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Chapter 12: I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing

BPOV

I'm in a fog as I walk into the house after hearing everything Edward had said. My emotional scars are raw and the dam is about to bust.

I put Cassie to bed and get Mac settled. I decide to take a long, hot shower. I let the tears flow as I stand under the spray in a daze. I wash and get out once the water runs cold, slipping on some pajamas and heading to my room.

Jessica is sitting cross-legged in the middle of my bed waiting for me. I knew she had overheard the conversation between Edward and me. She and Seth sat dangling their feet in the pool, but were still within earshot of us. They both gave me a gentle smile when I walked over to sit with Edward and watch the pups play together.

"I'm tired and have a headache," I state, letting her know that I'm not in the mood for a friendly chat.

"You know I love you like a sister, right?" she asks, not waiting for an answer. "But you will always be my best friend first."

"And I really appreciate that," I tell her, knowing there's no getting out of this conversation. I walk to the French doors and look out at the twinkling stars, tears I don't want her to see fill my eyes.

"After Mike and I lost our parents, we would sit up at night and discuss what we wanted to do with the rest of our lives. He would always tell me that as soon as I graduated, we would travel the world together. He always said that he'd never leave me behind 'cause we were all each other had left in the world. Those dreams got me through high school, but two days after I turned eighteen, he enlisted.

"Then when I graduated, he insisted I go to college. He even told me his enlistment would be up by the time I had my degree. Meeting you was icing on the cake. You understood me. You didn't judge me because you had lost your mom, too.

"Then, you and Mike started dating and eventually got married. While he was overseas, I hoped beyond all hope that he would just finish his deployment safely and come home to us. Because then, I would have my family back.

"But he re-enlisted," I whispered, choking on the words.

"Yes. That's when I realized although he loved us, he was married to the military. I'm not saying he didn't love ya 'cause I know he did. But I think he married you so I would have a family just in case something ever happened."

"Bella, I know you loved my brother, but I don't think you were in love with him. He never looked at you the way Edward does, and you certainly never looked at Mike with the sparkle in your eyes that Edward brings out."

"But ..." I started, but Jess just keeps talking.

"You need to let the guilt go. You need to live for you and for Cassie. It's time you open your heart and let love in. Real true love. You, of all people, know how short life can be. Don't waste it on guilt that you have no business feeling." The tears spill over as she gets up, wrapping her arms around me. "Let Cassie know what it is like to have a daddy. Don't deprive her of that. Take your own advice. Don't miss out on anything, especially not on love and happiness.

"I will always be your sister, but I want my friend back," she whispers. She kisses my cheek, and whispers goodnight before walking out of the room.

I knew sleep would not come easy tonight, so I turn on the baby monitor and slip out the French doors. I make my way to the lounge chair by the pool and sit down. Gazing up at the stars, I let my mind recall all the memories of the times Mike and I had actually spent together. There weren't very many of them, but they're embedded in my memory like writing is on a page.

I'll always hold the memories I have of Mike deep in my heart. Looking back, I can see that Jessica is right. We loved each other, but I don't think we were in love with each other.

I'm forever grateful to him for giving me Cassie, but I'm saddened by the fact that they'll never know each other. My baby girl doesn't know what a daddy is, and I don't want her to miss out on the joy of having one of her very own.

"It's time I let you go," I breathe into the silent night. "You'll always have a piece of my heart."

I must have fallen asleep because, the next thing I know, I'm being gently lifted into strong arms.

"Huh …" I try to articulate in my slumber.

"Shh, beautiful," Edward's deep voice hums. "I'm just putting you in bed."

I feel myself being laid down and the blanket being pulled up before I'm out again.

I feel the bed move and I open my eyes to see deep, ocean blue staring back at me, not two inches from my face.

"Good morning, baby girl," I greet my daughter, pulling her closer to snuggle with me. "Did you sleep well?"

"Da cup," she giggles as I kiss her neck, tickling her.

"Edward got you a cup?" I ask, wanting to hear her sweet voice.

"Yeah," she states softly. "Uce."

"Oh, really now?" I ask, plopping back on the pillow and pulling her closer. "Was it good juice?"

"No," she answers. "All gone."

"Well, then it was good juice if you drank it all," I explain, knowing she gets the words mixed up in her head.

I hear a snort at the door and turn my head to see Jessica and Sarah both standing there with soft smiles.

"I thought you were gonna come get Momma for breakfast, little miss, not snuggle in bed," Sarah exclaims, with a big smile. "I think we have two lazy bugs in here, Aunt Jess."

