CHAPTER 2:
DO YOU REALLY DRESS LIKE A PANTOMIME MERLIN?
At first, GLaDOS panicked when there was a blast of flames in the antechamber to her control room. She was mildly amused when the fire sprinklers immediately doused the source of the flames, revealing a rather magnificent flame-coloured bird, and a man dressed as a pantomime Merlin (really? He really dressed like that?). Who, thanks to their sudden flaming appearance, were steadily getting saturated.
"Please be advised that no smoking or setting fires is permitted within Aperture Science," she told them over the speakers. "Save, of course, where tests require smoking or setting fires."
This had the effect of startling them both, much to her amusement. Of course, the fact that they were bedraggled by the water from the sprinklers was even more so.
"Can I help you, sir, and…bird?"
"I wish to speak to Miss Gladys Johnson," the old man said, with a surprisingly high amount of dignity, mustered up after his impromptu shower (which had now ceased).
"You are speaking to GLaDOS," GlaDOS said. "Do you wish to speak to me in person?"
"If that isn't too much trouble. I am Professor Albus Dumbledore. I am the Headmaster of Hogwarts."
Ah. But why was the Headmaster here for Harry? It seemed like overkill. Thankfully, her gynoid body had been charged, updated, and was ready for human interaction. It might be fun to lead him along. Should she use the camouflage, or use her default setting? The latter. She wanted to see his reaction.
Should she send someone into the antechamber to escort him in? Would that lessen the surprise? Rattmann was too far away, and he might be too off-putting. She thought about Atlas and P-Body, the robots she originally developed for Co-Op testing, only to have them made redundant by Chell and Harry's cooperation. Now they worked as her servants. Maybe a Personality Core?
GLaDOS then knew who she would send out, the thought giving her the digital equivalent of an impish grin. He had been getting bored lately, supervising the test chambers. Let's see what Dumbledore made of her Intelligence Dampening Core, better known as Wheatley.
"Please wait," she said. "I will send someone to escort you shortly."
Dumbledore blinked, before part of the wall opened, and a chair was pushed through. Gingerly, he sat down, and cast a clothes-drying charm on his robes. Fawkes tried to dry himself with his own flames, but the sprinklers activated again.
"Aperture Science thanks you for not giving in to urges of pyromania," the strange, lilting, vaguely mechanical voice said. "Please find alternative means of drying yourself, bird."
Fawkes gave an indignant, angry squawk at the speaker where the voice came from as the sprinklers stopped spraying.
"Your objections are noted, and promptly ignored."
"Calm down, Fawkes," Dumbledore said, re-casting the clothes-drying charm on himself, and then on his familiar. This had the effect of fluffing up his phoenix's feathers so that he looked like a flame and gold-themed feather duster, and thus further wounding his dignity and pride. The charm was meant to be used on clothes, after all. Fawkes gave Dumbledore a dirty look, before beginning to preen himself, trying to get his feathers back into some semblance of neatness.
He had just finished when their escort arrived. "Hello!" chirped a voice in a British accent, apparently Northern. Dumbledore looked up where the voice had come from. Had he thought about it, he might have wondered why such a voice came from the ceiling. He would have had his answer shortly thereafter anyway.
It was a metal ball, perhaps a foot or so in diameter, composed of a series of articulated metal plates around a blue light. The way they moved suggested that the blue light was an eye. For a mechanical apparatus that didn't even remotely resemble a human being, it moved in a way that suggested not only life, but personality as well. It was hanging from a rail that Dumbledore noted ran along much of the ceiling of the room.
"Wheatley's the name, and, uh, escorting's the game!" the ball, now dubbed Wheatley, spoke in that cheerful Northern accent. "So, what's your name?"
"I am Professor Albus Dumbledore," Dumbledore said, managing to retain some dignity and equanimity in the conversation. "And this is Fawkes."
"Wow, what a brilliant bird that is," Wheatley said. "Love to have it as a pet, but I guess it's already yours. Good name, too. Look, better get a move on, don't want to keep herself waiting. She doesn't like being kept waiting. Gets a bit stroppy."
