cas didn't let me use the axe, I had to hold the stacks and carry them back to the cabin whenever the weight became too much. Every time I came back he would point to a tree and ask me if it was a good one to decorate and I would shake my head and he would puff out air and complain.
Finally he pointed to one and I conceded and he chopped it down.
We had probably ten ricks of fire wood and a tree a few feet taller than me and it was cold but worth it by the time the cabin was heating up and the tree was all in place.
Castiel sat down on the couch and gestured for me to sit.
I did, "For such a tough acting guy you're pretty clever with what should go where." I joked and he tossed some of the trash at me.
"Are you hungry?" he moved closer to me and I allowed him to drape his arm around my shoulders.
I shrugged and he laughed at the way his arm moved, "Not really." which was weird because I was always hungry.
"Are you cold?" he looks at me, his head is bent towards mine and I'm leaning in close to him and that's when I hear the fire pop in front of us.
"This is really cliché." I try to laugh, nervousness made me a wreck. There's a little distance between us. I could feel his warm breath ghosting over my cheek and his breath smelled like the peppermints we'd eaten earlier. He's probably already planned this out. I smirk at him and he smiles back.
"You have really nice eyes Dean." Not really, they were just green. Sure they were bright green but most of the time no one was even close enough to see them. And if they were it was either my mom, Sammy, or somebody I'd pick up to let off steam.
Castiel held my hand in his and I had never done this before. I had never done the 'getting to know you stage'. It had always been someone superficial. Maybe I had known them before but they had never known me, not really. "Yours are better. Believe me." Blue is one of my favorite colors.
"Do you know that you're the first person I've been with, I don't mean sex, but I mean been with for more than a few days in maybe six years."
"What happened?" I don't really care; I just want to hear his voice again. With us being so close together his voice has dropped an octave and I felt my skin tingle.
"She's gone." He moves in closer, to where out foreheads are touching and I knew he was going to kiss me but I wondered why he hadn't done so yet. Maybe he was waiting for some kind of reaction from me. Maybe he thought I was going to reject him after all those times before. I don't blame him for worrying over this. I hadn't been like this with someone for a long time too and I was barely containing myself. No matter how bad I wanted this I wanted him to make the first move. After all, I liked being sub.
"I wish I could be better for you." He leaned the rest of the way in and even though his lips were chapped they were soft and I may have sighed a little into the kiss.
He kissed like teenagers (which I still am I guess). For a while that's all we did was kiss, I don't know how we never came up for air, when he was stealing mine I guess I was stealing his too. Then his hands started to roam downward and I jumped a little when he touched me.
"Is this alright." I wanted to say yes, this was more than alright, but instead I just kissed him some more and moved to where I was straddling his hips.
There seemed to be too many clothing and barely any skin so I pushed my hands up under his shirt and traced lines along his back and I moved my mouth away from his lips for only a second to rip the offensive piece of clothing away. Then my shirt was gone and skin was sliding on skin and I moaned out something and Castiel laughed.
I broke away, "What?" Castiel's eyes were blown dark and his hair was even more messed up than normal.
He pulls me back close and kissed at my chest, "You said my name." I blush and look away from him, "No Dean, I loved it. You could say my name like that all day and I would probably do anything you said."
He pulls me back close and lowers me to the couch, my back laying on the soft leather. It was all so hackneyed that I almost pointed it out again. While we were kissing and grinding Castiel moved his hands down and started to mess with the button on my jeans and I nearly lost it. His hand was stroking me through two layers and it felt so good. God I would only imagine what it would…he popped off the button and pulled my pants down and his followed soon after. Now there was just one layer. I was so hard it was almost painful now. Normally it never took this long and God how had I skipped this part? "Do you want couch or the bed?" Castiel propped himself up on his elbows and looked down at me. I could see his dick through his boxers and yeah, it didn't matter where as long as it happened soon.
"Don't care, just fuck me." His hands tightened around my hips, there would be bruises later, but whatever. I was fine having him mark me as his
He looked like he was holding himself back. "Come on, there's better things in the bedroom."
Unsteadily I stood up and we made it to the door before he pinned me against it and knocked all the breath out of me.