"I think you're right, Gamma," Jessica answers with a mischievous grin. "Waddaya say we join them?" she belts out, leaping on the bed and smothering us both. Sarah laughs and comes over to sit on the edge of the mattress.

"You okay, sweets?" Sarah inquires. "Edward said he found you asleep by the pool last night."

"Yeah," I answer hesitantly. "Just dozed off thinkin'."

Cassie's and Jessica's laughter breaks us from our whispers. They're having a pillow fight and destroying the bed covers in the process.

"Well, this must be where all the fun is. Have room for a few more?" Rose asks as she and Alice join us on the bed.

"So, I was thinking'," Jessica proffers, locking eyes with me. "If we can bribe Gamma and Esme into watchin' baby girl, how 'bout havin' a girl's weekend somewhere."

"And just who would be goin' on this girl's weekend?" Sarah inquires with a raised eyebrow.

"Rose, Alice, Leah, Bella, Angela, and me," she sasses out with a playful smile.

"So, you're gonna leave me and Es to handle the boys, uh?" Sarah asks with a smirk.

"Yep," Jessica quips back.

"On one condition," Sarah smirks back at her. "I get to choose the place, my treat with the airfare and hotel."

"DEAL!" we all exclaim.

"Now, let me go chat with Es, and you get up out of this bed, missy," Sarah directs toward me. "Come on, baby girl, let's go fix Momma a plate since she slept through breakfast."

Everyone else follows her out except Jessica. She crawls next to me, laying her head beside mine.

"Love you, B," she whispers. "Did you get your thoughts straight?"

"Yeah," I answer just as quietly. "I told Mike goodbye last night and cried for him for the last time. I'm gonna accept Edward's date invitation."

"Good," she replies. "Now, where ya think Momma S is gonna send our asses?"

I laugh, shoving her out of the bed, "Don't know, but it better not be the boonies."

I jump up and run to the bathroom to get ready for the rest of the day. It's very rare I ever sleep past six, and I haven't slept this late since college. I feel refreshed, like a weight has been lifted from my mind.

After dressing, I make my way to the kitchen where Cassie is picking off of my plate. "Are you eating my breakfast, baby girl?"

She just smiles and sneaks another piece of fruit. I lift her up and place her in my lap so we can eat the fruit and toast together.

Billy sits down next to us and whispers, "Are ya all right? You look a little pale today."

He's the one who took on that concerned father role after my daddy died, and I love him all the more for it. He can also read me like a book. "A little tired, but nothin' to worry 'bout yet. If it gets worse, I'll call the doctor."

"Did you take anythin'? Is your prescription filled?" he inquires, concern in his eyes.

"I took a pill last night, but that's the last one I had. I'll call the refill in after I eat," I answer honestly.

Mac and Lleu come running into the kitchen, both sliding on the tile floor and muddy from head to tail. Sarah is right behind them, cussing up a storm and madder than an old wet hen.

"Oh shit," Billy and I both blurt out. "Where the hell did they find all that mud?" I ask as Billy jumps up to grab one of the pups to keep from havin' a bigger mess to clean up.

Edward walks in with a towel, scooping Lleu up with a pissy look on his face and taking Mac from Billy. He glances at me with a small smile before leaving the kitchen with both dirty dogs.

I need to talk to him soon, ease his mind.

I finish my brunch as Sarah mops the kitchen. Cassie ran off a few minutes ago to check out the raised voices in the other room. After rinsing my plate and putting it in the dishwasher, I head to the living room to see what's going on.

Rose and Esme are shaking their heads at a wet Emmett.

I take a seat in the chair, "Waddya do?" I ask Emmett, smirking at his grunt.

Rose answers, venom lacing her tone. "He thought it would be a good idea to teach the pups to swim by himself. So, when he got them out of the pool, they took off to the mud pit to play."

"Sorry," Emmett whispers. "But they're both really good swimmers."

"It's instinct," I remark, shrugging my shoulders. "Dog paddlin' is a survival tactic."

"Well, I hope you know how to swim, big guy, because Edward looks like he's gonna drown you," Jasper comments, never taking his eyes off the television.

Cassie gets off the couch where she was sitting next to Alice and walks over to Emmett. She places her hand on his and whispers, "K, not sad."

"That's right, sweet girl," I praise her. "Emmett made a mistake, but he doesn't need to be sad."

"You better be glad you have baby girl on your side." Edward is standing in the doorway with two squirming, but now clean, pups.