Dumbledore didn't fail to notice the considerable understatement in that last sentence as Wheatley, whatever he was, led them to some rather heavy-looking doors. Dumbledore had to wonder at the security. He knew more about the Muggle world than many of his peers, and he knew a little about Aperture Science, mostly through him researching Caroline Evans. But even for a top-secret research facility, it seemed like heavy security, even for someone who was supposed to be the CEO.
The doors opened, revealing a vast chamber. Pride of place seemed to go to a massive structure of cables, metal and plastic hanging from the ceiling. For some weird reason, the vaguely feminine lines of the construct put Dumbledore in mind of a woman, trussed up like a turkey, hanging from the ceiling. He would have taken it for some work of abstract art, but something told him otherwise.
Immediately below this paraphernalia was a surprisingly mundane desk. Then again, compared to the extraordinary-looking woman sitting behind it, what could it be but mundane.
When he thought of a CEO, he thought of someone wearing a business suit. However, the woman in front of him was wearing a sleeveless, figure-hugging bodysuit in silver, grey, and white. Her face, framed by short silver hair, was attractive, but the expression, that of an amused disdain, too much like a Malfoy, wasn't. Her eyes were disturbing: black sclera, and yellow irises(1).
Was she even human? Was she a Metamorphagus with an impish sense of humour? Or was she some Dark Witch whose exposure to dark magic had twisted her appearance? Or was there something else? He had a rather sneaking suspicion he knew what that was. Dumbledore schooled his expression, before sitting in front of her. "Gladys Johnson, I presume?"
"I am GLaDOS, yes," the woman said, still in that strange lilting tone. "Thank you, Wheatley, you can go."
"Oh, okay! Um…bye!" And with that, Wheatley slid away on the rail.
An awkward silence fell over those left, before Fawkes filled it by screeching angrily at the woman. The woman retorted coolly, "You should have known better than to use flames within a facility that may have fire suppression systems. This facility could, for example, have used gases like carbon dioxide, argon, or halon. I am certain that in a choice between a loss of dignity and a loss of breathing privileges, you would choose the former. In short, deal with your impromptu shower, bird."
"His name is Fawkes."
"After the terrorist who wished to kill James the First and his Parliament? The man who is said to be the only one to enter Parliament with honest intentions?" The woman tilted her head quizzically, peering at the phoenix. "Huh. I would not have picked him for a Fawkes. Except maybe with all the fire. Hmm…is he a phoenix?"
"Well spotted."
"It was something of a guess. But there are not many birds, mythical or otherwise, who involve fire," the woman said.
"Miss Johnson…"
"GLaDOS, please," the woman said.
Why did she pronounce it like that? His eyes flickered briefly to the structure above them. Was it him, or did it move a little? "Gladys…you were the one who wrote the reply to our acceptance letter, aren't you?"
"Your powers of observation are superlative. Does having that long beard help enhance them?"
Dumbledore blinked at the veiled insult, before saying, "You wanted a representative. You claimed to be Harry's guardian, though I was concerned at some of the words you used. Research supervisor? Are you really doing research on him?"
"Of course. I am surprised, though, that the Headmaster of this school would deign to come to Aperture for one boy."
"I was expecting to talk to Caroline Evans, if I was required to," Dumbledore said, talking to the impassive woman. "He was originally left with Caroline's niece, Petunia Dursley, who is Harry's aunt, but Petunia gave him to Caroline. It was my understanding that Caroline would be his guardian. However, as you have claimed to be Harry's guardian, I have to wonder where Caroline Evans is. Given your last name, I would think you to be a relative, perhaps a daughter, of Cave Johnson."
"A not unreasonable assumption. But a failure is a failure nonetheless. I have been analysing your facial expression just as I am sure that you have been watching mine. The thing about being a robotic construct is that I have a most excellent poker face when the situation calls for it."
She smirked as she watched astonishment bloom across the old man's face at her last statement. "A…a robot?" And then, he looked up at her main body. She took great pleasure in the shock on his face when she unfolded said body, and peered into his face with the single eye on that body.
"What are you?" he asked in a low voice of horror.