I could feel his hands on my arms and it hurt but there was too much pleasure to care about that, but he pulled back again, "Dean…if I'm hurting you, you have to say so. I don't know when to stop."
"Don't stop." Right now I know that I' not thinking straight but who the hell cares about a few bruises. The bedroom door opens and I'm being thrown onto the bed and before I can recover Castiel's on top of me. My boxers are off and so are his. I don't know when this happened but I like it.
"Oh God." The skin on skin friction is almost too much and I bite my lip, I want this to last damn it.
Above me Cas smiles and reaches shows me the lube and a condom. He's giving me one last chance to back out. Yeah no I'm too far gone to come back. "Cas."
"Alright Dean." He spreads my knees and I feel one of his cold fingers push into me and I buckle, but soon my body is relaxing and I'm begging for more. He scissors me open and just then he finds the right spot and I scream out and pleasure rolls through me. "Are you ready?" I nod and he puts the tip of his penis against me and it burns up until he's all the way in and it feels so good to be filled up like this. I want to tell him to move but he must understand because he sets an even, fast pace that's almost too much at first.
My body is going into overload and I grip at the sheets around me and squeeze my eyes shut. I'm so close. There's a hand on my neck and I open my eyes to see Castiel looking down at me with something odd in his eyes. He's beginning to hurt me and I gasp out his name and he comes to realize what he's going. Cas moves his hand away and slows down. "Faster damn it."
Cas smiles and leans down to kiss me, the new angle giving me a new perspective on things. I feel Cas's arms, I know it's harder to stay that way but I hold him down with my lips and he rams into me faster and faster until it's not a pattern and I lose control and he follows after me.
The cabin is almost too warm when I wake up. After we had sex Cas and I decided that it would be best if we cleaned up and I fell asleep with my head on his chest and now he's gone from the room. I pull my boxers on and wander into the living room, and he isn't here either. The kitchen is empty and so is every other place in the small house. I dint see a note anywhere and the impala is outside. Hurriedly I get dressed and toss on one of his jackets and walk outside.
Castiel was sitting in the dark ground not yet covered with snow. He smiled at me and I sat down with him, wincing as my hips landed on the hard ground. I might have a few bruises from his hands.
His smile faded when he saw my neck and he touched it lightly, "I told you Dean, you could have stopped me."
"I did Cas, you didn't mean to. I'm fine." He wraps his arms around my middle and I flinch again, he gives a worried look and I brush it off, "Seriously Cas, quit worrying." But I was worried that I wasn't worried.
"Is this it then?" I don't see any point in lying to him, he'll find out later. So I shake my head and he frowns, "I am sorry, I don't want to hurt you." I tell him its fine, even though I hurt all over.
Its three days 'til Christmas, the bruises are almost gone. He's better now; we haven't done it again though. He's afraid he's going to hurt me, even though I told him I was fine. We kiss, and it hasn't gone farther than that.
But every time were in a room together, close to each other, it's all I can think about.
"Ok so Superman is weakened only by kryptonite?" we're curled up on the couch and I'm explaining Superman to Cas.
He's looking at me like I'm explaining the universe, "Right, and anyways he is faster than the speeding bullet, stronger than steel all that crap. Seriously how have you never heard this?"
He shrugs and motions for me to continue, I tell him the basic plot line which leads me to explaining wonder woman. This could go on all night.
Thirty minutes later I'm getting tired and Cas's eyes begin to drop. I suggest we go to bed and he concedes. The cabin is warm with the fire place going and we crawl into bed and I fit in beside him and instantly I'm asleep.
Normally I don't dream. I'm always too tired to even care, but lately…
In my dream Sam and I were walking down Lawrence Main street. "Dean I'm afraid."
He looks at me and I see that he's older, taller than me even. "I'm right here Sam, I'm not going to leave you."
I look back to him and it's not Sam anymore, beside me is Cas and he's frowning, "Yeah, you'll leave me too."
I grab his hand and it slips through my fingers, "Cas tell me what to do, tell me how I can make everyone happy."
He touches my shoulder and I look away from him, "There isn't, just make yourself happy." I don't know how to do that.