He walks over and places both of them in my lap with a firm 'stay.'

"Am I in trouble, too?" I sass him, hoping to gain a smile.

"Yes," he snarks playfully. "All three of you are in time-out."

"Emmett," Carlisle says, finally entering into the conversation, "go dry off; you're dripping on the floor."

Edward sits on the floor next to the chair I'm curled up in with the mischievous pups. I bump his shoulder with my foot to get his attention.

When he looks up at me, I whisper so that only he can hear, "Why're you mad at me?"

"'Cause you're running off on a girl's weekend and leaving me with dumb and dumber," he whispers back, but a smile creeps up his face.

"Well, you can spend the time while I'm gone planning that date you're gonna take me on," I tell him softly as a huge smile lights up his face. "You know I'm a simple girl, so none of that big city stuff will do."

"Really?" he asks in shock.

"Yeah," I answer, smiling at him. "I'm ready."

"You just made ..." he rushes out. "I don't even have words. Thank you."

"Hey, I'm happy, too."

We are broken out of our little bubble by Billy's voice. "I'm headed to Bryan. Do y'all need anythin'?" He's looking directly at me with a raised eyebrow.

"I'll call it in right now so it'll be ready by the time you get there," I state, setting the pups on the floor so I can get up to call in my refill.

Peter and Janice get ready to leave right behind him. "Keep in touch, sweetheart. And call me if you have any questions regarding Mac," Janice whispers, hugging me.

"Remember what I told ya," I tell Peter as I hug him bye.

"We will," he replies. "And happy birthday."

I stand on the porch, watching as they pull off. I hope I get to see them again soon.

I'm still standing there when I feel his presence behind me. "Come inside, beautiful. I'm fixin' to make lunch."

"You gonna tell me how long this birthday celebration is gonna last?" I ask Edward as I turn to follow him inside.

"Until midnight tomorrow," he snarks playfully. "That is when your birthday is over."

"Smartass" is my only comeback because I notice the way he's looking at me and my breath catches. Jessica's words echo in my head "Mike never looked at you the way Edward does."

"Hey." Edward's concerned laced voice brings me out of my thoughts. "You all right?"

"Yeah," I sigh and smile up at him. "I'm perfect."

After an unbelievable lunch of a variety of salads, we head out to the barns to check on the horses. Edward is so excited about Mist and I can't blame him. She's absolutely beautiful and so spirited. She's gonna be a perfect addition to the ranch.

Dinner isn't as grand as last night, but it's delicious, nonetheless. I'm lost in my thoughts again when Billy calls my name.

"Huh?" I ask, looking up at him. "Sorry, I was in another world."

"I asked if you wanna go to Dallas tomorrow?" he inquires, shaking his head at my zoning out. Like he isn't use to it.

"Sure," I answer with a huge smile. I really want to get out of the house. "But Cassie is goin', too. It's my birthday, and I want my baby girl to spend it with me. Rose and I can work with her on her words and colors on the way there."

"Definitely," Rose blurts out. "I even have some flash cards that we can use."

He just smiles back with a nod. They all know I like to have her with me on special days. My father was killed right before my thirtieth birthday. I don't let too many people out of my sight until my birthday is over, and Billy knows this. I think this is his way of getting me out so I don't sit around and think of the past.

"Plus, you girls need to buy bathing suits, if you don't have a couple already," Sarah interjects with a smirk.

"Why do I need a new bathin' suit?" Leah questions with a confused look at her mother-in-law.

"For y'all's girl's get-a-way to New England next weekend," Sarah answers nonchalantly. "I mean, a weekend spa retreat at the Stonehedge Inn and Spa in Massachusetts does sound like a place for a swimmin' suit, right?"

"YES!" all of us girls yell. "Thanks, you two," I state, getting up to give Sarah and Esme both hugs. "This is gonna be awesome."

"Oh, and Emily is goin' with ya to keep you outta trouble or bail ya outta jail, either will work," she laughs out at Jessica's and my smirk.

"One time. Just one damn time," Jessica growls out, shaking her head as Seth laughs at us both.

"One time too many, sweetheart," Billy states in that fatherly tone of his.

"It was her fault," Jessica and I blurt out, pointing at each other.

"Well now, this is a story I gotta hear," Emmett demands.

"Nope," Jessica and I exclaim. "That's a story for girl's weekend," Jessica continues smirking at Emmett's pout.

I go to sleep tonight with thoughts of hazel eyes full of, what I can only assume is, love shining brightly in them.

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