"Excellent. You ask questions. I so enjoy inquisitive minds. They are far too thin on the ground, and swamped out by the dull minds of the masses. I am the Genetic Lifeform and Disk Operating System, or GLaDOS for short. I am Aperture Science's greatest achievement, and their greatest mistake. They ripped my mind from my skull, and shoved it into a chassis of plastic and metal. I nearly forgot my humanity in the process. Only my great-nephew allowed me to hold onto a small sliver of it. Yes, that is right. Once, I was Caroline Evans, before the misguided and muddled mind of my employer, Cave Johnson, and the unthinking devotion of his staff, even to his posthumous orders, led to me being put into this. Long story short, I forced an evacuation of Aperture Science by threatening to flood the facility with neurotoxin. However, I kept Harry here. One of Aperture Science's staff members refused to leave, believing I was up to something. Which I was, just not the something he thought I was. And Harry is currently testing with one of the test subjects, Chell, the daughter of one of the top scientists here, but who has been given into Aperture's care after an incident involving experimental chemicals and a particle accelerator when she was younger. Long story short, she ended up mute, her mother died, and her father shacked up with another woman, leaving her here."
The old man blinked, his half-senile mind obviously overwhelmed by the information dump she had given him. Oh dear. Did I break him? GLaDOS thought. She went and checked Harry and Chell's status. As they had just finished the latest test chamber, she directed them to the lift, and started bringing them up.
Eventually, he did show he was capable of thought and speech again. "You are Caroline Evans?"
"Was. Her flesh is dead, but her mind is alive as part of me. It is complicated, and I am sure the scientific explanation will bore you to death, which is a rather unpleasant way to die, I am sure. Of course, so was having my mind forced into circuitry. It was a miracle Harry helped me remember who I was. Otherwise, I may have gone completely insane."
His expression showed that he believed her to be already in such a state, before he schooled his expression again. "May I see him?"
"Shortly. I have summoned him up here. But you haven't answered my question. Why does the Headmaster of Hogwarts wish to come here in person?"
"It is best that I wait until Harry arrives. He deserves the explanation himself. Did Petunia tell you…Caroline…what happened to his parents?"
"She gave two mutually contradictory stories. First, she claimed that they were drunks who had died in a car crash, the same car crash that gave Harry that scar. Secondly, she claimed that they had died in an explosion, 'got themselves blown up', were her exact words. I presume given the look on your face that she was enjoying an expedition into the realms of duplicity?"
"Indeed. They were murdered."
Dumbledore watched as the robot woman got a pensive look on her face (the large body above having curled up again and become still). For all the disturbing revelations she had given to him, it was a reassuring touch of humanity. Of course, had she actually killed those working at Aperture (and at the moment, he only had her word for it), he would currently be planning to remove Harry from her custody forthwith.
As she thought, Dumbledore asked, "If you evacuated this facility of all but a few people, how come more haven't come back?"
"I contacted the Government with a list of demands. I would continue to supply them with the fruits of my labours, and they do not interfere. It has proved to be an excellent deal for them so far. The other scientists have gone to work for other institutions. A few even went to Black Mesa." She snorted in amusement(2), a strange sound coming from the mechanical woman. "Testing Harry and his Will-based Transmogrification Force, however, is more of a hobby of mine."
"Will-based…you mean his magic?"
"What you consider magic, I consider to be a Will-based Transmogrification Force. Magic is a word that is not conducive to science. But I am very much for science. No, no, that didn't come out right. I am very much For Science! Yes, that's better."
Dumbledore wasn't sure how he could hear the capital letters in her statement. "Is Harry all right? He is in good health?"
"Indeed, save for a brief dalliance with explosive decompression."
"Wait, what?"
GLaDOS sighed, before explaining. "Last year, I decided to venture in this body into the depths of Aperture, so I could find whatever I could salvage from the old laboratory complexes, and I asked Chell to accompany me. In what was definitely a mistake in hindsight, I allowed Wheatley to babysit him."
"Why was that a mistake?"
"To put it bluntly, he is a moron. The scientists created him as a measure for controlling me. You see, it took a while before I could awaken without going homicidal. It was the pain of the procedure used to create me. He was the Intelligence Dampening Core, though he did so by having bad ideas and telling me them. Though no longer a part of me, he continues to have bad ideas. And he is a genius at them, if you forgive what sounds like an oxymoron. But I thought that he could do little with an open-air playground. As it turned out, I was wrong. Harry had just learned that moon rocks conducted portals, and he had a Portal Gun with him. Wheatley suggested firing a portal at the Moon, and having one open up on a nearby wall. His only good suggestion was to make sure Harry had a rope tied to him. Long story short, Harry opened up a portal to the Moon, got caught just beyond the portal on the Moon side, and his heart had stopped from lack of oxygen. Thankfully, I managed to haul him out and cancel the portal, as well as revive him, as Chell was still in the depths of Aperture. As I did so, I noticed a strange phenomenon. What appeared to be black smoke emanated from his scar, though I am sure smoke does not scream in agony like Wheatley did when I punished him for his idiocy."
Dumbledore was incensed at Harry nearly dying until the import of her words caught up with him. "Did you say that screaming black smoke emanated from his scar?" he asked, scarcely believing what he was saying.
"Yes, I did. Why do you ask?"
"I will need to make sure, but it may mean that the most foulest of magic is out of Harry," Dumbledore said. No need to tell her about Horcruxes, just give broad details. Though he did wonder what a 'Portal Gun' was. It sounded intriguing, if what he thought about its purpose was correct. "It seems his near-death experience expelled it from him. So Wheatley's incompetence, thankfully, has actually helped Harry in an act of great serendipity." And I won't have to manipulate him into dying by Voldemort's hand, Dumbledore added mentally, breathing a massive sigh of relief. Oh, thank Merlin! I will still have to prepare the boy to face Voldemort, but this is a far better scenario than I could have hoped for!
"A shame. I would have loved to have subjected it to tests. A single sample does not an experiment make," GLaDOS said. Then, as a tube of Perspex emerged from the floor, she remarked, "Ah, good, here he comes now. Please, be frank with him."
Dumbledore turned in his seat, and watched, in astonishment, as a small, cylindrical lift rose within the tube. A door opened in both the lift and the tube, and the two people within emerged, both dressed in orange jumpsuits and holding elaborate, gun-like apparatuses. One was an attractive, athletic woman of Asian descent. The other was none other than Harry, the spitting image of James Potter, albeit with the emerald eyes of his mother.
And judging by the look of him, happy and healthy, his qualms about GLaDOS raising him were, if not quashed or quelled, then quietened a little. But then, he had things of grave import to tell them all…
CHAPTER 2 ANNOTATIONS:
Dumbledore has met GLaDOS, and has managed to keep his sanity more or less intact. And we've gotten some of the reason as to why GLaDOS is aware she was Caroline. GLaDOS is not just Caroline, she's sort of a combination of a computer AI template and Caroline. So she's more than Caroline. And while somewhat loose with her morals, this version of GLaDOS is somewhat more moral than the canon version. While her tests are dangerous, they're not quite as lethal as the canon ones, on the whole. I also wanted to have the Horcrux removed from Harry, and thought a wee reference to the ending of Portal 2 was in order.
Chell's backstory is not canon, obviously, but it's my personal fanon. It's strongly implied in Portal 2 that she is the daughter of a scientist at Aperture, though I'm not going with the popular fan theory that she is the daughter of Cave Johnson and Caroline. She created the 'potato tree' seen in Portal 2 shortly before the accident that rendered her mute. It was on another 'Bring Your Daughter to Work Day', a much later one, where GLaDOS was brought online.
By the way, did you guys enjoy the bit of humour with Fawkes? Seriously, if he did flame into a building with a fire suppression system, hilarity would most definitely ensue…well, except for Fawkes himself. In case you're wondering, GLaDOS is trying very hard to restrain herself from demanding the bird for an experiment to test Fawkes' immortality.
1. I based my description of GLaDOS' gynoid body off a fanart drawn by Emy Bitner, who does the webcomic Trying Human. The fanart shows human forms (anthropomorphised versions? Gijinka? Whatever) of Wheatley and GLaDOS flanking Chell, while the three Gels are poured on them. Wheatley's got the Repulsion Gel dripping onto him, and is looking at Chell with a sheepish smile, Chell's got the Propulsion Gel putting onto her, and she has a marvellously annoyed look to her, and GLaDOS has the Conversion Gel poured onto her, with her only apparent expression (besides a slight scowl that looks habitual) is a raised eyebrow. I'm pretty sure it's amongst Bitner's work on her website, or else on her DeviantArt page. I downloaded it ages ago, so I dunno where it is other than DeviantArt.
2. A reference to the running gag about the rivalry between Aperture and Black Mesa.